Bug's Bleat - - GCF: Well Done

Volume 7, Issue 35

Hello All,

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. http://www.e-min.org/msg.htm
~~~~~
Katrina was just another storm until Monday and even then we didn’t realize the full extent of the disaster. It was Tuesday before the news media started mentioning rising water in New Orleans.

Almost a year ago, Hurricane Ivan forced Annette and I to evacuate out of the Residence Inn New Orleans Convention Center at 345 St. Joseph Street (see the September 17, 2004 issue of “Da Bleat”.)

I looked at the Residence Inn area today via a sat photo. It’s hard to tell if it’s flooded or not but I’m sure no one would want to be there any way, without power or water.
~~~~~
Even before we knew the extent of the disaster, Magnolia was hosting around a thousand evacuees. There were 650 in motels and many churches had 25 to 50 people staying in fellowship halls, etc. Also, many Columbia County residents had family and acquaintances staying with them.
Alyn had called me from the Holiday Inn Sunday evening, looking for help filling “goodie” bags for evacuees.
We all thought it would be like usual, we’d show our visitors true Magnolia hospitality and they’d return home with warm thoughts of Arkansan generosity.
Civic groups held a “feed” for the evacuees Monday night.
~~~~~
Then, it started to set in that this wasn’t going to be like usual. These people didn’t have anywhere to go back to. Magnolia fed them again Tuesday night and then, Wednesday morning, started planning in earnest how to take care of these folks for the immediate future. By Wednesday we weren’t calling them evacuees anymore. They’re now “Refugees.”
As of this writing we have meals lined out for them for a couple of weeks. Today, MREs were ordered from the Federal Surplus warehouse to use when our potlucks run short.
We’re also working to help them find jobs and permanent housing.
~~~~~
Annette and I spent the last few days at the 2005 Arkansas Emergency Management Conference in Little Rock. It wasn’t as much fun as usual, many emergency managers were unable to be there and the conference sessions were interrupted often as both state and local officials struggled to cope with the rising flood of refugees coming to Arkansas.
In addition to working on housing thousands of people, Arkansas has already sent people to the disaster area to render aid.
State Troopers and Deputy Sheriffs have gone to help restore order in the area. The Arkansas Disaster Medical Assistance Team (including our own John Burge, Ricky Shepherd and Steve Savoy) left Wednesday evening. They thought they would be operating a field hospital at a “Tent City” to be set up at an unknown location. We hope to hear from them soon.

The Attorney General and the Governor both spoke to the Conference this morning.

Attorney General Bebbe outlined plans to speed up license “reciprocity” so Nurses, Plumbers and even lawyers could work in Arkansas. He also spoke about “Price Gouging” and “Scams.” He told us that the Attorney Generals office would investigate all instances of over charging and those people who preyed upon victims would be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. He also reminded us to look for businesses that didn’t raise prices frivolously and to do business with the responsible vendors in the future. As for the Scammers, he reminded us that there’s many of them and recommended we donate to the Red Cross, Salvation Army, local food pantries, etc. instead of responding to phone calls and emails which are often from scammers.

Gov. Mike Huckabee reminded us of the Arkansas plan to assist hurricane evacuees staying in Arkansas. Operation KARE (Katrina Assistance and Relief Effort) is a coordinated effort involving all state agencies in the wake of Hurricane Katrina.

Huckabee said that State Employees would work this weekend and Labor Day at facilities open in all 75 counties so evacuees from the hurricane can register for assistance.

"Given the flooding, especially in the New Orleans area, many of these evacuees will be here for weeks, maybe even months," the governor, said. "We want to do everything in our power to make life easier for these people."

He reminded us that we should treat these people like we’d want to be treated in similar circumstances.

Huckabee said the state Department of Parks and Tourism is using the state visitors' centers at El Dorado, Texarkana, Lake Village and Helena to direct evacuees to shelters and places with remaining motel and hotel rooms. Arkansas state parks personnel have been authorized to offer discounts to evacuees. The pet prohibition in cabins and lodges at state parks has been waived for those who fled the storm.

He said the state Department of Health and Human Services has partnered with the Department of Emergency Management and the Arkansas Pharmacists Association to provide evacuees with emergency supplies of prescription drugs and access to dialysis machines. The state is asking the staff in health clinics to volunteer for out-of-state assignments and is seeking permission from the U.S. Department of Agriculture to provide food stamps to hurricane victims.

Local health units also are providing tetanus-diphtheria shots to evacuees and emergency workers, the governor said.

Huckabee urged Arkansans to continue to donate money to the Red Cross.

"We sit and watch the television coverage in horror as New Orleans fills with water," he said. "We wonder what we can do. I can assure you that state government is doing everything it can to help our neighbors to the south. We've mobilized all of our resources. The best thing individual Arkansans can do is call 1-800-HELP-NOW or go to www.redcross.org and make a donation that will enable the Red Cross to provide additional food, shelter and other assistance to people in Mississippi, Louisiana and Alabama. Gov. Blanco of Louisiana also has asked that we all participate today in a day of prayer."
~~~~~
This years AEMA Conference was to introduce National Preparedness Month with the motto “Get A Kit, Make a Plan, Be Informed & Get Involved.”

If you can rely on the news media, none of that seems to be happening in the disaster area. It looks like there wasn’t a workable plan to render aid if over a hundred miles of gulf coast were wiped out. And both victims and news media seem to be in the dark (literally and figuratively) in New Orleans as to where victims should go for assistance.

This is almost as upsetting to me as the disaster itself. Here, we pride ourselves on quick, efficient mitigation of emergency situations. There, it would seem that nothing is happening quickly or efficiently.

I’ve got some ideas of why the emergency response down there is not going as smoothly as it should.
1. Our emergency response plans are “Layered”. Plans are designed to let local people handle what they can, and then be backed up by the state and then the federal government. But in this case, there are no local responders to speak of. They were killed and left homeless just like the victims. Firemen, Police, etc. are struggling to help their families survive while the normal infrastructure they depend on has also been wiped out. Their trucks and patrol cars are under water along with their stations.
2. And, the states have been overwhelmed by the needs. Even here in Arkansas it’s overwhelming. Wednesday afternoon they told us there were no more cots or blankets available anywhere in the state. Our plans have always called for getting more cots and blankets from adjacent counties in case of need. You can’t do that when the entire state is under siege.
3. As for the Feds, the main hindrance is that no one apparently foresaw the extent of this disaster. I sure didn’t. When we were talking about this hurricane “wiping out New Orleans” our imagination centered on lots of water and people being rescued from roofs and housetops but I never imagined that the thousands and thousands of people would so completely overwhelm the surviving local response agencies. I never imagined that we’d be having national gasoline shortages as a result of the storm, much less local ones. Once the extent of the disaster became apparent, aid began to mobilize but it takes time. You can’t just pull the alarm and get a hospital ship under way. You have to gather staff and supplies and fuel. The same applies for most of the federal response. Even our DMAT team, which was alerted on Sunday evening, had to take time to load equipment and then they couldn’t leave until the area they were assigned to was secure.
So one part has to wait for another part of the response and the first thing you know it’s been six days and people are still existing on the I-10 overpasses with no food, water or shelter.
~~~~~
So, before we join those crying of government or emergency management failures, lets concentrate on working together to get the job done. Our after dinner speaker on Thursday evening was Dr. Bobby Smith who had been a law enforcement officer in Louisiana for nine years, when on the night of March 14, 1986, at point blank range, he was shot in the face & blinded by an armed, violent drug offender.

He told us that he was lying face down on the center lane of the highway, soaked in blood, and thinking, "Will this be the day that I die?" But Bobby chose to not give up; he chose not to die that day; he chose to live.

Life from that day on, however, would not be the same. The days, weeks, and even years following the trauma were filled with many fears about his future, daily struggles adjusting to blindness, and financial hardships. The losses were staggering: eyesight, career, self-confidence, independence, and marriage (he told us that he could understand why his wife left him. At the time he was blind, depressed and hopeless. What he couldn’t understand was why she took all the money and his home.)

Bobby has authored two books, Visions of Courage, the Bobby Smith Story and his newest one, The Will to Survive, published in January 2005. He told us he is working on a third book.

He shared that one of his high school teachers told him he wasn’t college material. He dedicated a chapter in his first book to her. It’s titled “They call me Dr. Smith.”

Ironically, the losses in Bobby’s life have been his catalyst, driving him to discover the true vision for his life. But his life is not defined by the losses that he has endured and triumphed over. No, his defining moment, and ours too, comes every morning when we rise, face the challenges of the day, and decide that today we choose to live.

www.visionsofcourage.com
~~~~~
Our local Albemarle folks have joined with thousands of others to work for Disaster relief. Pat Hammock has helped organize a crew to help cook and serve for the refugees. Gina Harrell and team are gathering supplies.
A trailer is set up at the plant to receive cloths, non-perishables and necessities.
It’s a real blessing to know such people.
~~~~~
YOU CAN HELP -- DONATE TO THE RELIEF EFFORTS!
NEW ORLEANS, BILOXI, GULFPORT, SLIDELL and OTHERS WERE HURT MUCH, MUCH MORE THAN BATON ROUGE

YOU CAN HELP! Donate via one of the major charities that are active in this relief effort.
The following are reported by MSNBC to be taking donations:
American Red Cross at http:/www.redcross.org.
The Salvation Army (1-800-SAL-ARMY) and http://www.salvationarmyusa.org/.
the Southern Baptists' North American Mission Board (www.namb.net (not listed on MSNBC website but was on TV last night).
Episcopal Relief & Development http://www.er-d.org/
United Methodist committee on Relief http://gbgm-umc.org/umcor/emergency/hurricanes/2005/
Catholic Charities http://www.catholiccharitiesusa.org/
National Voluntary Organizations Active in Disaster http://www.nvoad.org/
Louisiana Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals http://www.la-spca.org/
==========================================
Copyright © 2005 Terry A. Stockdale. All rights reserved.

Thanks to Terry Stockdale
My blog: http://www.TheNextWindow.com
My main website: http://www.TerryStockdale.com
My tips and newsletter site: http://www.TerrysComputerTips.com
All my websites and my newsletter are hosted at Powweb.
~~~~~
AFA urges you to support the Katrina relief effort through your local church. Most denominations are working to help victims and AFA urges you to support those efforts.

For churches, which do not have a relief effort going, we suggest you support the relief effort through the Salvation Army. You can support the Salvation Army by calling 1-800-725-2769 (1-800-SAL-ARMY) or on the Internet at www.salvationarmyusa.org.
~~~~~
MAP International is preparing emergency relief supplies for the tens of thousands of US gulf coast residents left homeless from Hurricane Katrina. These critical supplies include infant formula and basic personal care items. Marketplace Leaders recommends MAP International as a legitimate avenue to assist the needy. To learn more, visit http://www.map.org/katrina
~~~~~
If you would like to contribute to the victims of hurricane Katrina, Marketplace Leaders recommends Somebody Cares, a credible Christian relief organization. To learn more about Somebody Cares and what they are doing to help the hurricane victims, visit http://www.marketplaceleaders.org/pages.asp?pageid=26478
~~~~~
Don't forget ... "Da Bleat" is now on the web. Just go to http://bugsbleatnew.blogspot.com
~~~~~
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.
~~~~~
www.aaa.com Regular Mid Premium Diesel
Current Avg. $2.86 $3.04 $3.15 $2.80
http://www.fuelgaugereport.com/
At Sam’s in Little Rock today, $2.99 for regular
~~~~~
Recipe(s) of the week - Zucchini Snack Pizzas - Courtesy of Curtis Aikens


Recipe Summary
Prep Time: 10 minutes
Cook Time: 20 minutes
Yield: 4 to 6 servings



1 large zucchini, washed and trimmed
1 tomato, coarsely chopped
1 cup grated mozzarella cheese
4 to 6 basil leaves, chiffonaded, for garnish


Preheat oven to 400 degrees F.
Cut the zucchini horizontally or severely on the bias about 1/3 inch thick. Brush with olive oil and season with salt and pepper. Either roast on baking sheet in oven for about 10 minutes or grill. Zucchini strips should retain body and firmness.
Sprinkle cooked zucchini with chopped tomato and mozzarella. Return to oven and allow cheese to melt, about 5 to 8 minutes. Remove from oven and sprinkle with basil.
Serve on plates with knives and forks, moms may have to cut pieces up.
http://www.foodnetwork.com/food/recipes/recipe/0,1977,FOOD_9936_3438,00.html
~~~~~
If possible, please help our southern neighbors....great or small, it all adds up...

https://www.redcross.org/donate/donation-form.asp
http://www.fema.gov/news/newsrelease.fema?id=18473

If anyone has heard from Farrell, Judy, Hal, Jamie, and Rhonda or their
families, or anyone at Kinder Morgan, please let me know that they're
okay...I appreciate it.

