Bug's Bleat - - GCF: Parachute Error

Volume 7, Issue 28

Hello All,

So here’s what happened . . . I got Annette a new Palm pilot (a Tungsten E) for her birthday. It came in July 12 and I loaded up the software on our computer and made the transfer of all her addresses, phone numbers, games and stuff.
After loading, I started to register the software at which point the computer “froze.” Humm..... So I did a hard boot and the computer started to come back up but didn’t quite make it. Instead the power light went off, I smelled something burning and decided it was time to unplug the machine.
That’s why this “Bleat” is several weeks late.
~~~~~
Also . . . We’ve been “snowed” with work at home and at work.
~~~~~
Nora Harrison passed away. Miss Nora worked for my parents until they closed the Chatterbox. She was the ideal of a fine waitress. I’ve got many fine memories of her standing at the counter, dressed in a sharply pressed uniform, creases able to cut hot bread. A small cap upon her flaming red hair.
Her husband Cody was one of the town’s classic barbers.
Two people epitomizing the 1950s.
~~~~~
Speaking of the ‘50s and 60s, their daughter had a “Half Heart” graveyard.
At that time, it was “the thing” for couples “going steady” to purchase a silver heart, divided in two and strung on two pendants. The guys name went on one half, which the girl wore and the girls name went on the other half, which the guy wore.
She was prone to many relationships (this was in Jr High) and instead of discarding the half heart with her exsweethearts name on it, she buried them, with a small tombstone to mark them.
It was a pretty impressive plot of ground.
~~~~~
Recipe(s) of the week - Kung Pao Beef
Tyler Florence
Yield: 4 servings


1 ½ pounds boneless beef sirloin
1-tablespoon soy sauce
2 tablespoons sesame oil
1-tablespoon rice wine or sherry
1 egg white, lightly beaten
½ teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons peanut or corn oil
4 dried red chilies, split
1 tablespoon minced garlic
½ tablespoon grated ginger
1 teaspoon Szechwan pepper, toasted and crushed
2 scallions, cut in ½-inch pieces
1 red bell pepper, cut in pieces
2 tablespoons soy sauce
3 tablespoons rice wine or sherry
2 tablespoons Chinese black vinegar or balsamic
1-teaspoon sugar
1-cup chicken broth
1 tablespoon cornstarch, dissolved in 2 tablespoons water
1/3 cup roasted peanuts


Trim fat from the steak and cut into 1-inch cubes. Combine the soy sauce, sesame oil, rice wine/sherry, egg white and salt in a glass bowl. Add the beef and stir to coat. Marinate for 1 hour, covered in the refrigerator.
Place peanut/corn oil in a wok, swirling to coat the sides, and place over high heat. Add the chilies and cook until they begin to darken. Add the garlic, ginger and Szechwan pepper; continue to cook to infuse the oil. Add the scallions and bell pepper. Remove the steak from the marinade and add it to the wok. Stir-fry the beef for 3 minutes until brown. Blend in soy sauce, rice wine, Chinese vinegar, sugar and chicken broth. Dissolve the cornstarch slurry and add it to the sauce, stirring, to thicken. Sprinkle in the peanuts and stir to coat. Serve over rice.

http://www.foodnetwork.com/food/recipes/recipe/0,1977,FOOD_9936_15311,00.html
~~~~~
Don't forget ... "Da Bleat" is now on the web. Just go to http://bugsbleatnew.blogspot.com
~~~~~
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.
~~~~~
BREAKPOINT Commentaries
by Chuck Colson. - Prison Fellowship

THE CHURCH

The Episcopal Church Self-Destructs over Homosexuality
Episcopalians Defend the Consecration of a “Gay” Bishop
July 11, 2005
By Allan Dobras

The Episcopal Church has been flirting with a disastrous schism for the last thirty-five years, and now a formal breakup seems inevitable following an unapologetic June 17–22, 2005, appearance before the Anglican Consultative Council (ACC) in Nottingham, England. The purpose of the meeting was to hear the church’s defense of its consecration of “gay” Bishop V. Gene Robinson.

Over the years, the denomination continued to hang together as it blundered through several divisive issues while causing its rolls to plummet by about 1.3 million congregants, or nearly 40 percent of its membership. Remarkably, the church had managed to survive clergymen like Bishop John S. Spong, who institutionalized heretical teachings in the denomination, the failed heresy trial of Rt. Reverend Walter Righter, who opened the church to the ordination of homosexual deacons, and the church’s persistent embroilment in leftist politics.

Now, ramifications from the consecration of Bishop V. Gene Robinson are sending shockwaves through the Anglican community, and the denomination is on the brink of imploding. The June 2003 election of Rt. Reverend Robinson to the office of bishop was the final straw for the traditionalist-minded American Anglican Council (AAC) and a number of conservative prelates—primarily from Africa—who put pressure on the Worldwide Anglican Communion to respond to what they thought to be contrary to church doctrine.

As a result, in October of 2003, the Archbishop of Canterbury, Dr. Rowan Williams, established a commission to look at life in the Anglican Communion in the light of recent events—at the time, the imminent consecration of the Reverend Robinson as Bishop of New Hampshire and the decision to authorize a service for use in connection with same-sex unions in the Diocese of New Westminster, Canada.

The commission was tasked by the archbishop to “offer advice on finding a way through the situation which currently threatens to divide the Communion.” After studying the matter for several months, the commission issued its final report (The Windsor Report) on October 28, 2004, which called upon the Episcopal Church (USA) to:

*
Express its regret that the proper constraints of the bonds of affection were breached in the events surrounding the election and consecration of a bishop for the See of New Hampshire.
*
Pending such expression of regret, those who took part as consecrators of Gene Robinson should be invited to consider in all conscience whether they should withdraw from representative functions in the Anglican Communion.
*
Effect a moratorium on the election and consent to the consecration of any candidate to the episcopate who is living in a same-gender union until some new consensus in the Anglican Communion emerges.

The commission also called for a moratorium of Rites of Blessing of same-sex unions and recommended that bishops who have authorized such rites in the United States and Canada be invited to express regret that the proper constraints of the bonds of affection were breached by such authorization.

Conservative primates of the Anglican Communion gathered in February 2005 at Newry, in Northern Ireland, at the invitation of the Archbishop of Canterbury to consider the recommendations of the Windsor Report. The primates endorsed the report and encouraged the Anglican Consultative Council to “organize a hearing at its meeting in Nottingham, England, in June 2005 at which representatives of the Episcopal Church (USA) and the Anglican Church of Canada, invited for that specific purpose, may have an opportunity to set out the thinking behind the recent actions of their Provinces.”

The Episcopal Church (USA) Responds

During the week of June 20, 2005, representatives of the Episcopal Church (USA) met with the Anglican Consultative Council in Nottingham, England, and presented their response to the Windsor Report in a 135-page document titled “To Set Our Hope On Christ,” which was long on superlatives, but devoid of either regret or repentance. In substance, the response was little more than a repeat of the unsubstantiated junk science claims that homosexuality is inborn and unchangeable and the discredited revisionist theology that denies the validity of the biblical record concerning homosexuality.

In a hopelessly convoluted reply to the specific recommendations of the Windsor Report, the American church dismissed the call to express “regret” for their actions or to respect a “moratorium” on the consecration of any additional clergy involved in a same-sex relationship:

*
At the present time part of the Church believes that it recognizes members of same-sex affection who are living Christ-like lives of generous self-donation, costly witness, and courageous acts of discipleship in conformity with the pattern Christ establishes for us. And this part of the Church is calling the rest to “come and see” if this isn’t in fact the work of the Holy Spirit. . . . “We believe that God takes our differences, which the world would wickedly harden into divisions, and embraces them by the power of Christ and the Spirit within those blessed differences-in-relation of the Divine Persons . . . ”
*
“The experience of the Church as it is lived in different places has something to contribute to the discernment of the mind of Christ for the Church. No one culture, no one period of history has a monopoly of insight into the truth of the Gospel. . . . We wish most deeply to express our loving concern for the good of the whole Church, especially for those Anglicans worldwide who are living in faithful, committed same-sex partnerships, and also for those Anglicans worldwide who do not see how such relationships can be open to God’s blessing.”

The Canadian Primate, Archbishop Hutchison, expressed regret over strained relationships that its actions have caused and agreed to a moratorium on dioceses authorizing same-sex blessings rites until the General Synod considers the matter.

On June 22, 2005, the Anglican Consultative Council, citing the standard of Christian teaching on matters of human sexuality expressed in the 1998 Lambeth Resolution 1.10, endorsed the Primates’ request that “in order to recognize the integrity of all parties, the Episcopal Church (USA) and the Anglican Church of Canada voluntarily withdraw their members from the Anglican Consultative Council for the period leading up to the next Lambeth Conference.”

Thus, the Episcopal Church (USA), like a person addicted to hard drugs, cannot give up its romance with homosexuality and instead acquiesced to the relatively mild and inconsequential censure implicit in the ACC request for “voluntary withdrawal” from the council.

The American Anglican Council Calls the EC (USA) Response “Blasphemous.”

The reaction from the American Anglican Council (AAC) to the EC (USA) presentation was swift and blunt, calling their defense “shameless” and declaring it was “blasphemous to suggest that the Holy Spirit would lead any Christian to accept or embrace doctrine or behavior contradicted throughout the body of Scripture.”

The AAC dismissed out of hand a claim by the church’s emissaries that “God designed and created a percentage of the population to be gay.” In a sharply worded rebuttal, the AAC said, “It is not established that same-sex attraction is innate [and] God cannot be understood as having created what His revealed Word defines as sinful.”

In its concluding statement, the AAC ridiculed their call for “unity in disagreement,” and saw only a church in deep distress: “The logical conclusion of [their] argument is that unity is more important than truth. . . . The Episcopal Church is fractured and bleeding; punitive actions against the orthodox abound; and trust has been broken over and over. Additionally, data provided by the Episcopal Church itself demonstrates a church in disarray with a significant number of churches and individuals leaving ECUSA and dioceses experiencing serious budgetary shortfalls. It is most unfortunate that many other bishops representing a radically different view were not included in this ECUSA team.”

The EC (USA), having weathered many storms in the past that left it intact but drove its membership into mass exodus, appears to have finally reached the end of the road, and a major breakup of the denomination seems inevitable.

Al Dobras is a freelance writer on religious and cultural issues and an electronics engineer. He lives in Springfield, Virginia.

http://www.pfm.org/Content/NavigationMenu5/BreakPoint/LearnMore/About_BreakPoint/default.htm 2005 Prison Fellowship.
~~~~~
Words of the Week:

