Bug's Bleat - - GCF: Being Polite

Volume 7, Issue 26

Hello All,

David Pry and I took Unit 911 (the Albemarle Fire Truck) to Emerson last Saturday to participate in the “Million Tiller” parade. I’m telling y’all there isn’t anything as much fun as a fire truck.
We ran the lights, sirens (both of them) and air horns throughout the parade route. We waved, posed for photos and generally had a great time throughout the parade route.
~~~~~
By the way, there was a new women’s world record set at this years Tiller Races. Shane Waller of Junction City, Arkansas, set the current men’s world record at the 2004 World Championship Rotary Tiller Race, tilling the 200-foot track in 5.72 seconds - an average speed of almost 24 mph.
~~~~~
I’ve said it before; I’ll say it again. Life in Columbia County is way far above life in the big city.
~~~~~
Purple Hull Reci-peas

We thought we'd pass along this recipe from - - http://www.purplehull.com/recipes.htm
Purple Hull Peas (Recipe Version Number 1)

1 qt. Purple Hull peas
1 tbsp. salt
1/4 cup cooking oil
1/4-cup sugar

Cook in boiler on medium heat for 90 minutes
Above recipe from the Emerson, Arkansas, PurpleHull Pea Festival & World Championship, Rotary Tiller Race Web site: www.purplehull.com
~~~~~
This July 4th weekend, we’re excited to have Jimmy, Vanessa and Josiah with us. They’re staying here while they look for a house or apartment in Magnolia. It’s great to have all our kids in town.
~~~~~
Don’t forget, there’s a “Burn Ban” in effect. The small shower we got today didn’t make a dent in our drought.
~
There was a Fire Works Ban as well as a “Burn Ban” in effect the July 4th we set fire to Pittman’s Nursery.
Annette and the kids were really upset that we couldn’t celebrate the 4th with a few fire works. They kept begging me to “just shoot one.” Finally, I gave in and agreed that they could fire one rocket.
They placed it on the end of the sidewalk, lit the fuse and ran back to the porch.
The rocket blasted off, went straight up for about 3 or 4 feet and then turned north and flew between our house and the Jackson’s house. It was angling up and cleared the trees at the back of the property and disappeared into Pittman’s nursery.
As I was thinking, “I told y’all we shouldn’t have lit any rockets.” a thin stream of smoke appeared over the trees.
I grabbed our fire extinguisher and, along with the kids, headed for Pittman’s.
The rocket had dead centered a refuse pile against one of the greenhouses and the pile was starting to burn strongly.
As I used the extinguisher, David ran back home and told Annette to call the fire department.
The extinguisher enabled me to keep the fire knocked back from the greenhouse until the firemen got there.
After extinguishing the fire, the Chief asked me if I knew how it started.
One of the hardest things I ever did was to tell him that we’d been playing with fireworks. Herschel looked at me in disgust and walked away to help his men roll up hose.
~~~~~
Ten things you didn't know about eBay - Just shy of its 10th anniversary next September, eBay has exploded into both a cultural and an economic phenomenon. Some 1.8 billion items, worth more than $40 billion, are expected to be traded on its global electronic marketplace this year. A CNBC Special Report hosted by David Faber.
http://g.msn.com/0MN2ET7/2?http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/8391726&&CM=EmailThis&CE=1
~
One of the ten things listed in the story above, is “Auction Drop” a service of the local UPS store. If you have something for sale, $75 or greater value and it weighs 25 lbs or less, drop it by the local UPS store and they’ll sell it on eBay for you. Check it out.
~~~~~
A Comparison - Iraq and Washington DC

If you consider that there have been an average of 160,000 troops in Iraq during the last 22 months, that gives a firearm death rate of 60 per 100,000.
The firearm death rate in DC is 80 per 100,000. That means that you are more likely to be shot and killed in our nation's Capitol, which has some of the strictest gun control laws in the nation, than you are in Iraq.
Does this mean that we should immediately pull out of WASHINGTON, DC? ? ?

Thanks to Daphne Roberts
~~~~~
Truman Hart of Waldo flew over 30 missions against Japan during WWII. According to the story in today’s Banner News [http://epaper.ardemgaz.com/Daily/Skins/Magnolia/?AW=1087608981810] he actually melted the barrel of one of his 50 caliber guns on one mission, firing at enemy fighters.
As we celebrate our freedom, don’t forget to thank a veteran.
~~~~~
A Mount Holly man has grown a 650 lb. Pumpkin. Wow!
~~~~~
The Columbia County Fair Grounds has laid a sewer line to connect to Magnolia’s sewer system, ending decades of septic tank use at the Fair.
~~~~~
Speaking of stuff that stinks, Albemarle sent us a letter today, explaining that health benefit costs for both employees and retirees were “out of control.”
Their first step in cutting expenses is to notify employees under the age of 50 that the company will not be providing health insurance for them upon retirement.
For those of us over 50, the company will pay up to $1,000 a month for our insurance if we retire this year. Beginning next year, the company will pay $750 of the monthly premium (our current monthly premium for a retiree’s health insurance is approximately $839.)
~
So, we get another cut to our total pay package while we continue to make more bricks with less straw.
Oh well, we’ve still got good jobs with relatively good pay. Just not quite as good as “The good old days.”
BTW, as I understand it, this will not affect current retirees.
~~~~~
JUNE NEWS FROM SOLID ROCK :)

The concert at the Elsinore in Salem was a very nice experience for us. To those of you that came: THANK YOU for your support and for sharing this with us. We also wish to thank you all for your prayers, phone calls and emails in the weeks and days leading up to the concert. We all had a great time.

This time we did something new. The concert at Elsinore was available on CD no more then 20 minutes after the concert was over and we are excited to announce that it is available through the on-line store as well. If you weren't at the concert, then bring the concert to your home on this "live unedited" CD! The "Live At The Elsinore": Two Cd set.

Other brand new Cd's are available as well:


4 Track Motorola '66 Corolla
Streetlevel
Frisbee
Rehearsal for Reality
Live at Greenbelt
Bootleg
Siege at Elsinore
Born Twice


"Face to Face" is finally available on DVD. We're sure you will enjoy this classic Larry Norman footage.

You can read all about it (track listings, descriptions etc.) at the on-line store: www.LarryNorman.com

As you know Larry is going to Europe to do three concerts. Details will be available on the larrynorman.com website. Please keep us in your prayers.

We continue to wish you all a wonderful Summer and may God bless you, :) Kristin, Charles, Silver & the Solid Rock Family
~~~~~
Mosquito Season is Here! Mosquitoes aren't just a nuisance, they can carry West Nile virus and other diseases. Fortunately, you can take steps to protect yourself and your family:

West Nile virus (WNV) is a potentially serious illness. Experts believe WNV is established as a seasonal epidemic in North America that flares up in the summer and continues into the fall. This fact sheet contains important information that can help you recognize and prevent West Nile virus.
What Can I Do to Prevent WNV?
The easiest and best way to avoid WNV is to prevent mosquito bites.
When you are outdoors, use insect repellents containing DEET (N, N-diethyl-meta-toluamide). Follow the directions on the package.
Many mosquitoes are most active at dusk and dawn. Be sure to use insect repellent and wear long sleeves and pants at these times or consider staying indoors during these hours. Light-colored clothing can help you see mosquitoes that land on you.
Make sure you have good screens on your windows and doors to keep mosquitoes out.
Get rid of mosquito breeding sites by emptying standing water from flowerpots, buckets and barrels. Change the water in pet dishes and replace the water in birdbaths weekly. Drill holes in tire swings so water drains out. Keep children's wading pools empty and on their sides when they aren't being used.
~~~~~
Justice O'Conner has announced her retirement. There will be tremendous pressure from every left-wing organization and Senator in the country to appoint a liberal. They will spend millions of dollars trying to prevent a conservative from replacing this “Moderate” (who voted to take away our property rights and ban the display of the 10 commandments in a Kentucky court room).
~~~~~
GCF: Independence Days

Dear GCF,

Those of you who have been around this list for awhile know that there are a few times during the year that I post something serious. 99.9% of what is sent to the Good Clean Fun mailing list is humor, however tonight I need to be serious for a moment.
Most of us, and by that I mean most of us in the United States, know that the Fourth of July is the "birthday" of the United States of America. It actually marks the anniversary of the adoption of the Declaration of Independence by the Second Continental Congress. Often marked by parades and community celebration, it is a symbolic time for American families to gather and reflect on their heritage.
Most of us take for granted that this day and all the other U.S. holidays are "national" holidays. Did you know that the United States observes no national holidays? Specifically, that means holidays mandated by the Federal Government. The United States Congress and/or President can only legally establish an "official" holiday for the District of Columbia and for federal employees. In fact, it wasn't until the 20th Century that an order was issued giving federal employees a "day off" from work. A public holiday can only be established at the local level. Typically the observance of holidays happens at the state level with the enactment of a state law or by an executive proclamation by a state governor.
I first started posting this piece in July 2000. After I posted it, I received an email from Jen in Alberta, Canada. She asked me why I only mentioned the U.S. holidays. She surmised that it was because I was from the U.S. and to that extent, she is right. The U.S. holidays, especially the ones dealing with independence, veterans, and those who died for this country, are special to me. And since Good Clean Fun is 99.9% humor, I certainly don't want to veer from that basic premise and turn this into a history site. But Jen did start me to thinking, so I did a bit of research about my neighbors, Canada and Mexico.
Look back at the subject of this email. It is Independence "Days", plural. So let me take a moment and briefly honor my neighbors:
1. Canada celebrates its Independence on July 1st. The British North America Act created the Canadian federal government on July 1, 1867. This Act proclaimed "one Dominion under the name of Canada," hence the original title of the holiday as "Dominion Day." July 1st has also been known in Canada as "Confederation Day." On October 27, 1982, the Canadian Parliament officially renamed the holiday as "Canada Day."
2. Mexico celebrates many national and religious holidays. I must admit that I always thought that Cinco de Mayo, the Fifth of May, was Mexico's Independence Day, but a bit of research proved me wrong. While Cinco de Mayo is a national holiday, it honors the Mexican defeat of the French army at Puebla in 1862. September 16th is Mexican Independence Day and it celebrates the day that Miguel Hidalgo delivered "El Grito de Dolores", and announced the Mexican revolt against Spanish rule.
So, let's all be proud of and reflect on our heritage.

Have a great holiday,
Tom
PS: Don't forget to fly the flag!

As an added thought, why not visit "Don't Get Me Started," written by Former Sergeant of Marines, Andrew C. "Andy" Hefty. Andy's column comes from Jacksonville, Florida via Jacksonville.Com. In 2004 he wrote a piece about the Star Spangled Banner where his thoughts include breaking the lyrics down into individual phrases and explaining what each one meant. That piece can be found at:

http://www.jacksonville.com/community/cc/hefty/stories/062804/062804075059.shtml

My favorite piece of this genre was done many, many years ago by Red Skelton where he broke the Pledge of Allegiance down into individual words and phrases in order to explain the meaning of each one. The piece can be found at:

http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Farm/7478/redskel1.htm

It also contains a link where you can hear Red's comments in his own voice. I highly recommend it.
Finally, let's remember that patriotism is NOT a sin, and the Fourth of July is more than beer, picnics, and baseball games.

-Tom
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If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! A smile will enhance the quality of your life. Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.com or visit the Good Clean Fun web site http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor/ UNSUBSCRIBE INFO for Good Clean Fun is at the end of this email. This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus 2005 before it was sent.
~~~~~
Don't forget ... "Da Bleat" is now on the web. Just go to http://bugsbleatnew.blogspot.com
~~~~~
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.
~~~~~
www.aaa.com Regular Mid Premium Diesel
Current Avg. $2.22 $2.35 $2.44 $2.38
http://www.fuelgaugereport.com/
~~~~~
Recipe(s) of the week - Just Plain Vanilla


6 Cups milk
2 Cups sugar
1 (12 oz) can evaporated milk
1 (8 oz) container frozen whipped topping, thawed
1 (5.1 oz) pkg. vanilla instant pudding mix


Beat together all ingredients at medium speed with electric mixer until well blended.
Pour mixture into freezer container of a 5-qt hand -turned or electric freezer. Freeze according to manufacturer’s instructions. Pack freezer with additionally ice and rock salt, and let stand 1 hour before serving.

Variations:
For Chocolate Chip Ice Cream stir in 1 cup semi-sweet chocolate mini-morsels before freezing.
For Caramel Swirl Ice Cream stir in 1 (12 oz) jar caramel topping after freezing. Spoon into a six quart container; cover and freeze.
For Fudge Swirl Ice Cream, stir in 1 (12 oz) jar fudge sauce after freezing. Spoon into a six quart container; cover and freeze.
For Blueberry-Vanilla Ice Cream stir in 1-1/2 cups fresh or frozen blueberries, thawed after freezing.
~~~~~
BREAKPOINT Commentaries
by Chuck Colson. - Prison Fellowship

When the Honeymoon Is Over
How to Nurture Marriage

July 1, 2005

A couple I’ll call Tim and Janet flew off on their honeymoon, blissfully happy. Each thought the other was the perfect mate.

But just three months later, this couple was on the brink of divorce. They fought constantly over money. Janet wanted more attention, but Tim felt suffocated by Janet’s demands. They even fought over whose turn it was to feed the dog.

The tension had become unbearable.

Tim and Janet aren’t alone. In his book Marriage Savers, Mike McManus explains that before the wedding, most couples experience a glow of romantic enchantment. Bride and groom see each other as perfect.

But after the wedding, a period of disenchantment sets in. Many couples are shocked by the conflict that erupts in their relationship.

In one survey, half of all newlyweds reported “significant marital problems.” They never expected the changes that can take place after saying, “I do.”

This is a critical period for marriages. On one hand, it can be the time when the seeds of divorce are planted.

On the other hand, this period can be one of the teachable moments in a person’s life when the Church can effectively intervene. Newlyweds are often baffled by the changes in their relationship, and they’re eager for help.

One of the best programs available is ENRICH, a survey that gives a penetrating x-ray of any relationship. From a single half-hour test, a counselor often learns more about a couple than from weeks of informal discussion.

Christian couples generally score high on compatibility of religious beliefs—which gives them a big edge over nonbelievers.

But even Christians often score low on relational skills: on ability to communicate, resolve conflicts, manage finances. Through its questionnaire, ENRICH highlights weak areas and helps couples work on them—before the weaknesses become entrenched habits.

The couple then works with an older couple, who act as mentors. By candidly sharing their own problems and solutions, a mentor couple provides a vivid model of how to save a marriage.

The idea that newlyweds need special nurturing goes back to the Old Testament. Deuteronomy 24 says, “If a man has recently married, he must not be sent to war or have any other duty laid on him. For one year he is to be free to stay at home and bring happiness to the wife he has married.” For a whole year newlyweds in ancient Israel were not to take on any stressful outside responsibilities. Clearly, the lesson for us today is that the Church is meant to tenderly nurture its young couples.

The divorce statistics in America are shocking—tripling over the past thirty years. What’s even more shocking is that nearly three-fourths of those weddings took place in a church. Obviously, most churches are neither preparing couples before the wedding nor nurturing them afterward.

But you can help change that. Why not start a program for newlyweds in your church? If you’re a mature couple, why not become mentors for younger couples?

You can help young couples like Tim and Janet and be a part of turning your church into a marriage saver.

For further reading and information:

Today’s BreakPoint offer: Jennifer Roback Morse, “101 Tips for a Happier Marriage” (booklet).

Michael McManus, Marriage Savers (Word Publishing, 1995).

Also see the Marriage Savers website.

Stephanie Coontz, “Why marriage today takes more love, work—from both partners,” Christian Science Monitor, 28 June 2005.

Marilyn Gardner, “Harried marrieds,” Christian Science Monitor, 22 June 2005.

BreakPoint Commentary No. 020221, “Marital Mentors: The Church’s Hidden Resource.”

BreakPoint Commentary No. 010622, “For Better or For Worse: How to Strengthen Marriages.”

BreakPoint Commentary No. 980429, “Trial Marriages on Trial: Why They Don’t Work.”

Copyright 2005 Prison Fellowship Ministries. Reprinted with permission. "BREAKPOINT with Chuck Colson" is a radio ministry of Prison Fellowship Ministries. Prison Fellowship Ministries may withdraw or modify this grant of permission at any time. To receive "BREAKPOINT" commentaries daily, you can subscribe for free at http://www. breakpoint. org/.
~~~~~
Words of the Week:
garrulous: Talking much.
philomath: a lover of learning; a scholar.
amative: pertaining to or disposed to love.
callow: immature.
woebegone: woeful; also, run-down.
lineament: a distinguishing or characteristic feature.
abscond: to depart secretly.
from Dictionary.Com
~~~~~
"If people behaved in the way nations do they would all be put in straitjackets." - Tennessee William

"The best way to have a good idea is to have lots of ideas." - Linus Pauling

"Never let your zeal outrun your charity. The former is but human, the latter is divine." - Hosea Ballou

"It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech." - Mark Twain

"Never Explain - your Friends do not need it and your Enemies will not believe you anyway." - Elbert Hubbard

"For what avail the plough or sail,
Or land or life, if freedom fail?" - Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Grown-ups never understand anything for themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever explaining things to them." - Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Whenever you have an efficient government you have a dictatorship.
Harry S Truman (1884 - 1972),

If you are out to describe the truth, leave elegance to the tailor.
Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955)

No one means all he says, and yet very few say all they mean, for words are slippery and thought is viscous.
Henry Adams (1838 - 1918)

To acquire knowledge, one must study; but to acquire wisdom, one must observe.
Marilyn vos Savant

I think computer viruses should count as life. I think it says something about human nature that the only form of life we have created so far is purely destructive. We've created life in our own image.
Stephen Hawking (1942 - )

If you think you can, you can. And if you think you can't, you're right.
Mary Kay Ash
~~~~~
THIS DAY IN HISTORY: (1990) East Germany accepts the Deutsche Mark as its currency, thus uniting the economies of East and West Germany. - - from The Free Dictionary
~~~~~
On July 4, 1776, our Founding Fathers gathered for the Second Continental Congress in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania and approved one of our nation's most sacred documents and treasured symbols of liberty – the Declaration of Independence.

In penning the Declaration of Independence, Thomas Jefferson wrote, "Whenever any form of government becomes destructive of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, it is the right of the people to alter or abolish it, and to institute new government." While the Declaration of Independence formally established freedom of the young thirteen colonies from England, Thomas Jefferson's progressive document laid the framework for our current system of government – a government for the people and by the people.

Thomas Jefferson's document established the inalienable rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, and 229 years later, these rights are part of the American doctrine. Throughout our nation's history, many Americans have given their life protecting these rights.

This holiday weekend, families and friends will gather together across America and celebrate America's Independence. Let us all take a moment to honor our Founding Fathers for their courage, spirit, and remarkable vision of democracy and freedom for all that has become an American trademark. This year, in the aftermath of September 11, 2001, we also honor the men and women who are fighting America's war on terrorism at home and abroad.