Thanks,
Laurie Melson
~~~~~
BREAKPOINT Commentaries
by Chuck Colson. - Prison Fellowship

Grace in the Ordinary World
Gilead

September 2, 2005

This year’s Pulitzer Prize for fiction went to a novel that was described by its author as “a quiet book.” Marilynne Robinson’s novel Gilead is the simple story of an elderly Iowa pastor, John Ames. And it’s something of a milestone for contemporary Christian fiction.

In his seventies, John Ames has a new wife and young son who are the light of his life. He also has a fatal heart condition. The novel is written as a letter from Ames to his son, telling him about his family history and other things he will need to know.


Despite Ames’s natural feelings of melancholy, the tone of this letter is one of great love, reverence, and even joy over all the blessings he has been given. He writes to the boy, “You have been God’s grace to me, a miracle, something more than a miracle. . . . It may seem to you to be no great thing to have been the good child of an old man in a shabby little town you will no doubt leave behind. If only I had the words to tell you.”

The novel examines relationships between various fathers and children. Many of them are full of pain and misunderstanding. That makes the love between Ames and his son stand as a shining example of what the father-child relationship can be.

The New York Times said of this book, “‘Gilead’ is a beautiful work—demanding, grave and lucid. . . . Robinson’s words have a spiritual force that’s very rare in contemporary fiction.” A reviewer for PBS’s Religion & Ethics Newsweekly notes that Robinson “has shown the sacramental possibilities of the world.”

As these excerpts and reviews highlight, there are two things that Robinson does surprisingly well. One is to show the presence of God’s grace in our flawed, ordinary world—the grace that John Ames defines as “a sort of ecstatic fire that takes things down to essentials.” Ames’s view of the world is thoroughly informed and transformed by that grace. He sees it everywhere he looks, even in the life of a troubled young man he instinctively dislikes.

Robinson’s second great gift is related directly to the first one. The New York Times reviewer puts it this way: “Robinson’s pastor is that most difficult narrator from a novelist’s point of view, a truly good and virtuous man. . . . While John Ames may be a good man, he is not an uninteresting one.” On the contrary—he’s an utterly compelling man. To write such a character convincingly, especially in a time when the anti-hero is in vogue, is a rare and valuable gift indeed.

I’ve said before that we’ve seen a long, unfortunate slump in Christian fiction—a period when many religious novelists and publishers seem to believe that quality writing just wasn’t important. But these days, there are signs everywhere that we’re emerging from that slump. There is a renewed appreciation that good literature is important, impacting the imagination and the mind as nothing else can. And the honors showered on Gilead, including the Pulitzer Prize, are conclusive proof that if writers who are Christian hold themselves to high standards, and bring true talent, wisdom, and insight to their work, the world will listen and recognize the grace that moves their work.

This commentary first aired on June 13, 2005.

For further reading and information:

Today’s BreakPoint offer: See BreakPoint’s recommended reading lists here and here.

Marilynne Robinson, Gilead (Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 2004).

James Wood, “Acts of Devotion,” New YorkTimes, 28 November 2004. (This review contains a short excerpt from the book.)

Michael Dirda, review of Gilead, WashingtonPost, 21 November 2004.

David E. Anderson, “In Praise of Ordinary Time,” Religion & Ethics Newsweekly, PBS, 18 March 2005.

Associated Press, “Marilynne Robinson wins Pulitzer fiction category for ‘quiet book,’” Tampabaylive.com, 5 April 2005.

Bob Minzesheimer, “‘Gilead’ captures Pulitzer Prize for fiction,” USA Today, 4 April 2005.

http://www.pfm.org/Content/NavigationMenu5/BreakPoint/LearnMore/About_BreakPoint/default.htm 2005 Prison Fellowship.
~~~~~
Words of the Week:

# capacious: able to contain much.
# trammel: something that impedes activity, progress, or freedom; also, to hamper.
# busker: a street musician or performer.
# bagatelle: a trifle; also, a short, light literary or musical piece.
# descant: a discourse; also, to discourse.
# canorous: melodious; musical.
# unctuous: marked by a false or smug earnestness or agreeableness.
# evanescent: fleeting.
# venial: capable of being forgiven; excusable.

from Dictionary.Com
~~~~~
"Joy can be real only if people look on their life as a service, and have a definite object in life outside themselves and their personal happiness." - Leo Tolstoy

"In the animal kingdom, the rule is, eat or be eaten; in the human kingdom, define or be defined." - Thomas Szasz

"I had grown tired of standing in the lean and lonely front line facing the greatest enemy that ever confronted man - public opinion." - Clarence Seward Darrow

"Happiness does not depend on outward things, but on the way we see them." - Leo Tolstoy

"Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind." - Rudyard Kipling

"It seems not more reasonable to leave the right of printing unrestrained, because writers may be afterwards censured, than it would be to sleep with doors unbolted, because by our laws we can hang a thief." - Samuel Johnson

"Make yourself an honest man, and then you may be sure that there is one less scoundrel in the world." - Thomas Carlyle

"It is much easier to be critical than to be correct." - Benjamin Disraeli

"A cloudy day is no match for a sunny disposition." - William Arthur Ward

"Ideally a book would have no order to it, and the reader would have to discover his own." - Raoul Vaneigem (1934~) Belgian Situationist Philosopher
~~~~~
I believe the best way to represent Arkansas’s Fourth Congressional District in our nation’s capital is to get out among the people, hear their concerns and ideas, and bring them back to Washington, D.C. to the United States House of Representatives. This week, I completed a tour of the 29 counties that encompass Arkansas’s Fourth Congressional District.

Throughout the month of August, I hosted community office hours, held meetings with farm families, spoke at civic clubs, toured hospitals and universities, attended summer festivals, welcomed home troops, celebrated the 70th birthday of Social Security, and met with local community leaders. All across the Fourth District, the same concerns resonated among residents. Arkansans are concerned about the unprecedented gas prices, protecting social security, and drought relief for farm families.

I am committed to working with my colleagues on both sides of the aisle to lower the price of gasoline. I am co-sponsoring H.R. 299, which requires the President to suspend acquisitions to the Strategic Petroleum Reserve (SPR). This legislation also instructs the President to direct the Federal Trade Commission (FTC) and the Attorney General to exercise vigorous oversight over the oil markets to protect the American people from price gouging and unfair practices at the gas pump. I have also co-sponsored H.R. 1398, legislation that mandates we have ten percent ethanol in all gas by the year 2010 and five percent biodiesel in all diesel by the year 2010. This legislation will allow the U.S. to become less dependent on foreign oil and provide a new market for our farm families.

Arkansans of all ages expressed concern about the President’s plan to privatize Social Security. I will continue my efforts to protect Social Security and ensure the Social Security safety net created by President Roosevelt in 1935 will continue to pay beneficiaries, in full, the security they have worked a lifetime to receive.

Farm families are dealing with exorbitant diesel prices, abnormally low rainfall levels, and are facing the potential for widespread crop failure. I am working to secure federal natural disaster aid to our farmers and look forward to working with our Congressional Delegation to help alleviate the burden on Arkansas’s farmers. As we begin to draft a new farm bill to be enacted in 2007, establishing disaster programs within the bill will be one of my top priorities.

As the summer draws to a close this Labor Day weekend, I encourage you to keep in your thoughts and prayers Hurricane Katrina victims in Louisiana, Mississippi, and Alabama. I hope that you will visit www.redcross.org for information as to how you can assist ongoing relief efforts for our southern neighbors.

Each year, I truly look forward to August as a time that I can visit with constituents throughout Arkansas, learning how I can best serve our state’s residents in our nation’s capital. As your Representative in the United States Congress, rest assured I will take your concerns to Washington, D.C. when the nation resumes business after the Labor Day holiday. I will have the benefit of meetings and visits with you behind each and every decision I make. I look forward to the important work that remains and will continue the fight for Arkansas’s working families.

Congressman Mike Ross - Representing Arkansas's 4th District

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GCF: Well Done

Emailed to me another humor list (Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh List) -Tom
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John was furious when his steak arrived too rare.

"Waiter," he shouted, "Didn't you hear me say 'well done'?"

"I can't thank you enough, sir," replied the waiter. "I hardly ever get a compliment."
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Golf Cheat

Emailed to me another humor list (Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh List) -Tom
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----------------------------------

Sitting at a table in the clubhouse after a game, Joe said to a fellow club member, "I'm not about to play golf with Jim Walsh anymore. He cheats."

"Why do you say that?"

"Well, he found his lost ball two feet from the green."

"That's possible."

"Not when I had it in my pocket!"
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Raise Request

Emailed to me another humor list (Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh List) -Tom
Subscribe to Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh list at the website:
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----------------------------------

Employee: I have been here 11 years doing three men's work for one man's pay. Now I want a raise.

Boss: Well, I can't give you a raise, but if you'll tell me who the other two men are, I'll fire them.
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Bank Name

Emailed to me another humor list (Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh List) -Tom
Subscribe to Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh list at the website:
Subscribe
----------------------------------

Mother decided that 10-year-old Cathy should get something 'practical' for her birthday.

"Suppose we open a savings account for you?" mother suggested. Cathy was delighted.

"It's your account, darling," mother said as they arrived at the bank, "so you fill out the application."

Cathy was doing fine until she came to the space for 'Name of your former bank.' After a slight hesitation, she put down 'Piggy.'
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Police Baste

Emailed to me another humor list (Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh List) -Tom
Subscribe to Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh list at the website:
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----------------------------------

A State Police colleague of mine once received a call from a woman who asked him how to baste a turkey. After a stunned moment, he, being a fairly good cook, described the procedure. Then he asked, "But why would you call the State Police to find out how to baste a turkey?"

There was only a slight hesitation before she replied, "Well, you knew, didn't you?" and hung up.
_ ____________________________ _
/ )| Thomas S. Ellsworth |( / / | tellswor@slonet.org | \ _( (_ | http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor | _) )_
(((\ \>|_/ )_______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / A balanced diet is a \ /
\ _/ cookie in each hand. \_ /
/ / \ (((\ \>|_/ )_______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / \ /
\ _/ I am at one with my duality. \_ /
/ / \ (((\ \>|_/ )_______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / How do you know when \ /
\ _/ it's time to tune your bagpipes? \_ /
/ / \ (((\ \>|_/ )_______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Madness takes its toll. \ /
\ _/ Please have exact change. \_ /
/ / \ (((\ \>|_/ )_______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / Thought for today: \ \_/ ////
\ / As you make your way through \ /
\ _/ this hectic world of ours, \_ /
/ / set aside a few minutes each day \ At the end of the year,
you'll have a couple of days saved up.
_ ____________________________ _
/ )| Thomas S. Ellsworth |( / / | tellswor@slonet.org | \ _( (_ | http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor | _) )_
_( (_ | *** Good Clean Fun *** | _) )_
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[GCFL.net] Some of Bob Hope's Famous Quips

Bob Hope
May 29, 1903 - July 27, 2003

ON TURNING 70: "You still chase women, but only downhill."