mien: demeanor; also, aspect; appearance.
potable: drinkable; also, a beverage, especially an alcoholic one.
temerarious: reckless; rash.
introspection: the act or process of self-examination; reflection.
malfeasance: wrongdoing, misconduct, or misbehavior.
fealty: fidelity; allegiance; faithfulness.
atelier: a workshop; a studio.
from Dictionary.Com
~~~~~
"He who limps is still walking." Stanislaw J. Lec

"History is a guide to navigation in perilous times. History is who we are and why we are the way we are." - David C McCullough

"Egotism is nature's compensation for mediocrity." - L.A. Safian

"Can any of you seriously say the Bill of Rights could get through Congress today? It wouldn't even get out of committee." - F. Lee Bailey

"People ask for criticism, but they only want praise." - W. Somerset Maugham

"Do not wait for extraordinary circumstances to do good; try to use ordinary situations." - Johann Paul Richter

"The true danger is when liberty is nibbled away, for expedients, and by parts." - Edmund Burke

"Those who make the worst use of their time most complain about its shortness." - Jean de la Bruyere

"People sleep peacably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf." - George Orwell

"A child educated only at school is an uneducated child." - George Santayana (1863-1952) Spanish-born American Philosopher, Writer
~~~~~
This is serious, but it’s also humorous so I’m putting it on the border.

HOW THE D-DAY INVASION WOULD BE REPORTED BY TODAY'S PRESS

NORMANDY, FRANCE (June 6, 1944) Three hundred French civilians were killed and thousands more were wounded today in the first hours of America's invasion of continental Europe. Casualties were heaviest among women and children. Most of the French casualties were the result of artillery fire from American ships attempting to knock out German fortifications prior to the landing of hundreds of thousands of US troops. Reports from a makeshift hospital in the French town of St. Mere Eglise said the carnage was far worse than the French had anticipated, and that reaction against the American invasion was running high. "We are dying for no reason, 'said a Frenchman speaking on condition of anonymity. "Americans can't even shoot straight. I never thought I'd say this, but life was better under Adolph Hitler."

The invasion also caused severe environmental damage. American troops, tanks, trucks and machinery destroyed miles of pristine shoreline and thousands of acres of ecologically sensitive wetlands. It was believed that the habitat of the spineless French crab was completely wiped out, thus threatening the species with extinction. A representative of Greenpeace said his organization, which had tried to stall the invasion for over a year, was appalled at the destruction, but not surprised. "This is just another example of how the military destroys the environment without a second thought," said Christine Moanmore. "And it's all about corporate greed."

Contacted at his Manhattan condo, a member of the French government-in-exile who abandoned Paris when Hitler invaded said the invasion was based solely on American financial interests. "Everyone knows that President Roosevelt has ties to 'big beer,'" said Pierre LeWimp. "Once the German beer industry is conquered, Roosevelt's beer cronies will control the world market and make a fortune."

Administration supporters said America's aggressive actions were based in part on the assertions of controversial scientist Albert Einstein, who sent a letter to Roosevelt speculating that the Germans were developing a secret weapon -- a so-called "atomic bomb." Such a weapon could produce casualties on a scale never seen before, and cause environmental damage that could last for thousands of years. Hitler has denied having such a weapon and international inspectors were unable to locate such weapons even after spending two long weekends in Germany. Shortly after the invasion began, reports surfaced that German prisoners had been abused by American soldiers. Mistreatment of Jews by Germans at their so-called "concentration camps" has been rumored, but so far this remains unproved.

Several thousand Americans died during the first hours of the invasion, and French officials are concerned that the uncollected corpses will pose a public-health risk. "The Americans should have planned for this in advance," they said. "It's their mess, and we don't intend to help clean it up.

Thanks to Sam A. Boggs

><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
GCF: Parachute Error

Emailed to me another humor list (Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh List) -Tom Subscribe to Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh list at the website: Subscribe

If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! A smile will enhance the quality of your life. Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@egroups.com or visit the Good Clean Fun web site http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor/ UNSUBSCRIBE INFO for Good Clean Fun is at the end of this email. This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus 2005 before it was sent.
---------------------------------

While being transported to basic training as a new enlistee of the Air National Guard, I accidentally opened a parachute in the rear of the C-47. The plane was piloted by a major and a captain, and I felt intimidated as I opened the cockpit door to confess what I had done.

Expecting to be severely chastised, I was surprised by the captain's calm response. "Well, son," he said, "if this plane goes down, that chute is yours."
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Military Chat

Emailed to me another humor list (Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh List) -Tom Subscribe to Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh list at the website: Subscribe
---------------------------------

During the second Gulf War, I was an Air Force colonel. I routinely flew on different aircraft to familiarize myself with their capabilities. One day I was aboard an intelligence aircraft where each crewmember was surrounded by complex gear.

A young major showed me his computer screen. "That's a chat screen, Sir," the soldier said. "We use it to relay enemy information to the crew. It's like instant messaging."

Nodding, I moved down the line. Flashing on an airman's screen several feet away was this warning: "Heads up! The colonel's on the way!"
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Universal Time

Found at The Shark Tank (Computerworld) -Tom
http://www.computerworld.com/departments/opinions/sharktank/0,4885,103031,00.html
---------------------------------

A customer calls the round-the-clock tech support hotline to ask what hours the call center is open.

"The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, seven days a week," says the technician who answers the call.

Customer asks, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?"
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Withdrawal

Emailed to me from another humor list (Marty's Joke of the Day) -Tom To subscribe to Marty's Joke of the Day, send a blank email to: martysjotd-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
---------------------------------

Connie told her 4-year-old grandson, Dean, not to jump on the beds. After several warnings she punished him, explaining that should he fall, he would hurt himself badly. Several minutes passed ... and he was back to jumping on the beds. Connie said, "Dean, you weren't jumping on the beds again, were you?"

He stood with his little head dropped low and said, "I'm trying, but it's so hard to quit."
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Marine Comeback

Emailed to me another humor list (Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh List) -Tom Subscribe to Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh list at the website: Subscribe
---------------------------------

During mail call one evening at Marine Corps boot camp, I received several letters from home. The drill instructor was getting irritated at having to keep calling my name. "You must have a lot of people at home who like you, huh?" he barked.

"Sir, no, sir!" I shouted.

"Oh, so you're calling me a liar?" goaded the DI.

Trained as a Marine to think quickly on my feet, I yelled out, "Sir, creditors, sir!"