There is no greater service to our country than those serving to protect and preserve the inalienable rights that America was founded on. We remember the young men and women who cannot be with us this July 4th as they are protecting our liberties and freedoms in Iraq, Afghanistan, and around the world. Our thoughts and prayers are with them for a speedy and safe return home.

Sincerely,
Mike Ross
Congressman Representing Arkansas's Fourth Congressional District
[NOTE: We never did hear Congressman Ross speak out in opposition to Senator Dick Durbin of Illinois, the second highest-ranking Democrat in the Senate, who compared American troops at Guantanamo Naval Base to Hitler, the Soviet gulags and Cambodian mass murderer Pol Pot.]

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GCF: Being Polite

Emailed to me from another humor list (The Funnies) -Tom To subscribe to The Funnies, send a blank email to: andychaps_the-funnies-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! A smile will enhance the quality of your life. Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.com or visit the Good Clean Fun web site http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor/ UNSUBSCRIBE INFO for Good Clean Fun is at the end of this email. This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus 2005 before it was sent.
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While I was working as a pediatric nurse, I had the difficult assignment of giving immunization shots to children. One day I entered the examining room to give four-year-old Lizzie her shot.

"NO! NO! NO!" she screamed.

"Lizzie," her mother scolded. "That's not polite behavior."

At that, the girl yelled even louder, "NO, THANK YOU! NO, THANK YOU!"
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Get Better Soon

Emailed to me another humor list (Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh List) -Tom Subscribe to Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh list at the website: Subscribe
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A retired man who volunteers to entertain patients in nursing homes and hospitals went to one local hospital in Brooklyn and took his portable keyboard along. He told some jokes and sang some funny songs at patients' bedsides.

When he finished he said, in farewell, "I hope you get better."

One elderly gentleman replied, "I hope you get better, too."
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Measure It

Emailed to me from another humor list (Marty's Joke of the Day) -Tom To subscribe to Marty's Joke of the Day, send a blank email to: martysjotd-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
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Our mom needed a new mattress for her antique bed, so my brother and I decided to buy her one as a gift. The problem was we weren't sure what to get, because the bed was an odd size. Fortunately, my brother happened to be visiting my mother one day when I called home.

"Measure the bed frame before you leave," I told him.

"I don't have a tape measure."

"You can use a dollar bill," I suggested, "each one is six inches long."

"Can't," he replied after digging through his wallet, "I only have a ten."
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Sweet Dreams

Emailed to me another humor list (Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh List) -Tom Subscribe to Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh list at the website: Subscribe
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While on vacation with my son and his family, I shared a room with my 4 year old granddaughter.

One morning when she awoke, she told me she had some nice dreams and proceeded to tell me about them.

I told her I wished that I was able to dream like she does.

She said, "But you can't, grandma, because you snore too much."
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Easy Eggs

Emailed to me another humor list (Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh List) -Tom Subscribe to Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh list at the website: Subscribe
----------------------------------

One Sunday morning, while stationed at Osan Air Base in South Korea, I was in line for breakfast and noticed that the cook behind the counter looked kind of harassed. After I gave him my order, he asked me how I wanted my eggs.

Not wanting to burden him further, I said cheerfully, "Oh, whatever is easiest for you."

With that, he took two eggs, cracked them open onto my plate and handed it back to me.
_ ____________________________ _
(((\ \>|_/ )______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Hookt on Fonix \ /
\ _/ Reely Wurkt Fer Mee! \_ /
/ / \ (((\ \>|_/ )_______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Have you ever noticed? \ /
\ _/ Anybody going slower than you \_ /
/ / is an idiot, and anyone going faster \ than you is a moron. -George Carlin
(((\ \>|_/ )_______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / \ /
\ _/ When;do;you;use;semi;colons? \_ /
/ / \ (((\ \>|_/ )_______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / I'm not aging, \ /
\ _/ I just need re-potting. \_ /
/ / \ (((\ \>|_/ )_______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Why do they put \ /
\ _/ expiration dates on sour cream? \_ /
/ / \ _ ____________________________ _
/ )| Thomas S. Ellsworth |( / / | tellswor@slonet.org | \ _( (_ | http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor | _) )_
_( (_ | *** Good Clean Fun *** | _) )_
(((\ \>|_/ )_______________________( \_|Stop for a visit, leave with a smile! To join Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.Com To leave Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.Com Or visit the Good Clean Fun web site at http://www. slonet.org/~tellswor/
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[GCFL.net] Independence Day Jokes

(Note: Monday, July 4 is Independence Day in the USA)

What would you get if you crossed the first signer of the Declaration of Independence with a rooster?
John Hancock-a-doodle-doo!

What quacks, has webbed feet, and betrays his country?
Beneduck Arnold!

What would you get if you crossed a patriot with a small curly-haired dog?
Yankee Poodle!

What did Paul Revere say at the end of his ride?
"I gotta get a softer saddle!"

Did you hear the one about the Liberty Bell?
Yeah, it cracked me up!

Why did the British cross the Atlantic?
To get to the other tide!

What protest by a group of dogs occurred in 1773?
The Boston Flea Party!

Why did Paul Revere ride his horse from Boston to Lexington?
Because the horse was too heavy to carry!

What do you call a parade of German mercenaries?
A Hessian procession!

Received from Dave Anderson.
-=+=-
[GCFL.net] Substantiation

An infantry brigade was training in the summer heat, learning methods to counter offensive tactics. That summer, the area had experienced an infestation of rattlesnakes. Officers and NCOs were given one magazine of live ammunition to counter this danger, as several men had already been bitten.

So much ammunition was expended shooting, supposedly, at snakes that the post commander demanded that every officer and NCO who had shot at a snake present the dead snake as proof that the expenditure of rounds was justifiable.

The next day, the post commander entered his office and spotted a shoe box on his desk. He opened it, revealing a sleepy and sluggish, but very live, rattlesnake. Inside the box were twenty expended cartridges, and a short note. The note said, "I missed!"


Received from Gene McNulty.
-=+=-
[GCFL.net] Good Golfer

A golfer set up his ball on the first tee, took a mighty swing and hit his ball into a clump of trees. He found his ball and saw an opening between two trees he thought he could hit through.

Taking out his 3-wood, he took another mighty swing; the ball hit a tree, bounced back, hit him in the forehead and killed him.

As he approached the gates of Heaven, St. Peter saw him coming and asked "Are you a good golfer?" to which the man replied, "Got here in two, didn't I?"

Received from John Park, College Station, TX.
-=+=-
[GCFL.net] Self-help Books -- A Plain Man's Guide

From Magazine Supplement with UK Newspaper, The Mail on Sunday

The Secret of Personal Growth -- Shoes with Lifts

Learn to be Assertive -- Take Charge of the TV Remote Control

How to Speak in Public -- How to Say "There's a Queue/Line" Without Getting Punched

How to Win Friends -- The Advantages of Showering Daily

Discovering Your Inner Self -- Do It Yourself Microsurgery

Realisation Through Yoga -- Realising You Can't Get Your Feet Behind Your Head

Boost Self-Confidence -- Stand Up to Door-to-Door Salesmen

Developing a Better Image -- Plastic Surgery

Achieving Self-Awareness -- Knowing Your Alcohol Limit

The Easy Way to Wealth -- Marry Someone Rich

Copyright Jim Rosenberg

Received from JeaneneHea.
-=+=-
[GCFL.net] Letter To My Pet

(A little something for the pet lovers!)

Dear Dog and/or Cat,

When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way.

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. (Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.)

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of dogs and cats sleeping. They can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. (I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but sarcasm.)

My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. (In addition, I have been using the bathroom for years...canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.)

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dogs or cats. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you.

To pacify you I have posted the following message on our front door..... Rules for Non-pet owners who visit and like to complain about our pets: 1. They live here; you don't. 2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. 3. I like my pet better than I like most people. 4. To you it's an animal. To me he and/or she is an adopted son and/or daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and is speech challenged.

Dogs and cats are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug using friends, don't drink or smoke, don't worry about buying the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and when they have young, you can sell the results.

Received from MurphyHunt.
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– NEW! Go to http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20050124 to rate this funny from 0 to 5.
-=+=-
Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List "A cheerful heart is good medicine!" (Prov 17:22a) Go to http://gcfl.net/mlfrontend.php to change your subscription options or unsubscribe. To email this funny to a friend, go to http://gcfl.net/emailit.php?funny=20050107 The latest GCFL funny can always be found on the web at http://gcfl.net/latest.php
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Welcome to You Make Me Laugh, a free newsletter from Crosswalk.com, the world's largest Christian website.
Today's Clean Laugh

Bumper Stickers

If You Can Read This, I Can Slam On My Brakes And Sue You

Forget World Peace -- Visualize Turning Off Your Turn Signal!

HANG UP AND DRIVE!

Where There's A Will...I Want To Be In It!

Ever Stop To Think, And Forget To Start Again?

This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me

If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away?

This Bumper Sticker Exploits Illiterates

Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway

Honk If Anything Falls Off

I Haven't Lost My Mind - It's Backed Up On Disk Somewhere

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

-=+=-

Crossing the Road

There's a man trying to cross the street. As he steps off the curb a car comes screaming around the corner and heads straight for him. The man walks faster, trying to hurry across the street, but the car changes lanes and is still coming at him.

So the guy turns around to go back, but the car changes lanes again and is still coming at him. By now, the car is so close and the man so scared that he just freezes and stops in the middle of the road. The car gets real close, then swerves at the last possible moment and screeches to a halt right next him.

The driver rolls down the window. The driver is a squirrel. The squirrel says to the man says,

"See, it's not as easy as it looks, is it?"

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

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Mellowing Mom

I have five siblings, three sisters and two brothers.

One night I was chatting with my Mom about how she had changed as a mother from the first child to the last.

She told me she had mellowed a lot over the years:

"When your oldest sister coughed or sneezed, I called the ambulance.

When your youngest brother swallowed a dime, I just told him it was coming out of his allowance."

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

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Captain Discipline

About 90 fifth-graders piled into the airliner I was flying, on their way home from a school trip.

Once we were in the air, and the crew began serving drinks, I could hear them pleading with the children to settle down and let the other passengers get some sleep.

No amount of reasoning seemed to help, until I thought of the solution that actually worked.

I picked up the PA mike in the cockpit and announced,

"Children, this is the captain speaking. Don't make me stop this airplane and come back there!"

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh.

-=+=-

Vice President Pride

Tom was so excited about his promotion to Vice President of the company he worked for and kept bragging about it to his wife for weeks on end.

Finally she couldn't take it any longer, and told him, "Listen, it means nothing, they even have a vice president of peas at the grocery store!"

"Really?" he said. Not sure if this was true or not, Tom decided to call the grocery store.

A clerk answers and Tom says, "Can I please talk to the Vice President of peas?"

The clerk replies, "Canned or frozen?"

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

*Eye Laugh*

"Hair Count"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw216

"Sign Attitude"
http://www.cybersalt.org/g05.php?id=73

"Sheep Drink"
http://www.cybersalt.org/g05.php?id=74

"Hockey Hopes"
http://www.cybersalt.org/g05.php?id=75

"Head Face"
http://www.cybersalt.org/g05.php?id=76

Daily devotionals are available at http://link.Crosswalk.Com/UM/T.asp?A1. 39. 17757. 1. 494611 You can access more information on Crosswalk's Fun page http://www.Crosswalk.Com/fun/! Crosswalk gives credit to the author of a joke when author is known. Feel free to send notification to admin@cybersalt.org in cases where credit has not been given to the author! -SUBSCRIPTION INFO- * Copyright2004 Crosswalk.Com, Inc. and its Content Providers. All rights reserved. Introducing www.Crossguide.Com Where Christians find Products, Services & Ministries.
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"Don't strive for recognition, but work for achievement." -- Vanessa Malone
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Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Columns - - http://www.madkane.com/parental.html - - Parental Proposal "The help wanted pages are filled with job descriptions that defy comprehension. This probably explains why so many parents can't quite figure out what it is their children do for a living..."
http://www.madkane.com
http://www.madkane.com/notable.html (Notables Weblog)
http://www.madkane.com/bush.html (Dubya's Dayly Diary)
Subscribe to MadKane Humor Newsletter (weekly) here:
http://www.madkane.com/email.html
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The Smoking Gun - - http://www.thesmokinggun.com/ - - The Smoking Gun publishes exclusive documents such as FBI and police records, confidential filings in lawsuits and other papers obtained from government and law enforcement sources and via Freedom of Information requests.
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Librarian's Index to the Internet - - http://lii.org/ - - Our motto: "Information You Can Trust." Librarians' Index to the Internet (LII) is a searchable, annotated subject directory of more than 14,000 Internet resources selected and evaluated by librarians for their usefulness to users of public libraries. LII is used by both librarians and the general public as a reliable and efficient guide to Internet resources.
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The Encyclopedia of Television - - http://www.museum.tv/archives/etv/index.html - - The Encyclopedia of Television includes more than 1,000 original essays from more than 250 contributors and examines specific programs and people, historic moments and trends, major policy disputes and such topics as violence, tabloid television and the quiz show scandal. It also includes histories of major television networks as well as broadcasting systems around the world and is complemented by resource materials, photos and bibliographical information.
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Nolo.com - - http://www.nolo.com/ - - Nolo.com is the nation's leading provider of do-it-yourself legal solutions for consumers and small businesses. Site goal is to help people handle their own everyday legal matters -- or learn enough about them to make working with a lawyer a more satisfying experience.
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TIME: 50 Coolest Websites 2005 - - http://www.time.com/time/2005/websites/?cnn=yes - - This Web site is part of the Time Magazine's Online Edition: "How do we come up with our 50 best? Short answer: we take your suggestions, probe friends and colleagues about their favorite online haunts and then surf like mad. This year's finalists are a mix of newcomers, new discoveries and veterans that have learned some new tricks.
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Popular Baby Names - - http://www.ssa.gov/OACT/babynames/ - - This site by the Social Security Administration provides a list of the most popular names for a particular year of birth; you can select the year and the length of the popularity list. To see how the popularity of a name has changed over time, you can search the name and, optionally, the sex and number of years.
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HealthierUS.gov - - http://www.healthierus.gov/ - - If you just look at the numbers, it can be overwhelming. Obesity is epidemic in the United States. In recent years, diabetes rates among people ages 30 to 39 rose by 70%. About 46.5 million adults in the United States smoke cigarettes, even though this single behavior will result in disability and premature death for half of them. More than 60% of American adults do not get enough physical activity, and more than 25% are not active at all. This site is a source of credible, accurate information to help Americans choose to live healthier lives.
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"Using a cellphone -- even with a hands-free device -- may distract drivers because the brain cannot handle both tasks, U.S. researchers said on June 21, 2005. Imaging tests show the brain directs its resources to either visual input or auditory input, but cannot fully activate both at the same time, the team at Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore found. 'Our research helps explain why talking on a cell phone can impair driving performance, even when the driver is using a hands-free device,' said Steven Yantis, a professor in the Department of Psychological and Brain Sciences who led the study. 'Directing attention to listening effectively 'turns down the volume' on input to the visual parts of the brain,' he added in a statement. 'When attention is deployed to one modality -- say, in this case, talking on a cell phone -- it necessarily extracts a cost on another modality -- in this case, the visual task of driving.' "
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"Our bodies may be at rest while we sleep, but new research finds more evidence that our brains are hard at work as we get our zzz's. Sleep seems to help the brain consolidate memories so that they are readily available during waking hours, scientists reported at a recent meeting of the Organization for Human Brain Mapping in Toronto. Dr. Pierre Orban and colleagues at the University of Liege in Belgium compared the brain functioning of well-rested and sleep-deprived people. In the experiment, 22 volunteers explored a complex computerized town for about half an hour. After familiarizing themselves with the town, the participants had to find particular locations within about 30 seconds. During the fast-paced searches, researchers measured participants' brain activity using a type of brain imaging called functional magnetic resonance imaging." -
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"Millions of Americans lie awake at night counting sheep - or have a stiff drink or pop an allergy pill, hoping it will make them drowsy. But experts agree all that self-medicating is a bad idea, and the causes of chronic insomnia remain mysterious. Almost a third of adults have trouble sleeping, and about 10 percent have symptoms of daytime impairment that signal true insomnia. Sufferers readily cite the resulting problems: walking around in a fog, as memory and other cognitive functions slow; dozing off at the wheel or at work; depression; lack of energy. But for all the complaints, scientists know surprisingly little about what causes chronic insomnia, its health consequences and how best to treat it, a panel of specialists brought together by the National Institutes of Health concluded." -
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"Americans grappling with mental illness are more likely to be treated for it now than they were 10 years ago, according to a landmark government-backed survey. The rate of mental illness has remained the same, but researchers believe that with more treatment inroads in the future, rates should eventually start to drop. 'I think things are going to move in a good direction, but we're sort of in the midst of it,' said study leader Ronald Kessler, a sociologist at Harvard Medical School. However, a more troubling possibility, some experts acknowledged, is that treatment too often fails to work - and that's why the rate of illness has held steady." -
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"Looking for the secret of a long life? Look closely at your friends. New research suggests that having a strong network of friends helps people live longer. 'Older people with better social networks with friends were less likely to die over a 10-year follow-up period than older people with poorer friends networks,' Lynne C. Giles of Flinders University in Adelaide, Australia, told Reuters Health. But in what may come as a surprising finding to older people who rely on their children and other relatives, having a large network of relatives was not associated with longer life, Giles and her colleagues report in the July issue of the Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health." -
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"School-age children should engage in at least 60 minute's worth of moderate or vigorous physical activity each day, a panel of experts recommends. 'The important thing is we have to get American children and adolescents active,' Dr. Robert M. Malina, a co-chair of the panel, said in a press release. 'The evidence is very clear that physical activity has decreased dramatically in the last 10 to 20 years,' said Malina, who is at Tarleton State University in Stephenville, Texas. The Divisions of Nutrition and Physical Activity and Adolescent and School Health of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention contracted with the Constella Group, a North Carolina-based health-services company to convene the panel of 13 experts." -
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"Tough child support laws may dissuade men from becoming unwed fathers, as states with the most stringent laws and strict enforcement have up to 20 percent fewer out-of-wedlock births, a new study shows. Researchers at the University of Washington and Columbia University said Friday that child support laws' power to reduce single parenthood is an unintended consequence of a policy designed to help children and cut public welfare costs. 'Often the unintended effects are bad, so it's refreshing to see that,' said lead study author Robert Plotnick, a University of Washington professor of public affairs. 'Women living in states that do a better job of enforcing child support are less likely to become an unwed mother.' "
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Albemarle Magnolia celebrated 589 days and another quarter with no OSHA Recordable injuries. KUDOS gang.
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TOURBUS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -:) - :)- :)
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TOURBUS Volume 10, Number 64 -- 28 June 2005
Tourbus Home - http://www.TOURBUS.com
Tourbus News Service - http://tourbus.com/news.html
------------------------------------------------------
TODAY'S TOURBUS TOPIC: VACATION PLANNING

Today's TOURBUS will help you plan a trip, save on travel costs, learn about the attractions before you arrive, and get there without getting lost. If you are planning to travel this summer, read on!

