Bug's Bleat - - GCF: Being Polite

Volume 7, Issue 26

Hello All,

David Pry and I took Unit 911 (the Albemarle Fire Truck) to Emerson last Saturday to participate in the “Million Tiller” parade. I’m telling y’all there isn’t anything as much fun as a fire truck.
We ran the lights, sirens (both of them) and air horns throughout the parade route. We waved, posed for photos and generally had a great time throughout the parade route.
~~~~~
By the way, there was a new women’s world record set at this years Tiller Races. Shane Waller of Junction City, Arkansas, set the current men’s world record at the 2004 World Championship Rotary Tiller Race, tilling the 200-foot track in 5.72 seconds - an average speed of almost 24 mph.
~~~~~
I’ve said it before; I’ll say it again. Life in Columbia County is way far above life in the big city.
~~~~~
Purple Hull Reci-peas

We thought we'd pass along this recipe from - - http://www.purplehull.com/recipes.htm
Purple Hull Peas (Recipe Version Number 1)

1 qt. Purple Hull peas
1 tbsp. salt
1/4 cup cooking oil
1/4-cup sugar

Cook in boiler on medium heat for 90 minutes
Above recipe from the Emerson, Arkansas, PurpleHull Pea Festival & World Championship, Rotary Tiller Race Web site: www.purplehull.com
~~~~~
This July 4th weekend, we’re excited to have Jimmy, Vanessa and Josiah with us. They’re staying here while they look for a house or apartment in Magnolia. It’s great to have all our kids in town.
~~~~~
Don’t forget, there’s a “Burn Ban” in effect. The small shower we got today didn’t make a dent in our drought.
~
There was a Fire Works Ban as well as a “Burn Ban” in effect the July 4th we set fire to Pittman’s Nursery.
Annette and the kids were really upset that we couldn’t celebrate the 4th with a few fire works. They kept begging me to “just shoot one.” Finally, I gave in and agreed that they could fire one rocket.
They placed it on the end of the sidewalk, lit the fuse and ran back to the porch.
The rocket blasted off, went straight up for about 3 or 4 feet and then turned north and flew between our house and the Jackson’s house. It was angling up and cleared the trees at the back of the property and disappeared into Pittman’s nursery.
As I was thinking, “I told y’all we shouldn’t have lit any rockets.” a thin stream of smoke appeared over the trees.
I grabbed our fire extinguisher and, along with the kids, headed for Pittman’s.
The rocket had dead centered a refuse pile against one of the greenhouses and the pile was starting to burn strongly.
As I used the extinguisher, David ran back home and told Annette to call the fire department.
The extinguisher enabled me to keep the fire knocked back from the greenhouse until the firemen got there.
After extinguishing the fire, the Chief asked me if I knew how it started.
One of the hardest things I ever did was to tell him that we’d been playing with fireworks. Herschel looked at me in disgust and walked away to help his men roll up hose.
~~~~~
Ten things you didn't know about eBay - Just shy of its 10th anniversary next September, eBay has exploded into both a cultural and an economic phenomenon. Some 1.8 billion items, worth more than $40 billion, are expected to be traded on its global electronic marketplace this year. A CNBC Special Report hosted by David Faber.
http://g.msn.com/0MN2ET7/2?http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/8391726&&CM=EmailThis&CE=1
~
One of the ten things listed in the story above, is “Auction Drop” a service of the local UPS store. If you have something for sale, $75 or greater value and it weighs 25 lbs or less, drop it by the local UPS store and they’ll sell it on eBay for you. Check it out.
~~~~~
A Comparison - Iraq and Washington DC

If you consider that there have been an average of 160,000 troops in Iraq during the last 22 months, that gives a firearm death rate of 60 per 100,000.
The firearm death rate in DC is 80 per 100,000. That means that you are more likely to be shot and killed in our nation's Capitol, which has some of the strictest gun control laws in the nation, than you are in Iraq.
Does this mean that we should immediately pull out of WASHINGTON, DC? ? ?

Thanks to Daphne Roberts
~~~~~
Truman Hart of Waldo flew over 30 missions against Japan during WWII. According to the story in today’s Banner News [http://epaper.ardemgaz.com/Daily/Skins/Magnolia/?AW=1087608981810] he actually melted the barrel of one of his 50 caliber guns on one mission, firing at enemy fighters.
As we celebrate our freedom, don’t forget to thank a veteran.
~~~~~
A Mount Holly man has grown a 650 lb. Pumpkin. Wow!
~~~~~
The Columbia County Fair Grounds has laid a sewer line to connect to Magnolia’s sewer system, ending decades of septic tank use at the Fair.
~~~~~
Speaking of stuff that stinks, Albemarle sent us a letter today, explaining that health benefit costs for both employees and retirees were “out of control.”
Their first step in cutting expenses is to notify employees under the age of 50 that the company will not be providing health insurance for them upon retirement.
For those of us over 50, the company will pay up to $1,000 a month for our insurance if we retire this year. Beginning next year, the company will pay $750 of the monthly premium (our current monthly premium for a retiree’s health insurance is approximately $839.)
~
So, we get another cut to our total pay package while we continue to make more bricks with less straw.
Oh well, we’ve still got good jobs with relatively good pay. Just not quite as good as “The good old days.”
BTW, as I understand it, this will not affect current retirees.
~~~~~
JUNE NEWS FROM SOLID ROCK :)

The concert at the Elsinore in Salem was a very nice experience for us. To those of you that came: THANK YOU for your support and for sharing this with us. We also wish to thank you all for your prayers, phone calls and emails in the weeks and days leading up to the concert. We all had a great time.

This time we did something new. The concert at Elsinore was available on CD no more then 20 minutes after the concert was over and we are excited to announce that it is available through the on-line store as well. If you weren't at the concert, then bring the concert to your home on this "live unedited" CD! The "Live At The Elsinore": Two Cd set.

Other brand new Cd's are available as well:


4 Track Motorola '66 Corolla
Streetlevel
Frisbee
Rehearsal for Reality
Live at Greenbelt
Bootleg
Siege at Elsinore
Born Twice


"Face to Face" is finally available on DVD. We're sure you will enjoy this classic Larry Norman footage.

You can read all about it (track listings, descriptions etc.) at the on-line store: www.LarryNorman.com

As you know Larry is going to Europe to do three concerts. Details will be available on the larrynorman.com website. Please keep us in your prayers.