ON TURNING 80: "That's the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing."

ON TURNING 90: "You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake."

ON TURNING 100: " I don't feel old. In fact, I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap."

ON GIVING UP HIS EARLY CAREER, BOXING: "I ruined my hands in the ring ... the referee kept stepping on them."

ON NEVER WINNING AN OSCAR: "Welcome to the Academy Awards or, as it's called at my home, 'Passover.'"

ON GOLF: "Golf is my profession. Show business is just to pay the green fees."

ON PRESIDENTS: "I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six."

ON WHY HE CHOSE SHOWBIZ FOR HIS CAREER: "When I was born, the doctor said to my mother, 'Congratulations. You have an eight-pound ham.'"

ON RECEIVING THE CONGRESSIONAL GOLD MEDAL: "I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it."

ON HIS FAMILY'S EARLY POVERTY: "Four of us slept in the one bed. When it got cold, mother threw on another brother."

ON HIS SIX BROTHERS: "That's how I learned to dance – waiting for the bathroom."

ON HIS EARLY FAILURES: "I would not have had anything to eat if it weren't for the stuff the audience threw at me."

ON GOING TO HEAVEN: "I've done benefits for ALL religions. I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality."

Received from Scott Neville.
(-:][:-)
[GCFL.net] Golf Clubs for the Retiree

A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers.

Thinking he'd try the game, he asked the local pro for lessons, explaining that he knew nothing whatever of the game. The pro showed him the stance and swing and then said, "Just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green."

The novice teed up and smacked the ball straight down the fairway and onto the green, where it stopped inches from the hole. "Now what?" the fellow asked the speechless pro.

The pro just stood there and stared at the novice. "Uh... you're supposed to hit the ball into the cup," the pro finally said after he was able to speak again.

"Oh great! NOW you tell me," said the beginner in a disgusted tone.

Received from Best of Humor.
(-:][:-)
[GCFL.net] Blockbuster Stakeout

Without realizing it, I walked right into a police stakeout at my local Blockbuster. When a young man stepped out the door, a group of officers pounced, cuffing him and hustling him into a squad car.

Seeing my astonished frozen expression, one cop came over and said, "When they say the movie is due by noon the next day... they mean it!"

Received from Marty's Joke of the Day.
(-:][:-)
[GCFL.net] The Wandering Poodle

A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her faithful aged poodle named Cuddles along for company.

One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies, and before long, Cuddles discovers that she's lost. Wandering about, she notices a leopard heading rapidly in her direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old poodle thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep trouble now!" Noticing some bones on the ground close by, she immediately settles down to chew on the bones with her back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the old poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike. A look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!" says the leopard. "That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!"

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he
goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans,
and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.

The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!"

Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?" but instead of running, the dog sits down with her back to her attackers, pretending she hasn't seen them yet. Just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says: "Where's that monkey? I can never trust him. I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard, and he's still not back!"

Received from Clint Juday.
(-:][:-)
[GCFL.net] Birthday Gift

A couple had been debating the purchase of a new auto for weeks. He wanted a new truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around town.

He would probably have settled on any beat-up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range.

"Look!" she said. "I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds or less. And my birthday is coming up. You could surprise me."

For her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.

Nobody has seen or heard from him since.

Received from Millie Hanson.
(-:][:-)
-=+=-
– NEW! Go to http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20050124 to rate this funny from 0 to 5.
-=+=-
Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List "A cheerful heart is good medicine!" (Prov 17:22a) Go to http://gcfl.net/mlfrontend.php to change your subscription options or unsubscribe. To email this funny to a friend, go to http://gcfl.net/emailit.php?funny=20050107 The latest GCFL funny can always be found on the web at http://gcfl.net/latest.php
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Welcome to You Make Me Laugh, a free newsletter from Crosswalk.com, the world's largest Christian website.
Today's Clean Laugh

Government Pipe Specifications

1. All pipe is to be made of a long hole, surrounded by metal or plastic centered around the hole.

2. All pipe is to be hollow throughout the entire length - do not use holes of different length than the pipe.

3. The I.D. (inside diameter) of all pipe must not exceed the O.D. (outside diameter) - otherwise the hole will be on the outside.

4. All pipe is to be supplied with nothing in the hole so that water, steam or other stuff can be put inside at a later date.

5. All pipe should be supplied without rust - this can be more readily applied at the job site. N.B. Some Vendors are now able to supply pre-rusted pipe. If available in your area, this product is recommended as it will save a lot of time on the job site.

6. All pipe over 500 ft (153m) in length should have the words "long pipe" clearly painted on each end, so the Contractor will know it is a long pipe..

7. Pipe over 2 miles (3.2 km) in length must have the words "very long pipe" painted in the middle, so the Contractor will not have to walk the entire length of the pipe to determine whether or not it is a long pipe or a very long pipe.

8. All pipe over 6" (152 mm) in diameter must have the words "large pipe" painted on it, so the Contractor will not mistake it for small pipe.

9. Flanges must be used on all pipe. Flanges must have holes for bolts quite separate from the big hole in the middle.

10. When ordering 90 degrees, 45 degrees or 30 degrees elbow, be sure to specify right hand or left hand; otherwise you will end up going the wrong way.

11. Be sure to specify to your vendor whether you want level, uphill or downhill pipe. If you use downhill pipe for going uphill, the water will flow the wrong way.

12. All couplings should have either right hand or left hand thread, but do not mix the threads - otherwise, as the coupling is being screwed on one pipe, it is unscrewed from the other.

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

(-:][:-)

Two-Part Question

Bob had finally made it to the last round of the $50,000 Question. The night before the big question, he told the host MC that he desired a question on American History.

The big night arrived. Bob made his way onstage in front of the studio and TV audience. He had become the talk of the week. He was the best guest this show had ever seen. The MC stepped up to the mike.

"Bob, you have chosen American History as your final question. You know that if you correctly answer this question, you will walk away $50,000 dollars richer. Are you ready?"

Bob nodded with a cocky confidence -- the crowd went nuts. He hadn't missed a question all week.

"Bob, yours is a two-part question. As you know, you may answer either part first. As a rule, the second half of the question is always easier. Which part would you like to take a stab at first?"

Bob was becoming more noticeably nervous. He couldn't believe it, but he was not sure, but American History was his easiest subject, and he played it safe.

"I'll try the easier part first."

The MC nodded approvingly. "Here we go Bob. I will ask you the second half first, then the first half."

The audience grew silent with gross anticipation...

"Bob, here is your question: And in what year did it happen?"

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

(-:][:-)

Alllleee-oop!

A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse. The horse's trainer meets him before the race and says, "All you have to remember with this horse is that every time you approach a jump, you have to shout, 'ALLLLEEE OOOP!' really loudly in the horse's ear. Providing you do that, you'll be fine."

The jockey thinks the trainer is mad but promises to shout the command. The race begins and they approach the first hurdle. The jockey ignores the trainer's ridiculous advice and the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.

They carry on and approach the second hurdle. The jockey, somewhat embarrassed, whispers 'Aleeee ooop' in the horse's ear. The same thing happens--the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.

At the third hurdle, the jockey thinks, "It's no good, I'll have to do it," and yells, "ALLLEEE OOOP!" really loudly. Sure enough, the horse sails over the jump with no problems. This continues for the rest of the race, but due to the earlier problems the horse only finishes third.

The trainer is fuming and asks the jockey what went wrong. The jockey replies, "Nothing is wrong with me - it's this horse. What is he - deaf or something?"

The trainer replies, "Deaf?? DEAF?? He's not deaf--he's BLIND!"

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

(-:][:-)

Pickup Backfire

Weary of constantly picking clothes up from the floor of her son's room, a mother finally laid down the law: each item of clothing she had to pick up would cost her son 25 cents.

By the end of the week, he owed her $1.50. She received the money promptly, along with a 50- cent tip and a note that read,

"Thanks, Mom; keep up the good work!"

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

(-:][:-)

Sarahrella

After watching the movie Cinderella, five-year-old Sarah started using her pinwheel as a magic wand, pretending she was a fairy godmother. "Make three wishes," she told her mother, "and I'll grant them."

Her mom first asked for world peace. Sarah swung her wand and proclaimed the request fulfilled.

Next, her mother requested for a cure for all ill children. Again, with a sweep of the pinwheel, Sarah obliged.

The mother, with a glance down at her rather ample curves, made her third wish, "I wish to have a trim figure again."

The miniature fairy godmother started waving her wand madly.

"I'll need more power for this!" she exclaimed.

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

"Over The Limit"

http://www.cybersalt.org/g05.php?id=96

"Parsonage Budget"

http://www.cybersalt.org/g05.php?id=118

"Window Tape"

http://www.cybersalt.org/g05.php?id=122

"Road Conditions"

http://www.cybersalt.org/g05.php?id=123

"Hair Piece"