---------------------------
A Short Detour - Ask Bob!
---------------------------

Got a burning question about your computer or the Internet? Need tech support? Don't be shy... ask me about computers, viruses, spyware, search engines or almost anything about the Internet. Chances are, you're not the only person who has that question. If I answer your question on my new blog, others will benefit too. There's no charge for the service, so pop in now...

Ask Bob Rankin - http://www.AskBobRankin.com

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TravelInformation.com
-----------------------

...was one of the first travel resources on the Internet. In business for 20 years, and online since 1996, it's refreshingly different from any travel-related site I've seen. Instead of trying to sell you plane tickets, hotel rooms and rental cars, this site offers free Official Tourism Guides and kits from tourism bureaus & cities.

Travel Info - http://www.travelinformation.com/tour.html

You might think it strange that I'm recommending an offline service for travel planning, but in my experience the good old-fashioned color brochures you can feel and touch offer a higher quality of information with less hassle. Once you've decided where to go, the other sites on today's tour may help you find additional info and some good deals on reservations.

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Travelocity
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I know, I mentioned Travelocity briefly in the last issue, and they don't pay me to say nice things about them. I just happen to think it's a great place to shop for airline tickets, vacation packages, car rentals and hotel accommodations. Here are some of the key features of the Travelocity website:

TRAVEL RESERVATIONS - Lets you access the same computer database used by travel agents, so you can book airline tickets, reserve hotel rooms, or reserve rental cars from all the major agencies.

DESTINATION GUIDES - Comprehensive travel guides for more than 80 destinations worldwide with content from Frommer's Guide.

AIRFARE DEALS - Search for the best prices on air travel, find special offers on travel to certain cities, sign up for low fare alerts and info on last minute packages.

Travelocity - http://www.travelocity.com

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More Online Reservations
--------------------------

Whenever I write about travel, a bunch of people will email to ask why I didn't mention their favorite online reservation site. Well, yes, there are a bunch. There's Expedia (a Microsoft subsidiary), Orbitz, CheapTickets, Hotwire, Priceline and more. Slap a dotcom on any of those and you'll end up at their website. Try 'em all, and stick with the one you like best. In my experience, there is very little difference in pricing across the board.

---------------
Ahh, Leg Room
---------------

A couple of Tourbus frequent flyers wrote to tell me about SeatGuru. This site won't make air travel faster or less expensive, but it just might make it a bit more comfortable. You'll find ratings of each individual seat on the planes of about 20 different airlines. If legroom, reclinability, noise, and laptop power ports are important factors for you, pay a visit to SeatGuru.

SeatGuru - http://www.seatguru.com

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From Phoenix Arizona all the Way to Tacoma
--------------------------------------------

Real men never stop to ask for directions, but they do read maps. So before you head out, make sure you plot your course. These online map services will help you get from point A to point B.

MapQuest - http://www.mapquest.com

MapQuest provides free easy-to-read online maps, driving directions and destination info you can view, print, or download to a wireless device. The RoadTrip Planner also helps travelers find restaurants, ATMs, entertainment and attractions along the route.

Yahoo Maps - http://maps.yahoo.com

Yahoo Maps offers a similar slate of features, including online maps and point to point driving directions. Interactive maps allow you to pan and zoom for detail on any portion of the trip. The total distance and approximate travel time are also displayed.

+---------------------------------------+
That's all for now, I'll see you next time! --Bob Rankin
+---------------------------------------+
==[ Tourbus Rider Information ]==
The Internet Tourbus - U.S. Library of Congress ISSN #1094-2238
Copyright 1995-2005, Rankin & Crispen - All rights reserved
Tourbus News Service - http://tourbus.com/news.html
Subscribe, Signoff, Archives, Free Stuff and More at the
Tourbus Website - http://www.TOURBUS.com
========================
.~~~. ))
(\__/) .' ) )) Patrick Douglas Crispen
/o o \/ .~
{o_, \ { crispen@netsquirrel.com
/ , , ) \ http://www.netsquirrel.com/
`~ -' \ } )) AOL Instant Messenger: Squirrel2K
_( ( )_.'
---..{____} Warning: squirrels.

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Our Church, Magnolia Christian Center, has the following mission statement. Our purpose is to build a great church for the glory of God through the great commission and the great commandment. MCC' Vision - That MCC will be a place hopping with children, energized with teenagers, balanced with diversity and transformed by the power of God! We want to turn uninterested people into interested people and win the lost to make fully devoted followers of Christ.
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"National Fire & Rescue"

Dear Fire Service Professional,

We published Chief Dan Jones' editorial in our May/June issue and have received numerous letters and e-mails in response to his opinions.. To make sure we're reaching all of our audience with this information, we'd like to share it with you here.

Sincerely,
The Editors of National Fire & Rescue Do We Train Enough?
And What is Enough Training?
By Dan Jones, Editor-in-Chief

Does the fire service conduct enough training for its personnel? No matter if it's volunteer, combination or career, is there any fire department in the country that provides enough training for its personnel? The Insurance Services Office (ISO) requires 240 hours of training per year, but is that enough to maintain competency? Some states set specific standards for hours of fire training, but what do they base that on? What is enough training to maintain competency? At an even higher level, what is enough training to be truly effective, efficient and safe on the fireground or at any emergency scene? I ask these questions in all sincerity because I have been involved with fire and emergency training at some instructor level for more than 25 years, and I really don't know what enough training is. However, I will tell you that I do not believe there is a fire department in existence that conducts enough training for their firefighters or officers.

For the purposes of this discussion, let's consider professional or collegiate team sports. Football, basketball, baseball and soccer teams practice daily during the weeks leading up to and during their seasons. They study gameplans and scouting reports (their version of preplans), they conduct repetitive drills and plays (our evolutions), they constantly practice fundamentals (our basic skills)?even at the pro level?and they devote time to conditioning daily (fitness). During their preseasons they even have two-a-day practices in preparation for upcoming competitions. All of this effort, and all they are playing for is to win games and invented championships. No one's life is on the line, just trophies.

The fire service "season," on the other hand, is year-round. We potentially have a competition every day in the form of structure fires, wildland fires, vehicle fires, vehicle extrications, technical rescues and medical emergencies. Our skills, teamwork, "gameplans" and fitness are on the line in a contest that has life-or-death consequences for citizens and ourselves. And yet, our training does not even rise to a percentage of what pro and collegiate athletic teams do for training. So again I ask, what is enough training for the fire service?

The average fire department today has many demands on its time and resources. Community expectations have grown tremendously in the last decade. We are expected to prevent fires, fight fires, conduct rescues, perform emergency medical work, mitigate hazardous materials incidents, defend the community from weapons of mass destruction, provide safety education to our populations, conduct risk assessments, enforce codes, investigate hazards, manage community events, protect the environment, apply for grants to reduce local spending, keep the apparatus shiny, mow the fire station grass once a week and write reports on all of the previous tasks. This is nearly impossible for a full-time, heavily staffed fire department, but it is truly mission impossible for small fire departments with minimal personnel or an all-volunteer force. So how can they even scratch the surface of training enough?

It seems to me that the more specialized we become and the more services we deliver, the more skills and knowledge are required, and because of all the additions, we have even less time to train. It is a vicious cycle that is eroding our skills, our teamwork, our effectiveness and our safety. When I first entered the fire service in 1974, I remember that we conducted some form of training every day. Either classroom or drill ground and sometimes both were part of our daily routine. Volunteer firefighters I knew in neighboring departments trained every single week, and they were required to make nearly all of the sessions. Now it seems that many career firefighters are lucky to have one training session a week, and many volunteer firefighters are down to training every other week or even monthly. Meanwhile, our mission has become more complicated and the tasks require more skill. Are you starting to see a trend here? I am.

The new national fire service motto promoted by the National Fallen Firefighters Foundation (NFFF) and other fire organizations is "Everyone Goes Home," and it's intended to promote firefighter safety. Maybe it ought to be amended to "Everyone Goes Home if We Train Enough." We have to get back to making training an absolute priority in all of our departments, large or small, career or volunteer?it shouldn't matter. Time for training must be carved out of our busy schedules and defended aggressively. We have got to quit making excuses and accepting excuses of why we have not trained. Ours is not a mission that can or should accept mediocrity, and yet we seem to be at that point. Indecision, equipment fumbling, uncertain skills, dysfunctional teams, duplicated effort, knowledge deficiencies, slow actions and critical mistakes have no place on the fireground or emergency scene, and the only way to combat those negatives is with frequent, aggressive, consistent and comprehensive training.

Football and basketball teams run plays from their playbook over and over and over, until the functions of each member of the team are ingrained and almost second nature. Firefighters run an evolution twice and they are done, ready to pack up and go to the house. We need to develop a team-sports mentality. Develop a set of basic plays (evolutions) that are reasonable and realistic for your department. And then run them over and over until they become second nature. Then throw in twists and adjustments until your proficiency is obvious. That is how sports teams become winners in games, and it is how fire companies can become effective on scene. Study preplans as if they were gameplans. Review skills frequently and consider those the fundamentals. Practice your functions until you can do them fast, in the dark and without hesitation.

Training officers and instructors must maintain a reasonable balance between new or specialized skills and the basics, company evolutions and fundamental skills. The last time a 10-year veteran firefighter practiced a basic skill should not have been in his rookie school. WMD, USAR, ALS and HazMat are all necessary subjects, but they must not replace fire streams, ropes and knots, SCBA, BLS and ventilation skills. After all, we still respond to a lot more structure fires than bomb or chemical explosions. Besides, all of our trusty basic fire skills are still needed at the scene of a terrorist incident or technical rescue.

We need a renewed commitment to training in the American fire service. We need to renew our vows to skill, competency and teamwork. We need to recognize that our success in every service we provide is born in the classroom and on the drill ground. We also need to realize that our emergency scene failures and mistakes did not occur only at that instance but were initiated in a lack of training, practice and drill. Our firefighter injuries and deaths can often be traced back to a lack of skill, knowledge, preparation, fitness and teamwork?the same reasons that athletic teams lose games. The difference is that we have much more at stake in the competition.

Fire and death are ruthless opponents, and if we are not properly prepared for that competition, we and others will lose more than a game. We should train like our lives and our citizens' lives depend on it, because they do.

So how much training is enough? I have no idea, but I know that none of us have reached that level.
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TGIF-Today God Is First


Proving the Word of God
-----------------------------
Friday, July 01, 2005
by Os Hillman

They bruised his feet with shackles; his neck was put in irons, till what he foretold came to pass, till the word of the Lord proved him true. ~ Psalm 105:18-19

God spoke to Joseph as a young boy through a dream and vision regarding his future. He could not understand its complete meaning at the time, but he knew it had great significance. Joseph knew God had a destiny for his life. However, the proving out of that word from God was filled with 13 years of waiting, rejection, pain, sorrow, and no doubt, questioning God's faithfulness.

His life was all but a life of influence and impact as a prisoner and slave. No doubt he wondered whether that dream was simply some vain imagination. David must have felt the same when he was anointed king over Israel as a young man only to spend years of fleeing from King Saul. God's preparation for greatness in His Kingdom is often filled with difficulty. God is more concerned about developing the inner life of his servant. That inner life can only be prepared by removing all self-confidence and replacing it with God-confidence. God-confidence is only developed in the furnace of life.

Is the Lord proving His word in your life? Perhaps He is using circumstances and events to move you into a place of patient waiting as He puts you in the place He desires for you. This is the place where the foundations of your soul mature. Let Him prove your faith.

~=|=~

of God
-----------------------------
Thursday, June 30, 2005
by Os Hillman

God looks down from heaven on the sons of men to see if there are any who understand, any who seek God. ~ Psalm 53:2

Are you a man or woman who is a seeker of God? The Lord delights in seeing those children of His who truly understand the meaning of life and why there is only one thing worth seeking God Himself.

I can always tell when I have not been seeking God. The cares of this life, the urgent over the important, and the petty irritations-these are the symptoms of a life that has not been in the presence of God. Do we understand, really understand? That is the question God raises to each of us today. If we understand, then why do we spend day after day toiling and fretting over what doesn't matter? Can we set proper boundaries in our lives that don't allow our time with Him to be continually stolen away? It is a challenge in a world that screams "activity, activity!"

Do you have a consistent time of seeking Him in your life? Are you committed to developing that intimacy with your Lord that He so desires? If not, ask Him today to help you. This is the longing of His heart. Ask Him to make it the longing of your heart. Then you will demonstrate to Him that you understand, and you will be a seeker of God.

~=|=~

Settling Disputes
-----------------------------
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
by Os Hillman

Casting the lot settles disputes and keeps strong opponents apart. ~ Proverbs 18:18

We prayed about it. We discussed it. My friend had one desire; I had a different one. "Okay, let's settle the issue the way the early Church settled matters when an agreement could not be achieved. Let's flip a coin."

"You must be joking!" my friend lamented.

"No, the early Church cast lots often to determine a course of direction or even select the disciple who would take Judas' place."

"Okay," my friend agreed. We flipped the coin and the matter was quickly settled.

In the Old Testament there are many examples of casting lots for determining a decision. We hear little of this method today. Most of us do not want to release the decision process to this seemingly "flippant" process; yet the Lord says, "The lot is cast into the lap, but its every decision is from the Lord" (Prov. 16:33). Flipping a coin is the equivalent to casting a lot. It removes our own opinions and leaves the final outcome to the Lord. Pray before you take such an action. It will surprise you who is willing to submit a decision to the Lord and who isn't. It removes the element of control from both parties.

I believe the Lord would first have us make decisions through agreement and continued prayer for the decision. However, there are times when this approach can be the quickest and simplest. It removes each person's temptation to lord it over the other. Cast the lot and settle the dispute.

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Pleasing to the Lord
-----------------------------
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
by Os Hillman

Prepare it with oil on a griddle; bring it well-mixed and present the grain offering broken in pieces as an aroma pleasing to the Lord. ~ Leviticus 6:21

There is a requirement to be blessed at a deeper spiritual level by God. Christ requires it of each of His servants. He required it of Paul when He struck him down on the Damascus Road. He required it of Joseph when he was left in the pit and then sold into slavery. He required it of Jacob when he left his homeland penniless and needy. He required it of most every major leader that He used significantly - brokenness.

Brokenness cannot be achieved on your own. It is something God does Himself. We cannot determine that we are going to be broken, but we can refuse to become broken. When God begins this deeper work in our lives, we can kick and scream and refuse the process. We can manipulate and strive to stay on top, but this only delays His work.

Pride and mammon are ruling strongholds of the workplace. Brokenness is considered a weak position in the workplace. However, God says until we are broken we cannot be an aroma pleasing to the Lord. God wants you to be an aroma in the workplace. In order for this to happen, you and I must be a broken vessel in His hand. Pray that God would allow you to become a pleasing aroma to Him no matter the cost.

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Our Counselor
-----------------------------
Monday, June 27, 2005
by Os Hillman

But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. ~ John 14:26

I was driving down the interstate feeling discouraged from an appointment I had just had. A former employee's company was seeking to displace me, and my company, as their source for our services. It had been one of many difficult events during those months. As I was driving, some words popped into my mind, No weapon formed against you shall prosper. I could not tell you where those words came from other than I knew the Holy Spirit was speaking them to me; I knew they were in the Bible. I knew they were in the Old Testament.

When I returned to my office that day, I searched for the key words in my concordance and found the verse. "No weapon forged against you will prevail, and you will refute every tongue that accuses you" (Is. 54:17a).

Jesus said that the Holy Spirit would remind us of the things He desires us to know. There are times in our lives when the Holy Spirit speaks into our spirit words designed to encourage us or give us what we need at the moment. That is just one of the roles of the Holy Spirit in the life of the believer. The more you know God's Word, the more often you'll recall verses the Holy Spirit will bring to mind for a given situation. Study God's Word and allow the Holy Spirit to remind you of the things He desires you to know.

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Copyright 2005. www.MarketplaceLeaders.org
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To contact Os Hillman, request reprint permission, or to book Os to speak in your town write to os@marketplaceleaders.org. Marketplace Leaders Website: http://www.marketplaceleaders.org/ Copyright 2005
--------------------------------------------------
Please recommend this TGIF daily devotional to everyone interested in applying their faith to their worklife. Tell them to subscribe at http://www.TodayGodIsFirst.com

Os Hillman Copyright 2005
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Verse of the Day

Because of the extent of the Ephesians series, I will be taking a couple of weeks off to rest and recuperate and recharge and refresh and reflect and ....

