Bug's Bleat - - GCF: Dirty Magazines

Volume 7, Issue 21

Hello All,

A few timely words from Thomas S. Ellsworth, tellswor@slonet.org, http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor
Another person or list didn’t send this to me, nor was it found posted elsewhere. It's just a few thoughts about a holiday, which is special to me. It's one of those few times when I share something serious instead of humorous. -Tom

GCF: Memorial Day 2005

The joke for today has been sent. I want to be serious for a moment and talk about the holiday, which will be celebrated here in the United States on Monday.

Memorial Day is on the last Monday in May and honors those men and women who lost their lives serving their country. What we celebrate as Memorial Day today began at the end of the Civil War. Family members of the many soldiers slain in battle would visit the gravesites of their fallen relatives or friends and decorate the graves with flowers.

On May 5, 1868, General John Logan proclaimed this day a holiday through his General Order No. 11. The day was entitled Decoration Day and was first observed on May 30, 1868. The northern states celebrated this day every year, but the southern states celebrated a day similar to this on a different day until sometime after World War I.

In 1882, the name Decoration day was changed to Memorial Day, and in 1971, Memorial Day was declared a national holiday to be held on the last Monday of May every year. Over the years it has come to serve as a day to remember all U.S. men and women killed or missing in action in all wars.

I am truly grateful for the freedoms, which we enjoy today. Too often, we take these gifts for granted, little realizing the sacrifice, which was involved in ensuring that these freedoms continue to be a part of all of our lives. Be honest, how many of us think of Memorial Day as just another chance for a three-day weekend? A chance to go the lakes or beaches or mountains? A trip to Disneyland or Six Flags or some other amusement park?

If you are here in the United States, please remember to display the flag, not just for the day but for the whole weekend. Let's not forget the real reason for having this holiday. The quote below says it all. Please take the time to read it.

Take care everyone.

Tom
(HM2, USN 65-69)

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"It is, in a way, an odd thing to honor those who died in defense of our country in wars far away. The imagination plays a trick. We see these soldiers in our mind as old and wise. We see them as something like the Founding Fathers, grave and gray-haired. But most of them were boys when they died, they gave up two lives -- the one they were living and the one they would have lived. When they died, they gave up their chance to be husbands and fathers and grandfathers. They gave up their chance to be revered old men. They gave up everything for their county, for us. All we can do is remember."

-- Ronald Wilson Reagan
Remarks at Veteran's Day ceremony, Arlington National Cemetery
Arlington, Virginia, November 11, 1985

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One final thought...

A ways back, I received an email from James Groth Olson. It was a poem he wrote and tells a story that he felt people needed to hear. I agree with him. Here is what he wrote:

EACH A FORGOTTEN SOUL


Some may not, but some will know
What it's like to lose the soul
Of a friend with whom you talked
Of a friend no more to walk.
For how to walk when you lie dead
In your final earthly bed?
He fought with pride and courage unmatched;
Still, onto him death's finger latched.
He was a soldier, brave and bold,
But now his story goes untold.
For when he died, along with others,
He was not recognized by brothers.
They were sad, all feeling down;
Their faces frozen in a frown.
For they knew somewhere at home
A little one, whose hair he'd combed,
A wife and kids, they'd go untold
Of this man's death, though brave and bold.
For unknown goes his name and place
In this evil human race.
He was laid in an unknown grave,
Even though he'd died so brave.
And many more so much like he
Are left behind by you and me.
They all add up, and disappear.
No talk of them, no listening ears.
Each soul forgotten, no more known,
Only dates upon a stone.
Look them up, but you won't find
Anything, not peace of mind.
For they are dead. Forever lost.
This is what your freedom cost.