http://www.cybersalt.org/g05.php?id=124
-=+=-

Daily devotionals are available at http://link.Crosswalk.Com/UM/T.asp?A1. 39. 17757. 1. 494611 You can access more information on Crosswalk's Fun page http://www.Crosswalk.Com/fun/! Crosswalk gives credit to the author of a joke when author is known. Feel free to send notification to admin@cybersalt.org in cases where credit has not been given to the author! -SUBSCRIPTION INFO- * Copyright2004 Crosswalk.Com, Inc. and its Content Providers. All rights reserved. Introducing www.Crossguide.Com Where Christians find Products, Services & Ministries.
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"Don't strive for recognition, but work for achievement." -- Vanessa Malone
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Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Columns - - http://www.madkane.com/whenyourcartalksback.html - - When Your Car Talks Back Does one wrong turn render you hopelessly lost? If so, you may want to check out the new hot feature in automobiles: navigation systems. But before you buy one, be sure to take it out for a test talk.
http://www.madkane.com
http://www.madkane.com/notable.html (Notables Weblog)
http://www.madkane.com/bush.html (Dubya's Dayly Diary)
Subscribe to MadKane Humor Newsletter (weekly) here:
http://www.madkane.com/email.html
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Health Information for Older Adults - - http://www.cdc.gov/aging/health_issues.htm - - Web site by the National Center for Chronic Disease Prevention and Health. Nearly 40% of deaths in America can be attributed to smoking, physical inactivity, poor diet, or alcohol misuse-behaviors practiced by many people every day for much of their lives. Adopting healthy behaviors such as eating nutritious foods, being physically active, and avoiding tobacco use can prevent or control the devastating effects of many of the nation's leading causes of death regardless of one's age.
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National Sex Offender Public Registry - - http://www.nsopr.gov/ - - This Web site is provided as a public service by the U.S. Department of Justice. Using this Web site, interested members of the public have access to and may search participating state Web site public information regarding the presence or location of offenders, who, in most cases, have been convicted of sexually-violent offenses against adults and children and certain sexual contact and other crimes against victims who are minors. The public can use this Web site to educate themselves about the possible presence of such offenders in their local communities.
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Database of USA Zip Codes - - http://www.usazip.info/ - - Waste no time and your precious nerves anymore when trying to get through to some of your friends, relatives, beloved ones and business partners who live in distant states or in small towns. Finding the proper zip code is always a problem and surely this grand collection of all the USA located states, town and cities, counties and areas will be most handy for you. Modified and innovated zip codes are added to this unique database as soon as possible.
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Yahoo! Reference - - http://education.yahoo.com/reference/ - - Whether you're a student, a parent, or just plain curious, Yahoo! Reference offers a handy selection of books and materials to help you find the information you need. Look up a definition in the dictionary, find map and flag images for every country in the world in the World Factbook, get in-depth information from the encyclopedia, and much more.
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SAT Registration - - http://www.collegeboard.com/student/testing/sat/reg.html - - Get ready to take the new SAT. The class of 2006 will be the first class to take the new SAT for college admissions. Learn more about the SAT, register online, and get the latest information about the SAT Program. Register online and: Choose your test date and test center; Get immediate registration confirmation; Get recruited by colleges and universities.
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Costliest U.S. Hurricanes 1900-2004 - - http://www.nhc.noaa.gov/pastcost.shtml - - This site by the National Hurricane Center, provides information on the deadliest, costliest, and most intense U.S. hurricanes from 1851 to 2004 and other frequently requested hurricane facts.
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Cyndi's List of Genealogy Sites on the Internet - - http://www.cyndislist.com/ - - More than 240,700 links, categorized and cross-referenced index to genealogical resources on the Internet, in over 150 categories.
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Home Town Locator: Community Profiles - - http://www.hometownlocator.com/ - - This site's profiles include census, demographic and income data, parks, schools, libraries, hospitals, airports, environmental conditions, local newspapers, media outlets, employment, maps, coordinates and aerial photos. Community profiles of 42,500 U.S. cities, towns, and zip codes.
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"Sales of previously owned homes dropped 2.6 percent in July as mortgage rates crept up. But even with the decline, sales clocked in at the third-highest level on record. The latest snapshot of housing activity, released by the National Association of Realtors on August 23, 2005, suggested that the sizzling housing market may be cooling a bit but nonetheless remains in healthy shape. The 2.6 percent decline from the previous month pushed sales down in July to a seasonally adjusted annual rate of 7.16 million units. 'This is a big number any way you slice it, and housing is continuing to stimulate the overall economy,' said the association's chief economist, David Lereah. The decrease came after sales soared in June, hitting a new record pace of 7.35 million units, according to revised figures. June's performance turned out to be even stronger than previously estimated just a month ago. Despite the drop in sales in July home prices continued to march upward. The median sales price - where half sell for more and half sell for less - of an existing home was $218,000 in July, up a whopping 14.1 percent from a year ago."
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"Asians and North Americans really do see the world differently. Shown a photograph, North American students of European background paid more attention to the object in the foreground of a scene, while students from China spent more time studying the background and taking in the whole scene, according to University of Michigan researchers. The researchers, led by Hannah-Faye Chua and Richard Nisbett, tracked the eye movements of the students - 25 European Americans and 27 native Chinese - to determine where they were looking in a picture and how long they focused on a particular area. 'They literally are seeing the world differently,' said Nisbett, who believes the differences are cultural. 'Asians live in a more socially complicated world than we do,' he said in a telephone interview. 'They have to pay more attention to others than we do. We are individualists. We can be bulls in a china shop, they can't afford it.' The findings are reported in an issue of Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences." -
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"Obesity rates rose last year in every state but Oregon, according to an advocacy group that called on the government and the private sector to get more involved in Americans' battle with expanding waistlines. The advocacy group, Trust for America's Health, said data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention showed that the percentage of obese adults for 2002-04 stood at 22.7 percent nationally. The percentage for the previous cycle, 2001-03, was 22 percent. The state exhibiting the largest increase in obesity was Alabama. There, the rate increased 1.5 percentage points to 27.7 percent. Oregon's rate held steady at 21 percent. The report said the states with the highest percentage of obese adults are Mississippi, Alabama, West Virginia, Louisiana and Tennessee. The states with the lowest percentage of obese adults are Colorado, Massachusetts, Rhode Island, Connecticut, Vermont and Montana. Hawaii was not included in the report."
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TOURBUS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -:) - :)- :)
Volume 11, Number 09 -- 01 Sep 2005
Tourbus Home - http://www.TOURBUS.com
Best of Tourbus -- http://tourbus.com/best.html
+-------------------------------------------------+
TODAY'S TOURBUS TOPIC: Pluto / Katrina

Today's TOURBUS comes to you from Patrick in southern California, where it never rains, with just a bit of editorial help from Bob in sunny Tillson NY, where the sun always shines and everyone is happy, and there are no run-on sentences, ever.
+-------------------------------------------------+

-----------------------
Send your name to Pluto
Audience: Everyone
-----------------------

Over the past few years Tourbus riders have had the opportunity to smash their names into the surfaces of two heavenly bodies. Back in March of 1998 we showed you how to add your name to a CD-ROM that was placed onboard NASA's Mars Polar Lander. Unfortunately, the Polar Lander was destroyed after encountering a large, white, singing monolith on the surface of Mars on December 3rd, 1999. [Or something like that.] And in November 2003 we showed you how to add your name to a CD-ROM that was placed onboard a JPL spacecraft that crashed [quite spectacularly, I might add] into Comet Temple 1 on July 4th, 2005.

Completing the 'send your name to space' trifecta, Johns Hopkins University's Applied Physics Laboratory [ http://jhuapl.edu/ ] recently created a page that lets you send your name to Mickey Mouse's dog, Pluto.

Oh, wait. That's wrong. Actually, Hopkins and NASA plan to launch a spacecraft in 2006 that will pass by the *planet* Pluto in 2015. It's a fascinating mission, and you can read more about it or add your name to the spacecraft's payload, here:

http://pluto.jhuapl.edu

Just key in your first and last names. That's it. No email, snail mail, or credit cards required. It doesn't cost you anything to sign up, and you even get a pretty cool color certificate to hang on the wall. [My certificate is hanging right beneath the light switch in my office, the light switch that says "Librarian" on it: http://netsquirrel.com/assets/light_switch.jpg ]

---------------------------------
Hurricane Katrina Disaster Relief
Audience: Everyone
---------------------------------

As you already know by now, Hurricane Katrina struck the southeastern United States early Monday morning. Up to one million people are homeless and millions more are still without power. Experts predict the hurricane will likely become the worst natural disaster in United States history.

Every major news organization in the US and many others around the world is covering this developing story, and once again our friends at Yahoo Full Coverage are on top of the story. You can find their Hurricane Katrina page at

http://news.yahoo.com/fc/World/Hurricanes_and_Tropical_Storms

This page is a collection of news articles from the AP and Reuters as well as from CNN, the Biloxi Sun Herald, the New Orleans Times- Picayune, and so on. In times of crisis, Yahoo's Full Coverage is always one of the first sites I visit.

Another helpful resource for information about Monday's hurricane and its aftermath is Wikipedia's Hurricane Katrina article at

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hurricane_Katrina

A great deal of attention is also being paid to what's happening in New Orleans as we speak, and Wikipedia has a New Orleans page at

http://tinyurl.com/77exu

It is hard to look at the images from the American southeast and not want to do something to help the relief effort. The United States Federal Emergency Management Agency has a list of reputable agencies that desperately need your help:

http://www.fema.gov/press/2005/resources_katrina.shtm#donate

Every time there is a disaster, scam artists crawl out of the woodwork. [See http://tinyurl.com/96c2t] The United States Federal Trade Commission has a free article on how to avoid becoming a victim of charity fraud:

http://www.ftc.gov/bcp/conline/pubs/tmarkg/charity.htm

As long as you stick to the organizations on FEMA's page, you can feel safe that your donations are going to those who truly need it the most. And on a personal note, my thoughts and prayers go out everyone impacted by this storm, especially to my friends in Alabama, Mississippi, and Louisiana.

---------------------
The Next Best Thing
---------------------

Linda from Marlinton, West Virginia recently wrote and said "The next best thing to Tourbus is the Smart Computing magazine that you guys recommend. I've been getting it since last summer and it has solved numerous problems for me and my friends." Thanks, Linda!

We hope other Tourbus riders will discover the Plain English answers to their computing questions that Smart Computing delivers every month. Do you want to speed up your PC? Eliminate the threat of computer viruses? Get rid of spyware and keep hackers out? Try Smart Computing today -- get your FREE TRIAL issue NOW!

https://www.smartcomputing.com/secure/FreeMultiYear2.asp?source=SC13300

+-------------------------------------------------+
That's it for today. Have a safe and happy week, and we'll talk again soon.
+---------------------------------------+
==[ Tourbus Rider Information ]==
The Internet Tourbus - U.S. Library of Congress ISSN #1094-2238
Copyright 1995-2005, Rankin & Crispen - All rights reserved
Tourbus News Service - http://tourbus.com/news.html
Subscribe, Signoff, Archives, Free Stuff and More at the
Tourbus Website - http://www.TOURBUS.com
========================
.~~~. ))
(\__/) .' ) )) Patrick Douglas Crispen
/o o \/ .~
{o_, \ { crispen@netsquirrel.com
/ , , ) \ http://www.netsquirrel.com/
`~ -' \ } )) AOL Instant Messenger: Squirrel2K
_( ( )_.'
---..{____} Warning: squirrels.
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Our Church, Magnolia Christian Center, has the following mission statement. Our purpose is to build a great church for the glory of God through the great commission and the great commandment. MCC' Vision - That MCC will be a place hopping with children, energized with teenagers, balanced with diversity and transformed by the power of God! We want to turn uninterested people into interested people and win the lost to make fully devoted followers of Christ.
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Christian Survives Horror of North Korean Prison

A Christian missionary jailed in North Korea has done what many prisoners in the communist state never do – he has emerged alive to tell about his horrific experience. The testimony of a Korean-Chinese man referred to only as "Lee" to protect his identity recently was obtained by The Voice of the Martyrs.

The missionary says a woman in his Chinese church gave him an ID number to use in traveling to North Korea, saying it belonged to her cousin. When authorities saw the ID number, they immediately arrested Lee, who later discovered the woman was a North Korean spy. He had been set up.

Wrote Lee of his prison experience: "Between March 5 and 19, I was interrogated daily. Because of the beatings I began to have severe pains in my liver and kidney."

Lee says at one point the authorities believed he was near death, so they transferred him to another location and fed him well to make sure he stayed alive. "Within two weeks I had recovered, so they brought me back to the interrogation center where I was again beaten and tortured for another 54 days," wrote Lee.

Why torture a man for weeks on end? Stated Lee: "My No. 1 crime against the People's Republic of Korea is that for the past eight years I have been spreading the gospel in North Korea and bringing people to Christ."

Lee says his heroes are those Christians who have endured hardship, torture and the loss of their lives – but who never denounced their faith: "They truly live and die for the Gospel, and they are my heroes. Though their lives were short, what they've done will forever shine with Christ."

Please take this opportunity to request your free subscription to The Voice of the Martyrs monthly newsletter. You will read some of the most courageous stories and find practical ways you can get involved. Don’t let those like Lee suffer in silence! Subscribe to The Voice of the Martyrs monthly newsletter today!
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All I can say is Amen!

**WHAT WAS MY MOTHER THINKING**

My Mom used to cut chicken, chop eggs and spread mayo on the same cutting board with
the same knife and no bleach, but we didn't seem to get food poisoning.

My Mom used to defrost hamburger on the counter AND I used to eat it raw sometimes
too, our school sandwiches were wrapped in wax paper in a brown paper bag not in icepack
coolers, but I can't remember getting e-coli?

Almost all of us would have rather gone swimming in the lake instead of a pristine pool
(talk about boring), no beach closures then.

The term cell phone would have conjured up a phone in a jail cell, and a pager was the school
PA system.

We all took gym, not PE... and risked permanent injury with a pair of high top Ked's (only worn in
gym) instead of having cross-training athletic shoes with air cushion soles and built in light
reflectors. I can't recall any injuries but they must have happened because they tell us how
much safer we are now. Flunking gym was not an option... even for stupid kids! I guess PE
must be much harder than gym.

Every year, someone taught the whole school a lesson and provided comic relief by running in
the halls with leather soles on linoleum tile and hitting the wet spot. How much better off
would we be today if we only knew we could have sued the school system.

Speaking of school, we all said prayers and sang the national anthem and staying in detention
after school caught all sorts of negative attention. We must have had horribly damaged psyches.

