Bug's Bleat - - GCF: First Time in Church

Volume 7, Issue 29

Hello All,

Our reliable computer service had some difficulty getting our old Burton going. It seems that there were multiple failures. However, as you can see, they persevered and succeeded.
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Annette decided that my bathroom needed remodeling. I thought it was fine “as is.” I lost. So Elaine Rice spent the last week or so building a “mirror mosaic” on the wall opposite the throne.
I have to admit that it’s a beautiful mosaic. However, I’m not one that enjoys gazing on a “fractured” image of myself while enjoying my constitutional.
Jimmy put a slightly different spin on it. He said, “We’ll, your bathroom is definitely a place that you can go to “reflect”.”
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Pastor Marcus loaned me What's So Great About America by Dinesh D'Souza. It’s an eye opener that affirms our nation’s culture.
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LONDON, England -- Workers distracted by phone calls, e-mails and text messages suffer a greater loss of IQ than a person smoking marijuana, a British study shows.

The constant interruptions reduce productivity and leave people feeling tired and lethargic, according to a survey carried out by TNS Research and commissioned by Hewlett Packard.
The survey of 1,100 Britons showed:

Almost two out three people check their electronic messages out of office hours and when on holiday

Half of all workers respond to an e-mail within 60 minutes of receiving one
One in five will break off from a business or social engagement to respond to a message.
Nine out of 10 people thought colleagues who answered messages during face-to-face meetings were rude, while three out of 10 believed it was not only acceptable, but a sign of diligence and efficiency.

But the mental impact of trying to balance a steady inflow of messages with getting on with normal work took its toll, the UK's Press Association reported.
In 80 clinical trials, Dr. Glenn Wilson, a psychiatrist at King's College London University, monitored the IQ of workers throughout the day.

He found the IQ of those who tried to juggle messages and work fell by 10 points -- the equivalent to missing a whole night's sleep and more than double the 4-point fall seen after smoking marijuana.

"This is a very real and widespread phenomenon," Wilson said. "We have found that this obsession with looking at messages, if unchecked, will damage a worker's performance by reducing their mental sharpness.
"Companies should encourage a more balanced and appropriate way of working."
"The research suggests that we are in danger of being caught up in a 24-hour 'always on' society," said David Smith of Hewlett Packard.
"This is more worrying when you consider the potential impairment on performance and concentration for workers, and the consequent impact on businesses."
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Don't forget ... "Da Bleat" is now on the web. Just go to http://bugsbleatnew.blogspot.com
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Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.
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BREAKPOINT Commentaries by Chuck Colson. - Prison Fellowship

Ars Poetica Poetry as Spiritual Discipline
Theme, Structure, and Focus in Altus Prosator
By T. M. Moore - - July 22, 2005

For most of us the notion that poetry might contribute something to spiritual growth seems most unlikely. After all, very few of us ever spend much time reading poetry. If poetry is so good for us spiritually, wouldn’t spiritual people devote more attention to it? Besides, poetry can seem so inaccessible, so impenetrable at times; and specifically spiritual or Christian poetry is often insipid or shallow. How can such stuff whet our appetite for the Lord or take us deeper in our walk with Him?

I admit, I know very few people for whom a steady diet of good poetry is part of their regimen of spiritual disciplines. But that should not discourage us from looking to poetry for such help, if it’s possible that it might be able to serve that purpose. When we remember that what is perhaps the most spiritual book of the Bible—the Psalms—is entirely written in poetry, we might be a little less prone to dismiss this powerful literary form as having a role in spiritual growth. What we need are some examples to which we can turn for guidance in seeking out the kind of poetry—if such exists—that can stimulate and nurture us to greater progress in spiritual formation.

Altus Prosator
One example of poetry specifically written to nurture the life of the soul is the Altus Prosator, a late-sixth century Latin poem written by Columba of Iona, the great Irish missionary/monastic. Here is a poem in twenty-three stanzas deliberately crafted to help readers focus on the central truths of the Christian tradition, and to stimulate them to seek the Lord more fervently for aid in their journey of life. It seems to have been originally crafted with spiritual disciplines in mind, and it can still fulfill a role in that arena today.

The Altus Prosator (Exalted First-Sower, or, Creator) is a poem that sets the life of faith in the context of eternal verities and spiritual realities and calls the reader to turn away from the attractions of the mundane world to seek the way of the Lord more earnestly. Its themes are lofty and urgent; yet its structure is lyrical and deliberately crafted to promote easy memorization and frequent review. The Altus seems to have been designed as an aid to spiritual discipline, more specifically, to the discipline of setting one’s mind on the things that are above, where Christ is seated in the heavenly places (Colossians 3:1-3). It was a favorite of Irish monastics, and its survival for nearly 1,500 years suggests it has held a place of importance to readers in every generation since it first appeared.

Structure
The Altus is an abecedarian poem. That is, it consists of twenty-three stanzas, each stanza beginning with the next letter of the Latin alphabet. Each stanza consists of six lines, with an envoi (summation) of nine lines following the final stanza. The lines of each stanza are divided into two parts of four beats each, either iambic or dactylic in character, and the last syllable of each half-line rhymes. The poem reads rather like a children’s song, the words, meter, and rhyme leading the reader on in measured delight. Yet its themes are of the most sublime and urgent order. Here are two sample lines from the Latin, with my translation:

Regis regum rectissimi/prope est dies Domini,
dies irae et uindictae/tenebrarum et nebulae…

The holy, righteous King of Kings/the Day of the Lord near to us brings,
a day of punishment and wrath/and clouds and darkness on our path…

Such a strict meter and rhyme may be off-putting to contemporary poetic sensibilities, but it was made for easy learning. It also made the Altus a poem that could be recited with others, and with a measure of true delight, as the words fairly trip over one another, racing ahead to each rhymed couplet. It was listened to with pleasure by people of all ages, many of whom, with a little effort, committed it to memory. Tradition tells us that Columba composed the poem late in his life as he reflected on his coming death, and he sent a copy to be read to Pope Gregory the Great. Gregory, upon hearing the recitation of the Altus, is reported to have stood, believing that he saw angels attending to those who had come to read this gift of the great Irish church leader.

The poem consists of roughly six parts. Part I (stanza I) declares the writer’s faith in the Triune God, the “Altus Prosator.” He exists as three Persons in one Godhead—Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Part II deals with the creation of the angels, the good angels in their various ranks, and the fallen angels, led by Lucifer, and their plight (stanzas II-IV and VIII). Part III recounts the Lord’s work of creation and His providence over all He has made (stanzas V-VII, IX-XI). These stanzas establish the ground of God’s judgment—His ownership and care for the creation. Part IV discusses hell and paradise, one or the other of which is the final destination of every person (stanzas XIII-XV). Part V focuses on the judgment of God, both the basis for His judgment (His Law, stanza XVI) and the coming day of judgment and return of Christ (stanzas XVII-XXI). Part VI then returns to the theme of the Trinity and the rewards and punishment He will deal out in the day of the Lord (stanzas XXII, XXIII). The envoi declares the urgency of faith and obedience to God in a sin-darkened age.

Thus the Altus maps out the whole history of salvation and calls on readers to trust in Christ and walk in obedience to His Law, so that they might resist the machinations of the devil and know the full blessing of the rewards of paradise on the day when Christ returns.

Focus
The Altus is focused on the world of unseen things—God on His throne, His mysterious and all-governing providence, angels and demons, and things to come. It seems designed to nurture a clearer and more compelling vision of these unseen things in those who would learn and recite it often. We are reminded of the importance of such “spiritual vision” in Hebrews 11:1, where the writer tells us that faith is the assurance of things hoped for and the practice of unseen things. Both the inward life (assurance, hope) and the outward life (practice) are important aspects of a true and lively faith. For these to function as God intends, we must nurture a clear and compelling vision of unseen realities, and be able to recall that vision and relish it frequently. The Altus seems intended to help in developing and sustaining just such a focus on unseen things.

As to the theology of the Altus, we can see that it is genuinely orthodox. Its convictions are rooted in Scripture and the tradition of the Church—very characteristic of Celtic Christian scholarship during this period. There is nothing in the way of innovation here (again, a distinguishing trait of Celtic theology); yet the old, old story of salvation by grace through faith, issuing in a life of works, is clearly declared. The triune God is the beginning and end of the poem, and His work as Creator and Sustainer of the world is extolled throughout. The poem warns of the wicked intentions of fallen angels and calls men to look to Christ alone for salvation, and not to become ensnared in the allure of the sinful world. The poem is a call to prepare for the coming day of God’s wrath by trusting in Jesus Christ for salvation and walking in the ways of the Law delivered to Moses on Mt. Sinai. Here is Thomas O’Loughlin’s translation of the first three lines of the envoi (in Oliver Davies, ed., Celtic Spirituality [Paulist, 1999]):

Who can please God “in the final time,”
With the various orders of truth made plain?
Only those who have contempt for the present world.

The Altus also allows us to get a glimpse into the soul of a Celtic theologian. Columba, the poem’s author, was a true theologian of the heart. As W. Douglas Simpson writes, “If this splendid hymn is really from Columba’s pen—and there is no reason whatever to doubt the fact—it must be accounted indeed a striking monument of the grandeur and eloquence of his soul” (The Historical St. Columba, p. 64). Columba longed for his students, colleagues, and readers to be able to see beyond the veil that separates time from eternity into those eternal verities that are the very North Star of our Christian journey. Thus he knew, as Paul evidently did, that a compelling vision of unseen things can provide strong impetus for a life of faith and obedience.