We continue to wish you all a wonderful Summer and may God bless you, :) Kristin, Charles, Silver & the Solid Rock Family
~~~~~
Mosquito Season is Here! Mosquitoes aren't just a nuisance, they can carry West Nile virus and other diseases. Fortunately, you can take steps to protect yourself and your family:

West Nile virus (WNV) is a potentially serious illness. Experts believe WNV is established as a seasonal epidemic in North America that flares up in the summer and continues into the fall. This fact sheet contains important information that can help you recognize and prevent West Nile virus.
What Can I Do to Prevent WNV?
The easiest and best way to avoid WNV is to prevent mosquito bites.
When you are outdoors, use insect repellents containing DEET (N, N-diethyl-meta-toluamide). Follow the directions on the package.
Many mosquitoes are most active at dusk and dawn. Be sure to use insect repellent and wear long sleeves and pants at these times or consider staying indoors during these hours. Light-colored clothing can help you see mosquitoes that land on you.
Make sure you have good screens on your windows and doors to keep mosquitoes out.
Get rid of mosquito breeding sites by emptying standing water from flowerpots, buckets and barrels. Change the water in pet dishes and replace the water in birdbaths weekly. Drill holes in tire swings so water drains out. Keep children's wading pools empty and on their sides when they aren't being used.
~~~~~
Justice O'Conner has announced her retirement. There will be tremendous pressure from every left-wing organization and Senator in the country to appoint a liberal. They will spend millions of dollars trying to prevent a conservative from replacing this “Moderate” (who voted to take away our property rights and ban the display of the 10 commandments in a Kentucky court room).
~~~~~
GCF: Independence Days

Dear GCF,

Those of you who have been around this list for awhile know that there are a few times during the year that I post something serious. 99.9% of what is sent to the Good Clean Fun mailing list is humor, however tonight I need to be serious for a moment.
Most of us, and by that I mean most of us in the United States, know that the Fourth of July is the "birthday" of the United States of America. It actually marks the anniversary of the adoption of the Declaration of Independence by the Second Continental Congress. Often marked by parades and community celebration, it is a symbolic time for American families to gather and reflect on their heritage.
Most of us take for granted that this day and all the other U.S. holidays are "national" holidays. Did you know that the United States observes no national holidays? Specifically, that means holidays mandated by the Federal Government. The United States Congress and/or President can only legally establish an "official" holiday for the District of Columbia and for federal employees. In fact, it wasn't until the 20th Century that an order was issued giving federal employees a "day off" from work. A public holiday can only be established at the local level. Typically the observance of holidays happens at the state level with the enactment of a state law or by an executive proclamation by a state governor.
I first started posting this piece in July 2000. After I posted it, I received an email from Jen in Alberta, Canada. She asked me why I only mentioned the U.S. holidays. She surmised that it was because I was from the U.S. and to that extent, she is right. The U.S. holidays, especially the ones dealing with independence, veterans, and those who died for this country, are special to me. And since Good Clean Fun is 99.9% humor, I certainly don't want to veer from that basic premise and turn this into a history site. But Jen did start me to thinking, so I did a bit of research about my neighbors, Canada and Mexico.
Look back at the subject of this email. It is Independence "Days", plural. So let me take a moment and briefly honor my neighbors:
1. Canada celebrates its Independence on July 1st. The British North America Act created the Canadian federal government on July 1, 1867. This Act proclaimed "one Dominion under the name of Canada," hence the original title of the holiday as "Dominion Day." July 1st has also been known in Canada as "Confederation Day." On October 27, 1982, the Canadian Parliament officially renamed the holiday as "Canada Day."
2. Mexico celebrates many national and religious holidays. I must admit that I always thought that Cinco de Mayo, the Fifth of May, was Mexico's Independence Day, but a bit of research proved me wrong. While Cinco de Mayo is a national holiday, it honors the Mexican defeat of the French army at Puebla in 1862. September 16th is Mexican Independence Day and it celebrates the day that Miguel Hidalgo delivered "El Grito de Dolores", and announced the Mexican revolt against Spanish rule.
So, let's all be proud of and reflect on our heritage.

Have a great holiday,
Tom
PS: Don't forget to fly the flag!

As an added thought, why not visit "Don't Get Me Started," written by Former Sergeant of Marines, Andrew C. "Andy" Hefty. Andy's column comes from Jacksonville, Florida via Jacksonville.Com. In 2004 he wrote a piece about the Star Spangled Banner where his thoughts include breaking the lyrics down into individual phrases and explaining what each one meant. That piece can be found at:

http://www.jacksonville.com/community/cc/hefty/stories/062804/062804075059.shtml

My favorite piece of this genre was done many, many years ago by Red Skelton where he broke the Pledge of Allegiance down into individual words and phrases in order to explain the meaning of each one. The piece can be found at:

http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Farm/7478/redskel1.htm

It also contains a link where you can hear Red's comments in his own voice. I highly recommend it.
Finally, let's remember that patriotism is NOT a sin, and the Fourth of July is more than beer, picnics, and baseball games.

-Tom
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If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! A smile will enhance the quality of your life. Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.com or visit the Good Clean Fun web site http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor/ UNSUBSCRIBE INFO for Good Clean Fun is at the end of this email. This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus 2005 before it was sent.
~~~~~
Don't forget ... "Da Bleat" is now on the web. Just go to http://bugsbleatnew.blogspot.com
~~~~~
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.
~~~~~
www.aaa.com Regular Mid Premium Diesel
Current Avg. $2.22 $2.35 $2.44 $2.38
http://www.fuelgaugereport.com/
~~~~~
Recipe(s) of the week - Just Plain Vanilla


6 Cups milk
2 Cups sugar
1 (12 oz) can evaporated milk
1 (8 oz) container frozen whipped topping, thawed
1 (5.1 oz) pkg. vanilla instant pudding mix


Beat together all ingredients at medium speed with electric mixer until well blended.
Pour mixture into freezer container of a 5-qt hand -turned or electric freezer. Freeze according to manufacturer’s instructions. Pack freezer with additionally ice and rock salt, and let stand 1 hour before serving.

Variations:
For Chocolate Chip Ice Cream stir in 1 cup semi-sweet chocolate mini-morsels before freezing.
For Caramel Swirl Ice Cream stir in 1 (12 oz) jar caramel topping after freezing. Spoon into a six quart container; cover and freeze.
For Fudge Swirl Ice Cream, stir in 1 (12 oz) jar fudge sauce after freezing. Spoon into a six quart container; cover and freeze.
For Blueberry-Vanilla Ice Cream stir in 1-1/2 cups fresh or frozen blueberries, thawed after freezing.
~~~~~
BREAKPOINT Commentaries
by Chuck Colson. - Prison Fellowship

When the Honeymoon Is Over
How to Nurture Marriage

July 1, 2005

A couple I’ll call Tim and Janet flew off on their honeymoon, blissfully happy. Each thought the other was the perfect mate.

But just three months later, this couple was on the brink of divorce. They fought constantly over money. Janet wanted more attention, but Tim felt suffocated by Janet’s demands. They even fought over whose turn it was to feed the dog.

The tension had become unbearable.

Tim and Janet aren’t alone. In his book Marriage Savers, Mike McManus explains that before the wedding, most couples experience a glow of romantic enchantment. Bride and groom see each other as perfect.

But after the wedding, a period of disenchantment sets in. Many couples are shocked by the conflict that erupts in their relationship.

In one survey, half of all newlyweds reported “significant marital problems.” They never expected the changes that can take place after saying, “I do.”

This is a critical period for marriages. On one hand, it can be the time when the seeds of divorce are planted.

On the other hand, this period can be one of the teachable moments in a person’s life when the Church can effectively intervene. Newlyweds are often baffled by the changes in their relationship, and they’re eager for help.

One of the best programs available is ENRICH, a survey that gives a penetrating x-ray of any relationship. From a single half-hour test, a counselor often learns more about a couple than from weeks of informal discussion.

Christian couples generally score high on compatibility of religious beliefs—which gives them a big edge over nonbelievers.

But even Christians often score low on relational skills: on ability to communicate, resolve conflicts, manage finances. Through its questionnaire, ENRICH highlights weak areas and helps couples work on them—before the weaknesses become entrenched habits.

The couple then works with an older couple, who act as mentors. By candidly sharing their own problems and solutions, a mentor couple provides a vivid model of how to save a marriage.

The idea that newlyweds need special nurturing goes back to the Old Testament. Deuteronomy 24 says, “If a man has recently married, he must not be sent to war or have any other duty laid on him. For one year he is to be free to stay at home and bring happiness to the wife he has married.” For a whole year newlyweds in ancient Israel were not to take on any stressful outside responsibilities. Clearly, the lesson for us today is that the Church is meant to tenderly nurture its young couples.

The divorce statistics in America are shocking—tripling over the past thirty years. What’s even more shocking is that nearly three-fourths of those weddings took place in a church. Obviously, most churches are neither preparing couples before the wedding nor nurturing them afterward.

But you can help change that. Why not start a program for newlyweds in your church? If you’re a mature couple, why not become mentors for younger couples?

You can help young couples like Tim and Janet and be a part of turning your church into a marriage saver.

For further reading and information:

Today’s BreakPoint offer: Jennifer Roback Morse, “101 Tips for a Happier Marriage” (booklet).

Michael McManus, Marriage Savers (Word Publishing, 1995).

Also see the Marriage Savers website.

Stephanie Coontz, “Why marriage today takes more love, work—from both partners,” Christian Science Monitor, 28 June 2005.

Marilyn Gardner, “Harried marrieds,” Christian Science Monitor, 22 June 2005.

BreakPoint Commentary No. 020221, “Marital Mentors: The Church’s Hidden Resource.”

BreakPoint Commentary No. 010622, “For Better or For Worse: How to Strengthen Marriages.”

BreakPoint Commentary No. 980429, “Trial Marriages on Trial: Why They Don’t Work.”