I can't understand it. Schools didn't offer 14 year old kids condoms (we wouldn't have known what that
was anyway) but they did give us a couple of baby aspirin and cough syrup if we started getting the
sniffles. What an archaic health system we had then. Remember school nurses? Ours wore a hat and
everything.

I thought that I was supposed to accomplish something before I was allowed to be proud of
myself.

I just can't recall how bored we were without computers, Play Station, Nintendo, X-box or
270 digital TV cable stations.

I must be repressing that memory as I try to rationalize through the denial of the dangers
could have befallen us as we trekked off each day about a mile down the road to some guy's
vacant lot, built forts out of branches and pieces of plywood, made trails, and fought over
who got to be the Lone Ranger. What was that property owner thinking, letting us play on that
lot? He should have been locked up for not putting up a fence around the property, complete
with a self-closing gate and an infrared intruder alarm.

Oh yeah... and where was the Benadryl and sterilization kit when I got that bee sting?
I could have been killed!

We played king of the hill on piles of gravel left on vacant construction sites and when
we got hurt, Mom pulled out the 48 cent bottle of Mercurochrome (kids liked it better
because it didn't sting like iodine did) and then we got our butt spanked. Now it's a trip to the
emergency room, followed by a 10-day dose of a $49 bottle of antibiotics and then Mom calls
the attorney to sue the contractor for leaving a horribly vicious pile of gravel where it was
such a threat.

We didn't act up at the neighbor's house either because if we did, we got our butt spanked
(physical abuse) here too and then we got butt spanked again when we got home.

Mom invited the door to door salesman inside for coffee, kids choked down the dust from
the gravel driveway while playing with Tonka trucks (remember why Tonka trucks were made
tough .. it wasn't so that they could take the rough Berber in the family room), and Dad
drove a car with leaded gas.

Our music had to be left inside when we went out to play and I am sure that I nearly exhausted
my imagination a couple of times when we went on two week vacations. I should probably sue the
folks now for the danger they put us in when we all slept in campgrounds in the family tent.

Summers were spent behind the push lawn mower and I didn't even know that mowers came with
motors until I was 13 and we got one without an automatic blade-stopper an auto-drive. How sick
were my parents? Of course my parents weren't the only psychos. I recall Donny Reynolds from
next door coming over and doing his tricks on the front stoop just before he fell off. Little did his
Mom know that she could have owned our house. Instead she picked him up and swatted him for
being such a goof.

It was a neighborhood run amuck. To top it off, not a single person I knew
had ever been told that they were from a dysfunctional family. How could we possibly have
known that we needed to get into group therapy and anger management classes?

We were obviously so duped by so many societal ills, that we didn't even notice that the entire
country wasn't taking Prozac! How did we ever survive?

LOVE TO ALL OF US WHO SHARED THIS ERA

Thanks to Terry Neal
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Prophecies of the OT Fulfilled in Jesus Christ:

There have been described in the Old Testament 300 prophecies of the first coming of the Messiah and 500 of the second coming, all of then made hundreds of years before the birth of Jesus and fulfilled to the letter in Jesus Christ, the Messiah.

George Heron, a French mathematician, calculated that the odds of one man fulfilling only 40 of those prophecies are 1 in 10 to the power of 157. That is a 1 followed by 157 zeros. Compare it to this; your odds on winning the state lottery are 14 followed by 6 zeros.

Another mathematician, Dr. Peter S. Ruckman, claims the odds of being fulfilled only 60 of them by the only person who claimed to be the Son of God, and who died on a "tree" on Calvary, and who rose the 3rd day are astronomical!... not just one in one trillion, but one out of ten to the 895th power. That is a one over a one followed by 895 zeros.

And still more, because every page of the Old Testament talks and prophecies and characterizes the coming of the Messiah, the Christ in Greek... so, there are actually thousands of prophecies on the coming of the Messiah, all of them fulfilled to the letter in Jesus Christ and His Church as they are shown in this site.
Philip found Nathanael and told him, "We have found the one Moses wrote about in the Law, and about whom the prophets also wrote--Jesus of Nazareth, the son of Joseph. (Jn.1:45)
If you believed Moses, you would believe me, for he wrote about me (Jn.5:46).
And beginning with Moses and all the Prophets, he explained to them what was said in all the Scriptures concerning himself. (Lk.24:27)
He said to them, This is what I told you while I was still with you: Everything must be fulfilled that is written about me in the Law of Moses, the Prophets and the Psalms. (Lk.24:44).
He told them, This is what is written: The Christ will suffer and rise from the dead on the third day, (Lk.24:46).

Prophecies and types of each book of the Bible fulfilled in Jesus Christ and His Church, a total of 1,093
92 Prophecies of the Psalms fulfilled in Jesus Christ
121 Prophecies of Isaiah fulfilled in Jesus Christ

Here are just 50 of those thousand Prophecies:

Ancestors:

1- The "seed of a woman": Genesis 3:15.... Galatians 4:4.
Jesus was born of Virgin Mary without any man involved in His conception (Is.7:14, Mat.1:23, Lk.1:27).
- Gen.3:15 And I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers; he will crush your head, and you will strike his heel.
- Gal.4:4 But when the time had fully come, God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under law. (Luk.2:7; Rev.12:5)

2- Descendent of Abraham: Genesis 12:3, 18:18.... Acts 3:25, Matthew 1:1.
- Gen. 18:18 Abraham will surely become a great and powerful nation and all nations on earth will be blessed through him. (Gen. 12:3)
- Act. 3:25 And you are heirs of the prophets and of the covenant God made with your fathers. He said to Abraham, "Through your offspring all peoples on earth will be blessed." (Mt.1:1; Lk.3:34)

3- Descendent of Isaac: Gen.17:19, Luc.3:34.
- Gen.17:19 Then God said, "Yes, but your wife Sarah will bear you a son and you will call him Isaac. I will establish my covenant with him as an everlasting covenant for his descendants after him."
-Mt.1:2 Abraham was the father of Isaac, Isaac the father of Jacob, Jacob the father of Judah and his brothers. (Lk.3:34)

4- Descendent of Jacob: Numbers 24:17...... Luke 3:34, Matt.1:2.
- Num.24:17 I see him, but not now; I behold him, but not near. A star will come out of Jacob; a scepter will rise out of Israel. He will crush the foreheads of Moab, the skulls of all the sons of Sheth.
- Lk.3:34 The son of Jacob, the son of Isaac, the son of Abraham, the son of Terah, the son of Nahor. (Mt.1:2)

5-- From the Tribe of Judah: Genesis 49:10, Luke 3:33.
- Gen.49:10 The scepter will not depart from Judah, nor the ruler's staff from between his feet, until he comes to whom it belongs and the obedience of the nations is his.
- Lk.3:33 The son of Amminadab, the son of Ram, the son of Hezron, the son of Perez, the son of Judah. (Mt.1:2-3)

6- Hair of the Throne of David: Isaiah 9:7.... Luke 1:32-33.
- Isa.9:7 Of the increase of his government and peace there will be no end. He will reign on David's throne and over his kingdom, establishing and upholding it with justice and righteousness from that time on and forever. The zeal of the Lord Almighty will accomplish this. (Isa.11:1-5; 2Sam.7:13)
- Luk.1:32-33: He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, and he will reign over the house of Jacob forever; his kingdom will never end." (Mt.1:1, 1:6)

Birth and Childhood:

7- Born in Bethlehem: Micah 5:2.... Matthew 2:1.... Luke 2:4-7.
- Mic.5:2 But you, Bethlehem Ephrathah, though you are small among the clans of Judah, out of you will come for me one who will be ruler over Israel, whose origins are from ancient times.
- Mt.2:1 After Jesus was born in Bethlehem in Judea, during the time of King Herod, Magi from the east came to Jerusalem. (Lk.2:4-7)

8- To be born of a Virgin: Isaiah 7:14, Matthew 1:18.... Luke 1:26-35.
- Isa.7:14 Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign: The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and will call him Immanuel.
- Mt.1:18 This is how the birth of Jesus Christ came about: his mother Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph, but before they came together, she was found to be with child through the Holy Spirit. (Lk.1:26-35)

9- Time of his birth: Daniel 9:25.... Luke 2:1:
- Dan.9:25 Know and understand this: From the issuing of the decree to restore and rebuild Jerusalem until the Anointed One, the ruler, comes, there will be seven "sevens" and sixty two "sevens." It will be rebuilt with streets and a trench, but in times of trouble.
- Lk 2:1-2 In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world. (This was the first census that took place while Quirinius was the governor of Syria.) (Lk 2:3-7)
- Mat.2:1 After Jesus was born in Bethlehem in Judea, during the time of King Herod, Magi from the east came to Jerusalem

10- Slaughter of the Innocent children: Jeremiah 31:15.... Matthew 2:16-18.
- Jer.31:15 This is what the Lord says: "A voice is heard in Ramah, mourning and great weeping, Rachel weeping for her children and refusing to be comforted, because her children are no more."
- Mt.2:16 When Herod realized that he had been outwitted by the Magi, he was furious, and he gave orders to kill all the boys in Bethlehem and its vicinity who were two years old and under, in accordance with the time he had learned from the Magi. (Mt 2:16-18)

11- Flight to Egypt: Hosea 11:1.... Matthew 2:14-15.
- Hos.11:1 When Israel was a child, I loved him, and out of Egypt I called my son
- Mt.2:14 So he got up, took the child and his mother during the night and left for Egypt. (Mt 2:15)

12- He shall be called a Nazarene: Judges 13:5.... Matthew 2:23.
- Jud.13:5 for the child shall be a Nazarite unto God
- Mt.2:23 And he came and dwelt in a city called Nazareth: that it might be fulfilled which was spoken by the prophets, He shall be called a Nazarene

Passion:

13- Triumphal entry in Jerusalem on a donkey: Zechariah 9:9.... John 12:13-14.
- Zec.9:9 Rejoice greatly, O Daughter of Zion! Shout, Daughter of Jerusalem! See, your king comes to you, righteous and having salvation, gentle and riding on a donkey, on a colt, the foal of a donkey. (Isa.62:11)
- Jn.12:13-14 They took palm branches and went out to meet him, shouting, "Hosanna!" "Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord!" "Blessed is the King of Israel!" Jesus found a young donkey and sat upon it, as it is written. (Mt.21:1-11; Jn.12:12, Mk.11:7-9.)

14- Entry through the "Golden Gate", that shall be shut for ever after his entrance: Ezekiel 44:1-2.... Mark 11:7-8.
On Palm Sunday Jesus entered Jerusalem through the Golden Gate. When you go to Jerusalem look at the Golden Gate, it is shut with stone and cement, and with a Muslim cemetery in its front, through which a Jewish Messiah will never pass.
- Ez.44:1-2 Then the man brought me back to the outer gate of the sanctuary, the one facing east, and it was shut. 2 The LORD said to me, "This gate is to remain shut. It must not be opened; no one may enter through it. It is to remain shut because the LORD , the God of Israel, has entered through it.
- Mk.11:7-8 When they brought the colt to Jesus and threw their cloaks over it, he sat on it. Many people spread their cloaks on the road, while others spread branches they had cut in the fields.