I will resume verse of the day in mid-July.
Harley

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c. 2005 Harley E. Hudson

If you received Verse of the Day as a forward and you wish to have your own subscription, simply send an e-mail to hhudson719@earthlink.net and request a free subscription.
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Activities and Events of Interest
~~~
The Emancipation Proclamation will be on display at the Clinton Library September 22-25, 2007.
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"September 11 WDYTJWD" W. P. Florence
Justice first, then peace."
"September 11" Never forget.--Tony Moses
"ONE NATION UNDER GOD ...the only way"--Phillip Story
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." -- Franklin D. Roosevelt
"Keeping my head down but face toward Heaven" - - Jody Eldred, ABC News Cameraman in Kuwait
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" --"Bug"
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. - - George Carlin
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" - - Queen E. Watson
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NEVER FORGET! We're listing the names of our soldiers killed weekly. These records can be found at http://www.defenselink. mil/releases/

The Department of Defense announced the death of two Marines who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom.
01. Cpl. Carlos Pineda, 23, Los Angeles, Calif., died June 24 as a result of wounds sustained from enemy small-arms fire while conducting combat operations in Falluhah, Iraq. He was assigned to 8th Marine Regiment, 2nd Marine Division, II Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C.
02. Sgt. 1st Class Christopher W. Phelps, 39, of Louisville, Ky., died June 23 in Baghdad, Iraq, when an improvised explosive device detonated near his HMMWV. Phelps was assigned to the Army's 3rd Squadron, 3rd Armored Cavalry Regiment, Fort Carson, Colo.

The Department of Defense announced the death of two Marines who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom.
03. Lance Cpl. Veashna Muy, 20, of Los Angeles, Calif.
04. Cpl. Chad W. Powell, 22, of West Monroe, La.
Both Marines died June 23 while traveling in a convoy that was attacked by a suicide, vehicle-borne, improvised explosive device in Fallujah, Iraq. Both Marines were assigned to 8th Marine Regiment, 2nd Marine Division, II Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C

05. Spc. Charles A. Kaufman, 20, of Fairchild, Wis., died June 26 in Baghdad, Iraq, where a vehicle-borne improvised explosive device detonated near his HMMWV. Kaufman was assigned to the Army National Guard's 1st Battalion, 128th Infantry, Arcadia, Wis.

06. Cpl. Ramona M. Valdez, 20, of Bronx, N.Y., died June 23 while traveling in a convoy that was attacked by a suicide, vehicle-borne, improvised explosive device in Fallujah, Iraq. She was assigned to Headquarters Battalion, 2nd Marine Division, II Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C.

07. Petty Officer 1st Class Regina R. Clark, 43, of Centralia, Wash., died June 23 in a convoy that was attacked by a vehicle-borne improvised explosive device in Fallujah. She was a culinary specialist deployed with Naval Construction Regiment Detachment 30, Port Hueneme, Calif., and was temporarily assigned to II Marine Expeditionary Force (Forward).

08. 2nd Lt. Matthew S. Coutu, 23, of North Kingstown, R.I., died June 27 in Baghdad, Iraq, where enemy forces engaged his convoy with small arms fire. Coutu was assigned to the 64th Military Police Company, 720th Military Police Battalion, 89th Military Police Brigade, Fort Hood, Texas.

The Department of Defense announced the death of two soldiers who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom. They died on June 27 near Taji, Iraq, where their AH-64D Apache helicopter crashed. Both soldiers were assigned to the Army's 3rd Battalion, 3rd Aviation Regiment, 3rd Infantry Division, Fort Bragg, N.C. Killed were:
09. Chief Warrant Officer Keith R. Mariotti, 39, of Texas.
10. Chief Warrant Officer Steven E. Shepard, 30, of Purcell, Okla.

11. Spc. Robert E. Hall Jr., 30, of Pittsburgh, Pa., died June 28 in Ad Dujayl, Iraq, when a vehicle-borne improvised explosive device detonated near his dismounted position at the gate of his forward operating base. Hall was assigned to the Army Reserve's 467th Engineer Battalion, Greenwood, Miss.

12. Sgt. Manny Hornedo, 27, of Brooklyn, N.Y., died June 28 in Tikrit, Iraq, where a vehicle-borne improvised explosive device detonated near his HMMWV while conducting convoy operations. Hornedo was assigned to the Army National Guard's 1569th Transportation Company, New York, N.Y.
~~
Air Force Officer MIA from Vietnam War is Identified

The Department of Defense POW/MIA Personnel Office (DPMO) announced today that the remains of a U.S. serviceman, missing in action from the Vietnam War, have been identified and are being returned to his family for burial.

He is Air Force Lt. Col. Darel D. Leetun of Hettinger, N.D. Leetun will be buried with full military honors July 8 at Arlington National Cemetery.

On Sept. 17, 1966, Leetun led a bombing mission over Lang Son province, North Vietnam when his F-105D ‘Thunderchief’ aircraft was hit by enemy fire. Other pilots in the flight observed the aircraft crash, but did not receive emergency beeper signals nor observe a parachute.

Vietnamese and U.S. specialists from the Joint POW/MIA Accounting Command (JPAC) conducted three investigations between 1991 and 1995 as they sought information on Leetun’s crash site. During one of the investigations, Vietnamese villagers led investigators to a hillside location where human remains were found. Additional site investigations by a Vietnam team and a JPAC team in 1999 and 2004 respectively yielded no new evidence.

JPAC scientists and Armed Forces DNA Identification Laboratory specialists used mitochondrial DNA as one of the forensic tools to help identify the remains as those of Leetun.

Of those Americans unaccounted-for from all conflicts, 1,833 are from the Vietnam War, with 1,397 of those within the country of Vietnam. Another 750 Americans have been accounted for in Southeast Asia since the end of the Vietnam War. Of the Americans identified, 524 are from within Vietnam.
~~
Korean War Missing in Action Serviceman Identified

The Department of Defense POW/Missing Personnel Office (DPMO) announced today that the remains of a U.S. serviceman, missing in action from the Korean War, have been identified and are being returned to his family for burial in Fergus Falls, Minn. on Wednesday.

He is Cpl. John O. Strom of Fergus Falls, Minn.

On the night of Nov. 1, 1950, Strom’s unit, 1st Battalion, 8th Cavalry Regiment, came under attack by Chinese communist forces near the village of Unsan in North Korea. His battalion sought to escape the larger Chinese unit, and evacuated along a route well documented in U.S. records.

The fighting raged on for several days, and by Nov. 4, those men able to escape withdrew to friendly lines south of the Kuryong River, though more than 380 soldiers of the 8th Cavalry Regiment were unaccounted for.

In July and August 2002, a joint team of U.S. and North Korean specialists investigated a site near Unsan where a villager had reportedly reburied remains believed to be those of a U.S. serviceman from another location. The team, led by the Joint POW/MIA Accounting Command (JPAC), excavated both sites and found human remains as well as a few pieces of non-biological evidence. The team was also given Strom’s military identification tag found by the villager.

Laboratory analysis of the remains by forensic scientists at JPAC led to Strom’s identification. Comparisons of mitochondrial DNA results were key factors in their finding.

Of the 88,000 Americans who are missing from all conflicts, approximately 8,100 are from the Korean War. More than 1,800 remain unaccounted for from the Vietnam War, 126 from the Cold War, and 78,000 from World War II. Remains believed to be those of more than 220 American servicemen have been recovered in joint operations in North Korea.

For additional information on the Defense Department’s mission to account for missing Americans, visit the DPMO Web site at http://www.dtic.mil/dpmo or call (703) 699-1169 .
~~

Korean War Missing in Action Serviceman Identified

The Department of Defense POW/Missing Personnel Office (DPMO) announced today that the remains of a U.S. Army soldier, missing in action from the Korean War, have been identified and are being returned to his family for burial in Schererville, Ind.

He is Pfc. Lowell W. Bellar of Gary, Ind. He is to be buried on July 15, the date of his birth in 1931.

In November - December 1950, Bellar’s unit, Company M, 31st Infantry Regiment, was surrounded and overrun by Chinese Communist forces near the Chosin Reservoir in northeast North Korea. Elements of his unit joined other U.S. forces in the breakout and fighting retreat to relative safety further south to an area near the village of Hagaru. Regimental records compiled after the battle indicate that Bellar was killed in action Dec. 1, 1950. More than 1,000 men, primarily Marines and Army soldiers, are still missing in North Korea from the Chosin campaign.

Joint U.S.-North Korean recovery teams, led by the Joint POW/MIA Accounting Command (JPAC) excavated a site in North Korea in September 2001, and again in October, that was believed to be the location where American soldiers were buried. They recovered remains believed to be those of 12 individuals, some of which were later identified as those of Bellar.

Laboratory analysis of the remains by forensic scientists at JPAC led to Bellar’s identification. Comparisons of Bellar’s mitochondrial DNA data with samples from his family were key factors in their finding.
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Remember that for every soldier killed in modern war, 10 are wounded. Don't forget to pray for them and their families.
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Please remember to pray for the American soldiers stationed everywhere around the globe and especially in Iraq. Times have been and are very tough and it would be nice if you would all just say a prayer for their safety and for their families.
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Scheduled Activities
~~~
Alcoholics Anonymous meets at 8 p.m. Monday - Friday. At noon on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays and at 7 p.m. Sunday at 914 N. Vine
~~~
Columbia County Amateur Radio Club meets Every second Thursday @ 7:00 p.m. Union Street Station. And YOU'RE invited. Net is every Sunday at 20:30 on 147.105.
~~~
Columbia County Diabetes Support Group - Every third Monday, 7:00 p.m. room 222, Magnolia Hospital
~~~
"Focus on the Family" with Dr. James Dobson weekday afternoons at 1 PM on KVMA am 630 it's a great show!
~~~
MCC - Abraham Prayer - Sunday at 5:00 p.m and Wednesday from 11:30 am to 1:00 pm
~~~
MCC - Early Morning Prayer - Monday - Friday, From 6:30 am to 8:00 am
~~~
MCC - "Beth Moore" Video Class - Thursday nights at 5:45 pm
~~~
MCC - "Faith Builders" Small group meets at 1051 Columbia 36 the second and fourth Tuesdays, 6:30 pm to 7:45 pm.
~~~
MCC - Firm Foundations Class, Sunday 9:30 to 10:15 a.m
~~~
MCC - Meadow Brook Nursing Home Ministry Tuesday from 10:00 to 11:00 a.m
~~~
MCC - Mom's Day Out - Every Tuesday and Thursday from 9 to 2.$10 for the first child, $5 for the second. Call 234-3225 for reservations.
~~~
MCC - Nursing Home Ministry - Meadowbrook Every Tuesday from 10 to 11 am. Taylor, the last Thursday each month.
~~~
MCC - Over comers: Fridays @ 7:00 p.m- Director, Traci Foster invites you to a 12 step Christian support program. For anyone with a life controlling problem. Child care is provided.
~~~
Men's Prayer Breakfast held every Tuesday morning at 6 AM in Miller's Cafeteria. If you aren't a regular participant at the Men's Prayer Breakfast, you're missing some great food, fellowship and inspired teaching of the Word. Hope to see you there.
~~~
Narcotics Anonymous 5-6 pm every Monday at 220 Pine street.
~~~
TOPS (Take Off Pounds Sensibly) 5 pm every Tuesday in the Magnolia Hospital break room.
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Emergency Phone Number 911
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )
Central Dispatch 234-5655
(Non - Emergency Number)
Direct Numbers
Ambulance - 234-7371 (24 Hour)
Jail - 234-5331 (24 Hour)
Poison Control - 800-222-1222 (24 Hour)
http://www. aapcc. org/
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"Fight till you win!" - - Mark Brazee
"Bring 'em on!" - -President George W. Bush
"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle."
"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." -- "Bug"
"I read the end of the book. We win!" -- "Bug"
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." -- "Bug"
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." - - "Bug"
"If you can read this e-mail, thank a teacher. - - If you read it in English, thank a serviceman."
"A simple way to take measure of a country is to look at how many want in ... and how many want out." - - Tony Blair
"Information is the currency of democracy." - Jefferson
"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed people can change the world; indeed, it is the only thing that ever has." - - Margaret Mead
~~~~~
Hope you enjoy the newsletter.
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week.

God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!
John 4:35 Luke 1:8-12 1 Cor 13:11-13 John 16:21-24 Acts 19:18-20
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT-I KC5HII

P. S. If you'd like to be added to the distribution, just drop us E-mail at KC5HII@Magnolia-Net.Com. We offer "Da Bleat" as text, a "Blog" and as a newsletter with pictures in Word and PDF format. For the "Blog" version just go to http://bugsbleatnew.blogspot.com/ to see the latest issue. This week, "Word" and "PDF" subscribers get to see photos of the Purplehull Pea Festival Parade.
Let us hear from you if we can switch you over to the "Word" or "PDF" version of "Da Bleat".
If you'd prefer to read "Da Blog" version, just drop us a note at KC5HII@Magnolia-Net.Com and we'll switch you from e:mail delivery to "Da Bleat" Blog. Of course "Da Bleat" is now on the web. Just go to http://bugsbleatnew.blogspot.com to see the latest issue (usually updated sometime Friday evening or Saturday morning. We appreciate your encouragement. We also appreciate your communication when you desire to be taken off our mail list. If you are on this mail list by mistake or do not wish to receive "Da Bleat," please reply back and tell us to discontinue service to you. This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus 2005 before it was sent.
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Bug's Bleat - - GCF: First Apartment

Volume 7, Issue 25

Hello All,

Zac had to go to Dr. Alexander's to have a laceration sewed up this morning. I was working at the church running new network cable when Annette brought him back from the Doctorl.
He was showing everyone his bandage and telling how he’d been sewn up.
When I asked him exactly how he cut his leg he replied; “I was riding the bike and a piece of metal hit me.”
“What kind of metal hit you?” I asked.
“A park bench.”
~~~~~
Vanessa, Jimmy and Josiah are moving on Wednesday. It’ll be GREAT to have our kids back in this area, close to home.
~~~~~
Speaking of good things from South Louisiana, I’m a Zapp's Potato Chip addict. Luckily, Brookshire’s grocery here in Magnolia carries them. If you’re grocer doesn’t, you can order them on line at the Zapp's Web site. - - http://www.zapps.com/
~~~~~
Annette has, as usual, been extra busy this week. She’s made several trips out of town visiting the sick and bringing people home from the hospital. Also, the MCC prison team ministered at Wade last Monday so she didn’t get home till late that day either.
I appreciate the love of my life sharing Christ’s love with those in need. Though I do get selfish sometimes and wish she could just sit on the porch with me and watch the neighborhood go by.
~~~~~
The Atlanta Hilltop 4-H Club is selling Krispy Kreme donuts. We will be picking them up late Monday night June 27th and delivering them early on Tuesday morning June 28th. The Crispy Kremes are six dollars a dozen.
Krispy Kreme will donate half the money raised to the Atlanta Hilltop 4-H Club. To place an order, call Ricky Shepherd @ 547-2756.
~~~~~
Sen. Dick Durbin apologized for his remarks comparing American troops to Hitler, Stalin and Pol Pot. Durbin’s apology came after approximately 140,000 AFA On-Line supporters sent e-mails directly into his office calling for an apology. I’ll bet that they were just a “drop in the bucket” along with other e-mails and letters from all over.
However, his apology doesn’t change the fact that NONE of our Democrat congressmen or senators had the guts to object to his hateful, divisive remarks.
I urge you to NOT vote for these folks when they come up for reelection.
~~~~~
Sam Boggs shared this website with us. One reader reported; “My predicted age was 88. Then I took 30 lbs off my weight and it went up to 89. So now I have to decided whether the hassle of losing 30 lbs is worth living one more year as a decrepit 88 year old man.”
Sam reports; “The Lifespan Predictor website agrees pretty closely with one I tried a year or so ago. This one predicts I'll live until 92; the other one predicted 93. Essentially the same number.
You can watch the age prediction change in the top left of the screen as you enter the information.”
http://www.nmfn.com/tnetwork/longevity_game_popup.html
~~~~~
A new Heart Drug targets blacks that suffer heart attacks. Some actually questioned whether it was politically correct to approve a drug aimed to help one race.
Get real people. If they come up with an effective drug that saves lives, whether they are black or brown, tall or short, French or Chinese, I’m for it.
~~~~~
Father’s Day was last week but I wanted to say that my two dads were great guys. My dad, Bud McClellan, was a tool pusher for McAlester Fuel Company. Even though he died when I was young, I have memories of his kindness, love and compassion.
He welcomed my visits to the wells where he was working and took me to watch the earthmovers build Lake Earling. One night, he drove me to Magnolia where he asked the owner of an oilfield supply house to come out and turn on his neon sign for me. It was a spouting oil well and I’d asked (demanded?) to see it before I went to bed.
Tamy Duke, my step dad, took up the slack after my father died. He taught me to value friends, work and our freedom. Tamy would also care for my kids when they came along.
He was generous to a fault and never turned anyone down who came in his establishment and asked for a meal.
~~~~~
According to recent news reports, Africanized bees may have reached Southwest Arkansas. We all need to be more cautious when dealing with bees now.
~~~~~
Don’t forget the 2005 PurpleHull Pea Festival this weekend. Be there or “B Square”
~~~~~
Joe Tudor shared this book recommendation with us; “Living God's Love: An Invitation to Christian Spirituality” by Gary Holloway and Earl Lavender
~~~~~
Burning US Flags gets my temper up but I’m not for a constitutional amendment to prevent it. I still think we should preserve free speech no matter how stupid the person speaking is.
Instead, I’d support a constitutional amendment to protect private property from confiscation.
~~~~~
This week, the Supreme Court ruled 5-4 that local governments can force people to sell their property, even if it's going to be used for private redevelopment.
The eminent domain case revolved around the proposed redevelopment of a run-down--but not officially blighted--area of the well-worn town of New London, Conn.
So, our property is now subject to government confiscation for large corporations to build apartments on?
~~~~~
The Chinese state-controlled oil company has bid$18.5 billion to buy Unocal. The unsolicited takeover proposal is $1.5 billion more than Chevron's proposed deal to buy Unocal.
With their booming economy, the Chinese are gobbling up oil, steel and other raw materials worldwide.
~~~~~
The manslaughter conviction of ex-Klan leader Edgar Ray Killen for the June 22, 1964 killings of three civil rights workers in Mississippi was late but better than never. KKK thugs murdered James Chaney, Andrew Goodman and Michael Schwerner in the summer of the ‘60s voter drives.
The 80-year-old Killen was sentenced to 60 years in prison on the 40th anniversary of their murder.
~~~~~
“Vengeance is Mine,” I was complaining to Summer that, according to news reports, there were still six KKK accomplices of Edgar Ray Killen walking free in Mississippi and she pointed out that God will deal with them even if we don’t.
~~~~~
Terry Stockdale gave us this “heads up” on NASA’s upcoming July 4th sky show.
His “Blog” entry is located at http://www.thenextwindow.com/archives/87-Deep-Impact-Collision-with-a-Comet,-July-4,-2005.html
Deep Impact -- Collision with a Comet, July 4, 2005
If you haven't heard yet, NASA (http://www.nasa.gov) launched an exploration spacecraft on January 12th that is scheduled to impact a comet on this July 4th. The impact is scheduled to occur at 1:52am Eastern Daylight Time, so most of the US should be able to stay awake and watch.
NASA describes the "flyby spacecraft" as being nearly as large as a Volkswagen Beetle and the "impactor spacecraft" as having about the same dimensions as a typical living room coffee table.
So, what's the big deal? The big deal is that this is the first attempt to touch a comet. Plus, the impact is going to occur at 23,000 miles per hour. We're going to touch it hard at that speed. The crater is projected to be up to 200 meters wide by 50 meters deep -- and the ejected ice and dust is expected to brighten the comet (reflect enough light) to be visible to binoculars and, perhaps, the naked eye.
NASA has many more details on the Deep Impact
(http://www.nasa.gov/mission_pages/deepimpact/main/index.html?skipIntro=1) page at its website, including an interactive Flash video and a number of webcasts that start on July 1st.
The flyby spacecraft will observe and record the impact, the ejected material blasted from the crater, and the structure and composition of the crater's interior. Then, it will pass through the comet and view it from the other side also.
Should we worry about this? Is it going to change the path of the comet? The answer comes from one of the scientists on the project: "In the world of science, this is the astronomical equivalent of a 767 airliner running into a mosquito," said Dr. Don Yeomans, a Deep Impact mission scientist at JPL.
--
Terry Stockdale -- Baton Rouge, LA
My main website: http://www.TerryStockdale.com
Free newsletter: http://www.TerrysComputerTips.com
~~~~~
Juneteenth is the oldest nationally celebrated commemoration of the ending of slavery in the United States.
From its Galveston, Texas origin in 1865, the observance of June 19th as the African American Emancipation Day has spread across the United States and beyond.
Today Juneteenth commemorates African American freedom and emphasizes education and achievement. It is a day, a week, and in some areas a month marked with celebrations, guest speakers, picnics and family gatherings. It is a time for reflection and rejoicing. It is a time for assessment, self-improvement and for planning the future. Its growing popularity signifies a level of maturity and dignity in America long over due. In cities across the country, people of all races, nationalities and religions are joining hands to truthfully acknowledge a period in our history that shaped and continues to influence our society today. Sensitized to the conditions and experiences of others, only then can we make significant and lasting improvements in our society.
© 1996-2005 Juneteenth.com.
~~~~~
There is a great Civil Rights museum in Montgomery Alabama. I’d encourage everyone to visit there some time and teach your kids where we’ve come from.
~~~~~
T-shirt I saw recently, worn by a teenage girl: "I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you."
~~~~~
Don't forget ... "Da Bleat" is now on the web. Just go to http://bugsbleatnew.blogspot.com
~~~~~
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.
~~~~~
www.aaa.com Regular Mid Premium Diesel
Current Avg. $2.19 $2.32 $2.41 $2.36
http://www.fuelgaugereport.com/
Magnolia Wal-Mart today; $2.09
~~~~~
Recipe(s) of the week The Blueberries are in season and we’ve been enjoying them in pancakes, muffins, and pies so why not some ... Blueberry Turnovers
Recipe courtesy Gale Gand from her show, Sweet Dreams, the Your Wish is My Command episode.