Use
The Altus can serve us today in developing our own vision of unseen things and in nurturing hope in expectation of the coming of the Lord. This is an area of spiritual formation sadly neglected in our day, as A. J. Conyers pointed out in his book, The Eclipse of Heaven: “We live in a world no longer under heaven. At least in most people’s minds and imaginations that vision of reality has become little more than a caricature, conjuring up the saints and angels of baroque frescoes. And in the church only a hint remains of the power it once exercised in the hearts of believers” (p. 11). Randy Alcorn and others are trying to redress this neglect and encourage readers to discover the power of spiritual vision as a vital part of the life of faith. But few have written on how to exercise our minds and hearts toward maintaining focus on this important aspect of our lives in Christ. Poetry can play an important part in this. Poems such as Altus Prosator, the paradise poems of Ephraem the Syrian, the Ode on the Morning of Christ’s Nativity (Milton), and poems by Wendell Berry, Denise Levertov, and others can serve to remind us of the reality and inevitability of the unseen realm, and help us train our minds to reflect deeply on these realities so that our hearts can embrace them and make them a more vital part of our own walk with the Lord. By reading and meditating on such poetry, even writing some of these poems out in our own hand and learning them by heart, we might expect to find thoughts about the glories of the unseen world becoming more vitally and permanently a part of our faith in the Lord.

The Altus Prosator is but one example of a vast field of Christian verse, from across the ages, which can serve to remind us that the unseen realm is as real, if not more real, than anything we might indulge in this life. Our walk with the Lord will be strengthened as we take up those spiritual disciplines which help us to focus more clearly and consistently on this unseen realm.

T. M. Moore is a Fellow of the Wilberforce Forum. He serves as Pastor of Teaching Ministries and Director of the Center for Christian Studies at Cedar Springs Presbyterian Church in Knoxville, Tenn. He is the editor of the series, Jonathan Edwards for Today’s Reader (P & R), the latest volume of which is Praying Together for True Revival. His latest book is Consider the Lilies: A Plea for Creational Theology (P & R). His book, God’s Prayer Program: A Handbook for Using the Psalms in Prayer will be released by Christian Focus in September. He and his wife and editor, Susie, make their home in Concord, Tenn. He can be reached at nacurragh@aol.com. All Scripture quotations are from the English Standard Version (Crossway).
Articles on the BreakPoint website are the responsibility of the authors and do not necessarily represent the opinions of Chuck Colson or Prison Fellowship Ministries. Links to outside articles or websites are for informational purposes only and do not necessarily imply endorsement of their content.

http://www.pfm.org/Content/NavigationMenu5/BreakPoint/LearnMore/About_BreakPoint/default.htm 2005 Prison Fellowship.
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Recipe(s) of the week - Maggie's Decadent Brownies Recipe courtesy Paula Deen
See this recipe on air Sunday Sep. 18 at 10:30 AM ET/PT.


Recipe Summary
Difficulty: Medium
Prep Time: 15 minutes
Inactive Prep Time: 20 minutes
Cook Time: 30 minutes
Yield: 4 dozen brownies



4 ounces unsweetened chocolate
1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter
4 large eggs
2 cups sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 cup all-purpose flour, sifted
Frosting:
4 ounces (4 squares) unsweetened chocolate
1 cup (2 sticks) butter, softened
½ cup pasteurized egg substitute (recommended: Egg Beaters)
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 (1-pound) box confectioners' sugar, sifted
4 cups mini marshmallows


Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Grease a 13 by 9-inch baking pan.
Melt the chocolate and butter in a 2-quart bowl in the microwave on high for 3 minutes, stirring every 20 to 30 seconds until the chocolate is completely melted. Add the eggs, sugar, and vanilla and mix well with a spatula. Add the flour and stir to combine. Spread the batter evenly in the prepared pan. Bake for 25 minutes.

While the brownies are baking, make the frosting. Melt the chocolate and butter in a medium bowl in the microwave on high for 3 minutes stirring every 20 to 30 seconds until the chocolate is completely melted. Add the egg substitute, vanilla, and sugar and stir with a spoon until smooth. Stir in the marshmallows; they will soften but not melt completely. Spread the frosting over the warm brownies. The frosting will set up when the brownies are completely cooled. When cool, cut into 1 ½-inch squares and store in the refrigerator in a plastic container with a snap-on lid.

http://www.foodnetwork.com/food/recipes/recipe/0,1977,FOOD_9936_31307,00.html
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Words of the Week:

atelier: a workshop; a studio.
apparition: a ghost; also, an unexpected appearance.
propinquity: nearness.
ersatz: being a substitute or imitation.
flummox: to confuse; to perplex.
iota: a very small quantity or degree.
ennui: a feeling of weariness and dissatisfaction arising from lack of interest.
assuage: to soften; to ease, or lessen.

from Dictionary.Com
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"The highest possible stage in moral culture is when we recognize that we ought to control our thoughts." - Charles Darwin

"It [television] is a medium of entertainment which permits millions of people to listen to the same joke at the same time, and yet remain lonesome." - T. S. Eliot

"And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music." - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

"A compromise is the art of dividing a cake in such a way that everyone believes he has the biggest piece." - Ludwig Erhard

"We need a renaissance of wonder. We need to renew, in our hearts and in our souls, the deathless dream, the eternal poetry, the perennial sense that life is miracle and magic." - E. Merrill Root

"The people recognize themselves in their commodities; they find their soul in their automobile, hi-fi set, split-level home, kitchen equipment." - Herbert Marcuse

"If we lose the virile, manly qualities, and sink into a nation of mere hucksters, putting gain over national honor, and subordinating everything to mere ease of life, then we shall indeed reach a condition worse than that of the ancient civilizations in the years of their decay." - Theodore Roosevelt
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The Uniting and Strengthening America by Providing Appropriate Tools Required to Intercept and Obstruct Terrorism (USA PATRIOT) Act was first passed in the aftermath of September 11, 2001 and was written to provide law enforcement with the necessary tools they need to locate and crack down on suspected terrorists. This week in Congress, my colleagues and I debated the USA PATRIOT Reauthorization Act.

Specifically, the USA PATRIOT Act enhances the ability of federal authorities to conduct criminal and intelligence investigations, bars and expels foreign terrorists from the United States, separates terrorists from their financial support, punishes terrorist acts, and addresses the needs of terrorist victims. Since the USA PATRIOT Act was enacted in 2001, enabling law enforcement to combat terrorism, there has not been a terrorist attack on American soil.

Several provisions of the Act will expire on December 31, 2005, including three communications-related aspects of federal law: wiretapping, stored electronic communications and communication transaction records; and pen registers and trap and trace devices. The bi-partisan 9/11 Commission recognized the fact that these key provisions would expire and recommended that they be reviewed with a "a full and informed debate on the PATRIOT Act.” The reauthorization of the USA PATRIOT Act extends two of the provisions for ten years, while the other fourteen provisions would be made permanent.

Congress has expressed concerns in reference to some of the provisions concerning surveillance issues. While it is important to provide protection and security to our nation, it is imperative that we do not infringe upon important American civil liberties and freedoms that we cherish.

Unfortunately, in this post 9-11 era, our world has changed, our enemy has changed, and our approach must also change. As your United States Congressman, I will work with my colleagues in the House of Representative to find the proper balance between protecting the civil liberties of American citizens, and safeguarding our nation from future terrorist attacks on American soil.

Congressman Mike Ross - Representing Arkansas's 4th District

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GCF: First Time in Church

Emailed to me from another humor list (The Funnies) -Tom To subscribe to The Funnies, send a blank email to: andychaps_the-funnies-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! A smile will enhance the quality of your life. Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.com or visit the Good Clean Fun web site http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor/ UNSUBSCRIBE INFO for Good Clean Fun is at the end of this email. This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus 2005 before it was sent.
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The little girl went to church for the first time. As she was leaving with her parents, the minister asked how she had liked church.

"I liked the music," she replied, "but the commercial was too long."
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GCF: Anesthesiology Bill

Emailed to me from another humor list (Marty's Joke of the Day) -Tom To subscribe to Marty's Joke of the Day, send a blank email to: martysjotd-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
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Margie received a bill from the hospital for her recent surgery, and was astonished to see a $1200 fee for the anesthesiologist. She called his office to demand an explanation.

"Is this some kind of mistake?" Margie asked when she got the doctor on the phone.

"No, not at all," the doctor said calmly.

"Well," said Margie, "that's awfully costly for knocking someone out."

"Not at all," replied the doctor. "I knock you out for free. The 1200 dollars is for bringing you back around."
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Shopping Methodology

Emailed to me from another humor list (Jokes & Trivia) -Tom To subscribe to Jokes & Trivia, send a blank email to: IwantTwisted@keepAhead.com
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In the frozen foods department of our local grocery store, I noticed a man shopping with his son. As I walked by, he checked something off his list, and I heard him whisper conspiratorially to the child, "You know, if we really mess this up, we'll never have to do it again."
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GCF: Kids Talk About Love, Part 4

Emailed to me from another humor list (Marty's Joke of the Day) -Tom To subscribe to Marty's Joke of the Day, send a blank email to: martysjotd-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
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"What does love mean?" These are answers from 4 to 8 year olds.