James, thank you for sharing that. Over the years the meaning of Memorial Day has faded too much from the public consciousness. From a solemn day of mourning, remembrance, and honor to the men and women who died in providing the freedoms we enjoy, it has been reduced to a weekend of BBQ's, shopping bargains and beaches where only token nods toward our honored dead is given, if at all. Too many don't know what the day stands for. Thanks again for sharing and a special thank you to all those who made the ultimate sacrifice. You are remembered in all our prayers. And a heartfelt Semper Fi from this Hospital Corpsman to all the Marines I knew.
~~~~~
One of the main reasons we didn’t get “Da Bleat” out last week was the Magnolia Blossom Festival & World Championship Steak Cook-Off. We spent Friday the 20th preparing 12 of our photos to enter in the show, then we got to the square early the next morning to stake out a prime spot under the Magnolia trees to display our work.
This was one of the best Blossom Festivals ever. Lots of people, a huge parade, vendors of all sorts of wares, great steaks and, of course, some great art. All this in spite of the fact it was in the high 90s temperature and humidity wise.
After a day spent in the heat on the square, Annette and I served steaks for the Albemarle team and then retreated under the trees to enjoy ours. By the time we got home, there wasn’t any energy left for ANYTHING else.
I, like many Magnolians, am still peeling where my skin was sunburned that day.
~
By the way, I can’t recommend the SAU art program. SAU instructors were judges at the art show and, since I didn’t win anything, they obviously don’t have an eye for art.
Well ... maybe they’re not completely clueless. Glenn Wooten was displaying his work next to mine and two of his paintings correctly won.
~~~~~
We really enjoyed Vanessa, Jimmy and Josiah staying with us last week. I couldn’t have showed my photos without their help.
~~~~~
Terry Stockdale, one of our favorite “Bloggers” and computer Guru, shared a new utility with us;

I've been using a neat utility called StumbleUpon to find websites that interest me. StumbleUpon (www.stumbleupon.com) is a toolbar that installs on Internet Explorer, Firefox and Mozilla on the Windows, Mac and Linux systems. You tell it the general topics that interest you (check the matching boxes) and click the Stumble button.

StumbleUpon basically works as a community-referral system. If you like a site, you use the toolbar's "I like it!" button to share the site with others. If you don't, use the "Not-for-me" button.

One of the sites I found this way is the "Murphy's Laws Site" which brings together the Murphy's Laws for many different groups and professions. Murphy, as you know, is quoted as saying "If something can go wrong, it will."

Here are a couple good sections from the site:
Murphy's EMT Laws
http://www.murphys-laws.com/murphy/murphy-EMT.htm
Murphy's Photography Laws
http://www.murphys-laws.com/murphy/murphy-Photography.html

So far, I haven't spotted "O'Leary's Corollary," which is "Murphy was an
optimist."
--
Terry Stockdale -- Baton Rouge, LA
My computer tips, coffee pages, forums and more: http://www.terrystockdale.com
My blog: http://www.TheNextWindow.com
~~~~~
We couldn’t resist sharing some of the “Murphy’s Laws” from the above sites. These are only excerpts. You’ll have to go to the sites to see them all.

Murphy's EMT laws

* Air goes in and out, blood goes round and round, any variation on this is bad.
* The more equipment you see on a EMT's belt, the newer they are.
* Examine all chest clutchers first, bleeders next, then the rest of the whiners.
* When dealing with citizens, if it felt good saying it, it was wrong.
* All bleeding stops... eventually.
* You can't cure stupid.
* If at all possible, avoid any edible item that fire fighters prepare.
* EMS is extended periods of boredom, interrupted by moments of sheer terror.
* Every emergency has three phases: PANIC... FEAR... REMORSE.
* It's not a compliment when Policemen say you're crude, crass & cynical.
* The severity of the injury is directly proportional to the weight of the patient.
* Schedule your days off to avoid working during full phases of the Moon.
* Never refer to someone in respiratory distress as a "Smurf".
* Assume every female between 6 and 106 is pregnant until proven otherwise.
* As long as stupidity remains epidemic in the US, you have job security.
* All emergency calls will wait until you begin to eat, regardless of the time.
Corollary 1:
Fewer accidents would occur if EMS personnel would never eat.
Corollary 2:
Always order food "to go".
* The Paramedical Law of Time And Distance:
* The distance of the call from the Hospital increases as the time to shift change decreases.
Corollary 1:
The shortest distance between the station and the scene is under construction.
* The Paramedical Rule of Random Synchronicity:
Emergency calls will randomly come in all at once.
* The Rule of Respiratory Arrest: All patients who are vomiting and must be intubated will have just completed a large meal of Barbecue and Onions, Garlic Pizza, and Pickled Herring, all of which was washed down with at least three cans of Beer.
* The Basic Principle For Dispatchers:
Assume that all field personnel are idiots until their actions prove your assumption.
* The Basic Principle For Field Personnel:
Assume that all dispatchers are idiots until their actions prove your assumption.
* The Axiom of Late-Night Runs:
If you respond to any Motor Vehicle Accident call after Midnight and do not find a drunk on the scene, keep looking:
somebody is still missing.
* The Law of Options:
~~~~~
And more;
Murphy's photography laws

* You are not Ansel Adams
* Automatic Cameras - Aren't
* Auto Focus - won't
* Long life batteries only last for a couple of rolls
* The newest and least experienced photographer will usually win the Pulitzer
* The nature shots invariably happen on two occasions:
-when animals are ready.
-when you're not.
* Same rule just substitute children
* when you drop a lens cap, the inside part always lands face down in the mud.
~~~~~
The Magnolia Sites have now made it 1-½ years without a recordable injury. We are setting the pace for the company. Keep up the great work, but don't let your safety guards down. BE SAFE!!
~~~~~
We were saddened to learn about the death of John Cochran's mother, Joan Cochran
~~~~~
Cody, Colby, Teresa, and I would like to tell everyone how thankful that we are for all the prayers and well wishes for our youngest son, Cody, this past weekend after a horrific vehicle accident. It is a terrible feeling to watch a loved one in a deep induced sleep not knowing if he will wake up the same person he was before the accident. With each passing hour our son got stronger we feel because of the prayers of all of you. He began to respond to simple commands and very soon afterwards was able to answer questions.. WE all knew our old Cody was back when he asked "YOU MEAN I FLEW OVER THE BLOSSOM FESTIVAL !" The attending nurses laughed with joy and said our son was going to be just fine.