Difficulty: Easy
Prep Time: 25 minutes
Cook Time: 25 minutes
Yield: 8 servings



2 sheets frozen puff pastry, thawed
½ cup blueberry preserves
2 tablespoons cornstarch
2 tablespoons brown sugar
½ teaspoon grated lemon zest
1-cup fresh blueberries
½ teaspoon pure vanilla extract
1 egg, beaten with 2 teaspoons water
2 tablespoons granulated sugar


Lightly flour a work surface. Roll out the puff pastry sheets into squares 12 inches by 12 inches; the pastry will become slightly thinner. Cover with plastic wrap and chill.

Heat the oven to 375 degrees F.

In a small mixing bowl, stir together the preserves, cornstarch, brown sugar, and lemon zest. Fold in the fresh blueberries and vanilla, and chill while you cut the dough. Using a sharp knife, cut each puff pastry sheet into 4 (6-inch) squares.

Lay a pastry square on a work surface and brush the edges with egg wash. In the center of the square, place 2 heaping tablespoons of blueberry filling. Brush the edges of the pastry square with egg wash and fold it in half to create a triangle. Carefully press the edges together to seal them well with fork tines. Transfer to the cookie sheet and keep refrigerated. Repeat with the remaining ingredients, placing the turnovers 1-inch apart. Brush the tops with the egg wash and sprinkle with granulated sugar. Bake until golden brown, 20 to 25 minutes.