15- Betrayed by a friend, for 30 pieces of silver: Zechariah 11:12, Psalm 41:9... Mark 14:10, Matthew 26:14-15.
- Ps.41:9 Even my close friend, whom I trusted, he who shared my bread, has lifted up his heel against me.
- Mk.14:10 Then Judas Iscariot, one of the Twelve, went to the chief priests to betray Jesus to them. (Mt.26:14-16; Mk.14:43-45)
- Zec.11:12 I told them, "If you think it best, give me my pay; but if not, keep it." So they paid me thirty pieces of silver. (Zec.11:13)
- Mt.26:15 And asked, "What are you willing to give me if I hand him over to you?" So they counted out for him thirty silver coins. (Mt 27:3-10)

16- Money to be returned for a potter's field: Zechariah 11:13.... Matthew 27:6-7.
- Zec.11:13 And the Lord said to me, "Throw it to the potter"- the handsome price at which they priced me! So I took the thirty pieces of silver and threw them into the house of the Lord to the potter.
- Mt.27:6-7 The chief priests picked up the coins and said, "It is against the law to put this into the treasury, since it is blood money." So they decided to use the money to buy the potter's field as a burial place for foreigners. (Mt.27:3-5,8-10)

17- Judas's position to be taken by another: Psalm 109:7-8.... Acts 1:18-20.
- Ps.109:7-8 When he is tried, let him be found guilty, and may his prayers condemn him. May his days be few; may another take his place of leadership
- Act.1:18-20 (With the reward he got for his wickedness, Judas bought a field; there he fell headlong, his body burst open and all his intestines spilled out. Everyone in Jerusalem heard about this, so they called that field in their language Akeldama, that is, Field of Blood.) "For, " said Peter, "It is written in the book of Psalms, "'May his place be deserted; let there be no one to dwell in it,' and, "'May another take his place of leadership.'" (Ac 1:16-17)

18- Accused by false witnesses: Psalms .27:12, 35:11.... Mt 26:60-61, Mk.14:57.
- Ps.27:12 Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes, for false witnesses rise up against me, breathing out violence. (Ps.35:11)
- Mt.26:60-61 But they did not find any, though many false witnesses came forward. Finally two men came forward and declared, "This fellow said, 'I am able to destroy the temple of God and rebuild it in three days.'"

19- Silent to accusations: Isaiah 53:7.... Matthew 26:62-63, Mark.15:4-5.
- Isa.53:7 He was oppressed and afflicted, yet he did not open his mouth; he was led like a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is silent, so he did not open his mouth. (Ps.38:13-14)
- Mt 26:62-63 Then the high priest stood up and said to Jesus, "Are you not going to answer? What is this testimony that these men are bringing against you?" But Jesus remained silent. The high priest said to him, "I charge you under oath by the living God: Tell us if you are the Christ, the Son of God!" (Mt 27:12-14, Mk.15:4-5)

20 - Spat and struck: Isaiah 50:6, Matthew 26:67.
- Isa.50:6 I offered my back to those who beat me, my cheeks to those who pulled out my beard; I did not hide my face from mocking and spitting.
- Mk.14:65 Then some began to spit at him; they blindfolded him struck him with their fists, and said, "Prophesy!" And the guards took him and beat him. (Mt.26:27, Mk.15:17; Jn 19:1-3; 18:22)

21- Hated without reason: Psalms 69:4, 35:19, 109:3-5.... John.15:24-25.
- Ps 69:4 Those who hate me without reason outnumber the hairs of my head; many are my enemies without cause, those who seek to destroy me. I am forced to restore what I did not steal. (Ps.35:19, 109:3-5)
- Jn.15:23-25 He who hates me hates my Father as well. If I had not done among them what no one else did, they would not be guilty of sin. But now they have seen these miracles, and yet they have hated both me and my Father. But this is to fulfill what is written in their Law: "They hated me without reason."

22- Soldiers divided his garments and gambled for his clothing: Psalm 22:18... Matt.27:35 (2 Prophecies)
- Ps 22:18 They divide my garments among them and cast lots for my clothing.
- Mt.27:35 And they crucified him, and parted his garments, casting lots: that it might be fulfilled which was spoken by the prophet, They parted my garments among them, and upon my vesture did they cast lots (Mk.15:24).

23- Crucified, "pierced through hands and feet": Zechariah 12:10, Psalm 22:16.... Matthew 27:35, John 20:27.
- Ps.22:16 Dogs have surrounded me; a band of evil men has encircled me, they have pierced my hands and my feet. (Zec.12:10)
- Mt.27:35 And they crucified him.
- Jn. 20:25-26 Now Thomas (called Didymus)... he said to them, "Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe it." (Jn.19:37, 20:27)

24- Crucified with malefactors: Isaiah 53:12.... Mark 15:27-28.
- Isa.53:12 Therefore I will give him a portion among the great, and he will divide the spoils with the strong, because he poured out his life unto death, and was numbered with the transgressors. For he bore the sin of many, and made intercession for the transgressors.
- Mt 27:38 Two robbers were crucified with him, one on his right and one on his left. (Mk 15:27-28; Lk 23:33)

25- Agonized in Thirst: Psalm 22:15.... John 19:28.
- Ps.22:15 My strength is dried up like a potsherd; and my tongue cleaveth to my jaws; and thou hast brought me into the dust of death.
- Jn.19:28 After this, Jesus knowing that all things were now accomplished, that the scripture might be fulfilled, saith, I thirst.

26- Given gall and vinegar: Psalm 69:21.... Matthew 27:34, 48, John 19:19.
- Ps.69:21 They put gall in my food and gave me vinegar for my thirst.
- Mat.27:34 They gave him vinegar to drink mingled with gall: and when he had tasted thereof, he would not drink (Jn.19:29, Mat.27:48).

27- No bones broken: Psalm 34:20.... John 19:32-36.
- Ps 34:20 He protects all his bones, not one of them will be broken. (Ex 12:46)
- Jn 19:33 But when they came to Jesus and found that he was already dead, they did not break his legs.

28- His side pierced: Zechariah 12:10.... John 19:34.
- Zec.12:10 They will look on me, the one they have pierced, and they will mourn for him as one mourns for an only child, and grieve bitterly for him as one grieves for a firstborn son.
- Jn 19:34 Instead, one of the soldiers pierced Jesus' side with a spear, bringing a sudden flow of blood and water.

29- Deserted by God: Psalm 22:1.... Matthew 27:46.
- Ps.22:1 My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me? why art thou so far from helping me, and from the words of my roaring?
- Mat.27:46 And about the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying, Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani? that is to say, My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?

30- Vicarious Sacrifice: Isaiah 53:4-5, 6, 12.... Matthew 8:16-17, Romans 4:25, 5:6-8, 1 Corinthians 15:3.
- Isa.53:4-5 Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we considered him stricken by God, smitten by him, and afflicted. But he was pierced for transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed. (Is. 53:6, 12)
- Mt.8:16-17 When evening came, many who were demon-possessed were brought to him, and he drove out the spirits with a word and healed all the sick. This was to fulfill what was spoken through the prophet Isaiah: "He took up our infirmities and carried our diseases." (Ro 4:25, 5:6-8, 1Cor 15:3)

31- Buried with the rich: Isaiah 53:9, Matthew 27:57-60.
- Isa.53:9 He was assigned a grave with the wicked, and with the rich in his death, though he had done no violence, nor was any deceit in his mouth.
- Mt.27:57-60 As evening approached, there came a rich man from Arimathea, named Joseph, who had himself become a disciple of Jesus. Going to Pilate, he asked for Jesus' body, and Pilate ordered that it be given to him. Joseph took the body, wrapped it in a clean linen cloth, and placed it in his own new tomb that he had cut out of the rock. He rolled a big stone in front of the entrance to the tomb and went away

32- Deserted by his followers: Zechariah 13:7.... Mark 14:27.
- Zec.13:7 smite the shepherd, and the sheep shall be scattered: and I will turn mine hand upon the little ones.
- Mk.14:27 And Jesus saith unto them, All ye shall be offended because of me this night: for it is written, I will smite the shepherd, and the sheep shall be scattered.

33- Time of his death: Daniel 9:25.... Luke 2:1, Matthew 2:1:
- Doing the proper computations, the Messiah was supposed to die on April 3, of the year 33 AC (Open Bible pag.833)

34- Resurrection of Jesus: Hosea 6:2, Psalms 16:10, 49:15..... Luke 24:6-7, Mark.16:6-7.
- Hos.6:2 After two days will he revive us: in the third day he will raise us up, and we shall live in his sight.
- Lk.24:6-7 He is not here, but is risen: remember how he spake unto you when he was yet in Galilee, Saying, The Son of man must be delivered into the hands of sinful men, and be crucified, and the third day rise again.

35- Other dead raised with Him: Isaiah 26:19, Ezekiel 37:7-10..... Matthew 27:52-53.
- Isa.26:19 Thy dead men shall live, together with my dead body shall they arise. Awake and sing, ye that dwell in dust: for thy dew is as the dew of herbs, and the earth shall cast out the dead.
- Ez.37:7-10 So I prophesied as I was commanded: and as I prophesied, there was a noise, and behold a shaking, and the bones came together, bone to his bone. And when I beheld, lo, the sinews and the flesh came up upon them, and the skin covered them above: but there was no breath in them. Then said he unto me, Prophesy unto the wind, prophesy, son of man, and say to the wind, Thus saith the Lord GOD; Come from the four winds, O breath, and breathe upon these slain, that they may live. So I prophesied as he commanded me, and the breath came into them, and they lived, and stood up upon their feet, an exceeding great army.
- Mat.27:52-53 And the graves were opened; and many bodies of the saints which slept arose, And came out of the graves after his resurrection, and went into the holy city, and appeared unto many.

36- Ascension to Heaven: Psalms 68:18, 24:3.....Lk 24:50-51, Acts 1:11, Mk.16:19.
- Ps.68:18 Thou hast ascended on high, thou hast led captivity captive: thou hast received gifts for men; yea, for the rebellious also, that the LORD God might dwell among them.
- Ps.24:3 Who shall ascend into the hill of the LORD? or who shall stand in his holy place?
- Lk 24:50-51 When he had led them out to the vicinity of Bethany, he lifted up his hands and blessed them. While he was blessing them, he left them and was taken up into heaven
- Act.1:11 Which also said, Ye men of Galilee, why stand ye gazing up into heaven? this same Jesus, which is taken up from you into heaven, shall so come in like manner as ye have seen him go into heaven.

37- Christ at the Right hand of the Father: Psalm 110:1..... Hebrews 1:2,3.
- Ps.110:1 The LORD said unto my Lord, Sit thou at my right hand, until I make thine enemies thy footstool.
- Heb.1:2,3 Hath in these last days spoken unto us by his Son, whom he hath appointed heir of all things, by whom also he made the worlds; Who being the brightness of his glory, and the express image of his person, and upholding all things by the word of his power, when he had by himself purged our sins, sat down on the right hand of the Majesty on high;

Ministry:

38- The way prepared by John the Baptist: Isaiah 40:3,5.... John 1:23, Luke 3:3-6.
- Isa.40:3 The voice of him that crieth in the wilderness, Prepare ye the way of the LORD, make straight in the desert a highway for our God.
- Jn.1:23 He said, I am the voice of one crying in the wilderness, Make straight the way of the Lord, as said the prophet Isaiah

39- Preceded by a forerunner: Mal.3:1, Luk.7:24-27.
40- Preceded by Elijah: Mal.4:5-6, Matt.11:13-14.
41- Declared the Son of God: Ps.2:7, Matt.3:17.
42- Galilean Ministry: Is.9:1-2, Matt.4:13-16.
43- Speaks in Parables: Ps.78:2-4, Matt.13:34-35.
44- A Prophet: Deut.18:15, Jn.6:14, Acts 3:20-22.
45- Priest after the Order of Melchizedek: Ps.110:4, Heb.5:5-6.
46- To bind up the brokenhearted: Is.61:1-2, Luk.4:18-19.
47- Rejected by his own people, the Jews: Is.53:3, John 1:11.
48- Not believed: Is.53:1, John 12:37.
49- Adored by infants: Ps.8:2, Matt.21:15--16.
50- Anointed and eternal: Ps.45:6-7, Heb.1:8-12.
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Thanks to Pam Burton

A 92-year -old, well-poised and proud man, who is fully dressed each morning by eight o'clock, with his hair fashionably coifed and shaved perfectly applied, even though he is legally blind, moved to a nursing home today. His wife of 70 years recently passed away, making the move necessary. After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, he smiled sweetly when told his room was ready.

As he maneuvered his walker to the elevator, I provided a visual description of his tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been hung on his window.