The DI had to leave the room so we wouldn't see him laughing.
_ ____________________________ _
(((\ \>|_/ )_______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Health: \ /
\ _/ The slowest possible \_ /
/ / rate of dying. \ (((\ \>|_/ )_______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Do oysters get bored? \ /
\ _/ How could you tell? \_ /
/ / \ (((\ \>|_/ )_______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / One of the many things \ \_/ ////
\ / no one tells you about aging \ /
\ _/ is that it is such a nice \_ /
/ / change from being young. \ (((\ \>|_/ )_______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / A piano is harmless \ /
\ _/ as long as people \_ /
/ / leave it alone. \ (((\ \>|_/ )_______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / Genius unexerted is no \ \_/ ////
\ / more genius than a bushel \ /
\ _/ of acorns is a forest \_ /
/ / of oaks. -- Beecher \ _ ____________________________ _
/ )| Thomas S. Ellsworth |( / / | tellswor@slonet.org | \ _( (_ | http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor | _) )_
_( (_ | *** Good Clean Fun *** | _) )_
(((\ \>|_/ )_______________________( \_|Stop for a visit, leave with a smile! To join Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.Com To leave Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.Com Or visit the Good Clean Fun web site at http://www. slonet.org/~tellswor/
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
[GCFL.net] Zoology Test

A young college student had stayed up all night studying for his zoology test the next day. As he entered the classroom, he saw ten stands with ten birds on them with a sack over each bird and only the legs showing. He sat on the front row because he wanted to do the best job possible.The professor announced that the test would be to look at each of the bird's legs and give the common name, habitat, genus, species, etc.

The student looked at each of the birds legs. They all looked the same to him. He began to get upset. He had stayed up all night studying and now had to identify birds by their legs. The more he thought about it, the madder he got. Finally, he could stand it no longer. He went up to the professor's desk and said, "What a stupid test! How could anyone tell the difference between birds by looking at their legs?"

With that he threw his test down on the professor's desk and walked to the door. The professor was surprised. The class was so big that he didn't know every student's name; as the student reached the door, the professor called out, "Mister, what's your name?"

The enraged student pulled up his pants legs and said, "You guess, buddy! You guess!"

Author: Joshua David Houchin

Received from Joshua Houchin.
-=+=-
[GCFL.net] Fractured Dictionary

Arbitrator \ar'-bi-tray-ter\: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's.

Avoidable \uh-voy'-duh-buhl\: What a bullfighter tries to do.

Baloney \buh-lo'-nee\: Where some hemlines fall.

Bernadette \burn'-a-det\: The act of torching a mortgage.

Burglarize \bur'-gler-ize\: What a crook sees with.

Control \kon-trol'\: A short, ugly inmate.

Counterfeiters \kown-ter-fit-ers\: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets.

Eclipse \i-klips'\: what an English barber does for a living.

Eyedropper \i'-drop-ur\: a clumsy ophthalmologist.

Heroes \hee'-rhos\: what a guy in a boat does.

Left Bank \left' bangk'\: what the robber did when his bag was full of loot.

Misty \mis'-tee\: How some golfers create divots.

Paradox \par'-uh-doks\: two physicians.

Parasites \par'-uh-sites\: what you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower.

Pharmacist \farm'-uh-sist\: a helper on the farm.

Polarize \po'-lur-ize\: what penguins see with.

Primate \pri'-mat\: removing your spouse from in front of the TV.

Relief \ree-leef'\: what trees do in the spring.

Rubberneck \rub'-er-nek\: what you do to relax your wife.

Seamstress \seem'-stres\: describes 250 pounds in a size six.

Selfish \sel'-fish\: what the owner of a seafood store does.

Subdued \sub-dood'\: like, a guy, like, works on one of those, like, submarines, man.

Sudafed \sood'-a-fed\: bringing litigation against a government.

Received from jan hughey.
-=+=-
[GCFL.net] Ten Interesting Points About Men

Since we kinda picked on women yesterday, it's the guys turn. :)

1. A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.

2. All men hate to hear, "We need to talk about our relationship." These seven words strike fear in the heart of even General Schwartzkopf.

3. Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.

4. Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.

5. Most men hate to shop. That's why the men's department is usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches from the door.

6. Men forget everything; women remember everything. Think about it! How many women's sports use something called an "instant replay?"

7. Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.

8. No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.

9. Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've never seen a man walk into a party and say, "Oh no, I'm so embarrassed; I've got to get out of here. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo."

10. Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.

Received from Booy, Laury.
-=+=-
[GCFL.net] Women's Key Words And What They Really Mean

FINE: This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.

FIVE MINUTES: This is a half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so I feel that it's an even trade.

NOTHING: This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine."

GO AHEAD (with raised eyebrows): This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine."

GO AHEAD (with normal eyebrows): This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care." You will get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

LOUD SIGH: This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing."

SOFT SIGH: Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content.

THAT'S OKAY: This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead." At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

PLEASE DO: This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay."

THANKS: A woman is thanking you. Do not faint; just say you're welcome.

THANKS A LOT: This is much different from 'THANKS." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be care not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Oh Nothing."

Received from Bethany Rice.
-=+=-
– NEW! Go to http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20050124 to rate this funny from 0 to 5.
-=+=-
Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List "A cheerful heart is good medicine!" (Prov 17:22a) Go to http://gcfl.net/mlfrontend.php to change your subscription options or unsubscribe. To email this funny to a friend, go to http://gcfl.net/emailit.php?funny=20050107 The latest GCFL funny can always be found on the web at http://gcfl.net/latest.php
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
25 Signs You've Grown Up

1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.

2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.

3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.

5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator.

6. You watch the Weather Channel.

7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up.

8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.

9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."

10.You're the one calling the police because those%&@# kids next door won't turn down the stereo.

11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.

12. You don't know what time Taco Bell (or Taco Naco) closes anymore

13. Your car insurance goes down and your payments go up.

14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.

15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.

16. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 PM!

17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.

18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.

19. If you're a gal, you go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.

20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."

21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.

22. "I just can't drink the way I used to," replaces, "I'm never going to drink that much again."

23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.

24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.

25. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry old rear.

Thanks to Claiborne Sharp Jr.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Career Counseling?!

Country Preacher

An old country preacher who had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought along the line of choosing a profession. Like many young men, then and now, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do- and he didn't seem overly concerned about it.

One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table three objects: a Bible, a silver dollar, and a bottle of whiskey... "Now then," the old preacher said to himself, "I'll just hide behind the door here, and when my son comes home from school this afternoon, I'll see which of these three objects he picks up. If he picks up the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me, and what a blessing that would be! If he picks up the dollar, he's going to be a businessman, and that would be o.k. too. But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a drunkard - a no-good drunkard and Lord, what a shame that would be."

The old man was anxious as he waited, and soon he heard his son's footsteps as he came in the house whistling and headed back to his room. He deposited his books on the bed, as a matter of routine, and as he turned around to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table. With a curious set in his eye, he walked over to inspect them.

What he finally did was, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped it into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink...

" Lord have mercy," the old man whispered, " He's going to be a politician!"
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
The Wedding

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Florida, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in. Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?"
The pharmacist answers, "Yes."
Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medicine."
Pharmacist: "Of course we do."
Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"
Pharmacist: "All kinds."
Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism and scoliosis?"
Pharmacist: "Definitely."
Jacob: "How about Viagra?"
Pharmacist: "Of course."
Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice?"
Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The works."
Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?"
Pharmacist: "Absolutely."
Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers?"
Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes."
Jacob: "We'd like to use this store as our Bridal Registry."

Norma Kay Rowe
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Welcome to You Make Me Laugh, a free newsletter from Crosswalk.com, the world's largest Christian website.
Today's Clean Laugh

Do Something Nice

Unable to attend the funeral after his Uncle Charlie died, a man who lived far away called his brother and told him, "Do something nice for Uncle Charlie and send me the bill."

Later, he got a bill for $200.00, which he paid. The next month, he got another bill for $200.00, which he also paid, figuring it was some incidental expense.

But, when the bills for $200.00 kept arriving every month, he finally called his brother again to find out what was going on.

"Well," said the other brother, "You said to do something nice for Uncle Charlie. So I rented him a tuxedo."

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

-=+=-

Crate of Chickens

The farmer's son was returning from the market with a crate of chickens his father had entrusted to him, when all of a sudden the box fell and broke open.

Chickens scurried off in different directions, but the determined boy walked all over the neighborhood scooping up the wayward birds and returning them to the repaired crate. Hoping he had found them all, the boy reluctantly returned home, expecting the worst.

"Pa, the chickens got loose," the boy confessed sadly, "but I managed to find all twelve of them."

"Well, you done a good job, son," the farmer beamed.

"You left with seven."

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

-=+=-

Roast Woes

The newly-married husband came home from the office to find his young wife in floods of tears. "Darling, whatever is the matter?" he asked.

"Sweetheart," she sobbed, "the most terrible thing has happened! I cooked my very first Beef Bourguignon for you, and I got it out of the oven to season it, and the phone rang. When I came back from answering the phone," she sobbed again. "I found that the cat had eaten it!"

"Don't worry, darling," said her husband.

"Don't cry. We can get a new cat tomorrow."

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

-=+=-

Sewing Machine Ad

The following is an ad from a newspaper which appeared four days in a row - the last three hopelessly trying to correct the first day's mistake.

MONDAY:
For sale: R. D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Phone 948-0707 after 7 P.M.. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who lives with him cheap.

TUESDAY:
Notice: We regret having erred In R. D. Jones' ad yesterday. It should have read "One sewing machine for sale cheap. Phone 948-0707 and ask for Mrs. Kelly, who lives with him after 7 P.M."