When my grandma got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toe nails anymore. So my grandpa does it for her now all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love. Rebecca - age 8

When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouths. Billy - age 4

Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other. Kari - age 5

Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs. Chrissy - age 6

Love is what makes you smile when you're tired. Terri - age 4

Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him to make sure the taste is OK. Danny - age 7

Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My mommy and my daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss. Emily - age 8

Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen. Bobby - age 7

If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate. Nikki - age 6

Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it every day. Noelle - age 7

Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well. Tommy - age 6

During my piano recital, I was on stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore. Cindy - age 8

My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night. Clare - age 6

Love is when mommy gives daddy the best piece of chicken. Elaine - age 5

Love is when mommy sees daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford. Chris - age 7

Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day. Mary Ann - age 4

When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you. Karen - age 7

You really shouldn't say "I LOVE YOU" unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget. Jessica - age 8

And the winner was a 4 year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly man who had just lost his wife. When the child saw the man cry, the little boy went over into the man's yard and climbed on top of the man's lap and just sat there. When the boy's mother asked him what he'd said to the neighbor, the little boy said, "Nothing, I just helped him cry."
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GCF: Paid in Full

Emailed to me from another humor list (The Funnies) -Tom To subscribe to The Funnies, send a blank email to: andychaps_the-funnies-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
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A woman was getting swamped with calls from strangers. The reason? A billing service had launched an 800 number that was identical to hers. When she called to complain, she was told to get a new number.

"I've had mine for twenty years," she pleaded. "Couldn't you change yours?"

The company refused, so she said, "Fine. From now on, I'm going to tell everyone who calls that their bill is paid in full."

The company got a new number the next day.
_ ____________________________ _
(((\ \>|_/ )_______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / If you choke a smurf, \ /
\ _/ what color does it turn? \_ /
/ / \ (((\ \>|_/ )_______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / If you toss a cat out \ /
\ _/ a car window, does \_ /
/ / it become kitty litter? \ (((\ \>|_/ )_______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / Doctors can be frustrating. \ \_/ ////
\ / You wait 6 weeks for an \ /
\ _/ appointment, and he says, \_ /
/ / "I wish you'd come to me sooner." \ (((\ \>|_/ )_______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / I read recipes the same way \ \_/ ////
\ / I read science fiction. I get \ /
\ _/ to the end and think, "Well, \_ /
/ / that's not going to happen." \ (((\ \>|_/ )_______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / You can order pizza online, \ /
\ _/ but how do you download it? \_ /
/ / \ _ ____________________________ _
/ )| Thomas S. Ellsworth |( / / | tellswor@slonet.org | \ _( (_ | http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor | _) )_
_( (_ | *** Good Clean Fun *** | _) )_
(((\ \>|_/ )_______________________( \_|Stop for a visit, leave with a smile! To join Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.Com To leave Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.Com Or visit the Good Clean Fun web site at http://www. slonet.org/~tellswor/
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[GCFL.net] On Marriage

"Some marriages are made in heaven, but so are thunder and lightning."

"Marriage is a lot like the army, everyone complains, but you'd be surprised at the number that re-enlist." - James Garner

"Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards." - Benjamin Franklin

"Don't assume that every sad-eyed woman has loved and lost - she may have got him."

"A man usually falls in love with a woman who asks the kinds of questions he can answer." - Ronald Colman

"Before marriage the three little words are 'I love you', after marriage they are, 'let's eat out'."

"By all means marry: If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philospher." - Socrates

"A diplomatic husband said to his wife, 'How do you expect me to remember your birthday when you never look any older?' "

"It takes a smart spouse to have the last word and not use it."

"The honeymoon is over when he phones to say he'll be late for supper and she's already left a note that it's in the refrigerator." - Bill Lawrence

"The average woman would rather have beauty than brains because she knows that the average man can see much better than he can think." - Ladies Home Journal

"A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband." - Michel de Montaingne

"Alimony is like buying oats for a dead horse." - Arthur Baer

"Marriage is a great institution - but I'm not ready for an institution yet." - Mae West

"When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her." - Sacha Guitry

"You have only to mumble a few words in church to get married and a few words in your sleep to get divorced."

"If there is any realistic deterrent to marriage, it's the fact that you can't afford divorce." - Jack Nicholson

"The person who marries for money usually earns every penny of it."

"The most difficult years of marriage are those following the wedding."

"A woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life to be thankful for a good one." - Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings

"Marriage is like twirling a baton, handsprings, or eating with chopsticks. It looks easy till you try it."

"If men acted after marriage as they do during courtship, there would be fewer divorces - and more bankruptcies." - Frances Rodman

"Some husbands are living proof that a woman can take a joke."

"Many husbands go broke on the money their wives save on sales."

"There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before marriage and after marriage."

"In Hollywood all marriages are happy. It's trying to live together afterwards that causes the problems." - Shelley Winters

"No woman ever falls in love with a man unless she has a higher opinion of him than he deserves." - Edgar Watson Howe

"The only real argument for marriage is that it remains the best method for getting acquainted." - Heywood Broun

Received from Leon Taylor.
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[GCFL.net] Politically Correct Statements

Your bedroom isn't cluttered. It's just "passage restrictive."

Kids don't get grounded anymore. They merely hit "social speed bumps."

You're not late. You just have a "rescheduled arrival time."

You're not having a bad hair day. You're suffering from "rebellious follicle syndrome."

No one's tall anymore. He's "vertically enhanced."

You're not shy. You're "conversationally selective."

You're not long-winded. You're just "abundantly verbal."

It's not called gossip anymore. It's "the speedy transmission of near-factual information."

AND FOR STUDENTS...

The food at the school cafeteria isn't awful. It's "digestively challenged."

No one fails a class anymore. He's merely "passing impaired."

You don't have detention. You're just one of the "exit delayed."

These days, a student isn't lazy. He's "energetically declined."

Your locker isn't overflowing with junk. It's just "closure prohibitive."

Your homework isn't missing. It's just having an "out-of-notebook experience."

You're not sleeping in class. You're "rationing consciousness."

You don't have smelly gym socks. You have "odor-retentive athletic footwear."

You weren't passing notes in class. You were "participating in the discreet exchange of penned meditations."

You're not being sent to the principal's office. You're "going on a mandatory field trip to the administrative building."

Received from mikeys-funnies.
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[GCFL.net] A Few Quips

This is my first day out of mourning. My cousin died. He was a dyslexic policeman who had a heart attack. They found him by the phone trying to dial 119. - Joan Rivers

I learned something the other day. I learned the Jehovah's Witnesses do not celebrate Halloween. I guess they don't like strangers going up to their door and annoying them. --Bruce Clark

Did you hear about those two students in New York who sued Pace University because the math in their computer course was too hard? They won $1,000, but actually, the school got the last laugh. They gave the kids $700 and told them it was $1,000. - Jay Leno

Every time I get in an elevator, the operator says the same thing to me: "Basement?" - Rodney Dangerfield

The only time you don't need a prenuptial is if he has no children...he's got a bad cough and a walker. --Ivana Trump (on ex-husband Donald)

It's good to be back in New York but the crime situation has gotten bad. When I was getting off the plane the pilot was putting the 'club' on the steering wheel. - John Mendoza

What a life. When I was a kid I asked my dad if I could go ice skating. He told me to wait until it gets warmer. -- Rodney Dangerfield

The last time I tried to get into the normal work force the guy told me I had to wear high heels. I'll wear the high heels but I am going to need a handicapped parking space. -- Margaret Smith

Received from Scott Neville.
-=+=-
[GCFL.net] New Vehicle

Dawson and his wife, Jennifer, had been debating buying a vehicle for weeks. He wanted a truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around town. He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range.

"Look!" she said. "I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in just a few seconds. Nothing else will do. My birthday is coming up so surprise me!"

Dawson did just that. For her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.

Nobody has seen or heard from him since.

Received from Emmett C McKowen.
-=+=-
[GCFL.net] A Doctor, A Lawyer, A Little Boy And A Priest

A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane. Suddenly, the plane developed engine trouble. In spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started to go down. Finally, the pilot grabbed a parachute, yelled to the passengers that they had better jump, and then he bailed out.

Unfortunately, there were only three parachutes remaining. The doctor grabbed one and said "I'm a doctor, I save lives, so I must live," and jumped out.

The lawyer then said, "I'm a lawyer and lawyers are the smartest people in the world. I deserve to live." He also grabbed a parachute and jumped.

The priest looked at the little boy and said, "My son, I've lived a long and full life. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Take the last parachute and live in peace."

The little boy handed the parachute back to the priest and said, "Not to worry, Father. The 'smartest man in the world' just took off with my back pack."

Received from Y2K9Doggy.
-=+=-
– NEW! Go to http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20050124 to rate this funny from 0 to 5.
-=+=-
Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List "A cheerful heart is good medicine!" (Prov 17:22a) Go to http://gcfl.net/mlfrontend.php to change your subscription options or unsubscribe. To email this funny to a friend, go to http://gcfl.net/emailit.php?funny=20050107 The latest GCFL funny can always be found on the web at http://gcfl.net/latest.php
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CHANGING A LIGHT BULB THE CHRISTIAN WAY

How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Charismatic : Only 1 Hands are already in the air.

Pentecostal : 10 One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

Presbyterians : None Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

Roman Catholic : None Candles only.

Baptists: At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken .

Episcopalians: 3 One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old one was.

Mormons : 5 One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.

Unitarians : We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, you are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

Methodists : Undetermined Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Bring a bulb of your choice to the Sunday lighting service and a covered dish to pass.

Nazarene :6 One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.

Lutherans: None Lutherans don't believe in change.

Amish : What's a light bulb?