"I love it," he stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having just been presented with a new puppy.

"Mr. Jones, you haven't seen the room; just wait."

"That doesn't have anything to do with it," he replied.

"Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like my room or not doesn't depend on how the furniture is arranged ... it's how I arrange my mind. I already decided to love it "It's a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice; I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do.

Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open I'll focus on the new day and all the happy memories I've stored away. Just for this time in my life.

Old age is like a bank account. You withdraw from what you've put in.

So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the bank account of memories! . Thank you for your part in filling my Memory bank. I am still depositing." Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.
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GCF: Labor Day 2005

Every once in awhile, I turn from the humorous to the serious. This is an extra posting in honor of Labor Day, which is celebrated in the U.S. on the first Monday of September. It is a creation of the labor movement and is dedicated to the contributions American workers have made to the strength, prosperity and well-being of our country. I did not do a lot of research for this so I only list the Labor Day information for the U.S. I know that there are many countries that celebrate this type of holiday.

My friend Howard expressed these thoughts about why we have a three day weekend!!

"Let's give thanks to all the workers out there who make our country a wonderful place to live. Yes, we've got blue collar workers to build our foundations and we've got doctors and nurses to keep us well and we've got artists and entertainers to help us 'get away from it' for awhile and we've got retired folks who built the foundations of our great country and we've got farmers who provide our food and we've got teachers to pass along knowledge and we've got business men and women to keep things rolling in many jobs and we've got public service folks to keep us safe from harm. Enjoy your weekend!"

(Thanks for sharing this, Howard)

The first Labor Day holiday was celebrated on Tuesday, September 5, 1882, in New York City, in accordance with the plans of the Central Labor Union. The Central Labor Union held its second Labor Day holiday just a year later, on September 5, l883. In l884 the first Monday in September was selected as the holiday, as originally proposed, and the Central Labor Union urged similar organizations in other cities to follow the example of New York and celebrate a "workingmen's holiday" on that date. The idea spread with the growth of labor organizations, and in l885 Labor Day was celebrated in many industrial centers of the country.

Shortly thereafter, a movement developed to have state legislation to recognize Labor Day. While the first state bill was introduced into the New York legislature, the first to become law was passed by Oregon on February 2l, l887. During the year four more states -- Colorado, Massachusetts, New Jersey, and New York -- created the Labor Day holiday by legislative enactment. By the end of the decade Connecticut, Nebraska, and Pennsylvania had followed suit. By 1894, 23 other states had adopted the holiday in honor of workers, and on June 28 of that year, Congress passed an act making the first Monday in September of each year a legal holiday in the District of Columbia and the territories.

More information about Labor Day can be found at the U.S. Department of Labor website. The address is: http://www.dol.gov/opa/aboutdol/laborday.htm

Don't forget why we have this holiday weekend and don't forget to fly the flag!

-Tom
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This "Letter of Apology" was written by Lieutenant General Chuck Pitman, US Marine Corps, Retired:

"For good and ill, the Iraqi prisoner abuse mess will remain an issue. On
the one hand, right thinking Americans will abhor the stupidity of the
actions while on the other hand, political glee will take control and fashion this minor event into some modern day massacre.

I humbly offer my opinion here:

I am sorry that the last seven times we Americans took up arms and
sacrificed the blood of our youth, it was in the defense of Muslims (Bosnia, Kosovo, Gulf War 1, Kuwait, etc.).

I am sorry that no such call for an apology upon the extremists came after
9/11. I am sorry that all of the murderers on 9/11 were Islamic Arabs.

I am sorry that most Arabs and Muslims have to live in squalor under savage
dictatorships. I am sorry that their leaders squander their wealth.

I am sorry that their governments breed hate for the US in their religious
schools, mosques, and government-controlled media.

I am sorry that Yassar Arafat was kicked out of every Arab country and high-jacked the Palestinian "cause." I am sorry that no other Arab country will take in or offer more than a token amount of financial help to those same Palestinians.

I am sorry that the USA has to step in and be the biggest financial supporter of poverty stricken Arabs while the insanely wealthy Arabs blame the USA for all their problems.

I am sorry that our own left wing, our media, and our own brainwashed
masses do not understand any of this (from the misleading vocal elements of our society like radical professors, CNN and the NY TIMES).

I am sorry the United Nations scammed the poor people of Iraq out of the
"food for oil" money so they could get rich while the common folk suffered.

I am sorry that some Arab governments pay the families of homicide bombers upon their death. I am sorry that those same bombers are brainwashed thinking they will receive 72 virgins in "paradise."

I am sorry that the homicide bombers think pregnant women, babies,
children, the elderly and other noncombatant civilians are legitimate targets.

I am sorry that our troops die to free more Arabs from the gang rape rooms
and the filling of mass graves of dissidents of their own making.

I am sorry that Muslim extremists have killed more Arabs than any other
group.

I am sorry that foreign trained terrorists are trying to seize control of Iraq and return it to a terrorist state.

I am sorry we don't drop a few dozen Daisy cutters on Fallujah.

I am sorry every time terrorists hide they find a convenient "Holy Site."

I am sorry they didn't apologize for driving a jet into the World Trade Center that collapsed and severely damaged Saint Nicholas Greek Orthodox Church - one of our Holy Sites.

I am sorry they didn't apologize for flight 93 and 175, the USS Cole, the
embassy bombings, the murders and beheadings of Nick Berg and Daniel Pearl, etc....etc!

I am sorry Michael Moore is American; he could feed a medium sized village
in Africa.

America will get past this latest absurdity. We will punish those responsible because that is what we do.

We hang out our dirty laundry for the entire world to see. We move on. That's one of the reasons we are hated so much. We don't hide this stuff
like all those Arab countries that are now demanding an apology.

Deep down inside, when most Americans saw this reported in the news, we
were like - so what? We lost hundreds and made fun of a few prisoners. Sure, it was wrong, sure, it dramatically hurts our cause, but until captured we were trying to kill these same prisoners. Now we're supposed to wring our hands because a few were humiliated?

Our compassion is tempered with the vivid memories of our own people
killed, mutilated and burnt amongst a joyous crowd of celebrating Fallujahans.

If you want an apology from this American, you're going to have a long
wait!

You have a better chance of finding those seventy-two virgins.

Chuck Pitman Lieutenant General, USMC (Ret)

Thanks to Steve Downey
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TGIF-Today God Is First


Triumphant Defeats
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Friday, September 02, 2005
by Os Hillman

This was now the third time Jesus appeared to His disciples after He was raised from the dead. ~ John 21:14

William Wallace was a Scotsman who sought freedom from a tyrannical king of England in the 1200s. He initially took up this cause in retaliation for his own personal family losses. His cause grew among the people, and it became an insurrection against England. Wallace entreated Robert the Bruce, the future king of Scotland. However, Bruce betrayed Wallace in return for lands from the king of England. Wallace was turned over to the king of England to be tortured to death for crimes against England. Bruce realized his betrayal against Wallace and his own country. This remorse led to real repentance and a return to his commitment to the people of Scotland. He finally took ownership of the mission to free Scotland from England. He led the people of Scotland into subsequent battles against England and freed them. Wallace's defeat ultimately led to victory through Bruce. It took the lives of many, including Wallace, for victory to be accomplished. [James Mackay, William Wallace, Brave Heart (Edinburgh, Scotland: Mainstream Publishing, 1995).]

So often defeat is what is required before victory can be won. Jesus said that unless the seed dies and goes into the ground it cannot bring forth fruit (see Jn. 12:24). The death of a vision is often required before the fulfillment can really take place. Have you failed at something in your life? Have you not seen the vision fulfilled you thought you were given? The vision may yet happen.

The disciples thought they suffered their greatest defeat when Jesus died on the cross. However, this defeat became the greatest victory on earth. Christ's death gave liberty. Forgiveness came to all men. New life came forth-new strength for the disciples. Resurrection and new life came as a result of a "defeat."

"There are triumphant defeats that rival victories" (Montaigne, French philosopher).

-=+=-

Faithfulness to Convict
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Thursday, September 01, 2005
by Os Hillman

When He comes, He will convict the world of guilt in regard to sin and righteousness and judgment. ~ John 16:8

I had recently come back from a mountaintop experience. As I attempted to get back into my routine, I found a great cloud of oppression come over me. Each day I attempted to press through it, but with no success. Fear, anxiety, doubt, and unbelief were setting in. I knew I was fretting over my future. I had been in a long period of transition in my work life and was tired of the place of waiting. Yet I didn't understand the oppression. It was definitely spiritual warfare.

That night I was reading a book regarding our calling from God. The author made mention that we can become envious of others when we get into a place where we are dissatisfied. Suddenly, I realized I was guilty of envying where other workplace believers were in their lives. I was "subconsciously" angry that the calling God had placed on my life had such adversity. I had to repent.

As if this were not enough, the next day the Holy Spirit confirmed my assessment in the most unusual way. That morning I turned on my computer to read my own Workplace Meditation that is sent to my computer. The message was on "Envying Others" and included the same Scripture reference as the author's in the book. Imagine God using my own words to convict me of sin! The nerve of Him! To make matters worse, at lunchtime I tuned into the local Christian radio station to hear an interview with the same author as he cited the very passage I had read the day before. I was shocked to realize how the Holy Spirit could be so precise in His ability to convict and give proof of His activity in my life.

Do you question if the Holy Spirit is active in your life? The Lord has promised that the Holy Spirit will convict us of sin when we move away from Him. It is His responsibility as our guide.

-=+=-

True Repentance
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Wednesday, August 31, 2005
by Os Hillman

Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. ~ 2 Corinthians 7:10

What does it mean to repent? When you or I wrong another person, or we sin against God, do we simply say we are sorry and move on?

A few years ago I was involved in a business situation that taught me a great lesson. A client severely wronged me and ultimately took our company for $160,000. In a court of law, I probably would have won the dispute. However, after I had already filed suit against the man, I realized that there was one aspect of the matter that I was wrong about, involving a third party that could no longer be held accountable. I could not effectively resolve the matter without taking the first step in owning the responsibility for my part in the matter.

I made a decision to drop the lawsuit. However, after calling my attorney, I discovered the client had already filed a counter suit. This made the situation even scarier. I was completely exposed if I dropped my suit.

I was unable to reach the business owner because he would not return my calls. I got his secretary on the line. "I want you to take this message down and give it to your boss, word for word. Please do not change the words at all. 'I have sinned against you. I know I do not deserve your forgiveness, but I ask your forgiveness for filing the lawsuit against you. You are no longer obligated to pay the balance you owe me if you feel you do not owe it.' " The secretary knew me and the gravity of what I was saying. She began to weep. She could not believe what she was hearing.

A few hours later I received a call from this client. He said, "I received your message. I accept your request and I forgive you." He dropped his counter suit. A few days later, I went to see the man and had dinner with him. He did not offer to pay any of the balance. It took three years to pay the vendors related to this situation. It was difficult because I knew he was not taking any responsibility for his contribution to the problem. However, I knew I was to let go of it. The Lord was glorified in this situation and He provided for my needs.

Is there anyone you need to seek forgiveness from? Acknowledging our sin is the first step. Humbling ourselves and taking actions to restore is the next step.

-=+=-

Defining Moments
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Tuesday, August 30, 2005
by Os Hillman

As he neared Damascus on his journey, suddenly a light from heaven flashed around him. ~ Acts 9:3

• For Moses, it was the burning bush.
• For Peter, it was walking on water.
• For Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, it was walking through the burning furnace untouched.
• For Paul, it was being blinded and spoken to by Jesus on the Damascus road.
• For Daniel, it was deliverance from the lions' den.
• For Joshua, it was parting the Jordan River and crossing into the Promised Land.

There have been many defining moments in the lives of human beings that changed their lives forever.

These defining moments often set the course for the balance of their lives.