Copyright 2005 Prison Fellowship Ministries. Reprinted with permission. "BREAKPOINT with Chuck Colson" is a radio ministry of Prison Fellowship Ministries. Prison Fellowship Ministries may withdraw or modify this grant of permission at any time. To receive "BREAKPOINT" commentaries daily, you can subscribe for free at http://www. breakpoint. org/.
~~~~~
Words of the Week:
garrulous: Talking much.
philomath: a lover of learning; a scholar.
amative: pertaining to or disposed to love.
callow: immature.
woebegone: woeful; also, run-down.
lineament: a distinguishing or characteristic feature.
abscond: to depart secretly.
from Dictionary.Com
~~~~~
"If people behaved in the way nations do they would all be put in straitjackets." - Tennessee William

"The best way to have a good idea is to have lots of ideas." - Linus Pauling

"Never let your zeal outrun your charity. The former is but human, the latter is divine." - Hosea Ballou

"It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech." - Mark Twain

"Never Explain - your Friends do not need it and your Enemies will not believe you anyway." - Elbert Hubbard

"For what avail the plough or sail,
Or land or life, if freedom fail?" - Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Grown-ups never understand anything for themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever explaining things to them." - Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Whenever you have an efficient government you have a dictatorship.
Harry S Truman (1884 - 1972),

If you are out to describe the truth, leave elegance to the tailor.
Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955)

No one means all he says, and yet very few say all they mean, for words are slippery and thought is viscous.
Henry Adams (1838 - 1918)

To acquire knowledge, one must study; but to acquire wisdom, one must observe.
Marilyn vos Savant

I think computer viruses should count as life. I think it says something about human nature that the only form of life we have created so far is purely destructive. We've created life in our own image.
Stephen Hawking (1942 - )

If you think you can, you can. And if you think you can't, you're right.
Mary Kay Ash
~~~~~
THIS DAY IN HISTORY: (1990) East Germany accepts the Deutsche Mark as its currency, thus uniting the economies of East and West Germany. - - from The Free Dictionary
~~~~~
On July 4, 1776, our Founding Fathers gathered for the Second Continental Congress in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania and approved one of our nation's most sacred documents and treasured symbols of liberty – the Declaration of Independence.

In penning the Declaration of Independence, Thomas Jefferson wrote, "Whenever any form of government becomes destructive of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, it is the right of the people to alter or abolish it, and to institute new government." While the Declaration of Independence formally established freedom of the young thirteen colonies from England, Thomas Jefferson's progressive document laid the framework for our current system of government – a government for the people and by the people.

Thomas Jefferson's document established the inalienable rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, and 229 years later, these rights are part of the American doctrine. Throughout our nation's history, many Americans have given their life protecting these rights.

This holiday weekend, families and friends will gather together across America and celebrate America's Independence. Let us all take a moment to honor our Founding Fathers for their courage, spirit, and remarkable vision of democracy and freedom for all that has become an American trademark. This year, in the aftermath of September 11, 2001, we also honor the men and women who are fighting America's war on terrorism at home and abroad.

There is no greater service to our country than those serving to protect and preserve the inalienable rights that America was founded on. We remember the young men and women who cannot be with us this July 4th as they are protecting our liberties and freedoms in Iraq, Afghanistan, and around the world. Our thoughts and prayers are with them for a speedy and safe return home.

Sincerely,
Mike Ross
Congressman Representing Arkansas's Fourth Congressional District
[NOTE: We never did hear Congressman Ross speak out in opposition to Senator Dick Durbin of Illinois, the second highest-ranking Democrat in the Senate, who compared American troops at Guantanamo Naval Base to Hitler, the Soviet gulags and Cambodian mass murderer Pol Pot.]

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GCF: Being Polite

Emailed to me from another humor list (The Funnies) -Tom To subscribe to The Funnies, send a blank email to: andychaps_the-funnies-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! A smile will enhance the quality of your life. Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.com or visit the Good Clean Fun web site http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor/ UNSUBSCRIBE INFO for Good Clean Fun is at the end of this email. This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus 2005 before it was sent.
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While I was working as a pediatric nurse, I had the difficult assignment of giving immunization shots to children. One day I entered the examining room to give four-year-old Lizzie her shot.

"NO! NO! NO!" she screamed.

"Lizzie," her mother scolded. "That's not polite behavior."

At that, the girl yelled even louder, "NO, THANK YOU! NO, THANK YOU!"
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Get Better Soon

Emailed to me another humor list (Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh List) -Tom Subscribe to Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh list at the website: Subscribe
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A retired man who volunteers to entertain patients in nursing homes and hospitals went to one local hospital in Brooklyn and took his portable keyboard along. He told some jokes and sang some funny songs at patients' bedsides.

When he finished he said, in farewell, "I hope you get better."

One elderly gentleman replied, "I hope you get better, too."
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Measure It

Emailed to me from another humor list (Marty's Joke of the Day) -Tom To subscribe to Marty's Joke of the Day, send a blank email to: martysjotd-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
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Our mom needed a new mattress for her antique bed, so my brother and I decided to buy her one as a gift. The problem was we weren't sure what to get, because the bed was an odd size. Fortunately, my brother happened to be visiting my mother one day when I called home.

"Measure the bed frame before you leave," I told him.

"I don't have a tape measure."

"You can use a dollar bill," I suggested, "each one is six inches long."

"Can't," he replied after digging through his wallet, "I only have a ten."
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Sweet Dreams

Emailed to me another humor list (Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh List) -Tom Subscribe to Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh list at the website: Subscribe
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While on vacation with my son and his family, I shared a room with my 4 year old granddaughter.

One morning when she awoke, she told me she had some nice dreams and proceeded to tell me about them.

I told her I wished that I was able to dream like she does.

She said, "But you can't, grandma, because you snore too much."
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Easy Eggs

Emailed to me another humor list (Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh List) -Tom Subscribe to Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh list at the website: Subscribe
----------------------------------

One Sunday morning, while stationed at Osan Air Base in South Korea, I was in line for breakfast and noticed that the cook behind the counter looked kind of harassed. After I gave him my order, he asked me how I wanted my eggs.

Not wanting to burden him further, I said cheerfully, "Oh, whatever is easiest for you."

With that, he took two eggs, cracked them open onto my plate and handed it back to me.
_ ____________________________ _
(((\ \>|_/ )______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Hookt on Fonix \ /
\ _/ Reely Wurkt Fer Mee! \_ /
/ / \ (((\ \>|_/ )_______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Have you ever noticed? \ /
\ _/ Anybody going slower than you \_ /
/ / is an idiot, and anyone going faster \ than you is a moron. -George Carlin
(((\ \>|_/ )_______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / \ /
\ _/ When;do;you;use;semi;colons? \_ /
/ / \ (((\ \>|_/ )_______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / I'm not aging, \ /
\ _/ I just need re-potting. \_ /
/ / \ (((\ \>|_/ )_______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Why do they put \ /
\ _/ expiration dates on sour cream? \_ /
/ / \ _ ____________________________ _
/ )| Thomas S. Ellsworth |( / / | tellswor@slonet.org | \ _( (_ | http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor | _) )_
_( (_ | *** Good Clean Fun *** | _) )_
(((\ \>|_/ )_______________________( \_|Stop for a visit, leave with a smile! To join Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.Com To leave Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.Com Or visit the Good Clean Fun web site at http://www. slonet.org/~tellswor/
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[GCFL.net] Independence Day Jokes

(Note: Monday, July 4 is Independence Day in the USA)

What would you get if you crossed the first signer of the Declaration of Independence with a rooster?
John Hancock-a-doodle-doo!

What quacks, has webbed feet, and betrays his country?
Beneduck Arnold!

What would you get if you crossed a patriot with a small curly-haired dog?
Yankee Poodle!

What did Paul Revere say at the end of his ride?
"I gotta get a softer saddle!"

Did you hear the one about the Liberty Bell?
Yeah, it cracked me up!

Why did the British cross the Atlantic?
To get to the other tide!

What protest by a group of dogs occurred in 1773?
The Boston Flea Party!

Why did Paul Revere ride his horse from Boston to Lexington?
Because the horse was too heavy to carry!

What do you call a parade of German mercenaries?
A Hessian procession!

Received from Dave Anderson.
-=+=-
[GCFL.net] Substantiation

An infantry brigade was training in the summer heat, learning methods to counter offensive tactics. That summer, the area had experienced an infestation of rattlesnakes. Officers and NCOs were given one magazine of live ammunition to counter this danger, as several men had already been bitten.

So much ammunition was expended shooting, supposedly, at snakes that the post commander demanded that every officer and NCO who had shot at a snake present the dead snake as proof that the expenditure of rounds was justifiable.

The next day, the post commander entered his office and spotted a shoe box on his desk. He opened it, revealing a sleepy and sluggish, but very live, rattlesnake. Inside the box were twenty expended cartridges, and a short note. The note said, "I missed!"


Received from Gene McNulty.
-=+=-
[GCFL.net] Good Golfer

A golfer set up his ball on the first tee, took a mighty swing and hit his ball into a clump of trees. He found his ball and saw an opening between two trees he thought he could hit through.

Taking out his 3-wood, he took another mighty swing; the ball hit a tree, bounced back, hit him in the forehead and killed him.

As he approached the gates of Heaven, St. Peter saw him coming and asked "Are you a good golfer?" to which the man replied, "Got here in two, didn't I?"