Thanks to Norma Kay Rowe
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My dad sent these and immediately I thought of you. Enjoy!
: ) Angie

1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, "Dam"!

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron." The other says "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

Thanks to Angie Caldwell
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Welcome to You Make Me Laugh, a free newsletter from Crosswalk.com, the world's largest Christian website.
Today's Clean Laugh

Turtle Accident

Two snails were standing on the side of the road, a turtle stopped and said, "Do you guys want a ride on my back"?

One of the snails took him up on his offer and off he went.

As the turtle reached the intersection another turtle came along and crashed into him. The poor little snail was thrown and killed. A cop investigating the accident began questioning the dead snail's buddy. "What happened?" he asked.

The little snail replied, "I don't know it all happened so fast."

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

-=+=-

Travelling Too Light

A porter loaded down with suitcases followed the couple to the airline check-in counter.

As they approached the line, the husband glanced at the pile of luggage and said to the wife, "Why didn't you bring the piano, too?"

"Are you trying to be funny?" she replied.

"No, I really wish you had" he sighed. "I left the tickets on it."

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

-=+=-

Fed Up

Long ago, on New York's lower east side, Mrs. Spinelli and Mrs.Goldberg were bragging about their respective abilities to overfeed dinner guests.

With evident pride Mrs. Spinelli says, "When they walk home from my house, they're all doubled-over."

Without a beat, Mrs. Goldberg answers, "From your house they can walk?"

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

-=+=-

Control Seminar

The company I work for sometimes puts on what they call "Lunch and Learn" seminars during the employees' lunchtime, dealing with a variety of physical and mental health issues. If the seminar lasts beyond the normal lunch hours, we're supposed to get managerial approval to attend.

So, last week, this flier came around:

LUNCH AND LEARN SEMINAR:

WHO'S CONTROLLING YOUR LIFE?

(Get your manager's permission before attending)

Looks like that question's been answered...

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

-=+=-

Texas Cruise

A Texas rancher, visiting a South Dakota farmer friend, asked him to show him his farm.

After seeing the 1,000 acre spread, the Texan bragged that down home he could get into his car, drive all day, and by evening would not have gotten to the distant point of his ranch.

The South Dakotan simply replied, "You know, I had a car like that once."

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

*Eye Laugh*

"Plane Traffic"
http://www.cybersalt.org/g05.php?id=92

"Backfire"
http://www.cybersalt.org/g05.php?id=91

"Gift Stand"
http://www.cybersalt.org/g05.php?id=89

"Puppy Surf"
http://www.cybersalt.org/g05.php?id=88

"Jeopardy"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw231

-=+=-

Daily devotionals are available at http://link.Crosswalk.Com/UM/T.asp?A1. 39. 17757. 1. 494611 You can access more information on Crosswalk's Fun page http://www.Crosswalk.Com/fun/! Crosswalk gives credit to the author of a joke when author is known. Feel free to send notification to admin@cybersalt.org in cases where credit has not been given to the author! -SUBSCRIPTION INFO- * Copyright2004 Crosswalk.Com, Inc. and its Content Providers. All rights reserved. Introducing www.Crossguide.Com Where Christians find Products, Services & Ministries.
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"Don't strive for recognition, but work for achievement." -- Vanessa Malone
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Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Columns - - http://www.madkane.com/musical.html - - Musical Accord "One afternoon your ten-year old daughter comes home from school, enthused about learning to play an instrument. Your eyeballs start to throb. Your head begins to pulsate. You ask yourself whether tin ears are passed down from parents to their children..."
http://www.madkane.com
http://www.madkane.com/notable.html (Notables Weblog)
http://www.madkane.com/bush.html (Dubya's Dayly Diary)
Subscribe to MadKane Humor Newsletter (weekly) here:
http://www.madkane.com/email.html
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"A screening test for prostate cancer taken by millions of men every year is not terribly accurate and not even the best result ensures that a man is cancer-free, experts said on July 5, 2005. They found the standard prostate-specific antigen, or PSA test, produces many false positives and false negatives -- meaning some men who think they do not have cancer actually do, while others may undergo uncomfortable biopsies only to learn there is no tumor after all. 'Patients have assumed, 'My PSA is below 4. It's normal. I have no risk',' Dr. Ian Thompson of the University of Texas Health Science Center at San Antonio, who led the study, told a news conference. In fact, some men with PSA levels of 1 had prostate cancer, his study showed. Others with higher PSA levels did not have prostate cancer." -
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"There were nearly 3,200 terrorist attacks worldwide last year, a federal counterterrorism center said July 5, 2005, using a broader definition that increased fivefold the number of attacks the agency had been counting. The National Counterterrorism Center's interim director, John Brennan, called a new database that was to go online Wednesday 'the most comprehensive U.S. effort to date to track terrorist incidents worldwide.' But he cautioned that comparing the new tally to previous ones was comparing apples to oranges. In 2004, the counterterrorism center says, there were 3,192 terror attacks worldwide with 28,433 people wounded, killed or kidnapped." -
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"Students apply to college online, e-mail their papers to their professors and, when they want to be cheeky, pass notes in class by text-messaging. But that doesn't necessarily mean they have a high Internet IQ. 'They're real comfortable instant-messaging, downloading MP3 files. They're less comfortable using technology in ways that require real critical thinking,' says Teresa Egan of the Educational Testing Service. Or as Lorie Roth, assistant vice chancellor of academic programs at California State University puts it: 'Every single one that comes through the door thinks that if you just go to Google and get some hits - you've got material for your research paper right there.' That's why Cal State and a number of other colleges are working with ETS to create a test to evaluate Internet intelligence, measuring whether students can locate and verify reliable online information and whether they know how to properly use and credit the material." -
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"As home prices skyrocket, property taxes are also going up, especially in hot markets like Florida, California and the Northeast. 'Young families simply can't afford to live here. It's very difficult for police officers, firefighters, teachers and nurses,' said Lori Parrish, the property appraiser in nearby Broward County, who has pushed for more property tax breaks. Teri Vasarhelyi and her husband thought they would be able to afford a bigger house with more land two years ago when they left San Francisco, the most expensive home market in the country. They figured they found a good deal in a two-bedroom house in the peaceful, leafy Coconut Grove area for $440,000 in March 2004. But the shock came when their first property tax bill came a few months later - more than $9,200 a year, nearly double what they paid in their old home." -
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"It sounded like science fiction - NASA scientists used a space probe to chase down a speeding comet 83 million miles away and slammed it into the frozen ball of dirty ice and debris in a mission to learn how the solar system was formed. The unmanned probe of the Deep Impact mission collided with Tempel 1, a pickle-shaped comet half the size of Manhattan, late July 3, 2005, as thousands of people across the country fixed their eyes to the southwestern sky for a glimpse. The impact at 10:52 p.m. PDT was cause for celebration not only to scientists at NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory in Pasadena, but also for the more than 10,000 people camped out at Hawaii's Waikiki Beach to watch it on a giant movie screen. 'It's almost like one of those science fiction movies,' said Steve Lin, a Honolulu physician." -
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"With abuse of prescription drugs growing rapidly, many doctors and pharmacists say they have received limited training in dealing with pain-relievers, stimulants, tranquilizers and other controlled prescription drugs. One factor behind the growth is that people easily can get these drugs from doctors, friends, relatives and through the Internet, according to a study by the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University. Relying on various government reports, the study cited rapidly rising rates of abuse of prescription drugs, especially among teenagers. About 15 million people in the U.S. abused controlled prescription drugs and the amount of abuse has gone up sharply over the past decade among all adults and especially among teens, according to the center's analysis of federal data on drug use." -
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"A newly discovered planet has bountiful sunshine, with not one, not two, but three suns glowing in its sky. It is the first extrasolar planet found in a system with three stars. How a planet was born amidst these competing gravitational forces will be a challenge for planet formation theories. 'The environment in which this planet exists is quite spectacular,' said Maciej Konacki from the California Institute of Technology. 'With three suns, the sky view must be out of this world -- literally and figuratively.' The triple-star system, HD 188753, is located 149 light-years away in the constellation Cygnus. The primary star is like our Sun, weighing 1.06 solar masses. The other two stars form a tightly bound pair, which is separated from the primary by approximately the Sun-Saturn distance." -
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Alexander Graham Bell Family Papers - - http://memory.loc.gov/ammem/bellhtml/bellhome.html - - The online version of the Alexander Graham Bell Family Papers at the Library of Congress comprises a selection of 4,695 items (totaling about 51,500 images). This presentation contains correspondence, scientific notebooks, journals, blueprints, articles, and photographs documenting Bell's invention of the telephone and his involvement in the first telephone company, his family life, his interest in the education of the deaf, and his aeronautical and other scientific research.
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America's First Look into the Camera: Daguerreotype Collection - - http://lcweb2.loc.gov/ammem/daghtml/daghome.html - - The Library's daguerreotype collection consists of more than 725 photographs dating from 1839 to 1864. Portrait daguerreotypes produced by the Mathew Brady studio make up the major portion of the collection. The collection also includes early architectural views by John Plumbe, several Philadelphia street scenes, early portraits by pioneering daguerreotypist Robert Cornelius, studio portraits by black photographers James P. Ball and Francis Grice, and copies of painted portraits. This Website is part of the Library of Congress' American Memory Project.
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Building the Alaska Highway - - http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/amex/alaska/ - - This is the companion Website PBS program. Building the Alaska Highway: It was a great triumph for the U.S. Army - and one of the boldest homeland security initiatives ever. On November 20th, 1942, on a remote vista in Yukon Territory, several hundred men braved the bitter cold to mark the end of a project that few people thought possible - the construction of the Alaska Highway.
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Check Your Symptoms: WebMD Symptom Checker - - http://my.webmd.com/medical_information/check_symptoms/default.htm - - Need information as you determine what to do about your symptoms? Get help figuring them out by answering a series of questions. To get started, click on male or female, regardless of age, then the part of the body that is troubling you.
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The New York Times Movie Reviews - - http://movies.nytimes.com/ref/movies/reviews/ - - Browse or search 15,000 New York Times movie reviews. Included in the free review archive are all films reviewed since 1960, reviews of all Best Picture Academy Award winners, as well as The New York Times guide to Best 1,000 Movies Ever Made. (NOTE: free registration required.)
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Healthfinder - - http://www.healthfinder.gov/ - - Site provides consumers with easy access to online, accurate health information. From the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.
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The David Rumsey Historical Map Collection - - http://www.davidrumsey.com/ - - The David Rumsey Historical Map Collection has over 11,000 maps online. The collection focuses on rare 18th and 19th century North and South America maps and other cartographic materials. Historic maps of the World, Europe, Asia and Africa are also represented. Collection categories include antique atlas, globe, school geography, maritime chart, state, county, city, pocket, wall, childrens and manuscript maps. The collection can be used to study history, genealogy and family history.
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How Stuff Works - - http://www.howstuffworks.com/ - - This site offers a series of articles that explore the workings of electronics, computers, autos, finances, health, and scientific and social phenomena.
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|------------ Safety From The Heart ----------|
July 21, 2005
Today's Message is from Karen O'Connor (a Houston Albemarle employee).