THIS MIRACLE can only be due to all our prayers.....

To all our family, THANKS
Steve Savoy and family
~~~~~
The Brister Baptist Youth Group is sponsoring a Hamburger plate lunch from 11:00 am to 1:00 pm on Friday, June 3.
Hamburger, chips, dessert and your choice of drink for $5.00
For orders of 5 or more, Plates will be delivered to the south and west plants or plates can be picked up in the old Smitty's parking lot.
See Ernie Emerson (235-6619) or Buddy Kyle (235-6024) for tickets.
~~~~~
Every year, on the last Monday in May, our nation comes together to remember the men and women who have made the ultimate sacrifice in defending our country. We must all take time over this holiday weekend to remember and pay tribute to our nation's fallen heroes.

This Memorial Day, we face a changed world in the aftermath of September 11th. We are sending America's sons and daughters, mothers and fathers, to Iraq and Afghanistan. At this time, more than 1 million men and women have served, 1,500 service personnel have died in the line of duty, and 12,000 have been wounded. This weekend, our thoughts and prayers are with families who have lost loved ones, and we hope for the speedy and safe return of soldiers who are currently deployed in Iraq and around the world.

We have an obligation to take care of our soldiers who have fought for democracy and defended freedom. In Arkansas alone, there are over 276,000 veterans. I am proud to have signed on as a co-sponsor to the G.I. Bill of Rights for the 21st Century, which will significantly improve the lives of our nation's brave and deserving veterans. This legislation modernizes the current G.I. Bill, which has been in place since 1944 and was enacted to honor and assist our veterans of World War II. The G.I. Bill of Rights for the 21st Century will increase the benefits our men and women in uniform receive today, including healthcare, and will provide long overdue benefits for the veterans and military retirees who have already served our great nation.

No other group of Americans has stood stronger and braver for our democracy than our troops and veterans. We must celebrate, honor, and remember these courageous and faithful men and women. On this Memorial Day, we remember all of those who have given their lives in the name of freedom and democracy, and we honor those still fighting to protect it.

Sincerely,
Mike Ross
~~~~~
Don't forget ... "Da Bleat" is now on the web. Just go to http://bugsbleatnew.blogspot.com
~~~~~
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.
~~~~~
www.aaa.com Regular Mid Premium Diesel
Current Avg. $2.10 $2.23 $2.32 $2.25
http://www.fuelgaugereport.com/
~~~~~
Recipe of the week; Mashed Baked Recipe courtesy Paula Deen


Prep Time: 10 minutes
Cook Time: 1 hour
Yield: 8 to 10 servings
User Rating: 5 Stars


4 cups frozen hash browns
1 (7.6-ounce) package butter and herb mashed potato mix
1 stick butter, softened
4 ounces cream cheese, softened
1 cup shredded Monterey Jack cheese
½ cup sour cream
½ teaspoon garlic salt
½ teaspoon salt
½ teaspoon pepper
2 cups boiling water
2 cups prepared French-fried onion rings


Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.