Received from John Park, College Station, TX.
-=+=-
[GCFL.net] Self-help Books -- A Plain Man's Guide

From Magazine Supplement with UK Newspaper, The Mail on Sunday

The Secret of Personal Growth -- Shoes with Lifts

Learn to be Assertive -- Take Charge of the TV Remote Control

How to Speak in Public -- How to Say "There's a Queue/Line" Without Getting Punched

How to Win Friends -- The Advantages of Showering Daily

Discovering Your Inner Self -- Do It Yourself Microsurgery

Realisation Through Yoga -- Realising You Can't Get Your Feet Behind Your Head

Boost Self-Confidence -- Stand Up to Door-to-Door Salesmen

Developing a Better Image -- Plastic Surgery

Achieving Self-Awareness -- Knowing Your Alcohol Limit

The Easy Way to Wealth -- Marry Someone Rich

Copyright Jim Rosenberg

Received from JeaneneHea.
-=+=-
[GCFL.net] Letter To My Pet

(A little something for the pet lovers!)

Dear Dog and/or Cat,

When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way.

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. (Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.)

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of dogs and cats sleeping. They can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. (I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but sarcasm.)

My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. (In addition, I have been using the bathroom for years...canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.)

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dogs or cats. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you.

To pacify you I have posted the following message on our front door..... Rules for Non-pet owners who visit and like to complain about our pets: 1. They live here; you don't. 2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. 3. I like my pet better than I like most people. 4. To you it's an animal. To me he and/or she is an adopted son and/or daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and is speech challenged.

Dogs and cats are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug using friends, don't drink or smoke, don't worry about buying the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and when they have young, you can sell the results.

Received from MurphyHunt.
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– NEW! Go to http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20050124 to rate this funny from 0 to 5.
-=+=-
Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List "A cheerful heart is good medicine!" (Prov 17:22a) Go to http://gcfl.net/mlfrontend.php to change your subscription options or unsubscribe. To email this funny to a friend, go to http://gcfl.net/emailit.php?funny=20050107 The latest GCFL funny can always be found on the web at http://gcfl.net/latest.php
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Welcome to You Make Me Laugh, a free newsletter from Crosswalk.com, the world's largest Christian website.
Today's Clean Laugh

Bumper Stickers

If You Can Read This, I Can Slam On My Brakes And Sue You

Forget World Peace -- Visualize Turning Off Your Turn Signal!

HANG UP AND DRIVE!

Where There's A Will...I Want To Be In It!

Ever Stop To Think, And Forget To Start Again?

This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me

If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away?

This Bumper Sticker Exploits Illiterates

Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway

Honk If Anything Falls Off

I Haven't Lost My Mind - It's Backed Up On Disk Somewhere

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

-=+=-

Crossing the Road

There's a man trying to cross the street. As he steps off the curb a car comes screaming around the corner and heads straight for him. The man walks faster, trying to hurry across the street, but the car changes lanes and is still coming at him.

So the guy turns around to go back, but the car changes lanes again and is still coming at him. By now, the car is so close and the man so scared that he just freezes and stops in the middle of the road. The car gets real close, then swerves at the last possible moment and screeches to a halt right next him.

The driver rolls down the window. The driver is a squirrel. The squirrel says to the man says,

"See, it's not as easy as it looks, is it?"

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

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Mellowing Mom

I have five siblings, three sisters and two brothers.

One night I was chatting with my Mom about how she had changed as a mother from the first child to the last.

She told me she had mellowed a lot over the years:

"When your oldest sister coughed or sneezed, I called the ambulance.

When your youngest brother swallowed a dime, I just told him it was coming out of his allowance."

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

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Captain Discipline

About 90 fifth-graders piled into the airliner I was flying, on their way home from a school trip.

Once we were in the air, and the crew began serving drinks, I could hear them pleading with the children to settle down and let the other passengers get some sleep.

No amount of reasoning seemed to help, until I thought of the solution that actually worked.

I picked up the PA mike in the cockpit and announced,

"Children, this is the captain speaking. Don't make me stop this airplane and come back there!"

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh.

-=+=-

Vice President Pride

Tom was so excited about his promotion to Vice President of the company he worked for and kept bragging about it to his wife for weeks on end.

Finally she couldn't take it any longer, and told him, "Listen, it means nothing, they even have a vice president of peas at the grocery store!"

"Really?" he said. Not sure if this was true or not, Tom decided to call the grocery store.

A clerk answers and Tom says, "Can I please talk to the Vice President of peas?"

The clerk replies, "Canned or frozen?"