ELEVEN WAYS TO PREVENT OUTDOOR FIRES

It's that wonderful time of year when we can camp and play outside. Here are eleven common-sense reminders on ways to prevent fires while we're having outdoor fun:

1) Verify that the spark arresters on your ATVs, chainsaws and portable generators are functioning. If you don't know what spark arresters are, just know that all vehicles and equipment have to have them, and the local dealer or forest service can tell if they are working.

2) Make sure all gas-powered lanterns, stoves, or heaters are totally cooled off before they are refueled.

3) Don't burn leaves, grass, hay, wood, or anything organic. Use this material for compost instead.

4) Never burn aerosol, paint, oil, or gasoline cans. They can explode and flying material can spark wildfires.

5) If you are building a campfire (or any fire, for that matter), keep it well away from trees and bushes so that ashes and cinders don't spark any nearby dead branches. It's best to avoid building any fires during the dry season.

6) Never smoke while hiking on a trail, and for the love of that well known guy, Pete, don't throw a cigarette butt into dry grass. Grind it into the dirt to extinguish the butt, then carry it out with you.

7) Keep your campfire small and build it up slowly, starting with dry twigs, adding bigger sticks and then slowly pushing logs into the center of the fire at the height of the flame.

8) While you're at it, dig a circle around your fire and fill it with rocks, which will keep the fire contained while providing more heat.

9) Drown your campfire to put it out. Lift the rock circle to make sure there are no stray embers. Add dirt and more water to the dying fire and stir it around until it is just a warm memory and a cool reality.

10) When discarding used charcoal, throw it into a big bucket of water. Soak it all the way through until it is a black pile of liquid sludge.

11) Don't shoot bottle rockets or fireworks out into dry canyons. In fact, if you want to see fireworks, it's best to stick to your local Fourth of July Fireworks display. Leave it to the experts.
|------------ Safety From The Heart ----------|
July 20, 2005
Just cause it fits don't make it right

Today's Safety From the Heart is from Dale Mann.

In 1980 I was receiving raw material trucks into the plant and unloading them. On a brisk fall day I was unloading a trailer of Sulfuric Acid 84% which was to be used in the 330 plant. I hooked up the trailer and proceeded with the transfer, used all PPE prescribed -- face shield, rubber gloves, rubber rain suit, etc. The transfer was cooking along fine. I had to get a sample to the lab of this material so got the jars together and went to the valve on the discharge of the pump, opened the valve and boom!!

All of a sudden something hit my hard hat and face shield and knocked them off my head. In shock, I thought, "Where the hell is all this water coming from?" I ran back and then my lips and face burned like fire; I thought, oh shucks!!! Luckily a co-worker had just left me and I called for him because I couldn't see, scared to open my eyes, and he helped me to a safety shower.

I want to tell you that this burn hurt worse than I ever imagined, plus thinking I was blinded and felt my head blowing up. I stayed under the shower, didn't know a man could slobber and snot so much. At this time we did not have an ambulance, so the old Traffic pickup was brought, placed a wet towel on my head and off to the hospital we proceeded.

I got to the hospital writhing in agony, my head swollen to the size of a basketball or bigger. The plant doctor came in, told them to give me a shot of something, (don't know what it was but wish I could find out for future pains), and this shot worked miracles. I was ready to dance. Told them I'd go ahead and go the house now but they said no, no, you'll be here awhile. Anyway, stayed in the hospital for several days. Everyday they scraped my face with sandpaper and the swelling gradually eased and I was released.

What happened in this accident was the valve had leaked. The valve was replaced but with the wrong steel nipple and the nipple gave way and, with the pressure from the pump, the valve hit me in the head, subsequently causing burns.

Lessons learned:

If I hadn't had on full PPE, I would have gone to glory (or someplace a little warmer) that very day. Use your PPE religiously, heat or cold, or you will pay with something dear if an accident happens.

Make sure you are replacing in kind or have an MOC approved before making any changes to classification of piping, etc. "Just because it fits don't make it right" and you could kill or maim a co-worker or yourself if not right.

Expect the best but be prepared for unexpected events.
|------------ Safety From The Heart ----------|
July 19, 2005
Use PPE Correctly
Today's Message is from Karen Bounds (a Houston Albemarle employee).

I really enjoy getting out and mowing our lawn. I put on my hat, my safety sunglasses, my grass stained tennis shoes, and I go to town!

Last weekend when I was mowing, I wasn't wearing the safety glasses I normally use. I grabbed the closest pair which happened to be some my husband uses and they didn't fit me properly. They kept sliding down because the ear piece was too long, and I don't have any kind of a bump on my nose to help them stay in position. (My husband has very valiantly offered to poke me in the nose so I will have a bump that will help hold my glasses in position - - - not really relevant here, but it goes with the story.) And....since I know this question is burning in your mind..... I must tell you that I have refused his very generous offer.

Anyway....... I digress. I was mowing while he was weed-eating and as I passed him, some grass flew up and pelted me around my neck and arms. It didn't hit my face, but I realized my glasses were down at the end of my nose and if the grass had hit me around the eye area, I would have had no protection - even though I was wearing safety glasses!

I stopped mowing immediately and went and got the glasses that fit my face correctly. This close call could have been avoided completely if I had taken a few more seconds to get my personal safety glasses that fit correctly, or at least attached the doo-dad to the ear-pieces of the glasses I originally grabbed that helps hold them in place and keeps them from slipping.

The moral of this story is to not only use the correct PPE, but to make sure it fits properly to enable it to do the job it was designed to do. We must correctly use PPE in the way it was designed to be used, or it can be rendered just as useless as if we weren't wearing any at all.
|------------ Safety From The Heart ----------|
July 18, 2005
Safety Stand-Downs
Today's Message is from Joe Coury (a Houston Albemarle employee).

I learned during my days in the U. S. Navy that "Safety Stand-Downs" were important tools to communicate existing or potential safety hazards. Often, whole commands would completely shutdown to discuss a particular mishap or near-miss. It could very well prevent someone from getting hurt.
This action also gets everyone's attention and is sure to communicate just how serious an organization is about safety.

If you feel that a particular mishap or near miss is serious enough, do not hesitate to stop what you are doing and reflect as a group as to the significance of a potential unsafe condition or situation.
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TOURBUS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -:) - :)- :)
-----------------------------------------------------
Volume 10, Number 68 -- 19 July 2005
Tourbus Home - http://www.TOURBUS.com

+-------------------------------------------------+
TODAY'S TOURBUS TOPIC: Happy Birthday Tourbus!

Woohoo! This month the Internet Tourbus turns 10 years old. So we'll do a little retrospective, look at some Internet history, and move on to the latest and greatest. Read on...

+-------------------------------------------------+
-------------------
Back In My Day...
-------------------

When Patrick and I began publishing Tourbus in July of 1995, the Internet was 25 years young, but the Web was a mere two-year-old. Our mission then, as now, was to highlight Internet resources that are cool, fun or useful, and to help people understand and use the Net safely.

Back then, it was still largely a text-only world, and we would have given anything for a 56K modem. Computers are now 50 times faster and sport hard drives that are 1000 times bigger. Spyware was unheard of. Spam was something that happened to other people. Internet Explorer did not yet exist.

Fast forward to 2005... we're still having a blast driving the world's biggest bus, and we have to say THANKS to those of you who have been faithful riders since Day One, to our sponsors who make this free newsletter possible, and to over 100,000 readers in 130 countries around the world. We appreciate your kind words of support and encouragement.

------------------
A History Lesson
------------------

The history of computing and the story of how the Internet came to be are fascinating subjects to me. But it's too big a story to tell here, so I've pulled together some excellent links that you can use to explore it at your leisure.