WEDNESDAY:
Notice: R. D. Jones has informed us that he has received several annoying telephone calls because of the error we made in the classified ad yesterday. The ad stands correct as follows: "For sale -- R. D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Cheap. Phone 948-0707 after 7 P.M. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who loves with him."

THURSDAY:
Notice: I, R. D. Jones, have no sewing machine for sale. I intentionally broke it. Don't call 948-0707 as I have had the phone disconnected. I have not been carrying on with Mrs. Kelly. Until yesterday she was my housekeeper, but she has now quit.

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

-=+=-

New Home No Hears

Top ten things you don't want to hear from your real estate agent when you go to settlement on your new home:

1. "I think unexplained crop circles add a unique flair to any home's garden."

2. "Actually, it's only the rear portion of the yard that overlaps the ancient Indian burial ground."

3. "Yes, the last owner did donate the house to the Hell's Angels, but I'm told that the judge has ordered them not to come within 50 feet of it."

4. "One bleeding mirror doesn't necessarily mean it's haunted."

5. "Your neighbor has assured me that, technically, they're not 'killer' bees."

6. "Even if there was a full-scale mudslide, it's unlikely that it would reach as far back as your property."

7. "It's quite common for roaches to grow that big even when not in the presence of radioactivity."

8. "Did you know that the punk band "Grave Robber" holds their practice sessions right next door?"
9. "It's true that they died in the house, but the prosecutor was never actually able to prove it was murder."

10. "You can barely hear the sheet metal factory at night."

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

*Eye Laugh*

"Road Rage"
http://www.cybersalt.org/g05.php?id=87

"Road Rage"
http://www.cybersalt.org/g05.php?id=85

"Sign Of Change"
http://www.cybersalt.org/g05.php?id=83

"Desert Dude"
http://www.cybersalt.org/g05.php?id=82

"Faith Franchising"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw218

-=+=-

Daily devotionals are available at http://link.Crosswalk.Com/UM/T.asp?A1. 39. 17757. 1. 494611 You can access more information on Crosswalk's Fun page http://www.Crosswalk.Com/fun/! Crosswalk gives credit to the author of a joke when author is known. Feel free to send notification to admin@cybersalt.org in cases where credit has not been given to the author! -SUBSCRIPTION INFO- * Copyright2004 Crosswalk.Com, Inc. and its Content Providers. All rights reserved. Introducing www.Crossguide.Com Where Christians find Products, Services & Ministries.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
"Don't strive for recognition, but work for achievement." -- Vanessa Malone
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Columns - - http://www.madkane.com/workingstiffed.html - - Working Stiffed -- Job Hunting Humor (text and audio versions)
"Finding a new job can be a daunting challenge. But if you follow my simple 21-step plan, you'll soon be battling cranky alarm clocks, rush-hour traffic, and the "living for the weekend" daily grind..."
http://www.madkane.com
http://www.madkane.com/notable.html (Notables Weblog)
http://www.madkane.com/bush.html (Dubya's Dayly Diary)
Subscribe to MadKane Humor Newsletter (weekly) here:
http://www.madkane.com/email.html
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Our Earth as Art - - http://earthasart.gsfc.nasa.gov/index.htm - - This NASA site allows you to view our planet through the beautiful images taken by the Landsat-7 satellite - and most recently, the Terra Satellite's Advanced Spaceborne Thermal Emission and Reflection Radiometer. This gallery of images uses the visceral avenue of art to convey the thrilling perspective of the Earth that satellites provide to the viewer.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Respectfully Quoted: Dictionary of Quotations - - http://www.bartleby.com/73/ - - The 2,100 entries in this eminently researched collection form the constellation of collected wisdom in American political debate. In fulfilling decades of requests from Members of Congress for citation of quotations, the Library of Congress compiled the most frequently asked questions of the legislature for the edification of every citizen.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Lindbergh - - http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/amex/lindbergh/ - - Companion site to the Public Broadcasting Service special 'The American Experience' a program on Charles Lindbergh, 'an American hero whose life teemed with contradictions.'
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
The Woodward and Bernstein Watergate Papers - - http://www.hrc.utexas.edu/exhibitions/online/woodstein/ - - Between 1972 and 1976, Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein emerged as two of the most famous journalists in America and became forever identified as the reporters who broke the biggest story in American politics. Now available to the public for the first time from this Univ. of Texas site, are Woodward and Bernstein's notes from source interviews, drafts of newspaper stories and books, memos, letters, tape recordings, research materials, and other Watergate papers.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Amusement Park Physics - - http://www.learner.org/exhibits/parkphysics/ - - How do physics laws affect amusement park ride design? In this exhibit, you'll have a chance to find out by designing your own roller coaster. Plan it carefully--it has to pass a safety inspection.You can also experiment with bumper car collisions. Check the physics glossary to find out more about the terms used in this exhibit. Just click on the glossary icon wherever you see it. Related site: Roller Coaster Database.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
American Stroke Association - - http://www.strokeassociation.org/ - - Every 45 seconds, someone in America has a stroke. Every 3 minutes, someone dies of one. Stroke killed an estimated 163,538 people in 2001 and is the nation's third leading cause of death, ranking behind diseases of the heart and all forms of cancer. Stroke is a leading cause of serious, long-term disability in the United States. This site by the American Stroke Association presents comprehensive information on strokes.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
SeatGuru.com - - http://www.seatguru.com/ - - This free site explains which seats to book and which to avoid on 23 airlines. The site shows seat maps according to plane, detailing seat pitch and legroom, location of bulkheads, and exit rows.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Alexander Graham Bell Family Papers - - http://memory.loc.gov/ammem/bellhtml/bellhome.html - - The online version of the Alexander Graham Bell Family Papers at the Library of Congress comprises a selection of 4,695 items (totaling about 51,500 images). This presentation contains correspondence, scientific notebooks, journals, blueprints, articles, and photographs documenting Bell's invention of the telephone and his involvement in the first telephone company, his family life, his interest in the education of the deaf, and his aeronautical and other scientific research.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
"Americans overwhelmingly oppose reinstatement of the military draft and most say they wouldn't encourage their children to enlist in the service either, an AP-Ipsos poll found. That resistance underscores the dilemma facing the Bush administration as it struggles to recruit a volunteer military in war time. The Army is falling behind its recruiting goals at a time the country is fighting extended wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. The Army has repeatedly missed its monthly recruiting goals this year, falling short by 42 percent in April. And all four branches of military service are having trouble attracting recruits to their reserve forces. Despite the recruiting problems, seven in 10 Americans say they oppose reinstatement of the draft, and almost half of those polled strongly oppose that step, the AP-Ipsos poll found. About a quarter of the people in this country say they favor reinstating the draft." - Source
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
"Americans' losing battle against the bulge also bears a burgeoning price tag, with the amount of money spent treating obesity-related health problems increasing tenfold over 15 years, a study said on June 27, 2005. Between 1987 and 2002, private spending on obesity-linked medical problems mushroomed from $3.6 billion, or 2 percent of all health spending, to $36.5 billion or 11.6 percent of spending, the study, published in the journal Health Affairs, found. Obesity is a major risk factor for many chronic illnesses, including diabetes and heart disease. With about 30 percent of U.S. adults now obese, treating these conditions is a leading driver of double-digit health care insurance premium hikes." - Source
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
"Even though a panel of experts has thrown cold water on the automatic need to get an annual checkup, physicians and their patients haven't always gotten the message, a new survey says. The survey, published June 27, 2005, found that while there's no evidence annual physicals for healthy people are useful, 65 percent of primary care doctors think they are necessary and nearly 9 out of 10 said they perform the exams. Annual physicals have been the subject of a debate since at least nine years ago, when the U.S. Preventive Services Task Force declared there is insufficient evidence of any benefit from many of the tests often given with yearly checkups. The task force is a respected non-governmental panel of researchers commissioned by Congress to develop evidence-based recommendations for medical care. It doesn't recommend for or against annual physicals, and neither does the American Medical Association." - Source
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
"NOAA hurricane forecasters are predicting another above-normal hurricane season on the heels of last year's destructive and historic hurricane season. 'NOAA's prediction for the 2005 Atlantic hurricane season is for 12 to 15 tropical storms, with seven to nine becoming hurricanes, of which three to five could become major hurricanes,' said retired Navy Vice Adm. Conrad C. Lautenbacher, Ph.D., undersecretary of commerce for oceans and atmosphere and NOAA administrator at a recent news conference in Bay St. Louis, Miss. 'Forecaster confidence that this will be an active hurricane season is very high.' NOAA's Atlantic hurricane outlook reflects an expected continuation of above-average activity that began in 1995. Since that time all but two Atlantic hurricane seasons have been above-normal. Hurricane season starts on June 1 and ends November 30. 'Impacts from hurricanes, tropical storms and their remnants do not stop at the coast,' states retired Brig. Gen. David L. Johnson, director of the NOAA National Weather Service. 'As we kick off National Hurricane Preparedness Week and look at another highly active season, preparation plans should consider that these storms carry severe weather, such as tornadoes and flooding, while moving inland.' " - Source
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
"No one has died from a tornado since March in the United States--a first since official records began in 1950, according to the NOAA Storm Prediction Center in Norman, Okla. Normally, during the most active tornado months of April, May and June, 61 percent of all tornado fatalities or an average of 52 deaths occur. Killer tornadoes, however, are possible given the right atmospheric conditions. One such scenario is during a land-falling tropical system. Parts of the Gulf Coast, for instance, will have an increased tornado threat as Tropical Storm Cindy moves ashore. The previous low mark was one tornado-related fatality during the same period in 1992. Despite this record, the U. S. has experienced a normal number of tornadoes with 665 reports in the first six months of the year. However, 2005 is well below last year's record-breaking total of 964 tornadoes from January through June. Tornadoes have caused a total of five fatalities this year so far--four in January and one in March." - Source
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
"A new study of the carbon dioxide emissions, cropland area requirements, and other environmental consequences of growing corn and sugarcane to produce fuel ethanol indicates that the 'direct and indirect environmental impacts of growing, harvesting, and converting biomass to ethanol far exceed any value in developing this energy resource on a large scale.' The study, published in the July 2005 issue of BioScience, the journal of the American Institute of Biological Sciences (AIBS), uses the 'ecological footprint' concept to assess needs for ethanol production from sugarcane, now widespread in Brazil, and from corn, which is increasing in the United States. In Brazil, ethanol from fermentation of sugarcane is used pure or blended with gasoline to yield gasohol, which contains 24 percent ethanol. In the United States, ethanol made from corn, production of which is heavily subsidized, is used in an 85 percent ethanol mixture called E85. In 2003, ethanol-blended gasoline accounted for more than 10 percent of gasoline sales in the United States." - Source
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
"States spend nearly a quarter of a billion dollars a year on remedial writing instruction for their employees, according to a new report that says the indirect costs of sloppy writing probably hurt taxpayers even more. The National Commission on Writing, in a report to be released July 5, 2005, says that good writing skills are at least as important in the public sector as in private industry. Poor writing not only befuddles citizens but also slows down the government as bureaucrats struggle with unclear instructions or have to redo poorly written work. 'It's impossible to calculate the ultimate cost of lost productivity because people have to read things two and three times,' said Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee, vice chairman of the National Governors Association, which conducted the survey for the commission." - Source
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
"Heart attack patients who suffer from depression, something that happens in one of every five cases, can cut their risk of suffering another heart attack by taking antidepressant drugs, a study said on July 4, 2005. 'Our study provides much stronger evidence than we've ever had before that antidepressants are safe and may benefit these patients,' said C. Barr Taylor, a physician at Stanford University School of Medicine who was the lead author of the study. Depression and heart disease have long been recognized as companions, and one can lead to the other, according to the National Institute of Mental Health. Depressed people may find it harder to take their medicines and depression can also result in elevated levels of stress hormones which can harm the heart. The study published in the July issue of the Archives of General Psychiatry involved 1,834 men and women who were depressed or 'socially isolated' after suffering heart attacks." - Source
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
|----------- Safety From The Heart ----------|
July 14, 2005
Wear Eye Protection
Today's Message is from Howard Smith (a Houston Albemarle employee).