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

*Eye Laugh*

"Hair Count"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw216

"Sign Attitude"
http://www.cybersalt.org/g05.php?id=73

"Sheep Drink"
http://www.cybersalt.org/g05.php?id=74

"Hockey Hopes"
http://www.cybersalt.org/g05.php?id=75

"Head Face"
http://www.cybersalt.org/g05.php?id=76

Daily devotionals are available at http://link.Crosswalk.Com/UM/T.asp?A1. 39. 17757. 1. 494611 You can access more information on Crosswalk's Fun page http://www.Crosswalk.Com/fun/! Crosswalk gives credit to the author of a joke when author is known. Feel free to send notification to admin@cybersalt.org in cases where credit has not been given to the author! -SUBSCRIPTION INFO- * Copyright2004 Crosswalk.Com, Inc. and its Content Providers. All rights reserved. Introducing www.Crossguide.Com Where Christians find Products, Services & Ministries.
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"Don't strive for recognition, but work for achievement." -- Vanessa Malone
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Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Columns - - http://www.madkane.com/parental.html - - Parental Proposal "The help wanted pages are filled with job descriptions that defy comprehension. This probably explains why so many parents can't quite figure out what it is their children do for a living..."
http://www.madkane.com
http://www.madkane.com/notable.html (Notables Weblog)
http://www.madkane.com/bush.html (Dubya's Dayly Diary)
Subscribe to MadKane Humor Newsletter (weekly) here:
http://www.madkane.com/email.html
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The Smoking Gun - - http://www.thesmokinggun.com/ - - The Smoking Gun publishes exclusive documents such as FBI and police records, confidential filings in lawsuits and other papers obtained from government and law enforcement sources and via Freedom of Information requests.
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Librarian's Index to the Internet - - http://lii.org/ - - Our motto: "Information You Can Trust." Librarians' Index to the Internet (LII) is a searchable, annotated subject directory of more than 14,000 Internet resources selected and evaluated by librarians for their usefulness to users of public libraries. LII is used by both librarians and the general public as a reliable and efficient guide to Internet resources.
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The Encyclopedia of Television - - http://www.museum.tv/archives/etv/index.html - - The Encyclopedia of Television includes more than 1,000 original essays from more than 250 contributors and examines specific programs and people, historic moments and trends, major policy disputes and such topics as violence, tabloid television and the quiz show scandal. It also includes histories of major television networks as well as broadcasting systems around the world and is complemented by resource materials, photos and bibliographical information.
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Nolo.com - - http://www.nolo.com/ - - Nolo.com is the nation's leading provider of do-it-yourself legal solutions for consumers and small businesses. Site goal is to help people handle their own everyday legal matters -- or learn enough about them to make working with a lawyer a more satisfying experience.
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TIME: 50 Coolest Websites 2005 - - http://www.time.com/time/2005/websites/?cnn=yes - - This Web site is part of the Time Magazine's Online Edition: "How do we come up with our 50 best? Short answer: we take your suggestions, probe friends and colleagues about their favorite online haunts and then surf like mad. This year's finalists are a mix of newcomers, new discoveries and veterans that have learned some new tricks.
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Popular Baby Names - - http://www.ssa.gov/OACT/babynames/ - - This site by the Social Security Administration provides a list of the most popular names for a particular year of birth; you can select the year and the length of the popularity list. To see how the popularity of a name has changed over time, you can search the name and, optionally, the sex and number of years.
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HealthierUS.gov - - http://www.healthierus.gov/ - - If you just look at the numbers, it can be overwhelming. Obesity is epidemic in the United States. In recent years, diabetes rates among people ages 30 to 39 rose by 70%. About 46.5 million adults in the United States smoke cigarettes, even though this single behavior will result in disability and premature death for half of them. More than 60% of American adults do not get enough physical activity, and more than 25% are not active at all. This site is a source of credible, accurate information to help Americans choose to live healthier lives.
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"Using a cellphone -- even with a hands-free device -- may distract drivers because the brain cannot handle both tasks, U.S. researchers said on June 21, 2005. Imaging tests show the brain directs its resources to either visual input or auditory input, but cannot fully activate both at the same time, the team at Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore found. 'Our research helps explain why talking on a cell phone can impair driving performance, even when the driver is using a hands-free device,' said Steven Yantis, a professor in the Department of Psychological and Brain Sciences who led the study. 'Directing attention to listening effectively 'turns down the volume' on input to the visual parts of the brain,' he added in a statement. 'When attention is deployed to one modality -- say, in this case, talking on a cell phone -- it necessarily extracts a cost on another modality -- in this case, the visual task of driving.' "
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"Our bodies may be at rest while we sleep, but new research finds more evidence that our brains are hard at work as we get our zzz's. Sleep seems to help the brain consolidate memories so that they are readily available during waking hours, scientists reported at a recent meeting of the Organization for Human Brain Mapping in Toronto. Dr. Pierre Orban and colleagues at the University of Liege in Belgium compared the brain functioning of well-rested and sleep-deprived people. In the experiment, 22 volunteers explored a complex computerized town for about half an hour. After familiarizing themselves with the town, the participants had to find particular locations within about 30 seconds. During the fast-paced searches, researchers measured participants' brain activity using a type of brain imaging called functional magnetic resonance imaging." -
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"Millions of Americans lie awake at night counting sheep - or have a stiff drink or pop an allergy pill, hoping it will make them drowsy. But experts agree all that self-medicating is a bad idea, and the causes of chronic insomnia remain mysterious. Almost a third of adults have trouble sleeping, and about 10 percent have symptoms of daytime impairment that signal true insomnia. Sufferers readily cite the resulting problems: walking around in a fog, as memory and other cognitive functions slow; dozing off at the wheel or at work; depression; lack of energy. But for all the complaints, scientists know surprisingly little about what causes chronic insomnia, its health consequences and how best to treat it, a panel of specialists brought together by the National Institutes of Health concluded." -
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"Americans grappling with mental illness are more likely to be treated for it now than they were 10 years ago, according to a landmark government-backed survey. The rate of mental illness has remained the same, but researchers believe that with more treatment inroads in the future, rates should eventually start to drop. 'I think things are going to move in a good direction, but we're sort of in the midst of it,' said study leader Ronald Kessler, a sociologist at Harvard Medical School. However, a more troubling possibility, some experts acknowledged, is that treatment too often fails to work - and that's why the rate of illness has held steady." -
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"Looking for the secret of a long life? Look closely at your friends. New research suggests that having a strong network of friends helps people live longer. 'Older people with better social networks with friends were less likely to die over a 10-year follow-up period than older people with poorer friends networks,' Lynne C. Giles of Flinders University in Adelaide, Australia, told Reuters Health. But in what may come as a surprising finding to older people who rely on their children and other relatives, having a large network of relatives was not associated with longer life, Giles and her colleagues report in the July issue of the Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health." -
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"School-age children should engage in at least 60 minute's worth of moderate or vigorous physical activity each day, a panel of experts recommends. 'The important thing is we have to get American children and adolescents active,' Dr. Robert M. Malina, a co-chair of the panel, said in a press release. 'The evidence is very clear that physical activity has decreased dramatically in the last 10 to 20 years,' said Malina, who is at Tarleton State University in Stephenville, Texas. The Divisions of Nutrition and Physical Activity and Adolescent and School Health of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention contracted with the Constella Group, a North Carolina-based health-services company to convene the panel of 13 experts." -
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"Tough child support laws may dissuade men from becoming unwed fathers, as states with the most stringent laws and strict enforcement have up to 20 percent fewer out-of-wedlock births, a new study shows. Researchers at the University of Washington and Columbia University said Friday that child support laws' power to reduce single parenthood is an unintended consequence of a policy designed to help children and cut public welfare costs. 'Often the unintended effects are bad, so it's refreshing to see that,' said lead study author Robert Plotnick, a University of Washington professor of public affairs. 'Women living in states that do a better job of enforcing child support are less likely to become an unwed mother.' "
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Albemarle Magnolia celebrated 589 days and another quarter with no OSHA Recordable injuries. KUDOS gang.
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TOURBUS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -:) - :)- :)
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TOURBUS Volume 10, Number 64 -- 28 June 2005
Tourbus Home - http://www.TOURBUS.com
Tourbus News Service - http://tourbus.com/news.html
------------------------------------------------------
TODAY'S TOURBUS TOPIC: VACATION PLANNING

Today's TOURBUS will help you plan a trip, save on travel costs, learn about the attractions before you arrive, and get there without getting lost. If you are planning to travel this summer, read on!

---------------------------
A Short Detour - Ask Bob!
---------------------------

Got a burning question about your computer or the Internet? Need tech support? Don't be shy... ask me about computers, viruses, spyware, search engines or almost anything about the Internet. Chances are, you're not the only person who has that question. If I answer your question on my new blog, others will benefit too. There's no charge for the service, so pop in now...

Ask Bob Rankin - http://www.AskBobRankin.com

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TravelInformation.com
-----------------------

...was one of the first travel resources on the Internet. In business for 20 years, and online since 1996, it's refreshingly different from any travel-related site I've seen. Instead of trying to sell you plane tickets, hotel rooms and rental cars, this site offers free Official Tourism Guides and kits from tourism bureaus & cities.

Travel Info - http://www.travelinformation.com/tour.html

You might think it strange that I'm recommending an offline service for travel planning, but in my experience the good old-fashioned color brochures you can feel and touch offer a higher quality of information with less hassle. Once you've decided where to go, the other sites on today's tour may help you find additional info and some good deals on reservations.

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Travelocity
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I know, I mentioned Travelocity briefly in the last issue, and they don't pay me to say nice things about them. I just happen to think it's a great place to shop for airline tickets, vacation packages, car rentals and hotel accommodations. Here are some of the key features of the Travelocity website:

TRAVEL RESERVATIONS - Lets you access the same computer database used by travel agents, so you can book airline tickets, reserve hotel rooms, or reserve rental cars from all the major agencies.

DESTINATION GUIDES - Comprehensive travel guides for more than 80 destinations worldwide with content from Frommer's Guide.

AIRFARE DEALS - Search for the best prices on air travel, find special offers on travel to certain cities, sign up for low fare alerts and info on last minute packages.

Travelocity - http://www.travelocity.com

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More Online Reservations
--------------------------

Whenever I write about travel, a bunch of people will email to ask why I didn't mention their favorite online reservation site. Well, yes, there are a bunch. There's Expedia (a Microsoft subsidiary), Orbitz, CheapTickets, Hotwire, Priceline and more. Slap a dotcom on any of those and you'll end up at their website. Try 'em all, and stick with the one you like best. In my experience, there is very little difference in pricing across the board.

---------------
Ahh, Leg Room
---------------

A couple of Tourbus frequent flyers wrote to tell me about SeatGuru. This site won't make air travel faster or less expensive, but it just might make it a bit more comfortable. You'll find ratings of each individual seat on the planes of about 20 different airlines. If legroom, reclinability, noise, and laptop power ports are important factors for you, pay a visit to SeatGuru.

SeatGuru - http://www.seatguru.com

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From Phoenix Arizona all the Way to Tacoma
--------------------------------------------

Real men never stop to ask for directions, but they do read maps. So before you head out, make sure you plot your course. These online map services will help you get from point A to point B.

MapQuest - http://www.mapquest.com

MapQuest provides free easy-to-read online maps, driving directions and destination info you can view, print, or download to a wireless device. The RoadTrip Planner also helps travelers find restaurants, ATMs, entertainment and attractions along the route.

Yahoo Maps - http://maps.yahoo.com

Yahoo Maps offers a similar slate of features, including online maps and point to point driving directions. Interactive maps allow you to pan and zoom for detail on any portion of the trip. The total distance and approximate travel time are also displayed.

+---------------------------------------+
That's all for now, I'll see you next time! --Bob Rankin
+---------------------------------------+
==[ Tourbus Rider Information ]==
The Internet Tourbus - U.S. Library of Congress ISSN #1094-2238
Copyright 1995-2005, Rankin & Crispen - All rights reserved
Tourbus News Service - http://tourbus.com/news.html
Subscribe, Signoff, Archives, Free Stuff and More at the
Tourbus Website - http://www.TOURBUS.com
========================
.~~~. ))
(\__/) .' ) )) Patrick Douglas Crispen
/o o \/ .~
{o_, \ { crispen@netsquirrel.com
/ , , ) \ http://www.netsquirrel.com/
`~ -' \ } )) AOL Instant Messenger: Squirrel2K
_( ( )_.'
---..{____} Warning: squirrels.