Serve warm or let cool to room temperature. Serve within 1 day.



~~~~~
BREAKPOINT Commentaries
by Chuck Colson. - Prison Fellowship

‘No-Brainer’ Barbarism
Partial-Birth Abortion and the Courts

June 24, 2005

Note: This commentary was delivered by Prison Fellowship President Mark Earley.

Warning: The descriptions in this commentary are graphic and may not be suitable for some readers.

Earlier this month, the Fourth Circuit Court of Appeals overturned a Virginia law that banned a barbaric procedure, “partial-birth abortion.” This was the second time that the federal courts had overruled Virginia’s efforts at stopping this practice. The example of “judicial usurpation of politics” is a timely reminder of why we need to rein in the federal judiciary.

When I served as Attorney General of Virginia in 2000, the Supreme Court ruled that state laws, such as Nebraska’s and Virginia’s, banning “partial-birth abortion” placed an “undue burden” on a woman’s “right” to choose.

Back then, I said that “partial-birth abortion” bordered on infanticide, and nothing has convinced me otherwise. Forgive the graphic detail, but it’s important to know just what was being “burdened.” The fetus, “dangling partly out of the woman’s body, and just a few inches from a completed birth,” has its skull crushed or its brain sucked out by the doctor. This, Justice Thomas noted in his dissent, was what the majority ruled was a “constitutional right.”

Well, in 2003, the Virginia legislature tried again, enacting another ban, this time calling it by its proper name: infanticide.

But once again, the courts were waiting and willing to do the bidding of pro-abortion extremists. Two years ago, a federal judge blocked the new Virginia law, calling his action a “no-brainer case” in light of the U.S. Supreme Court’s earlier ruling. Last week, his decision was upheld by a divided federal appeals court.

The majority, like the law’s opponents in the state legislature, cited the lack of an exception “to preserve a woman’s health.” Frankly, it’s hard to take this argument seriously. Anyone who has studied the abortion issue carefully knows that “a woman’s health,” as defined, is so far-reaching that it can even include the mental distress caused by not being allowed to have a partial-birth abortion! “Mental health” is the exception that swallows the rule.

In his dissent, Judge Paul Niemeyer wrote that the decision was colored by “political ideology” and represented a “momentous step in disconnecting our law from accepted moral norms.” This disconnect is so great that it winds up “[constitutionalizing] infanticide of a most gruesome nature.”

While I wholeheartedly agree with Judge Niemeyer, we need to place the blame for this disconnect squarely at the feet of the Supreme Court. Despite being told by the American Medical Association that the practice wasn’t a medical necessity, five justices made it a constitutional right.

That’s why who is named to the Supreme Court matters. Many of the most objectionable and high-handed decisions of the past thirty years were decided by 5-4 margins. As few as two good appointments can tip the balance. Liberals know this, which is why they have opposed some of the president’s Appeals Courts nominees: It’s a dry run for the upcoming Supreme Court fights.

And we have to be ready, as well. In the struggle to re-connect our laws to moral norms, the Supreme Court has great responsibility. And until it fulfills that responsibility, only then will laws against infanticide become what they should have been all along: no-brainers.

For further reading and information:

Today’s BreakPoint offer: “ Right to Know: An Intellectually Honest Look at the Abortion Debate ” from Stand to Reason.

Tom Campbell, “ Rehearing urged on abortion ,” Richmond Times-Dispatch, 21 June 2005 .

“AG Asks for Full Court Hearing on Abortion Law ,” WJLA, 17 June 2005 .

Jerry Markon and Chris L. Jenkins, “ Appeals Court Overturns Va. Late-Term Abortion Ban ,” Washington Post, 4 June 2005 , A01.

Larry O’Dell, “ Late-term abortion ban nixed by court ,” Washington Times, 4 June 2005 .

“Dissenting Justice in Partial Birth Abortion Case: It’s ‘infanticide of the most gruesome nature ,’” LifeSite, 9 June 2005 .

BreakPoint Commentary No. 040908, “ A Modern ‘Modest Proposal’: A Pro-Choice Journalist Opens Up .”

BreakPoint Commentary No. 040901, “ Judiciocracy: Judge Casey and the Partial-Birth Abortion Ban .”

BreakPoint Commentary No. 040602, “ There They Go Again: Partial-Birth Abortion and the Courts .”

BreakPoint Commentary No. 040511, “ The Truth Comes Out: The Partial-Birth Abortion Trials .”

BreakPoint Commentary No. 030312, “ Offending Human Dignity: The Partial-Birth Horror .”

BreakPoint Commentary No. 030121, “ Dismembering the Law: The Rise of ‘Antijural Jurisprudence’ .”

Copyright 2005 Prison Fellowship Ministries. Reprinted with permission. "BREAKPOINT with Chuck Colson" is a radio ministry of Prison Fellowship Ministries. Prison Fellowship Ministries may withdraw or modify this grant of permission at any time. To receive "BREAKPOINT" commentaries daily, you can subscribe for free at http://www. breakpoint. org/.
~~~~~
Words of the Week:
altercation: a heated, noisy, or angry dispute.
quorum: such a number of the officers or members of any body as is legally competent to transact business.
gravitas: high seriousness.
exigent: requiring immediate aid or action; also, demanding.
irascible: easily provoked to anger.
ineluctable: impossible to avoid or evade.
voluble: characterized by a ready flow of speech.
commination: a denunciation.
from Dictionary.Com
~~~~~
"I dream, therefore I exist." - J. August Strindberg

"Not to know is bad. Not to want to know is worse. Not to hope is unthinkable. Not to care is unforgivable." - Nigerian saying

"To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine." - Henry Ward Beecher

"Words are things; and a small drop of ink / Falling like dew upon a thought, produces / That which makes thousands, perhaps millions, think." - Lord Byron

"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them." - Albert Einstein

"A teacher who is attempting to teach, without inspiring the pupil with a desire to learn, is hammering on a cold iron." - Horace Mann

"We swallow greedily any lie that flatters us, but we sip only little by little at a truth we find bitter." - Denis Diderot

"Only the guy who isn't rowing has time to rock the boat." - Jean-Paul Sartre
~~~~~
THIS DAY IN HISTORY: from The Free Dictionary - - http://www.thefreedictionary.com/ - - Kingston, Jamaica is founded by the British (1692) - - After an earthquake destroyed the French named capital Port Royal, the British built a new capital called Kingston, which -- after Jamaica's independence in 1962 -- remains the seat of government.
~~~~~
"It is difficult to say what is impossible, for the dream of yesterday is the hope of today and the reality of tomorrow." - Robert H. Goddard (1882-1945) Physicist, Rocketry Pioneer


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GCF: First Apartment

Emailed to me from another humor list (You Make Me Laugh) -Tom To subscribe to You Make Me Laugh, send a blank email to: SUBSCRIBE-laugh@lists.crosswalk.com

If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! A smile will enhance the quality of your life. Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.com or visit the Good Clean Fun web site http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor/ Unsubscribe info for Good Clean Fun is at the end of this email. This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus 2005 before it was sent.
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Having moved into his first apartment, our son invited my husband and I for a visit.

As we walked in, our son asked if we'd like a cold drink.

Mentally patting myself on the back for teaching him to be such a gracious host, I said, "Yes, what do you have?"

He walked over to the refrigerator, opened the door, studied the contents, and then replied, "I have pickle juice or water."
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Interview Question

Emailed to me from another humor list (You Make Me Laugh) -Tom To subscribe to You Make Me Laugh, send a blank email to: SUBSCRIBE-laugh@lists.crosswalk.com
--------------------------------

"Now this is the verbal part of your employment test," said the interviewer.

"Can you tell me what gross aggrandized annuity means?"

"Certainly," replied the applicant.
"It means I don't get the job."
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: The Late Preacher

Emailed to me another humor list (Good Clean Funnies List) -Tom To subscribe The Good Clean Funnies List, (not to be confused with this list, which is Good Clean Fun) send an email to: gcfl-request@gcfl.net with subject = add
--------------------------------

A young preacher was asked by the local funeral director to hold a grave-side burial service at a small local cemetery for someone with no family or friends. The preacher started early but quickly got himself lost, making several wrong turns. Eventually, a half-hour late, he saw a backhoe and its crew, but the hearse was nowhere in sight, and the workmen were eating lunch.

The diligent young pastor went to the open grave and found the vault lid already in place.

Taking out his book, he read the service. Feeling guilty because of his tardiness, he preached an impassioned and lengthy service, sending the deceased to the great beyond in style.

As he was returning to his car, he overheard one of the workmen say: "I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years and I ain't never seen anything like that."
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: We Are But Dust.....

Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Suz) -Tom
--------------------------------

A visiting minister was assisting at our local church service. During the offertory prayer, the following happened:

"Dear Lord," he began with arms extended and a rapturous look on his upturned face, "without you we are but dust..."

He would have continued, but at that moment one little girl leaned over to her mother and asked quite loudly, "Mommy, WHAT is butt dust?"

The service was pretty much over at that point.
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Searching for Witnesses

Emailed to me another humor list (Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh List) -Tom Subscribe to Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh list at the website: Subscribe
--------------------------------

The policeman arrived at the scene of an accident to find that a car had struck a telephone pole. Searching for witnesses, he discovered a pale, nervous young man in work clothes who claimed he was an eyewitness.

"Exactly where were you at the time of the accident?" inquired the officer.

"Sir," exclaimed the telephone lineman, "I was at the top of the pole."
_ ____________________________ _
(((\ \>|_/ )_______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / "Always remember you're unique; \ /
\ _/ just like everyone else." \_ /
/ / \ (((\ \>|_/ )_______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / "Be nice to your kids. \ /
\ _/ They'll choose \_ /
/ / your nursing home." \ (((\ \>|_/ )_______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / This sentence have \ /
\ _/ three things rong with it. \_ /
/ / \ (((\ \>|_/ )_______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / A seminar on time travel \ /
\ _/ will be held two weeks ago. \_ /
/ / \ (((\ \>|_/ )_______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / There are 10 types of people \ /
\ _/in the world. Those who understand \_ /
/ / binary and those who don't. \ _ ____________________________ _
/ )| Thomas S. Ellsworth |( / / | tellswor@slonet.org | \ _( (_ | http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor | _) )_
_( (_ | *** Good Clean Fun *** | _) )_
(((\ \>|_/ )_______________________( \_|Stop for a visit, leave with a smile! To join Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.Com To leave Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.Com Or visit the Good Clean Fun web site at http://www. slonet.org/~tellswor/
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[GCFL.net] Tag! You're It

To Whom it May Concern:

I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult. I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of an 8 year old again. I want to go to McDonald's and think that it's a four star restaurant. I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make ripples with rocks. I want to think M&Ms are better than money because you can eat them. I want to play dodge ball at recess and paint with watercolors in art. I want to lie under a big oak tree and run a lemonade stand with my friends on a hot summer's day.

I want to return to a time when life was simple. When all you knew were colors, multiplication tables, and nursery rhymes, but that didn't bother you, because you didn't know what you didn't know and you didn't care. All you knew was to be happy because you were blissfully unaware of all the things that should make you worried or upset.

I want to think the world is fair. That everyone is honest and good. I want to believe that anything is possible. Somewhere in our youth, we matured and learned too much. There are nuclear weapons, war, prejudice, and abused children. Lies, unhappy marriages, illness, pain, and death. A world where companies poison our water and our soil, and children kill. What happened to the time when we thought that everyone would live forever, because we didn't grasp the concept of death? When the worst thing in the world was if someone took the jump rope from you or picked you last for kickball. I want to be oblivious to the complexities of life and be overly excited by the little things again. I want to return to the days when children played hide-n-seek outside instead of being glued to a television, when video games were as harmless as Pac-Man...instead of spine-ripping, blood-splattering mind numbers like Mortal Combat, and TV still had some shows on that weren't about sex, killing, and lies.

I remember being naive and thinking everyone was happy because I was. Afternoons were spent climbing trees and fences and riding my bike. I never worried about time, bills, or where I was going to find the money to fix my car. I used to wonder what I was going to do or be when I grew up, not worry about what I'll do if this doesn't work out. I want to live simple again.

I don't want my day to consist of computer crashes, mountains of paperwork, depressing news, how to survive more days in the month than there is money in the bank, doctor bills, gossip, illness, and loss of loved ones. I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth, justice, peace, dreams, the imagination, mankind, and making angels in the snow.

So.... here's my checkbook and my car-keys, my credit card bills and my 401K statements. I am officially resigning from adulthood. And if you want to discuss this further, you'll have to catch me first, cause, "Tag! You're it."

Received from Robert W. E. Jentzsch.
-=+=-
[GCFL.net] Just Think About It

How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!

Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our lives we could simply press 'Ctrl-Alt-Delete' and start all over?
AMEN, AMEN !!

Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?

Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court, when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed in a federal building?

Received from Thomas G Utley, Cedar Hill, TX.
-=+=-
[GCFL.net] The Teeth

An elderly couple toddled into the local McDonalds and ordered one combo meal. The wife carefully cut the sandwich in two and began to eat her half. The husband respectfully sat and watched.

The eating did not progress quickly, and soon the other customers began to notice. Finally one helpful person offered to buy the couple another meal. The offer was rejected with the explanation, "We share everything."

Eventually another could stand it no longer and made the same offer. Same rejection: "No thank you, we share everything."

After this had gone on for what seemed to be quite a while, one bystander could no longer stand it and quizzed the man, "Then why aren't you eating? What are you waiting for?"

The reply: "The teeth."

Received from Charles Isbell.
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[GCFL.net] Why I'm Tired

GCFL Note: It's highly likely that the numbers below are off. Please don't let that kill the humor of this classic!

For a couple years I've been blaming it on lack of sleep, too much pressure from my job, earwax buildup, poor blood, but now I found out the real reason:

I'm tired because I'm overworked.

Here's why:

The population of the USA is about 273 million.

140 million are retired.

That leaves 133 million to do the work.

There are 85 million in school.

Which leaves 48 million to do the work.

Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government.

Leaving 19 million to do the work.

2.8 million are in the armed forces.

Which leaves 16.2 million to do the work.

Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for state and city governments.

And that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.

At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals,

Leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.

Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.

That leaves just two people to do all the work.

You and me, and you're sitting on your rear, at your computer, reading jokes!

Received from Kerry Baker.
-=+=-
[GCFL.net] Golfing Jack

/* GCFL wishes all the fathers a Happy (belated) Father's
Day (US holiday)!

It won't be long before John (the guy that keeps GCFL running) will be an official Father. Estimated time of arrival is now August 25th! More updates later. */

Jack was first up in his foursome. Eyeing the ball, he swung his club and hooked his shot over the fence and down a road where the ball crashed through the windshield of an oncoming car. The startled driver lost control of his vehicle, and it spun into a parking lot and bounced off three cars.

Jack raced over to the crash scene and was relieved to find that no one was hurt. Almost immediately, a policeman arrived and approached Jack, who was standing next to the crashed car, eyeing his ball. "Just what are you going to do about this?" demanded the policeman.

Jack looked up and said, "Well, the first thing I'm going to do is change my grip."

Received from KRAZIE1952.
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– NEW! Go to http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20050124 to rate this funny from 0 to 5.
-=+=-
Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List "A cheerful heart is good medicine!" (Prov 17:22a) Go to http://gcfl.net/mlfrontend.php to change your subscription options or unsubscribe. To email this funny to a friend, go to http://gcfl.net/emailit.php?funny=20050107 The latest GCFL funny can always be found on the web at http://gcfl.net/latest.php
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Abbott and Costello Computer Buying

COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.

ABBOTT: Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.

ABBOTT: What about Windows?

COS TELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT: Software for Windows?

COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT: I just did.

COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOTT: Recommend something.

COSTELLO: You recommended something?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: For my office?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

ABBOTT: Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: Word in Office.

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".

COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the Internet?

ABBOTT: Yes, you want Real One.

COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your business. Just tell me what I need!

ABBOTT: Real One.

COSTELLO: If it's a long movie, I also want to watch reels 2, 3 and 4. Can I watch them?

ABBOTT: Of course.

COSTELLO: Great! With what?

ABBOTT: Real One.

COSTELLO: OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do?

ABBOTT: You click the blue "1".

COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?

ABBOTT: The blue "1".

COSTELLO: Is that different fro m the blue W?

ABBOTT: The blue "1" is Real One and the blue "W" is Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: But there are three words in "office for windows"!

ABBOTT: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world.

COSTELLO: It is?

ABBOTT: Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Words out there.

COSTELLO: And that word is real one?

ABBOTT: Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn't even part of Office.

COSTELLO: STOP! Don't start that again. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOTT: One copy.

COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

(A few days later)

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?

ABBOTT: Click on "START".......
~
Thanks to Joe Tudor
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Joining a Texas Church

A Texas man went to the Catholic church and asked to join. The priest said, "OK, but you have to pass a small Bible test first. Where was Jesus born?"
The man thought a minute and said, "Longview."
The priest said, "Sorry, you can't join our church."

So, he went down the road to a Methodist church and asked to join. The preacher said, "We'd love to have you but you have to pass a Bible test first. Where was Jesus born?"
The man said quickly, "Tyler."
The preacher said, "No way can you join our church."

Soo...he goes to the Baptist Church and asked if he could join. The preacher said, "That's great, we welcome you."
The man said, "I don't have to pass. a Bible test first?"
The preacher said, "No."
The man said, "Can I ask you a question then? Where was Jesus born?"
The preacher said, "Palestine."

The man mumbled to himself. "I knew it was somewhere in East Texas!"
~
Thanks to Norma Kaye
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Welcome to You Make Me Laugh, a free newsletter from Crosswalk.com, the world's largest Christian website.
Today's Clean Laugh

Impressive Dinner

A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do?

His mother had an idea: "Why don't you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your apartment for a home-cooked meal?"

He thought this was a great strategy, and a week later, the woman came to dinner. His mother called the next day to see how things had gone.

"I was totally humiliated," he moaned. "She insisted on washing the dishes.."

"What's wrong with that?" asked his mother.

"We hadn't started eating yet."

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

-=+=-

Doctor's Writing

Did you hear about the doctor who wrote out a prescription in the usual doctor's fashion?

The patient used it for two years as a railroad pass.

Twice it got him into Radio City Music Hall, and once into Yankee Stadium.

It came in handy as a letter from his employer to the cashier to increase his salary.

And to top it off, his daughter played it on the piano and won a scholarship to the Curtis Music Conservatory.

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

-=+=-

The Haircut

A young man had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss his use of the car.

His father said to him, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your bible a little, and get your hair cut, then we will talk about it."

A month later the young man came back and again asked his father if they could discuss his use of the car.

His father said, "Son, I'm real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you've studied your bible diligently, but you didn't get a hair cut!"

The young man waited a moment and replied, "You know dad, I've been thinking about that. You know Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair."

His father replied, "Yes son, and they walked everywhere they went!"

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

-=+=-

Who Am I?

Years ago, when our daughters were very young, we'd drop them off at our church's children's chapel on Sundays before the eleven o'clock service.

One Sunday, just as I was about to open the door to the small chapel, the minister came rushing up in full vestments. He said he had an emergency and asked if I'd speak to the children at their story time. He said the subject was the Twenty-third Psalm.

But just as I was about to get up from the back row and talk about the good shepherd, the minister burst into the room and signaled to me that he would be able to do the story time after all.

He told the children about sheep, that they weren't smart and needed lots of guidance, and that a shepherd's job was to stay close to the sheep, protect them from wild animals and keep them from wandering off and doing dumb things that would get them hurt or killed.

He pointed to the little children in the room and said that they were the sheep and needed lots of guidance.

Then the minister put his hands out to the side, palms up in a dramatic gesture, and with raised eyebrows said to the children, "If you are the sheep then who is the shepherd?" He was pretty obviously indicating himself.

A silence of a few seconds followed. Then a young visitor said, " Jesus, Jesus is the shepherd."

The young minister, obviously caught by surprise, said to the boy, "Well, then, who am I?"

The little boy frowned thoughtfully and then said with a shrug, "I guess you must be a sheep dog."

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

-=+=-

Murphy's Laws for Parents

1. The tennis shoes you must replace today will go on sale next week.

2. Leak proof thermoses -- will.

3. The chances of a piece of bread falling with the grape jelly side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.

4. The garbage truck will be two doors past your house when the argument over whose day it is to take out the trash ends.

5. The shirt your child must wear today will be the only one that needs to be washed or mended.

6. Gym clothes left at school in lockers mildew at a faster rate than other clothing.

7. The item your child lost, and must have for school within the next ten seconds, will be found in the last place you look.

8. Sick children recover miraculously when the pediatrician enters the treatment room.

9. Refrigerated items, used daily, will gravitate toward the back of the refrigerator.

10. Your chances of being seen by someone you know dramatically increase if you drive your child to school in your robe and curlers.

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

*Eye Laugh*

"Rehabilitation"
http://www.cybersalt.org/g05.php?id=78

"Cat Socks"
http://www.cybersalt.org/g05.php?id=69

"Dog Note"
http://www.cybersalt.org/g05.php?id=70

"Two By Four"
http://www.cybersalt.org/g05.php?id=71

"Cat Judgement"
http://www.cybersalt.org/g05.php?id=72

Daily devotionals are available at http://link.Crosswalk.Com/UM/T.asp?A1. 39. 17757. 1. 494611 You can access more information on Crosswalk's Fun page http://www.Crosswalk.Com/fun/! Crosswalk gives credit to the author of a joke when author is known. Feel free to send notification to admin@cybersalt.org in cases where credit has not been given to the author! -SUBSCRIPTION INFO- * Copyright2004 Crosswalk.Com, Inc. and its Content Providers. All rights reserved. Introducing www.Crossguide.Com Where Christians find Products, Services & Ministries.
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"Don't strive for recognition, but work for achievement." -- Vanessa Malone
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Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Columns - - http://www.madkane.com/poodle.html - - A Poodle Tale "I read recently that elegant dog garb and pricey canine day-care are "in" these days. Frankly, I was pleased to learn this. For until I acquired this seemingly frivolous bit of information, I was seriously concerned about my parents..."
http://www.madkane.com
http://www.madkane.com/notable.html (Notables Weblog)
http://www.madkane.com/bush.html (Dubya's Dayly Diary)
Subscribe to MadKane Humor Newsletter (weekly) here:
http://www.madkane.com/email.html
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Columbia Encyclopedia - - http://www.bartleby.com/65/ - - Containing nearly 51,000 entries (marshaling six and one-half million words on a vast range of topics), and with more than 80,000 hypertext cross-references, the current Sixth Edition is among the most complete and up-to-date encyclopedias ever produced.
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Biographical Dictionary - - http://s9.com/biography/ - - This dictionary covers more than 28,000 notable men and women who have shaped our world from ancient times to the present day.
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Map Collections: 1500-2004 - - http://memory.loc.gov/ammem/gmdhtml/gmdhome.html - - The Geography and Map Division of the Library of Congress holds more than 4.5 million items, of which Map Collections represents only a small fraction, those that have been converted to digital form. The focus of Map Collections is Americana and Cartographic Treasures of the Library of Congress. These images were created from maps and atlases and, in general, are restricted to items that are not covered by copyright protection.
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Today in Literature - - http://www.todayinliterature.com/ - - Welcome to Today in Literature, a calendar of engaging stories about the great books, writers, and events in literary history.
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Monterey Bay Aquarium Exhibits and Live Web Cams - - http://www.mbayaq.org/efc/ - - This site by the Monterey Bay Aquarium, presents information about exhibits on display including: Kelp Forest, Sea Otters, Rocky Shore, Giant Octopus, Life on the Bay, Sharks: Myth & Mystery and much more. Live exhibit web cams also available.
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Yahoo Reference - - http://education.yahoo.com/reference/ - - Whether you're a student, a parent, or just plain curious, Yahoo! Reference offers a handy selection of books and materials to help you find the information you need. Look up a definition in the dictionary, find map and flag images for every country in the world in the World Factbook, get in-depth information from the encyclopedia, and much more.
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Key Crime & Justice Facts at a Glance - - http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/glance.htm - - This Department of Justice site presents 'Key Crime & Justice Facts at a Glance,' including: Crime trends; Trends in Federal investigations and prosecutions; Trends in felony convictions in State courts; Corrections trends including Capital punishment trends; and, Expenditure trends.