A carpenter asked his insurance company to pay for damage to his glass eye. It had been broken when a nail he was driving flew up and struck it. When asked how he had lost his own eye in the first place, he replied, "The same way, a nail hit it."

Some people find it difficult to get accustomed to wearing eye protection, but I personally think it would be more difficult to get accustomed to total darkness.
|----------- Safety From The Heart ----------|
July 12, 2005
Buckle Up for Safety
Article prepared by John Burge, Magnolia Employee

I left last Thursday night for a short weekend getaway to the Buffalo river with both of my son's and a friend of theirs. We were all buckled up and making good time on I-30 when traffic came to a stand still just shy of Gurdon AR. After not moving for more than 30 minutes we got out and started looking up ahead to see what had happened. About 400 yards in front of us was a Van on its side and some big looking bundles scattered everywhere. It was almost 2 hours before traffic started moving again and as we moved past the wrecked van we noticed there were 4 circles on the road. One of my sons ask if it could have been bodies. I told him I didn't know but sure hoped not! Monday when we got back to Magnolia I was reading the paper and there was an article about the wreck. It was a family of 6 from Texas, I think the name was Garcia. A 17 year old girl was driving. The vehicle left the highway, traveled down the median for a short distance and then when she tried to get back up on the pavement she lost control and the van flipped. Four members of her family were thrown out and killed. A 32 year old male (her Dad?), 15 year old sister, 9 year old sister and a 4 year old brother!
The only other survivor besides the 17 year old driver was a 20 year old male. They were the only two buckled up! The van was not torn open. All four victims had to have been thrown out of the broken windows. It was very possible that everyone in the van could have survived if they had worn their seat belts. Can you imagine having a wreck and killing four of your family members? She may not ever get over it! This made a huge impression on my kids having seen the van and then finding out the details. Don't wait for an impression to be made on you!!! Wear your seat belt! It could save your life and or the lives of your loved ones!

|----------- Safety From The Heart ----------|
July 12, 2005
Today's Message is from Josie Sepulveda (a Houston Albemarle employee).
________________________________
How to Drive Safe, Avoid Tickets, and Save Money

Safe driving is far more than taking a course in driver education; it's also a matter of using your head and common sense.

Time - The first thing to fix firmly in your mind is that your sense of time goes out the window the moment you get into a car. This can easily be illustrated by timing how long it takes to get out of a side street on to a well-traveled road, and then asking someone else in the car to estimate how long you were sitting there. If you actually waited ten seconds, the other person would probably say 30 or more seconds.

An example of this foregoing point is that if you leave late and try to make up some time by driving extra fast to work, you may save two or three whole seconds. Conversely, if you leave two minutes early, and try to spend some extra time by driving slowly, you'll get there about two minutes early; perhaps one minute and 56 seconds early, if you really drag your feet.

Another point, which you can prove for yourself quickly, comes from watching the progress of somebody who has passed you because of his feeling that you're going too slowly. Pick out a marker when that person passes it, and count the seconds until you reach it. Somebody really steaming down the road will pick up as much as five whole seconds in a mile, and maybe even 30 seconds in a trip of five or ten miles. Big deal.

Learning to drive - The worst driver is one who is convinced that he's the best driver in the world. So if somebody says, "Wasn't that last corner a little fast? Consider if the remark was legitimate. If it wasn't, forget it; if it was, learn from it.

Continually analyze your own driving: "Did I make that entry onto the freeway properly, or did I almost risk an accident because I jumped into traffic too quickly?"

Cushion - The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration recommends that you leave a two-second cushion between your car and the one in front of you. Simple math: at 60 mph, you're traveling 88 feet per second. Two seconds puts you 176 feet behind the guy you're following. What happens if that guy hits the brakes? It takes the average driver one-half second to see the brake lights, conclude that the vehicle in front is slowing down, move the right foot from the accelerator to the brake and depress the pedal. You have already traveled 44 feet before your brakes even start to slow you down. Now you have one and a half seconds and 132 feet of maneuvering space left and you don't even know what's going on. All of this assumes that the pavement is bone-dry, there's no other traffic to worry about, your brakes are in top condition, and your attention is directly on the brake lights of the car in front of you. To me, that two-second cushion doesn't leave much room for error.

Always allow for as much space as possible. Don't drive directly behind or next to anyone when it isn't necessary. This all pays off when someone has a slight emergency. You don't get caught in it---you have enough room to use your brakes, swerve out of trouble, or just continue driving.

Brains - The best driver is the most alert driver--the one who is watching traffic, road conditions, driver behavior, external influences, weather, visibility, the condition of his own vehicle, and is continually assimilating that information.

Money - Just paying attention to these tips can save you lots of money on insurance costs, tickets, and body work (yours and the car's). Maybe it's worth working on.

|----------- Safety From The Heart ----------|
July 11, 2005
Emergency Supplies
Today's Message is from Kathy Atkinson (a Houston Albemarle employee).

With everything that's going on in our World today, I just wanted to share with you a list of Emergency Supplies suggested by the U.S. Department of Homeland Security. Some of these same supplies should also be kept on hand in the event of weather related events.

(1) FOOD, at least a three-day supply of non-perishable food

(2) Battery-powered radio and extra batteries

(3) Flashlight and extra batteries

(4) First Aid kit

(5) Whistle to signal for help

(6) Dust or filter masks, readily available in hardware stores, which are rated based on how small a particle they filter

(7) Moist towelettes for sanitation

(8) Wrench or pliers to turn off utilities

(9) Can opener for food (if kit contains canned food)

(10)Plastic sheeting and duct tape to "seal the room"

(11)Garbage bags and plastic ties for personal sanitation

|----------- Safety From The Heart ----------|
July 11, 2005
Swimming Pools and Children
Today's Message is from James Copeland (a Houston Albemarle employee).