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Our Church, Magnolia Christian Center, has the following mission statement. Our purpose is to build a great church for the glory of God through the great commission and the great commandment. MCC' Vision - That MCC will be a place hopping with children, energized with teenagers, balanced with diversity and transformed by the power of God! We want to turn uninterested people into interested people and win the lost to make fully devoted followers of Christ.
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"National Fire & Rescue"

Dear Fire Service Professional,

We published Chief Dan Jones' editorial in our May/June issue and have received numerous letters and e-mails in response to his opinions.. To make sure we're reaching all of our audience with this information, we'd like to share it with you here.

Sincerely,
The Editors of National Fire & Rescue Do We Train Enough?
And What is Enough Training?
By Dan Jones, Editor-in-Chief

Does the fire service conduct enough training for its personnel? No matter if it's volunteer, combination or career, is there any fire department in the country that provides enough training for its personnel? The Insurance Services Office (ISO) requires 240 hours of training per year, but is that enough to maintain competency? Some states set specific standards for hours of fire training, but what do they base that on? What is enough training to maintain competency? At an even higher level, what is enough training to be truly effective, efficient and safe on the fireground or at any emergency scene? I ask these questions in all sincerity because I have been involved with fire and emergency training at some instructor level for more than 25 years, and I really don't know what enough training is. However, I will tell you that I do not believe there is a fire department in existence that conducts enough training for their firefighters or officers.

For the purposes of this discussion, let's consider professional or collegiate team sports. Football, basketball, baseball and soccer teams practice daily during the weeks leading up to and during their seasons. They study gameplans and scouting reports (their version of preplans), they conduct repetitive drills and plays (our evolutions), they constantly practice fundamentals (our basic skills)?even at the pro level?and they devote time to conditioning daily (fitness). During their preseasons they even have two-a-day practices in preparation for upcoming competitions. All of this effort, and all they are playing for is to win games and invented championships. No one's life is on the line, just trophies.

The fire service "season," on the other hand, is year-round. We potentially have a competition every day in the form of structure fires, wildland fires, vehicle fires, vehicle extrications, technical rescues and medical emergencies. Our skills, teamwork, "gameplans" and fitness are on the line in a contest that has life-or-death consequences for citizens and ourselves. And yet, our training does not even rise to a percentage of what pro and collegiate athletic teams do for training. So again I ask, what is enough training for the fire service?

The average fire department today has many demands on its time and resources. Community expectations have grown tremendously in the last decade. We are expected to prevent fires, fight fires, conduct rescues, perform emergency medical work, mitigate hazardous materials incidents, defend the community from weapons of mass destruction, provide safety education to our populations, conduct risk assessments, enforce codes, investigate hazards, manage community events, protect the environment, apply for grants to reduce local spending, keep the apparatus shiny, mow the fire station grass once a week and write reports on all of the previous tasks. This is nearly impossible for a full-time, heavily staffed fire department, but it is truly mission impossible for small fire departments with minimal personnel or an all-volunteer force. So how can they even scratch the surface of training enough?

It seems to me that the more specialized we become and the more services we deliver, the more skills and knowledge are required, and because of all the additions, we have even less time to train. It is a vicious cycle that is eroding our skills, our teamwork, our effectiveness and our safety. When I first entered the fire service in 1974, I remember that we conducted some form of training every day. Either classroom or drill ground and sometimes both were part of our daily routine. Volunteer firefighters I knew in neighboring departments trained every single week, and they were required to make nearly all of the sessions. Now it seems that many career firefighters are lucky to have one training session a week, and many volunteer firefighters are down to training every other week or even monthly. Meanwhile, our mission has become more complicated and the tasks require more skill. Are you starting to see a trend here? I am.

The new national fire service motto promoted by the National Fallen Firefighters Foundation (NFFF) and other fire organizations is "Everyone Goes Home," and it's intended to promote firefighter safety. Maybe it ought to be amended to "Everyone Goes Home if We Train Enough." We have to get back to making training an absolute priority in all of our departments, large or small, career or volunteer?it shouldn't matter. Time for training must be carved out of our busy schedules and defended aggressively. We have got to quit making excuses and accepting excuses of why we have not trained. Ours is not a mission that can or should accept mediocrity, and yet we seem to be at that point. Indecision, equipment fumbling, uncertain skills, dysfunctional teams, duplicated effort, knowledge deficiencies, slow actions and critical mistakes have no place on the fireground or emergency scene, and the only way to combat those negatives is with frequent, aggressive, consistent and comprehensive training.

Football and basketball teams run plays from their playbook over and over and over, until the functions of each member of the team are ingrained and almost second nature. Firefighters run an evolution twice and they are done, ready to pack up and go to the house. We need to develop a team-sports mentality. Develop a set of basic plays (evolutions) that are reasonable and realistic for your department. And then run them over and over until they become second nature. Then throw in twists and adjustments until your proficiency is obvious. That is how sports teams become winners in games, and it is how fire companies can become effective on scene. Study preplans as if they were gameplans. Review skills frequently and consider those the fundamentals. Practice your functions until you can do them fast, in the dark and without hesitation.

Training officers and instructors must maintain a reasonable balance between new or specialized skills and the basics, company evolutions and fundamental skills. The last time a 10-year veteran firefighter practiced a basic skill should not have been in his rookie school. WMD, USAR, ALS and HazMat are all necessary subjects, but they must not replace fire streams, ropes and knots, SCBA, BLS and ventilation skills. After all, we still respond to a lot more structure fires than bomb or chemical explosions. Besides, all of our trusty basic fire skills are still needed at the scene of a terrorist incident or technical rescue.

We need a renewed commitment to training in the American fire service. We need to renew our vows to skill, competency and teamwork. We need to recognize that our success in every service we provide is born in the classroom and on the drill ground. We also need to realize that our emergency scene failures and mistakes did not occur only at that instance but were initiated in a lack of training, practice and drill. Our firefighter injuries and deaths can often be traced back to a lack of skill, knowledge, preparation, fitness and teamwork?the same reasons that athletic teams lose games. The difference is that we have much more at stake in the competition.

Fire and death are ruthless opponents, and if we are not properly prepared for that competition, we and others will lose more than a game. We should train like our lives and our citizens' lives depend on it, because they do.

So how much training is enough? I have no idea, but I know that none of us have reached that level.
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TGIF-Today God Is First


Proving the Word of God
-----------------------------
Friday, July 01, 2005
by Os Hillman

They bruised his feet with shackles; his neck was put in irons, till what he foretold came to pass, till the word of the Lord proved him true. ~ Psalm 105:18-19

God spoke to Joseph as a young boy through a dream and vision regarding his future. He could not understand its complete meaning at the time, but he knew it had great significance. Joseph knew God had a destiny for his life. However, the proving out of that word from God was filled with 13 years of waiting, rejection, pain, sorrow, and no doubt, questioning God's faithfulness.

His life was all but a life of influence and impact as a prisoner and slave. No doubt he wondered whether that dream was simply some vain imagination. David must have felt the same when he was anointed king over Israel as a young man only to spend years of fleeing from King Saul. God's preparation for greatness in His Kingdom is often filled with difficulty. God is more concerned about developing the inner life of his servant. That inner life can only be prepared by removing all self-confidence and replacing it with God-confidence. God-confidence is only developed in the furnace of life.

Is the Lord proving His word in your life? Perhaps He is using circumstances and events to move you into a place of patient waiting as He puts you in the place He desires for you. This is the place where the foundations of your soul mature. Let Him prove your faith.

~=|=~

of God
-----------------------------
Thursday, June 30, 2005
by Os Hillman

God looks down from heaven on the sons of men to see if there are any who understand, any who seek God. ~ Psalm 53:2

Are you a man or woman who is a seeker of God? The Lord delights in seeing those children of His who truly understand the meaning of life and why there is only one thing worth seeking God Himself.

I can always tell when I have not been seeking God. The cares of this life, the urgent over the important, and the petty irritations-these are the symptoms of a life that has not been in the presence of God. Do we understand, really understand? That is the question God raises to each of us today. If we understand, then why do we spend day after day toiling and fretting over what doesn't matter? Can we set proper boundaries in our lives that don't allow our time with Him to be continually stolen away? It is a challenge in a world that screams "activity, activity!"

Do you have a consistent time of seeking Him in your life? Are you committed to developing that intimacy with your Lord that He so desires? If not, ask Him today to help you. This is the longing of His heart. Ask Him to make it the longing of your heart. Then you will demonstrate to Him that you understand, and you will be a seeker of God.