The HISTORY OF COMPUTING PROJECT offers a timeline of the major events in the history of computers, biographies of computer pioneers, and even a history of video games.

http://www.thocp.net/

HOBBES' INTERNET TIMELINE gives a brief history of Internet milestones from 1957 to present.

http://www.zakon.org/robert/internet/timeline

"WHERE WIZARDS STAY UP LATE: THE ORIGINS OF THE INTERNET" tells the story of the origins of the Internet, based on interviews with the people who made it happen. Perhaps you've never heard of Bob Taylor, Vint Cerf or J.R. Licklider but after reading this book you'll want to thank them. Search for the book here:

http://www.bestwebbuys.com/books/compare/isbn/0684832674

----------------------
Snapshots of the Web
----------------------

The Internet Archive has been taking "snapshots" of Internet sites since 1996 and stashing them away for posterity. To date, more than 10 billion pages have been stored in the Internet Archive's database. Using the Wayback Machine is a wonderful walk down memory lane if you've been online for a few years.

http://www.archive.org/

--------------------
Back to the Future
--------------------

Two questions I see often on my AskBobRankin site are "Why does it take so long for my computer to start up?" and "Why is my computer running slower than it used to?"

I have this theory that sludge builds up inside a computer over time, much like an automobile engine. After a while, it doesn't start right up like when it was new, it stalls unexpectedly, and performance is sluggish on the (information) highway. Wouldn't it be nice if there was something like engine cleaner you could pour into your PC to restore that "like new" performance?

Well voila! My new recipe for Cyber Sludge Remover is guaranteed to make your computer start quicker and run faster. And of course you can get it at no charge. Read my article "Making Windows XP Start Faster" and then tell me how it worked for you.

http://www.AskBobRankin.com

Pop in and browse around, you'll find details on this topic and other questions as well.
+-------------------------------------------------+

TOURBUS Volume 11, Number 1 -- 20 July 2005
+---------------------------------------+
TODAY'S TOURBUS TOPIC: A Look Back
Project Bartleby, My Yahoo!, Dogpile

Howdy, y'all, and greetings once again from deep behind the orange curtain in beautiful Irvine, California, landing site of the Apollo Eleven lunar module.
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In honor of the 36th anniversary of the moon landing, our friends at Google have launched a new service: "Google Moon". Like Google Maps [at http://maps.google.com ], Google Moon offers a dragable, zoomable map of the Moon. Zoom in all the way for a wonderful "Easter egg." :)

http://moon.google.com/

On with the show...

Ten years ago, during my sixth or seventh senior year at the University of Alabama, Bob Rankin approached me via email with the idea of creating a one- or two-week workshop that focused on neat sites on the then relatively new world wide web. I'm not sure who came up with the idea of doing a semi-weekly newsletter instead of a workshop--of course that doesn't stop me from pretending that it was *MY* idea--but the rest is history.

[Oh, and for the record, Bob and I *STILL* have never met in person.]

I think you'll agree we've visited some pretty cool sites over the years. Here are three of my favorites:

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Project Bartleby
http://www.bartleby.com/
------------------------

First Visit: November 16, 1995
Original Post: http://archives.tourbus.com/1995/TB111695.TXT

Named after Herman Melville's short story "Bartleby, The Scrivener," Project Bartleby [now just called Bartleby.com] is an online library developed at Columbia University. When we first visited the site in the winter of 1995, Project Bartleby had a whopping total of 11 books. But, the site was a pioneer: Project Bartleby was the first site in the world to publish the entire contents of a classic novel (Whitman's "Leaves of Grass") on the web.

Ten years later, Bartleby.com's web site at

http://www.bartleby.com/

proclaims it is the "preeminent Internet publisher of literature, reference and verse providing students, researchers and the intellectual curious with unlimited access to books and information on the web, free of charge." And the site has a lot more than the 11 books with which they started. In fact, Bartleby.com now has a searchable database of over 370,000 web pages, including the largest database of quotations ever published (over 86,000 quotations) and the largest freely available verse database (over 10,000 poems).

So many high-quality sites have disappeared from the net over the past 10 years. It's nice to see that one of the best reference sites in the world is still going strong.

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My Yahoo!
http://my.yahoo.com/
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First Visit: July 11, 1996
Original Post: http://archives.tourbus.com/1996/TB071196.HTM

This particular stop still ranks among my favorites, not only because it introduced everyone to the site that eventually spawned the "portal wars" but also because the July 11th post contained on of my favorite quotes of all time. The quote came from a review of the Marin County Fair (vaguely northeast of San Francisco) which appeared in the July 4, 1996, San Francisco Chronicle. The article starts out with a paragraph describing how kids attending the fair were more interested in playing the video games than looking at the farm animals.

"Animals don't do much," said Darren Gutenberg, 11. "Cows just walk around. The world is getting too high tech to spend time looking at cows."

Lisa Lavagetto, pig owner: "Kids have lost the ability to deal with creatures. A pig is a living and breathing animal. A lot of these kids have never seen a pig. All they know is computers. There's nothing wrong with computers, but they aren't pigs."

I don't know why that last line cracks me up so much, but it does. I guess spending 10 years in Oklahoma and 15 years in Alabama will do that to you. :)

When we first visited My Yahoo! the site was still in beta. But the site was revolutionary and a lot of the things that My Yahoo! introduced in 1996 are now commonplace. Back in 1996, all web pages were pretty much static: the page I saw at http://ipl.sils.umich.edu/ or http://www.pueblo.gsa.gov/ was identical to the web page you saw. My Yahoo! changed that by letting you customize your own Yahoo- branded personal web page to display only the information that interested you. And My Yahoo! still lets you do that. You can find My Yahoo! on the web at

http://my.yahoo.com/

Setup is a snap. Just sign up for a free Yahoo account and then customize your my Yahoo! page. That's it.

Once My Yahoo! hit the scene in mid-1996, everyone company in the world seemed to rush into the web portal market. Excite, Lycos, Infoseek, Snap.com, and AltaVista all offered personalized portals in one form or another. Heck, in May of 2005 -- NINE YEARS after My Yahoo! burst onto the scene -- Google introduced their own personalized interface at

http://www.google.com/ig

But My Yahoo! was still the first. Or at least it was the first we talked about in Tourbus.

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Dogpile
http://www.dogpile.com/
-----------------------

First Visit: March 27, 1997
Original Post: http://archives.tourbus.com/1997/TB032797.TXT

In the early days of the web, if you wanted to find something you'd have to search Yahoo! *AND* Lycos *AND* Excite *AND* AltaVista *AND* HotBot *AND*... Needless to say, finding stuff on the net was a downright chore.

Meta search engines like MetaCrawler [first visit: April 11, 1996] solved that problem by letting you search a bunch of different search engines and directories at once, but it took Aaron Flin's Dogpile to turn meta searching into an artform. If you are like most veteran Tourbus riders, Dogpile was hands-down your favorite search site... until September 22, 1998, when our little bus of internet happiness introduced you to a new, experimental search engine at Stanford University named "Google."

Dogpile is still around, though, at

http://www.dogpile.com/

and I still use it from time to time just for nostalgia's sake.

That's it for today. I may dip into the archives again soon. Until then, thank you for joining me for the past ten years on this never- ending tour of the Internet that we call Tourbus, and we'll talk again soon.

Tourbus Archives - http://archives.TOURBUS.com

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That's it for today. Have a safe and happy week, and we'll talk again soon.
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==[ Tourbus Rider Information ]==
The Internet Tourbus - U.S. Library of Congress ISSN #1094-2238
Copyright 1995-2005, Rankin & Crispen - All rights reserved
Tourbus News Service - http://tourbus.com/news.html
Subscribe, Signoff, Archives, Free Stuff and More at the
Tourbus Website - http://www.TOURBUS.com
========================
.~~~. ))
(\__/) .' ) )) Patrick Douglas Crispen
/o o \/ .~
{o_, \ { crispen@netsquirrel.com
/ , , ) \ http://www.netsquirrel.com/
`~ -' \ } )) AOL Instant Messenger: Squirrel2K
_( ( )_.'
---..{____} Warning: squirrels.
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Our Church, Magnolia Christian Center, has the following mission statement. Our purpose is to build a great church for the glory of God through the great commission and the great commandment. MCC' Vision - That MCC will be a place hopping with children, energized with teenagers, balanced with diversity and transformed by the power of God! We want to turn uninterested people into interested people and win the lost to make fully devoted followers of Christ.
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TGIF-Today God Is First


Unlimited Potential
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Monday, July 18, 2005
by Os Hillman

I can do everything through Him who gives me strength. ~ Philippians 4:13

What might God want to accomplish through you in your lifetime? As a workplace believer, you may yet have your greatest contribution to society. Such was the case of Cyrus McCormick, born in 1809. Raised on a farm by an inventor father, Cyrus McCormick sought to invent a mechanical reaper to harvest wheat. His father's attempts at inventing a successful machine had failed until Cyrus, at 22, created one that worked. McCormick had to overcome many setbacks including the loss of his patent 14 years after his first invention. This opened up competition. Then, in 1837 he went bankrupt due to the bank panic of 1837. However, these setbacks did not prevent McCormick from achieving his goals.

He expanded his market by trying to sell his machine to European farmers in 1851. A long series of honors compensated for the lack of recognition and praise from his American compatriots. By 1856, he was not only a world figure but his factory produced more than 4,000 reapers a year.