It's summer and the heat is upon us. Every summer children are lost to drowning in swimming pools across the country. They may or may not know how to swim, but the urge to get in that pool and cool off is just too great to pass up.

If you have a pool, make sure it's secure. If your neighbors have an unsecured pool, talk to your children and the children of your neighborhood about the dangers of swimming unsupervised. Also talk to your neighbors about securing their pool. Your discussion may save them from a criminal prosecution, civil suit, and much worse, the pain of having a child lose their life at their residence.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
TOURBUS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -:) - :)- :)
-----------------------------------------------------
Volume 10, Number 69 -- 15 July 2005
Tourbus Home - http://www.TOURBUS.com
The Best of Everything - http://forums.TOURBUS.com
-----------------------------------------------------
TODAY'S TOURBUS TOPIC: Gadgets!

Howdy, y'all, and greetings once again from deep behind the orange curtain in beautiful Irvine, California, a dark granite stone which provided modern researchers with translations of ancient text in Egyptian demotic script, Greek, and Egyptian hieroglyphs.

+-------------------------------------------------+

In a recent post I inaccurately wrote: now that my name has been successfully destroyed on the surface of Comet Tempel 1, I am proud to announce I am now an astronaut.

This misstatement could prove costly. According to the BBC: A Russian astrologer is suing NASA for crashing a probe into a comet, claiming it has distorted her horoscope. Marina Bai is seeking $300m (£170m) in damages, saying the probe's impact on Comet Tempel 1 violated her "life and spiritual values." Source: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/4649423.stm

In light of this new information, I would like to set the record straight: I am *not* an astronaut [or a librarian.] I am a Russian astrologer. I regret the error.

On with the show...

Last March we took a quick tour through three of my favorite gadget sites. A lot has changed since then, so I figured we drive our little bus of internet happiness past these sites one more time to see what's new.

------------------
Mmmm... Gadgets!
Audience: Everyone
------------------

Hi. My name is Patrick ["hi, Patrick"] and I am a gadgetaholic. That's right: I am addicted to gadgetahol.

Actually, I'm completely and totally addicted to electronic gadgets like cell phones, laptops, digital cameras... One of my weekend rituals--a ritual with which my girlfriend is less than pleased--is to visit the neighborhood electronic stores to see what's new and exciting. I can also tell you from memory what software my local Costco Wholesale is selling and how much they're charging. And there are so many gadgets spread around my home that when I turn out the lights the glow from all the LEDs looks like I am making a night landing at LAX.

I'm a sick, sick man. :P

And I'm not just addicted to gadgets, mind you, I'm also addicted to information ABOUT gadgets: What company has just released the next cool toy; what new gadget doesn't live up to its hype; stuff like that.

Fortunately, I can satiate my gadget information addiction by frequently visiting some of the gadget blogs that have popped up over the past couple of years. I usually start my daily trek through blogspace at

http://www.gizmodo.com/

Created by Peter Rojas back in August of 2002, Gizmodo is a constantly updated collection of stories and reviews about the latest must-have gadgets. Gizmodo is a little like Slashdot [ http://www.slashdot.org ] with pictures. The site offers one paragraph snippets of gadget information from other sources along with links to where you can find more information about a particular tech product or issue.

Gizmodo's editors do a great job of finding both neat and weird gadgets to talk about each day, but I should warn you that you may want to stay away from Gizmodo if you are easily offended. Most of Gizmodo's entries are both innocuous and informative--for example stories about the new Samsung cell phone [ http://tinyurl.com/bq3qq ] and the absolutely hysterical iPod Fea spoof [ http://tinyurl.com/alo4y ]--but occasionally the site links to stuff that may offend. Two of the site's current stories are about a gadget that decreases the cleaning expenses of men's public restrooms and a special audio accessory that you place in your nether regions. Some people may take offense to one or both of these stores.

Gizmodo-founder Peter Rojas left the site in 2004 to create a new blog called "Engadget" that is, in my humble opinion, a touch more family- friendly. You can find Engadget at

http://www.engadget.com/

Like Gizmodo, Engadget offers one paragraph snippets of gadget news and reviews with links to more in-depth coverage. And while both Gizmodo and Engadget talk about the latest gadgets, I've discovered that the two blogs complement each other quite nicely. If you want to keep up-to-date with the latest in the gadget world, your best bet would be to visit both Gizmodo and Engadget every day.

Our third and final gadget blog is Kevin Kelly's Cool Tools blog at

http://www.kk.org/cooltools/index.php

Cool Tools is kind of like a Sears catalog of neat stuff. Not only does Kevin Kelly talk about the best "high technology" like personal video recorders and body fat meters, he also talks about low-tech stuff like the best emergency teeth fillings or camping accessories. And if you are looking for a great way to kill an hour or two, check out the archives on the left side of the page.

+-------------------------------------------------+

That's it for today! I hope you enjoy these three sites as much as I do. And if you know of any other gadget sites--or gadgetholic support groups--drop me a line!
+-------------------------------------------------+
Volume 10, Number 68 -- 12 July 2005
Tourbus Home - http://www.TOURBUS.com

TODAY'S TOURBUS TOPIC: The Bus Garage / Ask Bob!

Hi All! Summer is a good time to clean the garage and rediscover things that you might have forgotten in the rush of life. So in the spirit of that metaphor, the TOURBUS garage is now sparkling clean and full of fun stuff to explore today.

+---------------------------------------+

Have you visited the TOURBUS home page recently? You can subscribe to the newsletter, see photos of Bob and Patrick [warning: may frighten small children], play Warp the Busdriver, or find links to the Urban Legend Combat Kit. If that's not exciting enough, here are some more items that are sure to reduce your productivity today.

--------------
The Archives
--------------

Many of you have been asking when the TOURBUS archives from 2004 and 2005 would be available on the website. The answer is "now." You can browse through almost TEN YEARS of back issues here:

http://archives.TOURBUS.com

------------------------
The Best of Everything
------------------------

Last year I created a resource called "The Best of Everything" which is my personal annotated compendium of links to the best stuff on the Internet. Everything? Well, not quite, I've been informed. But "The Best of Everything" does have about 100 categories filled with my personal picks, and a description of each resource. If you find something you really like on the site, use the handy "Bookmark This Page" link at the bottom of the page. In just two clicks, the page is squirreled away in your Favorites folder for handy access later.

http://www.tourbus.com/best.html

--------------------------------
Very Strange Things on the Web
--------------------------------

...is a collection of links to offbeat sites that are fun, amusing or just bizarre. All in good taste, of course. Well-meaning friends who think I don't have enough to amuse me are always sending me links to these "interesting" sites, so I've decided to share them with all of you. In the recent past we featured "French Guy With Bike Horns Plays Classical Music" and "Death of a Printer".

http://www.tourbus.com/bizarre.htm

--------------------
What's your Net-Q?
--------------------

Have you taken the TOURBUS Pop Quiz? Since it's a known fact that TOURBUS riders are smarter and better looking than the average Internetter, I'm sure you'll pass with flying colors. Here's a link to the quiz, the answers and how to calculate your Net-Q.

http://www.tourbus.com/answers.htm

----------
Ask Bob!
----------

Do you have questions about your computer or the Internet? My new AskBobRankin website may have the answer. If not, go ahead and ask! I can't answer every question that comes in, but I do read them all and then select the best, most interesting, or most common ones to address on the website. For example, did you know...

...that simply deleting files on your hard drive doesn't actually remove them permanently? ...that the font for printing emails in Outlook Express is controlled by a setting in a completely different program? ...that there is a dictionary of computer terms that explains those strange acronyms and geeky words in plain English?

http://www.AskBobRankin.com

Pop in and browse around, you'll find details on these topics and other questions as well.

+---------------------------------------+
That's all for now, see you next time! -- Bob Rankin
------------------------------------------
That's it for today. Have a safe and happy week, and we'll talk again soon.
+---------------------------------------+
==[ Tourbus Rider Information ]==
The Internet Tourbus - U.S. Library of Congress ISSN #1094-2238
Copyright 1995-2005, Rankin & Crispen - All rights reserved
Tourbus News Service - http://tourbus.com/news.html
Subscribe, Signoff, Archives, Free Stuff and More at the
Tourbus Website - http://www.TOURBUS.com
========================
.~~~. ))
(\__/) .' ) )) Patrick Douglas Crispen
/o o \/ .~
{o_, \ { crispen@netsquirrel.com
/ , , ) \ http://www.netsquirrel.com/
`~ -' \ } )) AOL Instant Messenger: Squirrel2K
_( ( )_.'
---..{____} Warning: squirrels.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Our Church, Magnolia Christian Center, has the following mission statement. Our purpose is to build a great church for the glory of God through the great commission and the great commandment. MCC' Vision - That MCC will be a place hopping with children, energized with teenagers, balanced with diversity and transformed by the power of God! We want to turn uninterested people into interested people and win the lost to make fully devoted followers of Christ.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
This week on “Terry's Computer Tips newsletter”
http://www.terryscomputertips.com
A computer tips newletter for users of PC's.
=============================
Volume 1, Number 4 -- Monday, July 11, 2005

IN THIS ISSUE:
* Searching the Internet
* Hard drives, partitions and "drives"
* I hate spam...
* Keeping spam out of your mailbox
* Shareware/Freeware Pick of the Week
* CentOS - a free Linux distribution
* Just For Fun
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
21 points to ponder

ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.