~=|=~

Settling Disputes
-----------------------------
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
by Os Hillman

Casting the lot settles disputes and keeps strong opponents apart. ~ Proverbs 18:18

We prayed about it. We discussed it. My friend had one desire; I had a different one. "Okay, let's settle the issue the way the early Church settled matters when an agreement could not be achieved. Let's flip a coin."

"You must be joking!" my friend lamented.

"No, the early Church cast lots often to determine a course of direction or even select the disciple who would take Judas' place."

"Okay," my friend agreed. We flipped the coin and the matter was quickly settled.

In the Old Testament there are many examples of casting lots for determining a decision. We hear little of this method today. Most of us do not want to release the decision process to this seemingly "flippant" process; yet the Lord says, "The lot is cast into the lap, but its every decision is from the Lord" (Prov. 16:33). Flipping a coin is the equivalent to casting a lot. It removes our own opinions and leaves the final outcome to the Lord. Pray before you take such an action. It will surprise you who is willing to submit a decision to the Lord and who isn't. It removes the element of control from both parties.

I believe the Lord would first have us make decisions through agreement and continued prayer for the decision. However, there are times when this approach can be the quickest and simplest. It removes each person's temptation to lord it over the other. Cast the lot and settle the dispute.

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Pleasing to the Lord
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Tuesday, June 28, 2005
by Os Hillman

Prepare it with oil on a griddle; bring it well-mixed and present the grain offering broken in pieces as an aroma pleasing to the Lord. ~ Leviticus 6:21

There is a requirement to be blessed at a deeper spiritual level by God. Christ requires it of each of His servants. He required it of Paul when He struck him down on the Damascus Road. He required it of Joseph when he was left in the pit and then sold into slavery. He required it of Jacob when he left his homeland penniless and needy. He required it of most every major leader that He used significantly - brokenness.

Brokenness cannot be achieved on your own. It is something God does Himself. We cannot determine that we are going to be broken, but we can refuse to become broken. When God begins this deeper work in our lives, we can kick and scream and refuse the process. We can manipulate and strive to stay on top, but this only delays His work.

Pride and mammon are ruling strongholds of the workplace. Brokenness is considered a weak position in the workplace. However, God says until we are broken we cannot be an aroma pleasing to the Lord. God wants you to be an aroma in the workplace. In order for this to happen, you and I must be a broken vessel in His hand. Pray that God would allow you to become a pleasing aroma to Him no matter the cost.

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Our Counselor
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Monday, June 27, 2005
by Os Hillman

But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. ~ John 14:26

I was driving down the interstate feeling discouraged from an appointment I had just had. A former employee's company was seeking to displace me, and my company, as their source for our services. It had been one of many difficult events during those months. As I was driving, some words popped into my mind, No weapon formed against you shall prosper. I could not tell you where those words came from other than I knew the Holy Spirit was speaking them to me; I knew they were in the Bible. I knew they were in the Old Testament.

When I returned to my office that day, I searched for the key words in my concordance and found the verse. "No weapon forged against you will prevail, and you will refute every tongue that accuses you" (Is. 54:17a).

Jesus said that the Holy Spirit would remind us of the things He desires us to know. There are times in our lives when the Holy Spirit speaks into our spirit words designed to encourage us or give us what we need at the moment. That is just one of the roles of the Holy Spirit in the life of the believer. The more you know God's Word, the more often you'll recall verses the Holy Spirit will bring to mind for a given situation. Study God's Word and allow the Holy Spirit to remind you of the things He desires you to know.

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Copyright 2005. www.MarketplaceLeaders.org
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To contact Os Hillman, request reprint permission, or to book Os to speak in your town write to os@marketplaceleaders.org. Marketplace Leaders Website: http://www.marketplaceleaders.org/ Copyright 2005
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Please recommend this TGIF daily devotional to everyone interested in applying their faith to their worklife. Tell them to subscribe at http://www.TodayGodIsFirst.com

Os Hillman Copyright 2005
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Verse of the Day

Because of the extent of the Ephesians series, I will be taking a couple of weeks off to rest and recuperate and recharge and refresh and reflect and ....