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"More than a million Americans are believed to be living with the virus that causes AIDS, the government said June 13, 2005 in a report that reflects both a victory and a failure at combating the disease. While better medicines are keeping more people with HIV alive, government health officials have failed to "break the back" of the AIDS epidemic by their stated goal of 2005. This is believed to be the first time the 1 million mark has been passed since the height of the epidemic in the 1980s. New medicines that weren't around in 1981 have allowed people infected with the virus to live longer, said Dr. Ronald Valdiserri, deputy director of the CDC's National Center for HIV, STD and TB Prevention."
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"More Americans than ever with mental disorders are trying to get care, but only a third receive effective treatments, says a landmark government survey out June 6, 2005. Rates of mental illness have flattened in the past 15 years after steadily rising from the 1950s. 'That's reassuring and a little surprising, given the economic slumps and 9/11,' says survey director Ronald Kessler of Harvard Medical School. About one in four adults have the symptoms of at least one mental illness every year, and nearly half suffer disorders during their lifetimes, according to the study of 9,282 people published in the Archives of General Psychiatry. The study is a detailed update of large federal surveys done in the '80s and '90s. On the positive side, 41% with a disorder went for treatment in the past year, up from 25% a decade ago and 19% two decades ago. The more severe the disorder, the more likely a person was to get good care." -
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"Foods with a low-glycemic index, which are digested relatively slowly and cause smaller increases in blood sugar, may protect the heart and blood vessels better than low-fat fare, according to the findings of a small study. Researchers in Boston found that when obese people consumed as many carbohydrates with a low-glycemic index as they wanted, they lost just as much weight in 12 months as people who stuck with a conventional, calorie-restricted low-fat diet. Carbohydrates with a low-glycemic index include foods such as nonstarchy vegetables, fruit, legumes, nuts and dairy products, according to the report in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition. Dieters who watched their glycemic indices also experienced a larger decrease in fatty substances in the blood linked to heart disease and had a drop in levels of a protein that interferes with the body's ability to break down blood clots. In contrast, low-fat dieters had an increase in levels of the same protein, which may put them at higher risk of heart attack." -
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"After rising for three years, the nation's murder rate dropped 3.6% last year, according to preliminary figures released June 6, 2005, by the FBI. The nation's largest cities and rural areas showed the sharpest declines. Murders dropped 7.1% in cities with populations over 1 million, and 12.2% in towns with 10,000 or fewer people, the FBI said. 'This suggests that something fresh and positive is happening,' said David Kennedy, director of the Center for Crime Prevention and Control at John Jay College of Criminal Justice in New York. 'That's really striking.' Murder rates across the nation have been slowly climbing since 2000, when the nation's 15,517 murders were the lowest since 1965." -
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"One of every seven people in the United States is Hispanic, a record number that probably will keep rising because of immigration and a birth rate outstripping non-Hispanic blacks and whites. The country's largest minority group accounted for one-half of the overall population growth of 2.9 million between July 2003 and July 2004, according to a Census Bureau report being released June 9, 2005. The agency estimated there are 41.3 million Hispanics in the U.S. The bureau does not ask people about their legal status; that number is intended to include both legal and other residents. The population growth for Asians ran a close second. Increases in both groups are due largely to immigration, but also higher birth rates, said Lewis W. Goodman, an American University expert on U.S.-Latin American relations. 'If we didn't have those elements, we would be moving into a situation like Japan and Europe ... where the populations are graying in a way that is very alarming and endangering their productivity and endangering even their social security systems,' he said." -
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"Child abuse and other forms of violence involving families fell by more than half between 1993 and 2002, in line with the decline in crime overall, the government said June 12, 2005. The rate of family violence fell from about 5.4 victims to 2.1 victims per 1,000 residents age 12 and older, according to a report by the Bureau of Justice Statistics. Simple assault was the most frequent type of violent offense. Murder accounted for less than one-half of 1 percent of all family violence between 1998 and 2002 - the most recent years analyzed for the report. The report looked back to 1993 - the year the survey was redesigned - for a long-term trend in family violence, but analyzed the most recent years to glean detailed information on patterns of crime. Almost half of the 3.5 million victims of family violence between 1998 and 2002 were spouses. Fewer than one in 100 died as a result." -
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"Authorities patrolling U.S. highways tend to give motorists a cushion of up to 10 miles per hour above the speed limit before pulling them over, says a survey by a group of state traffic safety officials. This practice creates an unsafe comfort level at high speeds and is a potential safety hazard, according to the report being released June 13, 2005 by the Governors Highway Safety Association. The group found that 42 states allow drivers to regularly exceed the speed limit before they are stopped. 'This cushion truly exists across this country and in some cases is more than 10 mph above posted limits,' said Jim Champagne, the association's chairman."
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The three South Arkansas Albemarle Plants were recently recognized as "Super Star Among Stars" sites by OSHA at their annual meeting in Albuquerque New Mexico. This program was established to recognize VPP participants with injury rates well below the national average. The Magnolia Sites were awarded the highest level of achievement "Star Of Excellence" by having injury rates at least 90 percent below the national average for 2004. In fact, the three sites had zero serious/recordable injuries in 2004, which was a record for the sites and for the company. The Voluntary Protection Program (VPP) was established by OSHA to promote effective safety and health management systems through a partnership between all site employees and OSHA. Approval into VPP is OSHA's official recognition of the outstanding efforts of employers and employees who have achieved exemplary occupational safety and health at their worksite.
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| July Safety Days |

The focus of July's safety effort for operating units will be "Hand Tool Safety ". On kick-off day, maintenance will conduct a tailgate on general hand tool safety and avoiding hand injuries. Following the tailgate meeting, we will form safety inspection teams to perform safely and housekeeping inspections in the plant and shop areas. It is suggested that the safety inspection focus on maintenance areas such as shops, storage facilities, and break rooms. However, some operating areas may also be included. These inspections should take about 45 minutes. Take notes and report findings in mid-day tailgate in super center on kick-off day.

Conduct follow-up meetings each week focusing on a specific hand tool. Maintenance team members should select a hand tool to discuss, including proper use and safety precautions. Examples include portaband saw, electric drill, pipe threading machine, electric drill, hammer and chisel, chainfall, etc.. More than one tool could be reviewed in each meeting. When practical, bring the tool to the meeting for added demonstration value.

For office areas, this approach will have to be modified slightly. We suggest selecting various tools that you may work with and discuss safety and proper use techniques of these devices. Examples include computer ergonomics, file cabinets (tipping and open drawers), copiers, and hallway mirrors.
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| Safety From The Heart |

Today's Safety From the Heart message is from Sharon Nettles.
______________________________
Who taught whom more about Safety?

On Friday afternoon, I was asked if I had a need for safety glasses at home, and I responded that I was sure that my husband or I could use them while cutting grass, etc. When our six year old daughter noticed two pair of safety glasses, she became excited to know that she could "be just like Daddy" and they could use the glasses together.

On Saturday morning, my daughter jumped out of bed, dressed, and put her safety glasses on to prepare for a day of helping her Daddy bush hog the field around our home. In order to complete the task at hand, my husband needed to purchase fuel for the tractor so we all headed to the local gas station. While traveling, I instructed our little girl to replace her safety glasses with sunshades, but she was still so excited about the safety glasses that she chose to keep them on .

Once at the gas station, my husband held the pump nozzle in the gas container, our daughter watched, and I lifted the handle on the pump. Within seconds, the gas in the container "belched" and my husband and daughter were sprayed. Both were able to go to the rest-room to use soap and water to remove the sprayed fuel from their arms and faces. Because they were both wearing their safety glasses, none of the fuel got into their eyes.

Lessons learned:
Expect the unexpected.
Be aware of body position at all times.
Use PPE at work and home.
Get excited about safety. (Thank goodness my daughter got excited about wearing her safety glasses because it may have saved her eyesight.)
Teach by example but also be open to learning.

In closing, opportunities to teach as well as learn about safety are abundant. Who taught whom more about safety that day really doesn't matter. Safety first and foremost by everyone. That's what counts!!
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June 23, 2005
Make That Appointment
Today's Message is from Debra Regan (a Houston Albemarle employee).
____________________________________

My husband received a call last night that his cousin passed away of a heart attack at the age of 44. This is not the first person in his family to pass at a young age, which puts him at risk for several potentially fatal diseases due to family hereditary.

Every year you and your family, men and women, need to have complete physicals whether you feel sick or not, and make sure you let your physician know your family history so that he can order additional tests if he feels it is necessary. Everyone take care of yourself and make that appointment!
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June 22, 2005
Work Safe
Today's Message is from Whip Nierlich ( Houston Albemarle employee).
____________________________________

With so many distractions happening, we must never let safety take a back seat to any of these. Work safe here and outside of the plant. Getting injured would make everything else seem insignificant.
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June 21, 2005
Flying Insects
Today's Message is from Wilson David (a Houston Albemarle employee).
____________________________________

With spring here and summer approaching, people should be aware of the dangers posed by flying insects: wasps, yellow jackets, bees, etc.

Many people are allergic to stings from these insects and even if they aren't, multiple stings can cause health problems. Wasps and yellow jackets often build nests under boards, tarps, and pieces of plastic in sheds. Any place in or around a shed is often a good site for a nest.

If you have a shed, patio chairs and table in your backyard, you might see wasp flying around and but cannot see the nest. It probably is hidden under one of these items. You should carefully find the nest where ever it is. Running to get away may also cause an injury if you trip and fall. The main thing is to be very careful and to kill these insects from a distance with an insect spray. If the nest is easy to get at, I've found that water and powder washing detergent solution will kill wasp easily when the nest is doused.
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June 20, 2005
Crossing the Atlantic
Today's Message is from Bob Weber (a Houston Albemarle employee.)
____________________________________
"I'll never forget, crossing the Atlantic once from Gibraltar to Rio, one day of terrible weather after another, and you could sense land a couple days before you got there. The sailors called those days the shark days, because that was the dangerous time, when you could be distracted by the longing for land and a cable could snap and the next thing, your head was lying on the deck, cut clean from your body. That happened on our ship...."
An extract from a book - you get the message, I'm sure....
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June 17, 2005
Prepared by BRT employee, Louise Wen
____________________________________
Personal Lightning Safety Tips

1. PLAN in advance your evacuation and safety measures. When you first see lightning or hear thunder, activate your emergency plan. Now is the time to go to a building or a vehicle. Lightning often precedes rain, so don't wait for the rain to begin before suspending activities.
2. IF OUTDOORS...Avoid water. Avoid the high ground. Avoid open spaces. Avoid all metal objects including electric wires, fences, machinery, motors, power tools, etc. Unsafe places include underneath canopies, small picnic or rain shelters, or near trees. Where possible, find shelter in a substantial building or in a fully enclosed metal vehicle such as a car, truck or a van with the windows completely shut. If lightning is striking nearby when you are outside, you should:
A. Crouch down. Put feet together. Place hands over ears to minimize hearing damage from thunder.
B. Avoid proximity (minimum of 15 ft.) to other people.
3. IF INDOORS... Avoid water. Stay away from doors and windows. Do not use the telephone. Take off head sets. Turn off, unplug, and stay away from appliances, computers, power tools, & TV sets. Lightning may strike exterior electric and phone lines, inducing shocks to inside equipment.
4. SUSPEND ACTIVITIES for 30 minutes after the last observed lightning or thunder.
5. INJURED PERSONS do not carry an electrical charge and can be handled safely. Apply First Aid procedures to a lightning victim if you are qualified to do so. Call 911 or send for help immediately.
6. KNOW YOUR EMERGENCY TELEPHONE NUMBERS.
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TOURBUS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -:) - :)- :)
-----------------------------------------------------
Volume 10, Number 63 -- 23 June 2005
Tourbus Home - http://www.TOURBUS.com
Tourbus News Service - http://tourbus.com/news.html
-----------------------------------------------------
Today's Tourbus Topic: Airports, Airlines, and Airplanes

Leavin' on a jet plane? Today's TOURBUS will help you make air travel reservations, find airports, get airline information, and view real- time flight tracking data. Read on...
---------------------------
A Short Detour - Ask Bob!
---------------------------
Got a burning question about your computer or the Internet? Need tech support? Don't be shy... ask me about computers, viruses, spyware, search engines or almost anything about the Internet. Chances are, you're not the only person who has that question. If I answer your question on my new blog, others will benefit too. There's no charge for the service, so pop in now...

Ask Bob Rankin - http://www.AskBobRankin.com
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Travelocity
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All trips begin with planning and reservations. And my favorite site for vacation and travel planning is Travelocity. They offer one-stop shopping for airline tickets, vacation packages, car rentals and hotel accommodations. If you're looking for a way to research business or vacation trips and book travel plans online, you should definitely pop in for a visit.

Travelocity - http://www.travelocity.com

Related News - http://www.tourbus.com/travel-news.html
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About.Com Travel
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We've mentioned About.com several times in Tourbus, because it's an excellent collection of sites, each maintained by an expert in that subject. The About.com Travel site is a great place to look for information on travel to almost any place on the globe. You'll find info on Air Travel, Bed & Breakfasts, Business Travel, Hotels, Resorts, Cruises, Theme Parks and Traveling With Kids. There are also guide sites specific to popular travel destinations, countries, states, and cities. The "New York City for Visitors" site, for example, gives insider tips on riding the NYC subway.

About Travel - http://home.about.com/travel
-------------------------------
Airport Information Worldwide
-------------------------------
If you're looking for links to official airport websites, airlines and travel services in over 200 countries, we've got you covered, everywhere from Austria to Zimbabwe. Information at the first site listed below is available in English, French, German, Spanish. You'll find help with Airport Guides, Tourist Attractions, and international Travel, Cruise and Weather Guides.

http://www.worldairportguide.com

http://www.hotelstravel.com/airports.html

The UK Airport Guide offers information you'll need when planning your trip how-to-get-there directions and advice, contact telephone numbers for local taxi, bus, and trains, local accommodation, and airport parking. Covers all major airports in England, Scotland and Ireland.

http://www.a2btravel.com/airports

Related News - http://www.tourbus.com/airport-news.html
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And Then You Wait...
----------------------
Okay, your trip is planned, and the departure day has arrived. You drive like a fool to the airport and then, you wait. But for how long? If you're flying from or to an airport in North America, Uncle Sam has some stats that may help to answer that question.

The Bureau of Transportation Statistics has detailed information regarding airline punctuality. To find out how likely you are to encounter a delay with your airline, check here:

http://www.bts.gov/programs/airline_information/airline_ontime_statistics

The Transportation Security Administration (TSA) provides security checkpoint wait time information to help travelers plan their flight departures. The wait times are historical (not real-time) so your actual wait time may vary.

http://waittime.tsa.dhs.gov/index.html

If you make it through the checkpoint without setting off any lights or buzzers, you can proceed to the gate, and wait. The Federal Aviation Administration has a website that offers data on arrival and departure delays at most major airports. A graphical display shows green, yellow, orange and red dots to indicate how long you may have to wait in the airport, or on the plane for take-off and landing.

http://www.fly.faa.gov/flyfaa/usmap.jsp
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Dude, Where's My Plane?
-------------------------
Are you meeting a friend at the airport? Track a flight, with this graphical real-time monitor that shows the flight path on a map, along with the aircraft's altitude, speed and estimated arrival time.

http://www.rlmsoftware.com

+--------------------------------------------------+
That's all for now, don't know when I'll be back again. You know I really hate to go, but I'll see you next time! --Bob Rankin
+---------------------------------------+
==[ Tourbus Rider Information ]=
The Internet Tourbus - U.S. Library of Congress ISSN #1094-2238
Copyright 1995-2005, Rankin & Crispen - All rights reserved
Tourbus News Service - http://tourbus.com/news.html
Subscribe, Signoff, Archives, Free Stuff and More at the
Tourbus Website - http://www.TOURBUS.com
========================
.~~~. ))
(\__/) .' ) )) Patrick Douglas Crispen
/o o \/ .~
{o_, \ { crispen@netsquirrel.com
/ , , ) \ http://www.netsquirrel.com/
`~ -' \ } )) AOL Instant Messenger: Squirrel2K
_( ( )_.'
---..{____} Warning: squirrels.

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Our Church, Magnolia Christian Center, has the following mission statement. Our purpose is to build a great church for the glory of God through the great commission and the great commandment. MCC' Vision - That MCC will be a place hopping with children, energized with teenagers, balanced with diversity and transformed by the power of God! We want to turn uninterested people into interested people and win the lost to make fully devoted followers of Christ.
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Below is a safety warning about clothes dryers, sent to me by my dad. I always clean my lint filters, but I never would have thought of this. I looked this up on snopes.com to verify. It gives additional interesting safety information. http://www.snopes.com/inboxer/household/dryer.asp

Be Safe!
Angie

P.S. When I ran water over mine, the water did not go through very well. When I finished washing, it went through like a charm. SCARY!!!

Claim: Washing the lint filter in your clothes dryer can help extend the lifespan of that appliance.

Status: True.

Example: [Collected on the Internet, 2005]

I had a wonderful morning, the heating unit went out of my dryer! Why does everything seem to fall apart this time of year!???

The guy that fixes things went in to the dryer and pulled out the lint filter. It was clean. We always clean the lint from the filter after every load of clothes. He told us that he wanted to show him something. He took the filter over to the sink and ran hot water over it. Now, this thing is like a mesh - I'm sure you know what your dryer's lint filter looks like - WELL......the hot water just laid on top of the mesh!!! It didn't go through it at all!!!

He told us that dryer sheets cause a film over that mesh and that's what burns out the heating unit. You can't SEE the film, but it's there. He said the best way to keep your dryer working for a very long time (and to keep your electric bill lower) is to take that filter out and wash it with hot soapy water and an old toothbrush (or other brush) at least every six months. He said that makes the life of the dryer at least twice as long! How about that???!!!! Learn something new everyday!

I certainly didn't know dryer sheets would do that. So, thought I'd share!

Note:

I went to dryer and tested my screen by running water on it. The water collected a little but ran though the screen. I dried it off and was ready to put it back in the dryer since the water ran through it but, I thought was the heck it won't hurt to wash it while I had it out. Warm soap water and a nylon brush and I had it done in 30 seconds.

I then ran the water over the screen and what a difference the water just gushed through it with no puddling at all and this time I was running the water at a faster rate. That repairman knew what he was talking about.

Origins: There are a number of devices and appliances that have been standard household items in American homes since before most of us were born. Electric irons, dishwashers, vacuum cleaners, gas (or electric) stoves and ovens, washing machines, and clothes dryers are but a few of the many labor-saving devices so familiar to many of us Dryer that we seldom ponder just how they work. Ask the average person, for example, how a clothes dryer works, and you'll probably get an "Are you kidding me?" look in return, along with a terse explanation that a dryer makes stuff "hot," and everybody knows stuff dries faster when it's hot.

That explanation isn't technically wrong (as far as it goes), but it's rather simplistic. Knowing a bit more about the process involved is the key to understanding why the advice to keep your dryer's lint filter clean can help improve the performance and lifespan of your clothes dryer.

In a standard (gas) dryer, a fan pulls fresh air into the dryer and sends it flowing over a gas burner. The burner heats the air, which is then channeled into a tumbling drum where the wet clothes are held. The heat, air flow, and tumbling motion all contribute to evaporating the moisture held in the fabrics, and that moisture is absorbed by the gas-warmed air. (Warm air is capable of holding more moisture than cold air.) The warm air — and the moisture it now holds — passes through a filter to trap lint and other particulate matter stirred up by its movement and is vented to the outside so that it can be replaced with new, less-moist air. This process repeats until enough moisture has been evaporated and carried away for the clothes to be considered sufficiently "dry."

Of course, if you neglect to clean the lint filter between dryings, or something else occludes the filter, moist air cannot be vented from the dryer as easily. The result will be that your dryer will work less efficiently — you will have to run your dryer longer to dry a load of clothes, which means higher electricity and gas charges for you and a shorter lifespan for your dryer.

So, keeping the lint filter clean is one simple way to increase the efficiency and lifespan (and decrease the operating costs) of your dryer. Just removing the lint from the filter isn't always enough — the fine mesh of most dryer filters can be clogged in ways that aren't obvious at a casual glance. As suggested by the piece quoted above, softener sheets can cause waxy build-ups on lint screens that require a little extra effort — usually no more than a quick scrub and rinse in warm, soapy water — to remove.

Many modern dryers also use moisture sensors rather than ordinary timed cycles, and residue from dryer sheets can coat the sensors and interfere with their ability to function properly. Cleaning the sensor screen with a little detergent and a soft brush, and wiping off the sensor itself with a cotton ball and some rubbing alcohol can rectify this problem.
The URL for this page is
http://www.snopes.com/inboxer/household/dryer.asp

Urban Legends Reference Pages © 1995-2005
by Barbara and David P. Mikkelson
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This article, "Is Your Boss a Psychopath", is long, but quite interesting. It relates to what has happened in corporate America in recent years, for example Enron and WorldCom.

However, it doesn't just apply to bosses. Also look at the quiz within the article, and consider questionable acquaintances and certain politicians.

The person who sent it to me wrote, "While I was reading the article, I continually thought of one man, and he is not in corporate America." See if you can guess who he thought of - surely he meant it as a compliment!
~
Is Your Boss a Psychopath?
By Alan Deutschman
Fast Company

Odds are you've run across one of these characters in your career. They're glib, charming, manipulative, deceitful, ruthless -- and very, very destructive. And there may be lots of them in America's corner offices.

http://biz.yahoo.com/special/psycho05.html
~
Thanks to Sam Boggs
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A liberal writes about our future president

She won't be President for another few years, but a little bio information might help to understand where we're going.

This interview may show more than you'd ever want to know about Hillary, but if nothing else, it is interesting. It's different from the glowing view of her as a middle-of-the road moderate, almost conservative, you'll see in the MSM (mainstream media).

http://www.nationalreview.com/interrogatory/klein200506200754.asp
~
Thanks to Sam Boggs
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Have you seen recent news reports about a study showing that most people with Type 2 diabetes are not in good control of their blood sugar? Could you be among them? Now is a good time to assess your diabetes management and make improvements.
Here's the news story as posted on LifeScan.com in May: "Diabetes out of control in U.S., survey finds."

What's New @ LifeScan.com

• GET IN CONTROL:

• Two-thirds of people with Type 2 diabetes are not in control of their blood glucose: This is what a report from the American Association of Clinical Endocrinologists (AACE) reveals. This finding is worrisome, because high blood glucose levels can damage blood vessels and nerves, and cause serious complications. These complications can include heart disease, vision problems and blindness, kidney disease, circulatory problems, and even amputations. In fact, diabetes is the 6th leading cause of death in the US.

• What is the best way to measure control?: The A1C test is the preferred standard for measuring glycemic control. The A1C test measures your average blood glucose level over the past 2-to-3 months. It's the best tool you and your healthcare provider have to assess your overall control — and your risk of developing serious complications. • AACE recommends an A1C target goal of 6.5% or less, and also suggests having an A1C test at least 4 times per year.
• You and your physician should determine how often you should test.
• In fact, AACE recommends talking to your physican about your A1C during every visit.
• A1C testing is not a substitute for regular blood glucose monitoring.
• If I'm measuring my A1C, is blood glucose self-monitoring also necessary?: The A1C test and blood glucose monitoring work together. The A1C test shows your average blood glucose over the past 2-to-3 months — while testing with a glucose monitor shows your glucose level at a specific point in time. • If you're not in good control, self-monitoring your A1C and blood glucose can help you better understand your diabetes and how to manage it.
• Talk to your physician about self-monitoring — and if a specific monitoring plan may make sense for you.
• Can I test my A1C at home?: Yes. All you need to do is go to your local drug store and look for the ChoiceDM™* A1C Home Test kit. It is lab accurate and will give you results in 8 minutes! No prescription is needed, there is nothing to mail, and it costs less than $20(MSRP)!
http://www.lifescan.com/
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TGIF-Today God Is First


Living an Obedience-Based Life
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Friday, June 24, 2005
by Os Hillman

They trusted in Him and defied the king's command and were willing to give up their lives rather than serve or worship any god except their own God. ~ Daniel 3:28b

Have you ever known someone who lived an outcome-based Christian experience? This means that their decisions are made based on the positive or negative outcome, not on absolute obedience.

Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego were three men who lived an obedience-based life. When King Nebuchadnezzar passed a law that said all were to worship his idol, these young men determined they would not worship anything other than God. You can be sure these men did not make this decision at the time of the decree. Their decision actually had been made years earlier. Their convictions were already in their hearts.

Each of us must come to a place of knowing what our boundaries are in given situations. What will you tolerate from your employer? What situation crosses the line for you? Where are the boundaries for questionable practices in your life? If these are not worked out ahead, you will live a life of situational ethics, determining what decision to make based on the merits of the situation.
Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego were willing to die for what they believed. In this case, they were delivered from the fiery furnace. God used their faithfulness to impact a king, and they were promoted to higher positions.

Are you an obedienced-based Christian? Or are there situations that can move you based on the outcome? God wants to know that we will stand firm on the issues that are important to Him, no matter what the outcome may be. God is looking for those who are radical in their obedience. Does this describe your commitment to Christ? If not, pray for this kind of conviction. The Lord will honor you for this.

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Divine Appointments
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Thursday, June 23, 2005
by Os Hillman

I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves. ~ Matthew 10:16

"Os is now taking over this division. He will be managing all of these activities from now on. You should know that he has a different management philosophy than what you may have experienced before. He has a biblical management philosophy. Os, would you like to explain what they could expect from you in this regard?"

These were the words spoken to me by a non-Christian CEO recently when he decided to increase my responsibilities in the company. We had never spoken of spiritual issues before.

Each business day, you and I will have the opportunity to stand before presidents, marketing directors, secretaries or other coworkers to create a defining moment. When that happens, there is a good chance you will be thought of as someone to avoid. You might be considered "religious" or "fanatic." If so, consider this a great compliment because it says you are standing apart from the crowd.

Be on your guard against men; they will hand you over to the local councils and flog you in their synagogues. On My account you will be brought before governors and kings as witnesses to them and to the Gentiles. But when they arrest you, do not worry about what to say or how to say it. At that time you will be given what to say, for it will not be you speaking, but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you (Matthew 10:17-20).

You may never be flogged for your faith. However, you may very well be brought before others to give account for what you believe. It may be at a water cooler, or it could be during lunch with a coworker. In whatever situation you find yourself, the Holy Spirit awaits the opportunity to speak through your life to that person who needs to hear. Ask the Lord whom He wants to speak to today through your life.

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When Fear Keeps Others From Their Destiny
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Wednesday, June 22, 2005
by Os Hillman

No one else dared join them, even though they were highly regarded by the people. ~ Acts 5:13


Every work day in thousands of offices across the globe, Christians testify of God's grace in their lives in some way. Sometimes it comes through a subtle performance of their duties with a smile and peace that non-believers cannot understand. In other cases, there might be more visible, unexplainable examples of God's work. This was the defining difference in believers in the early Church. They lived a life that followed with signs and wonders that could not be humanly explained.

The apostles performed many miraculous signs and wonders among the people. And all the believers used to meet together in Solomon's Colonnade. No one else dared join them, even though they were highly regarded by the people. Nevertheless, more and more men and women believed in the Lord and were added to their number (Acts 5:12-14).

How often we have heard non-believers acknowledge their respect for the Christian workplace believer , but they dare not join them in their persuasion. It is this fear of the unknown that keeps many a non-believer on the path to hell. Who has God placed in your path today to help detour from a path of eternal torment to a path of freedom and eternal life? The Lord desires that each should come to knowledge of the truth so that they might be saved. As you enter the workplace today, ask the Lord for a divine appointment that might be the turning point for a lost soul. There's no prayer the Lord will delight in more than this one.

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God's Authority
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Tuesday, June 21, 2005
by Os Hillman

I will not speak with you much longer, for the prince of this world is coming. He has no hold on Me, but the world must learn that I love the Father and that I do exactly what My Father has commanded Me.... ~ John 14:30-31


There is a constant war going on between our flesh and the Spirit. As Christians, the Spirit seeks to move us under the authority of His domain in order for us to fulfill all that we were created for. Every person was designed to be under some form of authority. Jesus modeled this in His own life. He lived under the authority of His heavenly Father. He made no independent decisions. He, unlike us, was sinless and always remained under His Father's authority. He acknowledged that the prince of this world has a hold on many, but did not have a hold on Jesus.

The prince of this world does have his hold on many in our world, even among our brothers and sisters. The one thing most of us want the greatest is the freedom to make our own decisions. It goes all the way back to the Garden of Eden when the decision was made to exercise a personal right: freedom to decide, freedom of choice, freedom from hindrances, freedom from pain. However, Jesus said He had no freedom of choice. He chose only the Father's desire for His life. He was the ultimate model of a man under authority.

Each day we must determine if we'll willingly choose to be under the authority of the Father and the direction of the Holy Spirit. It is a choice each of us must make. It is a choice that actually leads to freedom, not bondage. Choosing to live under the authority of our heavenly Father frees us to gain the greatest fulfillment in life-His mission and the purposes He has for us. It is the little decisions of daily life that reveal whether we truly live under His authority.

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Being Fully Persuaded
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Monday, June 20, 2005
by Os Hillman

Being fully persuaded that God had power to do what He had promised. ~ Romans 4:21

Why did God consider Abraham a righteous man? It was because Abraham looked beyond his own limitations of age and strength and considered God as the one who could accomplish His own goals. Abraham came to a place in his life where he realized it had little to do with him and all to do with God. His part was initiating the faith within himself.

Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him, "So shall your offspring be." Without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead-since he was about a hundred years old-and that Sarah's womb was also dead. Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God (Romans 4:18-20).

What are the things in your life that are mere impossibilities? What are the mountains in your life? Are these there in order to build your faith in the one who can enable you to ascend to the peak? Once you know that it is His will for you to pursue, do it with faith. Faith requires action when we know it is He who is leading. It may require risk. Faith is sometimes spelled R-I-S-K. Abraham did not limit God. It is this confidence in God that God honored and rewarded. He wants to do the same with you and me.

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Copyright 2005. www.MarketplaceLeaders.org
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To contact Os Hillman, request reprint permission, or to book Os to speak in your town write to os@marketplaceleaders.org. Marketplace Leaders Website: http://www.marketplaceleaders.org/ Copyright 2005
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Please recommend this TGIF daily devotional to everyone interested in applying their faith to their worklife. Tell them to subscribe at http://www.TodayGodIsFirst.com

Os Hillman Copyright 2005
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Verse of the Day

But that you also may know about my circumstances, how I am doing, Tychicus, the beloved brother and faithful minister in the Lord, will make everything known to you. I have sent him to you for this very purpose, so that you may know about us, and that he may comfort your hearts. Peace be to the brethren, and love with faith, from God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. Grace be with all those who love our Lord Jesus Christ with incorruptible love. Eph 6:21-24

Well, here we are at the end of the study of Ephesians … and we have come full circle. Paul began with grace and peace; he ends with peace and grace with a bit of love thrown in. Paul taught us who we are in Christ. All we have to do is accept those truths and believe that they are true … for us. It all sounds easy on paper. We all in our own way spoke our “amens” and perhaps a “hallelujah” or two. Now the rubber hits the road … the fat hits the fan … and all those other trite clichés. Now we have to live out what we believe. If we even begin to believe, we can shout, “Now the fun begins!” Or, as Jesus put it, “I came to give you life, and that more abundantly.” (John 10:10)

What does abundant life look like? Does it involve a nice house with a two-car garage, a wife, three kids, and a dog? Is it a five-day-a-week job that pays in the upper five figures or better? Perhaps in another country and another society it might be a grass hut at the edge of the village near the well and an acre in which to plant maize to sell for a few pennies at the nearby town. What does abundant life look like?

To Martin Luther it was freedom from the abuses of the Catholic Church. To some early ascetics, it was rejection of the socially acceptable state version of Christianity and social norms. Martin Luther found peace in leading a movement. The ascetics became hermits living in the wilderness and found peace and solitude in studying the Word of God. What does abundant life look like?

Paul lived the abundant life in a jail cell in Philippi chained to his partner, Silas, singing hymns at midnight. He found the abundant life in the midst of a storm at sea and deliverance from drowning of the entire crew and passengers of the ship he was on. Paul lived the abundant life chained to two members of the Praetorian Guard in a rented house in Rome. What does abundant life look like?

The abundant life does not look at all like the American dream. Instead, it looks like a life of peace … the peace that comes from knowing who you are in Christ. It looks like a peaceful person filled with love … love for his God, love for his family, love for his Christian brothers and sisters, and love for his neighbor whoever or wherever he may be found. The abundant life looks life the grace of God that is abundantly lavished upon those who believe. The abundant life is not dependant upon what is happening to the body, but what is living in the soul and spirit of a person.

As we conclude this study, may the peace of God overflow you daily. May the love of God fill you to overflowing. And may the grace of God be with you abundantly.

Harley
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… and pray on my behalf, that utterance may be given to me in the opening of my mouth, to make known with boldness the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains; that in proclaiming it I may speak boldly, as I ought to speak. Eph 6:19-20

Who would ever have thought that the great Apostle Paul would need prayer? He was unarguably the most influential person in the establishment and maturing of the Church of Christ. He wrote more letters to more churches teaching foundational truths and essential application of those truths. He nurtured, encouraged, taught, and even disciplined churches throughout the Roman Empire. And still he needed prayer? Paul had led mission trips, preached to untold thousands, stopped riots, performed miracles, healed the sick, raised the dead, cast out demons, and refuted the wisdom of the Greek philosophers. And he requested prayer that he could say the right things? Who was this man … and why was he so “weak” that he needed the Ephesians to pray for him?

Indeed, all of the above was true of our beloved Apostle … including the need for prayer. It seems that Paul recognized the value of relationships … the importance of spiritual support. Any man or woman who claims he or she can fulfill the mission God has for him is both blind and a fool. Remember, Jesus needed prayer too. After a hard day of preaching and teaching, He often left the twelve and prayed through the night. He even encouraged the disciples to pray with Him in the Garden … and they slept.

Paul is asking for prayer for several reasons. He honestly needs help and the strength of the Ephesians … remember, he was imprisoned and chained to Roman guards. He also needed to have the wisdom to say what needed to be said in the way it needed to be said to whom it needed to be said. He, though in chains, was still a minister of the Gospel and as such desired to proclaim the Word of God to whomever he came in contact.

However, there is another reason for Paul’s request. He knew that the Ephesians needed to be a part of His ministry. Their prayer support for Paul made them a vital part of his ministry. They felt important, needed, valuable because of Paul’s request.

Yes, we are approaching the end of our study of Ephesians. As Paul is wrapping up his letter, we are wrapping up our discussion of this important book. Just as Paul needed prayer, I also am in need of your prayers. Just as Paul was writing to people he could not see, I write to you … most of whom I have never met and will not meet until we stand together at the throne of God. Still, I need your support as we begin to look at new avenues of discussion. You are a vital part of this little ministry. Your words of encouragement lift my spirits at times when I am wavering, wondering if anyone really reads these words. For your benefit … and mine, pray for me that as I proclaim the Gospel to which I am happily chained that I will be able to write the right words at the right time in the right way so that the person God is reaching out to will hear, understand, and believe.

Several years ago, Ray Boltz wrote a song about a meeting in Heaven. A new arrival was greeted by people whom he had never met. Each one tells how they were touched by his generosity. You, my friends, will meet people in Heaven who will thank you for praying for me, for through those prayers and the words written in these humble missives, they will have come to the Master. They will have discovered who they are in Jesus. You will have helped them through a rough time … because you prayed for me. You will share in the rewards afforded those who minister the Gospel … because you cared enough to pray. They will thank you … and I thank you now. May the Father richly bless you as you live your life for Him.

Harley
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With all prayer and petition pray at all times in the Spirit, and with this in view, be on the alert with all perseverance and petition for all the saints … Eph 6:18

“Where is you brother, Able?” God asked Cain. Cain’s response is a classic … a verse quoted by Christians and non-Christians alike: “Am I my brother’s keeper?” In essence Cain was saying, “Get out of my face! I want nothing to do with my brother!” Now, isn’t that a great way to respond to the Almighty God to which you owe your very life? Cain knew where Able was … he planted Able in his shallow grave. He hoped his response to God was a rhetorical question … one that did not expect a response.

Paul answers Cain’s question in today’s verse. The short version is, “Yes.” But, before we tackle the longer answer, let me ask you a question? Why does this verse follow on the heals of the discussion of the Christian’s armor? What does all of this have to do with the sword of the Spirit? The answer, my friends, lies not with verse 17, but with verse 10. Always remember to take the verse you might be studying in context with its neighbors. It appears there is NO connection between the armor and this verse on prayer. So, we must look a bit further back in the context. Verse 10 says, “Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might.” Now do you see the connection? The armor has to do with being strong. Prayer has to do with being strong.

All too often, we read the first part of this verse and stop. How many times have you heard the admonition to “pray at all times …”? I’m actually guilt of such sermons and admonitions! All the while, I have not been able to do this seemingly simple act. After all, I have a life to live, and you do too. How is it possible to pray at all times and do the daily tasks you have to do? And therein lies the fallacy of this miss-quote. Read on: “… with this in view, be on the alert … for all the saints …” Ah! The answer to Cain’s question. Indeed, we are our bother’s keeper. We are responsible for his well-being. Ezekiel might call us “watchmen” (Ezekiel 33).

Both the good soldier and the good watchman are always alert, looking to and fro analyzing every shadow, every movement, every approaching figure. Suspicion is the word that best describes their attitude. Everything outside the wall, the safe compound, is suspicious. Until the approaching shadow responds with the appropriate response to the password, that shadow is an enemy. It is the task of the watchman, and the good soldier, to protect those within his realm of responsibility. Ask any soldier; he will tell you that the unit with which he serves works as a unit. Everyone is equally important. The point man is just as valuable as the rear guard. The radioman is just as important as the medic. The gunner is just as important as the driver. Everyone works together. Everyone watches the others back. Only in this way is it possible for the unit to return to base without loss.

The praying is the Christian’s way of being alert. We must rely upon the Spirit to give us spiritual eyes to see the enemy we face. Remember, our enemy is not flesh and blood. In this sense, our prayers are our eyes! Our constant attitude of spiritual alertness through prayer averts the “accidental” mishap that destroys the coherence of the unit … the Body of Christ, the Church!

Brothers and sisters, we have a responsibility to remain alert, spiritually, on behalf of our brothers and sisters in Christ. We do that by prayer … and by being in tune with the Spirit who will tell us how to pray and when to shout the alarm and how to fight the battles we will all face.

Harley

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c. 2005 Harley E. Hudson

If you received Verse of the Day as a forward and you wish to have your own subscription, simply send an e-mail to hhudson719@earthlink.net and request a free subscription.
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Activities and Events of Interest
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The Emancipation Proclamation will be on display at the Clinton Library September 22-25, 2007.
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"September 11 WDYTJWD" W. P. Florence
Justice first, then peace."
"September 11" Never forget.--Tony Moses
"ONE NATION UNDER GOD ...the only way"--Phillip Story
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." -- Franklin D. Roosevelt
"Keeping my head down but face toward Heaven" - - Jody Eldred, ABC News Cameraman in Kuwait
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" --"Bug"
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. - - George Carlin
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" - - Queen E. Watson
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NEVER FORGET! We're listing the names of our soldiers killed weekly. These records can be found at http://www.defenselink. mil/releases/

The Department of Defense announced the death of two Marines who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom.
01. Lance Cpl. Erik R. Heldt, 26, of Hermann, Mo.
02. Capt. John W. Maloney, 36, of Chicopee, Mass.
Both Marines died June 16 when their vehicle hit an improvised explosive device while conducting combat operations near Ar Ramadi, Iraq. They were assigned to 1st Battalion, 5th Marine Regiment, 1st Marine Division, I Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Pendleton, Calif. During Operation Iraqi Freedom their unit was attached to 2nd Marine Division, II Marine Expeditionary Force (Forward).

03. Lance Cpl. Adam J. Crumpler, 19, from Charleston, W.Va., died June 18 as a result of small-arms fire while conducting combat operations against enemy forces during Operation Spear in Karabilah, Iraq. He was assigned to 3rd Battalion, 2nd Marine Regiment, 2nd Marine Division, II Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C.

The Department of Defense announced the death of two soldiers who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom. They died on June 18 in Baqubah, Iraq, from injuries sustained on June 17 in Buritz, Iraq, when they were conducting a mounted patrol and their HMMWV was attacked by enemy forces using rocket-propelled grenades. Both soldiers were assigned to the Army's 2nd Battalion, 69th Armor Regiment, 3rd Brigade, 3rd Infantry Division, Fort Benning, Ga.
Killed were:
04. 1st Lt. Noah Harris, 23, of Ellijay, Ga.
05. Cpl. William A. Long, 26, of Lilburn, Ga.

The Department of Defense announced the death of two soldiers who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom. They died on June 17 in Al Qaim, Iraq, while conducting combat operations. Both soldiers were assigned to Headquarters, U.S. Army Special Operations Command, Fort Bragg, N.C. Killed were:
06. Master Sgt. Robert M. Horrigan, 40, of Austin, Texas.
07. Master Sgt. Michael L. McNulty, 36, of Knoxville, Tenn.

08. Pfc. Christopher R. Kilpatrick, 18, of Columbus, Texas, died June 20 in Tal Afar, Iraq, during convoy operations when enemy forces attacked his HMMWV with an improvised explosive device and small arms fire. Kilpatrick was assigned to the 603rd Transportation Company, 142nd Corps Support Battalion, Warrior Brigade, Fort Polk, La.

09. Spc. Nicholas R. Idalski, 23, of Crown Point, Ind., died June 21 in Ramadi, Iraq, where his unit was conducting combat operations and were attacked by enemy forces using small arms fire. Idalski was assigned to the Army's 1st Battalion, 9th Infantry Regiment, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 2nd Infantry Division, Fort Carson, Colo.

The Department of Defense announced the death of two soldiers who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom. They died on June 21 in Ramadi, Iraq, where their unit was conducting combat operations, and were attacked by enemy forces using small arms fire. Both soldiers were assigned to the 1st Battalion, 9th Infantry Regiment, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 2nd Infantry Division, Fort Carson, Colo. Killed were:
10. Spc. Christopher L. Hoskins, 21, of Danielson, Conn.
11. Spc. Brian A. Vaughn, 23, of Pell City, Ala.

12. Sgt. James D. Stewart, 29, of Chattanooga, Tenn., died June 21 in Ar Rutbah, Iraq, where an improvised explosive device detonated near his military cargo truck. Stewart was assigned to the 57th Transportation Company, 10th Mountain Division, Fort Drum, N.Y.

13. Maj. Duane W. Dively, 43, of Rancho California, Calif., died June 22 in Southwest Asia, in the crash of a U-2 aircraft. Dively had completed flying a mission and was returning to his base when the crash occurred. He was assigned to the 1st Reconnaissance Squadron, Beale Air Force Base, Calif.

14. Sgt. Arnold Duplantier II, 26, of Sacramento, Calif., died June 22 in Baghdad, Iraq, where he was providing cordon security, and was attacked by enemy forces using small arms fire. Duplantier was assigned to the Army National Guard's 1st Battalion, 184th Infantry Regiment, Auburn, Calif.

15. Sgt. Joseph M. Tackett, 22, of Whitehouse, Ky., died June 23 in Baghdad, Iraq, of a non-combat related injury. Tackett was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 76th Field Artillery, 4th Brigade Combat Team, 3rd Infantry Division, Fort Stewart, Ga.

16. Lance Cpl. Holly A. Charette, 21, from Cranston, R.I., died June 23 from wounds sustained when a suicide, vehicle-borne, improvised explosive device struck her vehicle in Fallujah, Iraq. She was assigned to Headquarters Battalion, 2nd Marine Division, II Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C.
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Remember that for every soldier killed in modern war, 10 are wounded. Don't forget to pray for them and their families.
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Please remember to pray for the American soldiers stationed everywhere around the globe and especially in Iraq. Times have been and are very tough and it would be nice if you would all just say a prayer for their safety and for their families.
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Scheduled Activities
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Alcoholics Anonymous meets at 8 p.m. Monday - Friday. At noon on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays and at 7 p.m. Sunday at 914 N. Vine
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Columbia County Amateur Radio Club meets Every second Thursday @ 7:00 p.m. Union Street Station. And YOU'RE invited. Net is every Sunday at 20:30 on 147.105.
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Columbia County Diabetes Support Group - Every third Monday, 7:00 p.m. room 222, Magnolia Hospital
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"Focus on the Family" with Dr. James Dobson weekday afternoons at 1 PM on KVMA am 630 it's a great show!
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MCC - Abraham Prayer - Sunday at 5:00 p.m and Wednesday from 11:30 am to 1:00 pm
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MCC - Early Morning Prayer - Monday - Friday, From 6:30 am to 8:00 am
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MCC - "Beth Moore" Video Class - Thursday nights at 5:45 pm
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MCC - "Faith Builders" Small group meets at 1051 Columbia 36 the second and fourth Tuesdays, 6:30 pm to 7:45 pm.
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MCC - Firm Foundations Class, Sunday 9:30 to 10:15 a.m
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MCC - Meadow Brook Nursing Home Ministry Tuesday from 10:00 to 11:00 a.m
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MCC - Mom's Day Out - Every Tuesday and Thursday from 9 to 2.$10 for the first child, $5 for the second. Call 234-3225 for reservations.
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MCC - Nursing Home Ministry - Meadowbrook Every Tuesday from 10 to 11 am. Taylor, the last Thursday each month.
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MCC - Over comers: Fridays @ 7:00 p.m- Director, Traci Foster invites you to a 12 step Christian support program. For anyone with a life controlling problem. Child care is provided.
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Men's Prayer Breakfast held every Tuesday morning at 6 AM in Miller's Cafeteria. If you aren't a regular participant at the Men's Prayer Breakfast, you're missing some great food, fellowship and inspired teaching of the Word. Hope to see you there.
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Narcotics Anonymous 5-6 pm every Monday at 220 Pine street.
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TOPS (Take Off Pounds Sensibly) 5 pm every Tuesday in the Magnolia Hospital break room.
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Emergency Phone Number 911
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )
Central Dispatch 234-5655
(Non - Emergency Number)
Direct Numbers
Ambulance - 234-7371 (24 Hour)
Jail - 234-5331 (24 Hour)
Poison Control - 800-222-1222 (24 Hour)
http://www. aapcc. org/
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"Fight till you win!" - - Mark Brazee
"Bring 'em on!" - -President George W. Bush
"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle."
"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." -- "Bug"
"I read the end of the book. We win!" -- "Bug"
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." -- "Bug"
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." - - "Bug"
"If you can read this e-mail, thank a teacher. - - If you read it in English, thank a serviceman."
"A simple way to take measure of a country is to look at how many want in ... and how many want out." - - Tony Blair
"Information is the currency of democracy." - Jefferson
"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed people can change the world; indeed, it is the only thing that ever has." - - Margaret Mead
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Hope you enjoy the newsletter.
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week.

God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!
Psa 138:8 Psa 119:41-42 Eph 3:8-11 Luke 22:31-34 2 Cor 4:6-7
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT-I KC5HII

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Let us hear from you if we can switch you over to the "Word" or "PDF" version of "Da Bleat".
If you'd prefer to read "Da Blog" version, just drop us a note at KC5HII@Magnolia-Net.Com and we'll switch you from e:mail delivery to "Da Bleat" Blog. Of course "Da Bleat" is now on the web. Just go to http://bugsbleatnew.blogspot.com to see the latest issue (usually updated sometime Friday evening or Saturday morning. We appreciate your encouragement. We also appreciate your communication when you desire to be taken off our mail list. If you are on this mail list by mistake or do not wish to receive "Da Bleat," please reply back and tell us to discontinue service to you. This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus 2005 before it was sent.
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