FOUR. When you say, "I love you," mean it.

FIVE. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.

SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.

EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much.

NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.

TEN.. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.

ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.

TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.

THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"

FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

FIFTEEN. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.

SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson

SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and responsibility for all your actions.

EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate step to correct it.

TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.

TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Caller ID

God works in mysterious ways, doesn't He?

Isn't it amazing how God works in our lives! On a Saturday night several weeks ago, this pastor was working late, and decided to call his wife before he left for home. It was about 10:00 PM, but his wife didn't answer the phone.

The pastor let the phone ring many times. He thought it was odd that she didn't answer, but decided to wrap up a few things and try again in a few minutes. When he tried again she answered right away. He asked her why she hadn't answered before, and she said that it hadn't rung at their house. They brushed it off as a fluke and went on their merry ways.

The following Monday, the pastor received a call at the church office, which was the phone that he'd used that Saturday night. The man that he spoke with wanted to know why he'd called on Saturday night.

The pastor couldn't figure out what the man was talking about. Then the man said, "It rang and rang, but I didn't answer." The pastor remembered the mishap and apologized for disturbing him, explaining that he'd intended to call his wife.

The man said, "That's, OK. Let me tell you my story.

You see, I was planning to commit suicide on Saturday night, but before I did, I prayed, 'God if you're there, and you don't want me to do this, give me a sign now.' At that point my phone started to ring. I looked at the caller ID, and it said, 'Almighty God'. I was afraid to answer!"

The reason why it showed on the man's caller ID that the call came from "Almighty God" is because the church that the pastor attends is called Almighty God Tabernacle!!
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
If you respect those in the military and honor their sacrifice (alas, our liberal Democrat friends will bid us goodbye now), you'll be touched by the values in the "SEAL Ethos" below. This is not a company's vision statement; this looks like it's from the heart.

This edition honoring the SEALS was probably prompted by the recent death of several SEALS on a special mission in Afghanistan, the largest loss in their history.

FYI This is from a blog called "Froggy Ruminations". It has links to other web sites and blogs (I hope all the links are ok!). This is from the July 15 edition; the contents might be different tomorrow.
http://froggyruminations.blogspot.com/

-----------------------------------

Friday, July 15, 2005
The SEAL Ethos
posted by Matthew Heidt

Recently, several of my teammates came together in an effort to compose a SEAL philosophy or ethos. This is something that the Teams had neglected to formally do for far too long. Nevertheless, I am very pleased and impressed with the result:

"In times of war or uncertainty there is a special breed of warrior ready to answer our Nation's call; a common man with uncommon desire to succeed. Forged by adversity, he stands alongside America's finest special operations forces to serve his country and the American people, and to protect their way of life. I am that man.

My Trident is a symbol of honor and heritage. Bestowed upon me by the heroes who have gone before, it embodies the trust of those whom I have sworn to protect. By wearing the Trident, I accept the responsibility of my chosen profession and way of life. It is a privilege that I must earn every day.

My loyalty to Country and Team is beyond reproach. I humbly serve as a guardian to my fellow Americans, always ready to defend those who are unable to defend themselves. I do not advertise the nature of my work, nor seek recognition for my actions. I voluntarily accept the inherent hazards of my profession, placing the welfare and security of others before my own.

I serve with honor on and off the battlefield. The ability to control my emotions and my actions, regardless of circumstance, sets me apart from other men. Uncompromising integrity is my standard. My character and honor are steadfast. My word is my bond.

We expect to lead and be led. In the absence of orders I will take charge, lead my teammates, and accomplish the mission. I lead by example in all situations.

I will never quit. I persevere and thrive on adversity. My Nation expects me to be physically harder and mentally stronger than my enemies. If knocked down, I will get back up, every time. I will drawn on every remaining ounce of strength to protect my teammates and to accomplish the mission. I am never out of the fight.

We demand discipline. We expect innovation. The lives of my teammates and the success of the mission depend on me-my technical skill, tactical proficiency, and attention to detail. My training is never complete.

We train for war and fight to win. I stand ready to bring the full spectrum of combat power to bear in order to achieve my mission and the goals established by my country. The execution of my duties will be swift and violent when required, yet guided by the very principles I serve to defend.

Brave men have fought and died building the proud tradition and feared reputation that I am bound to uphold. In the worst of conditions, the legacy of my teammates steadies my resolve and silently guides my every deed. I will not fail."

Thanks to Sam A. Boggs
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
TGIF-Today God Is First


Seeing Us for What We Will Become
Friday, July 15, 2005
by Os Hillman

..."The Lord is with you, mighty warrior." ~ Judges 6:12

God always looks at His children for what they will be, not what they are now. The Lord already had seen Gideon as a leader of others, not just a laborer who threshed wheat.

Gideon was an Israelite who lived during a time of oppression from the Midianites. God had allowed Israel to be oppressed because of its rebellion. However, the Israelites cried out to God, and He heard their cry for help. He decided to free them from the oppression of their enemies. God chose a man with little experience in such matters to lead an army against Midian.

When God came to Gideon through a visit by an angel, the angel's first words to him were, "The Lord is with you, mighty warrior." God always looks at His children for what they will be, not what they are now. The Lord had already seen this man as a leader of others, not just a laborer who threshed wheat.

The apostle Paul said, "I can do everything through Him who gives me strength" (Phil. 4:13). God has reserved an inheritance for you and me. He has foreordained that we should accomplish great things in His name-not so that we will be accepted or become more valued, but to experience the reality of a living relationship with a God who wants to demonstrate His power through each of us.

What does God want to accomplish through you today? He used Gideon, with only 300 men, to deliver Israel from an army of more than 100,000. He demonstrated His power through one man who was willing to let God use what little faith he had to free a nation from oppression and bring glory to the God of Israel. The Lord delights in showing Himself strong through those who will trust Him.

-=+=-

Copyright 2005. www.MarketplaceLeaders.org
---------------------------------------------------
To contact Os Hillman, request reprint permission, or to book Os to speak in your town write to os@marketplaceleaders.org. Marketplace Leaders Website: http://www.marketplaceleaders.org/ Copyright 2005
--------------------------------------------------
Please recommend this TGIF daily devotional to everyone interested in applying their faith to their worklife. Tell them to subscribe at http://www.TodayGodIsFirst.com

Os Hillman Copyright 2005
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Activities and Events of Interest
~~~
Village, Community Center Annual Steak Supper - August 5 - $12 - Tickets avaliable at Olson’s Gun Shop, Magnolia Feed & Fertilizer and Village One Stop.
~~~
The Emancipation Proclamation will be on display at the Clinton Library September 22-25, 2007.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
"September 11 WDYTJWD" W. P. Florence
Justice first, then peace."
"September 11" Never forget.--Tony Moses
"ONE NATION UNDER GOD ...the only way"--Phillip Story
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." -- Franklin D. Roosevelt
"Keeping my head down but face toward Heaven" - - Jody Eldred, ABC News Cameraman in Kuwait
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" --"Bug"
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. - - George Carlin
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" - - Queen E. Watson
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
NEVER FORGET! We're listing the names of our soldiers killed weekly. These records can be found at http://www.defenselink. mil/releases/

01. Sgt. Deyson K. Cariaga, 20, of Honolulu, Hawaii, died on July 8, in Al Hammadi, Iraq, when the HMMWV in which he was riding struck a land mine. Cariaga was assigned to the Army National Guard's 229th Military Intelligence Company, 29th Separate Infantry Brigade, Oahu, Kalaeloa, Hawaii.

The Department of Defense announced the death of two Marines who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom.
02. Staff Sgt. Joseph P. Goodrich, 32, of Allegheny, Pa.
03. Lance Cpl. Ryan J. Kovacicek, 22, of Washington, Pa.
Both Marines died July 10 from enemy indirect fire while conducting combat operations in Hit, Iraq. They were assigned to Marine Forces Reserve’s 3rd Battalion, 25th Marine Regiment, 4th Marine Division, Moundsville, W.Va. During Operation Iraqi Freedom their unit was attached to Regimental Combat Team-2, 2nd Marine Division, II Marine Expeditionary Force (Forward).