I will resume verse of the day in mid-July.
Harley

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c. 2005 Harley E. Hudson

If you received Verse of the Day as a forward and you wish to have your own subscription, simply send an e-mail to hhudson719@earthlink.net and request a free subscription.
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Activities and Events of Interest
~~~
The Emancipation Proclamation will be on display at the Clinton Library September 22-25, 2007.
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"September 11 WDYTJWD" W. P. Florence
Justice first, then peace."
"September 11" Never forget.--Tony Moses
"ONE NATION UNDER GOD ...the only way"--Phillip Story
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." -- Franklin D. Roosevelt
"Keeping my head down but face toward Heaven" - - Jody Eldred, ABC News Cameraman in Kuwait
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" --"Bug"
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. - - George Carlin
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" - - Queen E. Watson
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NEVER FORGET! We're listing the names of our soldiers killed weekly. These records can be found at http://www.defenselink. mil/releases/

The Department of Defense announced the death of two Marines who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom.
01. Cpl. Carlos Pineda, 23, Los Angeles, Calif., died June 24 as a result of wounds sustained from enemy small-arms fire while conducting combat operations in Falluhah, Iraq. He was assigned to 8th Marine Regiment, 2nd Marine Division, II Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C.
02. Sgt. 1st Class Christopher W. Phelps, 39, of Louisville, Ky., died June 23 in Baghdad, Iraq, when an improvised explosive device detonated near his HMMWV. Phelps was assigned to the Army's 3rd Squadron, 3rd Armored Cavalry Regiment, Fort Carson, Colo.

The Department of Defense announced the death of two Marines who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom.
03. Lance Cpl. Veashna Muy, 20, of Los Angeles, Calif.
04. Cpl. Chad W. Powell, 22, of West Monroe, La.
Both Marines died June 23 while traveling in a convoy that was attacked by a suicide, vehicle-borne, improvised explosive device in Fallujah, Iraq. Both Marines were assigned to 8th Marine Regiment, 2nd Marine Division, II Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C

05. Spc. Charles A. Kaufman, 20, of Fairchild, Wis., died June 26 in Baghdad, Iraq, where a vehicle-borne improvised explosive device detonated near his HMMWV. Kaufman was assigned to the Army National Guard's 1st Battalion, 128th Infantry, Arcadia, Wis.

06. Cpl. Ramona M. Valdez, 20, of Bronx, N.Y., died June 23 while traveling in a convoy that was attacked by a suicide, vehicle-borne, improvised explosive device in Fallujah, Iraq. She was assigned to Headquarters Battalion, 2nd Marine Division, II Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C.

07. Petty Officer 1st Class Regina R. Clark, 43, of Centralia, Wash., died June 23 in a convoy that was attacked by a vehicle-borne improvised explosive device in Fallujah. She was a culinary specialist deployed with Naval Construction Regiment Detachment 30, Port Hueneme, Calif., and was temporarily assigned to II Marine Expeditionary Force (Forward).

08. 2nd Lt. Matthew S. Coutu, 23, of North Kingstown, R.I., died June 27 in Baghdad, Iraq, where enemy forces engaged his convoy with small arms fire. Coutu was assigned to the 64th Military Police Company, 720th Military Police Battalion, 89th Military Police Brigade, Fort Hood, Texas.

The Department of Defense announced the death of two soldiers who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom. They died on June 27 near Taji, Iraq, where their AH-64D Apache helicopter crashed. Both soldiers were assigned to the Army's 3rd Battalion, 3rd Aviation Regiment, 3rd Infantry Division, Fort Bragg, N.C. Killed were:
09. Chief Warrant Officer Keith R. Mariotti, 39, of Texas.
10. Chief Warrant Officer Steven E. Shepard, 30, of Purcell, Okla.

11. Spc. Robert E. Hall Jr., 30, of Pittsburgh, Pa., died June 28 in Ad Dujayl, Iraq, when a vehicle-borne improvised explosive device detonated near his dismounted position at the gate of his forward operating base. Hall was assigned to the Army Reserve's 467th Engineer Battalion, Greenwood, Miss.

12. Sgt. Manny Hornedo, 27, of Brooklyn, N.Y., died June 28 in Tikrit, Iraq, where a vehicle-borne improvised explosive device detonated near his HMMWV while conducting convoy operations. Hornedo was assigned to the Army National Guard's 1569th Transportation Company, New York, N.Y.
~~
Air Force Officer MIA from Vietnam War is Identified

The Department of Defense POW/MIA Personnel Office (DPMO) announced today that the remains of a U.S. serviceman, missing in action from the Vietnam War, have been identified and are being returned to his family for burial.

He is Air Force Lt. Col. Darel D. Leetun of Hettinger, N.D. Leetun will be buried with full military honors July 8 at Arlington National Cemetery.

On Sept. 17, 1966, Leetun led a bombing mission over Lang Son province, North Vietnam when his F-105D ‘Thunderchief’ aircraft was hit by enemy fire. Other pilots in the flight observed the aircraft crash, but did not receive emergency beeper signals nor observe a parachute.

Vietnamese and U.S. specialists from the Joint POW/MIA Accounting Command (JPAC) conducted three investigations between 1991 and 1995 as they sought information on Leetun’s crash site. During one of the investigations, Vietnamese villagers led investigators to a hillside location where human remains were found. Additional site investigations by a Vietnam team and a JPAC team in 1999 and 2004 respectively yielded no new evidence.

JPAC scientists and Armed Forces DNA Identification Laboratory specialists used mitochondrial DNA as one of the forensic tools to help identify the remains as those of Leetun.

Of those Americans unaccounted-for from all conflicts, 1,833 are from the Vietnam War, with 1,397 of those within the country of Vietnam. Another 750 Americans have been accounted for in Southeast Asia since the end of the Vietnam War. Of the Americans identified, 524 are from within Vietnam.
~~
Korean War Missing in Action Serviceman Identified

The Department of Defense POW/Missing Personnel Office (DPMO) announced today that the remains of a U.S. serviceman, missing in action from the Korean War, have been identified and are being returned to his family for burial in Fergus Falls, Minn. on Wednesday.

He is Cpl. John O. Strom of Fergus Falls, Minn.

On the night of Nov. 1, 1950, Strom’s unit, 1st Battalion, 8th Cavalry Regiment, came under attack by Chinese communist forces near the village of Unsan in North Korea. His battalion sought to escape the larger Chinese unit, and evacuated along a route well documented in U.S. records.

The fighting raged on for several days, and by Nov. 4, those men able to escape withdrew to friendly lines south of the Kuryong River, though more than 380 soldiers of the 8th Cavalry Regiment were unaccounted for.

In July and August 2002, a joint team of U.S. and North Korean specialists investigated a site near Unsan where a villager had reportedly reburied remains believed to be those of a U.S. serviceman from another location. The team, led by the Joint POW/MIA Accounting Command (JPAC), excavated both sites and found human remains as well as a few pieces of non-biological evidence. The team was also given Strom’s military identification tag found by the villager.

Laboratory analysis of the remains by forensic scientists at JPAC led to Strom’s identification. Comparisons of mitochondrial DNA results were key factors in their finding.

Of the 88,000 Americans who are missing from all conflicts, approximately 8,100 are from the Korean War. More than 1,800 remain unaccounted for from the Vietnam War, 126 from the Cold War, and 78,000 from World War II. Remains believed to be those of more than 220 American servicemen have been recovered in joint operations in North Korea.

For additional information on the Defense Department’s mission to account for missing Americans, visit the DPMO Web site at http://www.dtic.mil/dpmo or call (703) 699-1169 .
~~

Korean War Missing in Action Serviceman Identified

The Department of Defense POW/Missing Personnel Office (DPMO) announced today that the remains of a U.S. Army soldier, missing in action from the Korean War, have been identified and are being returned to his family for burial in Schererville, Ind.

He is Pfc. Lowell W. Bellar of Gary, Ind. He is to be buried on July 15, the date of his birth in 1931.

In November - December 1950, Bellar’s unit, Company M, 31st Infantry Regiment, was surrounded and overrun by Chinese Communist forces near the Chosin Reservoir in northeast North Korea. Elements of his unit joined other U.S. forces in the breakout and fighting retreat to relative safety further south to an area near the village of Hagaru. Regimental records compiled after the battle indicate that Bellar was killed in action Dec. 1, 1950. More than 1,000 men, primarily Marines and Army soldiers, are still missing in North Korea from the Chosin campaign.

Joint U.S.-North Korean recovery teams, led by the Joint POW/MIA Accounting Command (JPAC) excavated a site in North Korea in September 2001, and again in October, that was believed to be the location where American soldiers were buried. They recovered remains believed to be those of 12 individuals, some of which were later identified as those of Bellar.

Laboratory analysis of the remains by forensic scientists at JPAC led to Bellar’s identification. Comparisons of Bellar’s mitochondrial DNA data with samples from his family were key factors in their finding.
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Remember that for every soldier killed in modern war, 10 are wounded. Don't forget to pray for them and their families.
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Please remember to pray for the American soldiers stationed everywhere around the globe and especially in Iraq. Times have been and are very tough and it would be nice if you would all just say a prayer for their safety and for their families.
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Scheduled Activities
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Alcoholics Anonymous meets at 8 p.m. Monday - Friday. At noon on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays and at 7 p.m. Sunday at 914 N. Vine
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Columbia County Amateur Radio Club meets Every second Thursday @ 7:00 p.m. Union Street Station. And YOU'RE invited. Net is every Sunday at 20:30 on 147.105.
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Columbia County Diabetes Support Group - Every third Monday, 7:00 p.m. room 222, Magnolia Hospital
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"Focus on the Family" with Dr. James Dobson weekday afternoons at 1 PM on KVMA am 630 it's a great show!
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MCC - Abraham Prayer - Sunday at 5:00 p.m and Wednesday from 11:30 am to 1:00 pm
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MCC - Early Morning Prayer - Monday - Friday, From 6:30 am to 8:00 am
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MCC - "Beth Moore" Video Class - Thursday nights at 5:45 pm
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MCC - "Faith Builders" Small group meets at 1051 Columbia 36 the second and fourth Tuesdays, 6:30 pm to 7:45 pm.
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MCC - Firm Foundations Class, Sunday 9:30 to 10:15 a.m
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MCC - Meadow Brook Nursing Home Ministry Tuesday from 10:00 to 11:00 a.m
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MCC - Mom's Day Out - Every Tuesday and Thursday from 9 to 2.$10 for the first child, $5 for the second. Call 234-3225 for reservations.
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MCC - Nursing Home Ministry - Meadowbrook Every Tuesday from 10 to 11 am. Taylor, the last Thursday each month.
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MCC - Over comers: Fridays @ 7:00 p.m- Director, Traci Foster invites you to a 12 step Christian support program. For anyone with a life controlling problem. Child care is provided.
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Men's Prayer Breakfast held every Tuesday morning at 6 AM in Miller's Cafeteria. If you aren't a regular participant at the Men's Prayer Breakfast, you're missing some great food, fellowship and inspired teaching of the Word. Hope to see you there.
~~~
Narcotics Anonymous 5-6 pm every Monday at 220 Pine street.
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TOPS (Take Off Pounds Sensibly) 5 pm every Tuesday in the Magnolia Hospital break room.
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Emergency Phone Number 911
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )
Central Dispatch 234-5655
(Non - Emergency Number)
Direct Numbers
Ambulance - 234-7371 (24 Hour)
Jail - 234-5331 (24 Hour)
Poison Control - 800-222-1222 (24 Hour)
http://www. aapcc. org/
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"Fight till you win!" - - Mark Brazee
"Bring 'em on!" - -President George W. Bush
"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle."
"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." -- "Bug"
"I read the end of the book. We win!" -- "Bug"
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." -- "Bug"
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." - - "Bug"
"If you can read this e-mail, thank a teacher. - - If you read it in English, thank a serviceman."
"A simple way to take measure of a country is to look at how many want in ... and how many want out." - - Tony Blair
"Information is the currency of democracy." - Jefferson
"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed people can change the world; indeed, it is the only thing that ever has." - - Margaret Mead
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Hope you enjoy the newsletter.
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week.

God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!
John 4:35 Luke 1:8-12 1 Cor 13:11-13 John 16:21-24 Acts 19:18-20
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT-I KC5HII

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Let us hear from you if we can switch you over to the "Word" or "PDF" version of "Da Bleat".
If you'd prefer to read "Da Blog" version, just drop us a note at KC5HII@Magnolia-Net.Com and we'll switch you from e:mail delivery to "Da Bleat" Blog. Of course "Da Bleat" is now on the web. Just go to http://bugsbleatnew.blogspot.com to see the latest issue (usually updated sometime Friday evening or Saturday morning. We appreciate your encouragement. We also appreciate your communication when you desire to be taken off our mail list. If you are on this mail list by mistake or do not wish to receive "Da Bleat," please reply back and tell us to discontinue service to you. This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus 2005 before it was sent.
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