McCormick was a committed believer. He lived during the time of D.L. Moody and gave $10,000 to Moody to start the Chicago YMCA in 1869. That building burned along with his Chicago factory in 1871. By this time, McCormick was over 60 and wealthy enough to retire. Before his death in 1884, he had given $100,000 to help open Moody Bible Institute. His son, Cyrus Jr., was to become the first chairman of the school's board. Cyrus McCormick was a devoted Christian who passed his faith on to his son who later met up with J. Pierpoint Morgan to become the first president of a combined reaper firm, the famed International Harvester Corporation. [John Woodbridge, ed., More Than Conquerors (Chicago, Illinois: Moody Press, 1992), 328-331.]

What might God want to accomplish through your life? Surely you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you.

-=+=-

Knowing Our Limits
--------------------------------
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
by Os Hillman

He who works his land will have abundant food, but the one who chases fantasies will have his fill of poverty. ~ Proverbs 28:19

Webster's defines entrepreneur: "one who organizes, operates, and assumes the risk in a business venture." [Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary, Tenth ed. (Springfield, Massachusetts, 1993), "entrepreneur."] Entrepreneurs can smell an opportunity a mile away. However, what is often their greatest asset can become their greatest downfall. The road is littered with entrepreneurs who have been successful in one venture only to fail in countless others. Is this the natural way for an entrepreneur, or is there a better way?

King David was an entrepreneur. He grew up as a shepherd boy and later became Israel's greatest warrior. He responded to opportunities, like the time when no one would fight Goliath. He saw this as an opportunity. He ultimately became king of Israel and faced many opportunities placed before him. David learned an important lesson somewhere along the way that each of us as workplace believers should learn.

As an entrepreneur the greatest danger is engaging ourselves in activities in which God never intended us to be involved. This is poor stewardship of what God has entrusted to us. When the Philistines attacked David, he always inquired of God as to if and when he was to counterattack. When he was attacked a second time on one occasion, David inquired of God as to whether he was to attack yet. This time God said yes, but with a condition, "Wait until you hear the sound of marching in the balsam trees" (see 2 Sam. 5:24). This story tells us that David had learned an important lesson about staying vertical in his relationship with God at all times. David had learned the important principle of staying focused on what God wanted for him, not what seemed logical. He was an opportunist, but only through the filter of the Holy Spirit in his life.

How do you approach opportunities? Do you consider the merits of the opportunity only? Or do you inquire of God as to whether He desires you to pursue? It may be a wonderful opportunity, but it may not be God's will for you to be involved. Ask the Holy Spirit to direct you as you seek to use the skills He has given you.

-=+=-

A Faithful Man
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Wednesday, July 20, 2005
by Os Hillman

A faithful man will be richly blessed, but one eager to get rich will not go unpunished. ~ Proverbs 28:20

There is a distinct difference between the workplace believer who operates based on living in the Promised Land versus the one who operates in Egypt. In Egypt, the workplace believer sweats and toils to generate an outcome. The final objective is foremost in their mind. Outcome is everything.

In the Promised Land, we learn that obedience is the only thing that matters. We are called to execute, and leave outcome to God. Sometimes that outcome is very positive, yielding a return. In other cases, we may not yield a corresponding return. We may even get a negative outcome. The difference is that we know that we have been faithful to what God has called us to and we yield results to God. God often blesses obedience beyond what we deserve. If God brings wealth to your life, it should come as a by-product of obedience, not an end in itself.

God may call each of us to be obedient to situations that may not yield immediate, positive results. It is in these times that our faith must be obedience-based versus outcome-based. What if Jesus had considered the immediate ramifications of whether he would go to the cross? Based on the immediate outcome, the decision would have been an easy one. Who wants to die on a cross? However, for Him there was a higher purpose in that obedience. We are called to this same kind of obedience. This means putting our own flesh on the line daily, dying to our own self-will.

This is what it means to be a faithful man. Pray that God will make you a faithful man today.

-=+=-

Expectations
---------------------------------
Thursday, July 21, 2005
by Os Hillman

I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. ~ Philippians 1:20


Have you ever had expectations that did not get fulfilled? Perhaps a coworker let you down. Perhaps you were trusting God for something in your life that never materialized. Perhaps you became devastated by an unmet expectation that you felt you were entitled to. Expectations can be a difficult trap for each of us if we are not fully committed to God's purposes in our lives.

Paul wrote this verse from prison to the people of Philippi. He had an expectation that his life would bring glory to God, whether through his continued ministry or his death. His joy in living was not based on his expectations getting fulfilled, but on remaining true to the purpose for which God made him.

When we react to circumstances with bitterness and resentment as a result of unmet expectations, we are saying that we know better than God, and that God has made a mistake in not meeting our expectations. The process of resolving unmet expectations may require full disclosure to the individual who was the source of the unmet expectation, and of how the unmet expectation made you feel. This is not to make the person feel obligated to meet the expectation, but simply to share your feelings about it. If God was the source, then it is important to share this with the Lord. However, once we have done this we must let go of the situation and allow God to work in our hearts the grace that is needed to walk in freedom from the pain of the unmet expectation. If we do not do this, we will allow the seed of bitterness and resentment to enter in. This seed of bitterness will create leanness in our soul and eventually will spread to others.

Ask yourself today if you have any unmet expectations. How have you responded to them? Have you processed this with the Lord and others who may be involved? These are the steps to freedom from unmet expectations.

-=+=-

Beware of the Thief
-------------------------------------
Friday, July 22, 2005
by Os Hillman

But understand this: If the owner of the house had known at what hour the thief was coming, he would not have let his house be broken into. ~ Luke 12:39

What are the times when you and I are most vulnerable to being caught off guard by the enemy of our souls? One of those times is just after you've had a great victory. Consider Jesus when He was baptized and was about to begin His public ministry. He was taken away into the desert to be tempted by satan.

Leisure time is another place in which satan seeks to take us off our normal routine of personal quiet times. In the normal routine of life, our senses are tuned to the need to draw upon God's Spirit to see us through the activities of each day. However, when we get away from our routine and go on vacation, we can often drop these routines. We wrongfully think that we do not need to spend time with the Lord during leisure times. This is a grave mistake. The vacation becomes a test of character. During vacations we turn freely to what we love most. It reveals to us what is at the core of our existence.

A teacher in a large school reportedly said, "The greatest difficulty we encounter is the summer vacation. Just when we have brought a student to a certain discipline and place in their study habits, we lose him; when he comes back we have to begin all over again." It is the same in our spiritual lives. It only takes a small crack in the door of our heart to lose our spiritual focus.

This summer, be on guard when times of retreat are made available to you. Use these times for spiritual refreshment, not just physical refreshment, and you will keep the thief from entering your house.

-=+=-

Copyright 2005. www.MarketplaceLeaders.org
---------------------------------------------------
To contact Os Hillman, request reprint permission, or to book Os to speak in your town write to os@marketplaceleaders.org. Marketplace Leaders Website: http://www.marketplaceleaders.org/ Copyright 2005
--------------------------------------------------
Please recommend this TGIF daily devotional to everyone interested in applying their faith to their worklife. Tell them to subscribe at http://www.TodayGodIsFirst.com

Os Hillman Copyright 2005
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Activities and Events of Interest
~~~
Albemarle Steak & Bingo (Sep 24 06:00 PM CDT in Jr. High cafeteria)
~~~
The Emancipation Proclamation will be on display at the Clinton Library September 22-25, 2007.
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"September 11 WDYTJWD" W. P. Florence
Justice first, then peace."
"September 11" Never forget.--Tony Moses
"ONE NATION UNDER GOD ...the only way"--Phillip Story
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." -- Franklin D. Roosevelt
"Keeping my head down but face toward Heaven" - - Jody Eldred, ABC News Cameraman in Kuwait
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" --"Bug"
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. - - George Carlin
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" - - Queen E. Watson
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NEVER FORGET! We're listing the names of our soldiers killed weekly. These records can be found at http://www.defenselink. mil/releases/

01. Sgt. 1st Class. Tricia L. Jameson, 34, of Omaha, Neb., died on July 14 in Trebil, Iraq. Jameson, a health care specialist was responding to a casualty incident when a secondary improvised explosive device detonated near her location. Jameson was assigned to 313th Medical Company, Army National Guard, Lincoln, Neb.

02. Pfc. Timothy J. Hines, Jr., 21, of Fairfield, Ohio, died on July 14 at the Walter Reed Army Medical Center, Washington, D.C., from wounds sustained on June 19 in Baghdad, Iraq, when an improvised explosive device detonated near his HMMWV. Hines was assigned to the 64th Military Police Company, 720th Military Police Battalion, 89th Military Police Brigade, Fort Hood, Texas.

03. Spc. Jared D. Hartley, 22, of Newkirk, Okla., died July 15 in Taji, Iraq, when an improvised explosive device detonated near his HMMWV. Hartley was assigned to the 125th Forward Support Battalion, 3rd Brigade, 1st Armored Division, Fort Riley, Kan.

04. Staff Sgt. Travis S. Cooper, 24, of Macon, Miss., died on July 16, in Balad, Iraq, from wounds sustained the previous day in Baghdad, Iraq, when an inprovised explosive device exploded near the vehicle he was searching. Cooper was assigned to the Army National Guard's 2nd Battalion, 114th Field Artillery Regiment, Starkville, Miss.

The Department of Defense announced the death of two Marines who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom.
05. Cpl. Clifton B. Mounce, 22, of Pontotoc, Miss.
06. Cpl. Christopher D. Winchester, 23, of Flomaton, Ala.
Both Marines died July 14 when their vehicle was struck by an improvised explosive device while conducting combat operations near Trebil, Iraq. They were assigned to 3rd Battalion, 10th Marine Regiment, 2nd Marine Division, II Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C.
During Operation Iraqi Freedom they were assigned to 2nd Light Amored Reconnaissance Battalion, Regimental Combat Team-2, 2nd Marine Division, II Marine Expeditionary Force (Forward).