04. Petty Officer 2nd Class Matthew G. Axelson, 29, of Cupertino, Calif, died while conducting counter-terrorism operations in Kunar province, Afghanistan. Coalition forces located the service member while conducting a combat search and rescue operation July 10 in Kunar province. Axelson was assigned to SEAL Delivery Vehicle Team ONE, Pearl Harbor, Hawaii.

05. Lance Cpl. Kevin B. Joyce, 19, of Ganado, Ariz., died June 25 after falling into the Pech River while conducting combat operations in Afghanistan. He was assigned to 2nd Battalion, 3rd Marine Regiment, 3rd Marine Division, III Marine Expeditionary Force, Kaneohe Bay, Hawaii.

06. Spc. Hoby F. Bradfield Jr., 22, of The Woodlands, Texas, died July 9 in Tal Afar, Iraq while he was conducting a dismounted cordon search. Bradfield was assigned to the Army’s 2nd Squadron, 3rd Armored Cavalry Regiment, Fort Carson, Colo.

07. Pfc. Eric P. Woods, 26, of Omaha, Neb., died on July 9 in Tal Afar, Iraq. His HMMWV struck an improvised explosive device that caused the vehicle to overturn. Woods was in the area to evacuate another soldier who had been wounded. Woods was assigned to the 2nd Squadron, 3rd Armored Cavalry Regiment, Fort Carson, Colo.

08. Sgt. Timothy J. Sutton, 22, of Springfield, Mo., died on July 11 in Baghdad, Iraq, where his HMMWV struck a land mine. Sutton was assigned to the Army's 3rd Squadron, 3rd Armored Cavalry Regiment, Fort Carson, Colo.

09. Spc. Benyahmin B. Yahudah, 24, of Bogart, Ga., died on July 13 in Baghdad, Iraq, where a vehicle borne improvised explosive device detonated near his dismounted patrol. Yahudah was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 64th Armor Regiment, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 3rd Infantry Division, Fort Stewart, Ga.

~~~

Army Soldiers MIA from Vietnam War are Identified

The Department of Defense POW/Missing Personnel Office (DPMO) announced today that the remains of four U.S. servicemen, missing in action from the Vietnam War, have been identified and are being returned to their families for burial.

They are Lt. Col. Marvin L. Foster, Hubbard, Tex.; Capt. David R. Smith, Dayton, Ohio; Sgt. 1st Class Michael L. Batt, Defiance, Ohio; and Sgt. 1st Class Raymond E. Bobe, Tarrant, Ala., all U.S. Army.

On March 16, 1969, Capt. Smith was piloting an Army U-21A “Ute” aircraft with Foster, Batt, Bobe and one other passenger aboard whose remains have not been identified. The aircraft left Qui Nhon airfield in South Vietnam, headed for Phu Bai airport near Hue. The Da Nang control tower briefly established radar and radio contact, but was unable to maintain it. The aircraft never landed at the Phu Bai airport.

Combat search and rescue units scoured the area, both land and sea, for the next eight days, but did not find the missing aircraft.

In 1988 and 1989, the Vietnamese government turned over to U.S. specialists several boxes of human remains, including identification tags for Bobe and Smith. The technology at the time failed to yield an identification of the remains. Also in 1989, a Vietnamese refugee in the Philippines was interviewed, and turned over human remains as well as a rubbing of an identification tag for Bobe.

U.S. specialists from the Joint POW/MIA Accounting Command (JPAC) conducted seven investigations between 1993 and 1999, to include interviews with Vietnamese nationals who claimed to have knowledge of the crash. Then in April and May of 2000, a JPAC team excavated an area about 25 miles northwest of Da Nang, where they found aircraft debris and human remains.

JPAC scientists and Armed Forces DNA Identification Laboratory specialists used mitochondrial DNA as one of the forensic tools to help identify the remains.

Of those Americans unaccounted for from all conflicts, 1,827 are from the Vietnam War, with 1,393 of those within the country of Vietnam. Another 756 Americans have been accounted for in Southeast Asia since the end of the Vietnam War. Of the Americans identified, 528 are from within Vietnam.

For additional information on the Defense Department’s mission to account for missing Americans, visit the DPMO website at http://www.dtic.mil/dpmo/ or call (703) 699-1169 .
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Remember that for every soldier killed in modern war, 10 are wounded. Don't forget to pray for them and their families.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Please remember to pray for the American soldiers stationed everywhere around the globe and especially in Iraq. Times have been and are very tough and it would be nice if you would all just say a prayer for their safety and for their families.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Scheduled Activities
~~~
Alcoholics Anonymous meets at 8 p.m. Monday - Friday. At noon on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays and at 7 p.m. Sunday at 914 N. Vine
~~~
Columbia County Amateur Radio Club meets Every second Thursday @ 7:00 p.m. Union Street Station. And YOU'RE invited. Net is every Sunday at 20:30 on 147.105.
~~~
Columbia County Diabetes Support Group - Every third Monday, 7:00 p.m. room 222, Magnolia Hospital
~~~
"Focus on the Family" with Dr. James Dobson weekday afternoons at 1 PM on KVMA am 630 it's a great show!
~~~
MCC - Abraham Prayer - Sunday at 5:00 p.m and Wednesday from 11:30 am to 1:00 pm
~~~
MCC - Early Morning Prayer - Monday - Friday, From 6:30 am to 8:00 am
~~~
MCC - "Beth Moore" Video Class - Thursday nights at 5:45 pm
~~~
MCC - "Faith Builders" Small group meets at 1051 Columbia 36 the second and fourth Tuesdays, 6:30 pm to 7:45 pm.
~~~
MCC - Firm Foundations Class, Sunday 9:30 to 10:15 a.m
~~~
MCC - Meadow Brook Nursing Home Ministry Tuesday from 10:00 to 11:00 a.m
~~~
MCC - Mom's Day Out - Every Tuesday and Thursday from 9 to 2.$10 for the first child, $5 for the second. Call 234-3225 for reservations.
~~~
MCC - Nursing Home Ministry - Meadowbrook Every Tuesday from 10 to 11 am. Taylor, the last Thursday each month.
~~~
MCC - Over comers: Fridays @ 7:00 p.m- Director, Traci Foster invites you to a 12 step Christian support program. For anyone with a life controlling problem. Child care is provided.
~~~
Men's Prayer Breakfast held every Tuesday morning at 6 AM in Miller's Cafeteria. If you aren't a regular participant at the Men's Prayer Breakfast, you're missing some great food, fellowship and inspired teaching of the Word. Hope to see you there.
~~~
Narcotics Anonymous 5-6 pm every Monday at 220 Pine street.
~~~
TOPS (Take Off Pounds Sensibly) 5 pm every Tuesday in the Magnolia Hospital break room.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Emergency Phone Number 911
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )
Central Dispatch 234-5655
(Non - Emergency Number)
Direct Numbers
Ambulance - 234-7371 (24 Hour)
Jail - 234-5331 (24 Hour)
Poison Control - 800-222-1222 (24 Hour)
http://www. aapcc. org/
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
"Fight till you win!" - - Mark Brazee
"Bring 'em on!" - -President George W. Bush
"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle."
"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." -- "Bug"
"I read the end of the book. We win!" -- "Bug"
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." -- "Bug"
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." - - "Bug"
"If you can read this e-mail, thank a teacher. - - If you read it in English, thank a serviceman."
"A simple way to take measure of a country is to look at how many want in ... and how many want out." - - Tony Blair
"Information is the currency of democracy." - Jefferson
"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed people can change the world; indeed, it is the only thing that ever has." - - Margaret Mead
~~~~~
Hope you enjoy the newsletter.
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week.

God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!
John 16:32-33 Mat 20:25-28 Rom 10:8-10 Psa 116:3-9 Gal 2:19-21
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT-I KC5HII

P. S. If you'd like to be added to the distribution, just drop us E-mail at KC5HII@Magnolia-Net.Com. We offer "Da Bleat" as text, a "Blog" and as a newsletter with pictures in Word and PDF format. For the "Blog" version just go to http://bugsbleatnew.blogspot.com/ to see the latest issue. This week, "Word" and "PDF" subscribers get to see photos of Albemarle Fire Fighters drilling with Unit 911 and one of the typical “floats” in the “Million Tiller” Parade.
Let us hear from you if we can switch you over to the "Word" or "PDF" version of "Da Bleat".
If you'd prefer to read "Da Blog" version, just drop us a note at KC5HII@Magnolia-Net.Com and we'll switch you from e:mail delivery to "Da Bleat" Blog. Of course "Da Bleat" is now on the web. Just go to http://bugsbleatnew.blogspot.com to see the latest issue (usually updated sometime Friday evening or Saturday morning. We appreciate your encouragement. We also appreciate your communication when you desire to be taken off our mail list. If you are on this mail list by mistake or do not wish to receive "Da Bleat," please reply back and tell us to discontinue service to you. This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus 2005 before it was sent.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>