We could go on and on. Each of these servants had years of preparation leading up to their defining moment. These moments forced the servants to be involved in something beyond their human experiences. It took them outside their own paradigms of life. God had to move them outside their own boxes. And when He did, their lives were never the same.

You may be in one of three stages of life: You may not have had your "defining moment" yet—God may be preparing you with many important life experiences. You may have had your defining moment and you are living out your call. Or, you may be toward the end of your journey and you have already experienced what I speak of.

We are all called to a relationship with God; and we are all called vocationally, which is often ushered in by a defining moment. And there can be more than one defining moment, each pointing you down a path that God foreordained from the foundation of the world. The secret of a great life is often a man's ability to discern the defining moments given to him, understanding them, and learning to walk in the path that leads him to his ultimate destination.

Once you have had a defining moment, you are never the same. Pray that you have eyes to see and ears to hear when your Master brings a defining moment into your life.

-=+=-

Going Against the Flow
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Monday, August 29, 2005
by Os Hillman

But the whole assembly talked about stoning them. ~ Numbers 14:10a

Have you ever had to stand up against the majority for a cause that wasn't popular? God brought the Israelites out of Egypt and promised He would lead them into a land of milk and honey. The process of moving out of Egypt was difficult. They could no longer do things the old way, for the old ways didn't work in the desert. God provided for them during this journey. But there came a point in which the people forgot what God had said. Their discomfort changed their belief about God.

Whenever God is slow to answer our prayers, what we believe about God is revealed. Do we change our plans and move in a different direction when pressure mounts? Or do we continue on the path God has directed for us? Four men believed what God said and were willing to stand; however, the crowd wanted to stone them.

Then Moses and Aaron fell facedown in front of the whole Israelite assembly gathered there. Joshua son of Nun and Caleb son of Jephunneh, who were among those who had explored the land, tore their clothes and said to the entire Israelite assembly, "The land we passed through and explored is exceedingly good. If the Lord is pleased with us, He will lead us into that land, a land flowing with milk and honey, and will give it to us. Only do not rebel against the Lord. And do not be afraid of the people of the land, because we will swallow them up. Their protection is gone, but the Lord is with us. Do not be afraid of them." But the whole assembly talked about stoning them. Then the glory of the Lord appeared at the Tent of Meeting to all the Israelites (Numbers 14:5-10).

Notice Joshua and Caleb's response to the situation. They had spied the land. They believed God. They challenged the crowd. They seemed to know that if the Lord was not pleased with them they would not enter into the Promised Land. Those who grumbled did not enter the Promised Land. Only Joshua and Caleb and a new generation saw the fulfillment of God's promise.

Has God called you to stand for a cause bigger than yourself? You will have opposition to His call; sometimes it even comes from those in your own camp. But if God has called you, then you can be sure He will make a way. He has already opened the way before you. But you must walk in faith, joined with Him to take the land.

...Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go (Joshua 1:9).

-=+=-

Copyright 2005. www.MarketplaceLeaders.org
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To contact Os Hillman, request reprint permission, or to book Os to speak in your town write to os@marketplaceleaders.org. Marketplace Leaders Website: http://www.marketplaceleaders.org/ Copyright 2005
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Please recommend this TGIF daily devotional to everyone interested in applying their faith to their worklife. Tell them to subscribe at http://www.TodayGodIsFirst.com

Os Hillman Copyright 2005
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Activities and Events of Interest
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Columbia County Fair, Monday, September 19 - Saturday, September 24.
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Steak & Bingo (Sep 24 06:00 PM CDT in Jr. High cafeteria)
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The Emancipation Proclamation will be on display at the Clinton Library September 22-25, 2007.
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"September 11 WDYTJWD" W. P. Florence
Justice first, then peace."
"September 11" Never forget.--Tony Moses
"ONE NATION UNDER GOD ...the only way"--Phillip Story
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." -- Franklin D. Roosevelt
"Keeping my head down but face toward Heaven" - - Jody Eldred, ABC News Cameraman in Kuwait
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" --"Bug"
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. - - George Carlin
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" - - Queen E. Watson
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NEVER FORGET! We're listing the names of our soldiers killed weekly. These records can be found at http://www.defenselink. mil/releases/

The Department of Defense announced the death of three soldiers who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom. They died on August 25, 2005, in Husaybah, Iraq, of injuries sustained when an improvised explosive device detonated near their position. Killed were:
01. Sgt. 1st Class Trevor J. Diesing, 30, of Plum City, Wis. Diesing was assigned the U.S. Army Special Operations Command, Fort Bragg, N.C.
02. Master Sgt. Ivica Jerak, 42, of Houston, Texas. Jerak was assigned to the U.S. Army Special Operations Command, Fort Bragg, N.C.
03. Cpl. Timothy M. Shea, 22, of Sonoma, Calif. Shea was assigned to the Army's 3rd Battalion, 75th Ranger Regiment, Fort Benning, Ga.

04. Staff Sgt. Damion G. Campbell, 23, of Baltimore, Md., died on August 26, 2005, in Khayr Kot, Afghanistan, where an improvised explosive device detonated near his HMMWV during a combat patrol. Campbell was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 508th Infantry Regiment, Vicenza, Italy.


05. Sgt. 1st Class Obediah J. Kolath, 32, of Louisburg, Mo., died on Aug. 28, 2005, in Landstuhl, Germany, of injuries sustained on Aug. 25, 2005, in Husaybah, Iraq, where an improvised explosive device detonated near his position. The incident involved three other soldiers whose deaths were announced on Aug. 27, 2005. Kolath was assigned to the U.S. Army Special Operations Command, Fort Bragg, N.C.

06. Spc. Joseph L. Martinez, 21, of Las Vegas, Nev., died on Aug. 27, 2005, in Tal Afar, Iraq, where his dismounted patrol was engaged by enemy forces using small arms fire. Martinez was assigned to the 2nd Squadron, 3rd Armored Cavalry Regiment, Fort Carson, Colo.

07. Chief Warrant Officer Dennis P. Hay, 32, of Valdosta, Ga., died on Aug. 29, 2005, in Tal Afar, Iraq, where his OH-58D Kiowa helicopter came under attack by enemy forces using small arms fire. Hay was assigned to the 4th Squadron, 3rd Armored Cavalry Regiment, Fort Carson, Colo.

08. 2nd Lt. Charles R. Rubado, 23, of Clearwater, Fla., died on Aug. 29, 2005, in Tal Afar, Iraq, when his M1A2 Abrams tank came under attack by enemy forces using small arms fire. Rubado was assigned to the 1st Squadron, 3rd Armored Cavalry Regiment, Fort Carson, Colo.

09. Maj. Gregory J. Fester, 41, of Grand Rapids, Mich., died on Aug. 30, 2005, in Iskandariyah, Iraq, where an improvised explosive device detonated near his dismounted patrol. Fester was a reservist assigned to the U.S. Army Civil Affairs and Psychological Operations Command, Fort Bragg, N.C.

10. Sgt. Monta S. Ruth, 26, of Winston-Salem, N.C., died on Aug. 31, 2005, in Samarra, Iraq, where an improvised explosive device detonated near his military vehicle during security patrol operations. Ruth was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 15th Infantry Regiment, 3rd Brigade, 3rd Infantry Division, Fort Benning, Ga.

11. Spc. Jason E. Ames, 21, of Cerulean, Ky., died on Aug. 31, 2005, in Mosul, Iraq, from non-combat related injuries. Ames was assigned to the 3rd Battalion, 21st Infantry Regiment, 1st Brigade, 25th Infantry Division (Stryker Brigade Combat Team), Fort Lewis, Wash.

12. Capt. Lowell T. Miller, II, 35, of Flint, Mich., died on Aug. 31, 2005, in Iskandariyah, Iraq, when his military training team was conducting operations with the Iraqi Army and they came under attack by enemy forces using small arms fire. Miller was assigned to the Army National Guard's 1st Battalion, 155th Infantry Regiment, McComb, Miss.
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Please remember to pray for the American soldiers stationed everywhere around the globe and especially in Iraq. Times have been and are very tough and it would be nice if you would all just say a prayer for their safety and for their families.
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Scheduled Activities
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Alcoholics Anonymous meets at 8 p.m. Monday - Friday. At noon on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays and at 7 p.m. Sunday at 914 N. Vine
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Columbia County Amateur Radio Club meets Every second Thursday @ 7:00 p.m. Union Street Station. And YOU'RE invited. Net is every Sunday at 20:30 on 147.105.
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Columbia County Diabetes Support Group - Every third Monday, 7:00 p.m. room 222, Magnolia Hospital
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"Focus on the Family" with Dr. James Dobson weekday afternoons at 1 PM on KVMA am 630 it's a great show!
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MCC - Abraham Prayer - Sunday at 5:00 p.m and Wednesday from 11:30 am to 1:00 pm
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MCC - Early Morning Prayer - Monday - Friday, From 6:30 am to 8:00 am
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MCC - "Beth Moore" Video Class - Thursday nights at 5:45 pm
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MCC - "Faith Builders" Small group meets at 1051 Columbia 36 the second and fourth Tuesdays, 6:30 pm to 7:45 pm.
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MCC - Firm Foundations Class, Sunday 9:30 to 10:15 a.m
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MCC - Meadow Brook Nursing Home Ministry Tuesday from 10:00 to 11:00 a.m
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MCC - Mom's Day Out - Every Tuesday and Thursday from 9 to 2.$10 for the first child, $5 for the second. Call 234-3225 for reservations.
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MCC - Nursing Home Ministry - Meadowbrook Every Tuesday from 10 to 11 am. Taylor, the last Thursday each month.
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MCC - Over comers: Fridays @ 7:00 p.m- Director, Traci Foster invites you to a 12 step Christian support program. For anyone with a life controlling problem. Child care is provided.
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Men's Prayer Breakfast held every Tuesday morning at 6 AM in Miller's Cafeteria. If you aren't a regular participant at the Men's Prayer Breakfast, you're missing some great food, fellowship and inspired teaching of the Word. Hope to see you there.
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Narcotics Anonymous 5-6 pm every Monday at 220 Pine street.
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TOPS (Take Off Pounds Sensibly) 5 pm every Tuesday in the Magnolia Hospital break room.
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Emergency Phone Number 911
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )
Central Dispatch 234-5655
(Non - Emergency Number)
Direct Numbers
Ambulance - 234-7371 (24 Hour)
Jail - 234-5331 (24 Hour)
Poison Control - 800-222-1222 (24 Hour)
http://www. aapcc. org/
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"Fight till you win!" - - Mark Brazee
"Bring 'em on!" - -President George W. Bush
"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle."
"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." -- "Bug"
"I read the end of the book. We win!" -- "Bug"
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." -- "Bug"
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." - - "Bug"
"If you can read this e-mail, thank a teacher. - - If you read it in English, thank a serviceman."
"A simple way to take measure of a country is to look at how many want in ... and how many want out." - - Tony Blair
"Information is the currency of democracy." - Jefferson
"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed people can change the world; indeed, it is the only thing that ever has." - - Margaret Mead
~~~~~
Hope you enjoy the newsletter.
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week.

God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!
Eph 5:15-17 Psa 46:1-3 Rev 21:2-4 Rom 11:30-33
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT-I KC5HII

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Let us hear from you if we can switch you over to the "Word" or "PDF" version of "Da Bleat".
If you'd prefer to read "Da Blog" version, just drop us a note at KC5HII@Magnolia-Net.Com and we'll switch you from e:mail delivery to "Da Bleat" Blog. Of course "Da Bleat" is now on the web. Just go to http://bugsbleatnew.blogspot.com to see the latest issue (usually updated sometime Friday evening or Saturday morning. We appreciate your encouragement. We also appreciate your communication when you desire to be taken off our mail list. If you are on this mail list by mistake or do not wish to receive "Da Bleat," please reply back and tell us to discontinue service to you. This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus 2005 before it was sent.
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