07. Staff Sgt. Frank Tiai, 45, of Pago Pago, American Samoa, died July 17 in Baghdad, Iraq, when an improvised explosive device detonated near his position. Tiai was assigned to the Army Reserve's 100th Battalion, 442nd Infantry, Fort Shafter, Hawaii.

08. Lance Cpl. Efrain Sanchez, Jr., 26, of Port Chester, N.Y., died July 17 as result of a non-hostile incident at Camp Blue Diamond, in Ramadi, Iraq. He was assigned to Headquarters Battalion, 2nd Marine Division, II Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C.

09. Staff Sgt. Jorge L. Penaromero, 29, of Fallbrook, Calif., died July 16 in Baghdad, Iraq, when an improvised explosive device detonated near his HMMWV while his unit was conducting a mounted patrol. Penaromero was assigned to the 1st Squadron, 11th Armored Cavalry Regiment, Fort Irwin, Calif.

10. Sgt. 1st Class Ronald T. Wood, 28, of Cedar City, Utah, died July 16 in Kirkuk, Iraq, when an improvised explosive device detonated near his HMMWV. Wood was assigned to the Army National Guard's 148th Field Artillery, Brigham City, Utah.

11. Spc. Ronnie D. Williams, 26, of Erlanger, Ky., died on July 17 in Baghdad, Iraq, of injuries sustained on July 16 in Baghdad, Iraq, when his M1A2 Abrams tank left the road and entered a canal during patrol operations. Williams was assigned to the 3rd Squadron, 3rd Armored Cavalry Regiment, Fort Carson, Colo.

12. Pfc. Lavena L. Johnson, 19, of Florissant, Mo., died July 19 in Balad, Iraq, of non-combat related injuries. Johnson was assigned to the Army's 129th Corps Support Battalion, Fort Campbell, Ky.

13. Staff Sgt. Jefferey J. Farrow, 28, of Birmingham, Ala., died July 19 in Camp Arifjan, Kuwait, of non-combat related injuries. Farrow was assigned to the Army Reserve's 146th Quartermaster Company, Fort Totten, N.Y.

14. Sgt. Arthur R. McGill, 25, of Gravette, Ark., died July 19 in Baghdad, Iraq, where an improvised explosive device detonated while he was on mounted patrol in a HMMWV. McGill was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 9th Field Artillery Regiment, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 3rd Infantry Division, Fort Stewart, Ga.

15. Petty Officer 3rd Class Travis L. Youngblood, 26, of Surrency, Ga., died July 21 of wounds received July 15 from an improvised explosive device during combat operations in Hit, Iraq. Youngblood was a hospital corpsman assigned to Naval Hospital Great Lakes, Great Lakes, Ill., and deployed with the II Marine Expeditionary Force (Forward).

~~

Korean War Missing In Action Serviceman Identified

The Department of Defense POW/Missing Personnel Office (DPMO) announced today that the remains of a U.S. serviceman, missing in action from the Korean War, have been identified and are being returned to his family for burial with full military honors.

He is Cpl. Leslie R. Heath, of Bridgeport, Ill. His interment is scheduled for Aug. 20 in Bridgeport.

On the morning of April 23, 1951, Heath and more than 80 members of ‘A’ Company, 1st Battalion, 5th Regimental Combat Team were captured by Chinese Communist forces. They were held in a temporary POW camp known as Suan Camp Complex, in North Hwanghae Province, North Korea. A former American POW who was returned to the U.S. through Operation Little Switch recounted that Heath died in June 1951 while imprisoned.

On July 16, 1993, the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea returned 17 boxes of remains to the United States from the Korean War. One of the boxes contained remains of several individuals and two of Heath’s identification tags. Scientists of the Joint POW/MIA Accounting Command (JPAC) conducted years of forensic examinations of the remains and associated evidence until they made an identification two months ago.

Information provided by the North Koreans about the recovered remains was consistent with the approximate location where Heath was believed held captive and died. Artifacts in the boxes were those of a soldier in the U.S. Army infantry at the time of the war.

JPAC submitted skeletal remains on 11 occasions to the Armed Forces DNA Identification Laboratory for analysis. Heath’s mitochondrial DNA sequence matched that of two of his maternal relatives.

Of the 88,000 Americans unaccounted for from World War II, the Korean War, the Cold War, the Vietnam War and Desert Storm, more than 8,100 are from the Korean War. More than 2,000 of those were held as prisoners of war.

For additional information on the Department of Defense’s mission to account for missing Americans, visit the DPMO Web site at http://www.dtic.mil/dpmo or call (703) 699-1169.
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Remember that for every soldier killed in modern war, 10 are wounded. Don't forget to pray for them and their families.
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Please remember to pray for the American soldiers stationed everywhere around the globe and especially in Iraq. Times have been and are very tough and it would be nice if you would all just say a prayer for their safety and for their families.
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Scheduled Activities
~~~
Alcoholics Anonymous meets at 8 p.m. Monday - Friday. At noon on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays and at 7 p.m. Sunday at 914 N. Vine
~~~
Columbia County Amateur Radio Club meets Every second Thursday @ 7:00 p.m. Union Street Station. And YOU'RE invited. Net is every Sunday at 20:30 on 147.105.
~~~
Columbia County Diabetes Support Group - Every third Monday, 7:00 p.m. room 222, Magnolia Hospital
~~~
"Focus on the Family" with Dr. James Dobson weekday afternoons at 1 PM on KVMA am 630 it's a great show!
~~~
MCC - Abraham Prayer - Sunday at 5:00 p.m and Wednesday from 11:30 am to 1:00 pm
~~~
MCC - Early Morning Prayer - Monday - Friday, From 6:30 am to 8:00 am
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MCC - "Beth Moore" Video Class - Thursday nights at 5:45 pm
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MCC - "Faith Builders" Small group meets at 1051 Columbia 36 the second and fourth Tuesdays, 6:30 pm to 7:45 pm.
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MCC - Firm Foundations Class, Sunday 9:30 to 10:15 a.m
~~~
MCC - Meadow Brook Nursing Home Ministry Tuesday from 10:00 to 11:00 a.m
~~~
MCC - Mom's Day Out - Every Tuesday and Thursday from 9 to 2.$10 for the first child, $5 for the second. Call 234-3225 for reservations.
~~~
MCC - Nursing Home Ministry - Meadowbrook Every Tuesday from 10 to 11 am. Taylor, the last Thursday each month.
~~~
MCC - Over comers: Fridays @ 7:00 p.m- Director, Traci Foster invites you to a 12 step Christian support program. For anyone with a life controlling problem. Child care is provided.
~~~
Men's Prayer Breakfast held every Tuesday morning at 6 AM in Miller's Cafeteria. If you aren't a regular participant at the Men's Prayer Breakfast, you're missing some great food, fellowship and inspired teaching of the Word. Hope to see you there.
~~~
Narcotics Anonymous 5-6 pm every Monday at 220 Pine street.
~~~
TOPS (Take Off Pounds Sensibly) 5 pm every Tuesday in the Magnolia Hospital break room.
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Emergency Phone Number 911
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )
Central Dispatch 234-5655
(Non - Emergency Number)
Direct Numbers
Ambulance - 234-7371 (24 Hour)
Jail - 234-5331 (24 Hour)
Poison Control - 800-222-1222 (24 Hour)
http://www. aapcc. org/
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"Fight till you win!" - - Mark Brazee
"Bring 'em on!" - -President George W. Bush
"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle."
"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." -- "Bug"
"I read the end of the book. We win!" -- "Bug"
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." -- "Bug"
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." - - "Bug"
"If you can read this e-mail, thank a teacher. - - If you read it in English, thank a serviceman."
"A simple way to take measure of a country is to look at how many want in ... and how many want out." - - Tony Blair
"Information is the currency of democracy." - Jefferson
"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed people can change the world; indeed, it is the only thing that ever has." - - Margaret Mead
~~~~~
Hope you enjoy the newsletter.
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week.

God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!
Acts 27:20-22,25 2 Cor 5:11-12 1 Cor 9:19-22 1 Cor 9:25-26 1 Cor 10:12-13
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT-I KC5HII

P. S. If you'd like to be added to the distribution, just drop us E-mail at KC5HII@Magnolia-Net.Com. We offer "Da Bleat" as text, a "Blog" and as a newsletter with pictures in Word and PDF format. For the "Blog" version just go to http://bugsbleatnew.blogspot.com/ to see the latest issue. This week, "Word" and "PDF" subscribers get to see photos of MCC’s Dream Center.
Let us hear from you if we can switch you over to the "Word" or "PDF" version of "Da Bleat".
If you'd prefer to read "Da Blog" version, just drop us a note at KC5HII@Magnolia-Net.Com and we'll switch you from e:mail delivery to "Da Bleat" Blog. Of course "Da Bleat" is now on the web. Just go to http://bugsbleatnew.blogspot.com to see the latest issue (usually updated sometime Friday evening or Saturday morning. We appreciate your encouragement. We also appreciate your communication when you desire to be taken off our mail list. If you are on this mail list by mistake or do not wish to receive "Da Bleat," please reply back and tell us to discontinue service to you. This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus 2005 before it was sent.
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