Bring a pot of water to the boil and add the hash browns. Cook for 5 minutes and drain. In a large bowl, mix together the cooked hash browns, mashed potato mix, butter, cream cheese, jack cheese, sour cream, garlic salt, salt and pepper. Stir in the boiling water. Place in a greased 2-quart casserole dish. Bake for 35 to 45 minutes. Sprinkle the onion rings over the casserole and bake for about 5 to 8 minutes longer until onions are golden brown.
~~~~~
I heard Ray Ramono discussing marriage sleeping arrangements today. He said that he didn’t know his “side of the bed” decision from their first night as a couple would be carved in stone. He was doomed to watch TV for the rest of his life with a big toe in the middle of the screen.
~
Annette and I rotate. I get the side near the HVAC vent in the winter because I’m cold natured. She gets it in the summer because she’s hot natured.
We’ve got a King Size Bed, but that doesn’t matter much. If I dare to relinquish any space, it’s automatically seized by Annette. Many nights I’ve got up to use the bathroom and returned to find the bed completely occupied by my partner, sprawled diagonally across the space with all the pillows.
Somehow, these things never seem to be covered in the movies.
~~~~~
BREAKPOINT Commentaries
by Chuck Colson. - Prison Fellowship

Bottling Up Smut
Cleaning Up the Public Square

May 27, 2005

According to a new book, we have failed our children because we haven’t fulfilled “our function as guardians of their cultural environment.” The “American media’s obsession with sex,” says the author, “has gotten so out of hand” that “even the provocateurs are being provoked.”

Whose words are these? Chuck Colson? Jim Dobson? No. They’re the conclusions of a “provocateur” himself, a “staunch believer in the First Amendment” and a “member of the American Civil Liberties Union”—someone who opposes “any element of government control of human expression.”

That’s how Gil Reavill describes himself in his new book, Smut: A Sex-Industry Insider (and Concerned Father) Says Enough is Enough. Reavill has written for magazines like Penthouse and Maxim, as well as other even less reputable publications. Back in the 1980s, he fancied himself a “rebel” doing battle against a “stifling culture.”

Then he grew up. Getting older made him “put away,” as he put it, the “arrogance that delights in offending others.” And then he had kids, and that’s when he really came to realize that smut is what he calls the “cultural equivalent of second-hand smoke.” People who don’t want to be exposed—who work at avoiding exposure—still get it “shoved in their faces.” Instead of being content to keep “sexually explicit material contained and separate,” media companies, he says, put it in plain view where anyone and everyone can see it—kids in particular.

According to Reavill, “the boundaries of their world have been repeatedly breached . . . by people interested in making money and dismissive of all other considerations.” By way of example, he describes a day he spent with his daughter. Within “one hour of one very ordinary day,” his daughter was exposed to sexually suggestive or explicit materials on television, radio, and on billboards.

Even though he and his wife can monitor what their daughter sees and hears at home, they can’t catch everything, and they certainly can’t control the billboards or other public advertising.

You see, even if you ban all media from your home, there’s the chance that sitting in traffic you, like Reavill, will be treated to an X-rated movie on the DVD screen of the car next to you. Or a day in the park will be interrupted by a radio blaring Howard Stern at full volume.

While Reavill does a great job describing the problem, his opposition, as he puts it, to “government control of human expression” makes a solution difficult. What other than government action will cause people “dismissive of all other considerations” to restrain themselves? As the aftermath of Janet Jackson’s “wardrobe malfunction” shows, sometimes it takes the FCC threatening fines to get the networks’ attention.

Reavill writes about “segregating sexual expression from the public commons” the way it used to be, but he forgets that the “segregation” resulted from a strong moral code, one that our modern society has all but banished. So today, unfortunately, only the threat of criminal and civil sanctions can keep the smut peddlers from thrusting their garbage in the faces of kids.

It’s a good thing when liberals like Reavill see the light. Now we’ve got to help them understand the real solution: responsible government monitoring, on the one hand, and a reassertion of moral truth in the public square.

For further reading and information:

Today’s BreakPoint offer: “A culture awash in porn” by Rebecca Hagelin, Townhall.com, 29 April 2005.

Read an excerpt of Gil Reavill’s book Smut.

Gil Reavill, “Culture-Whipped,” National Review Online, 25 April 2005.

Hope Glassberg, “Sex Change,” New Republic, 19 April 2005. (Subscribers only.)

Amy Sohn, “A Laptop Never Says No,” New York, 30 May 2005.

Regina Lynn, “Put Smut in Its Place,” Wired, 13 May 2005.

Paul Harris, “Porn writer bids to save US from hardcore invasion,” Observer (London), 24 April 2005.

“Virtually Home Alone: Why don’t parents control their kids’ media consumption?” Wall Street Journal, 11 March 2005.

BreakPoint Commentary No. 031105, “The Mainstreaming of Porn: It’s Everywhere You Don’t Want It to Be.”

BreakPoint Commentary No. 041013, “A Little Late to Be Squeamish: Porn in the Mainstream.”

BreakPoint Commentary No. 040203, “Only a Matter of Time: Why the Superbowl Incident Isn’t Surprising.”

“Playing at an SUV Near You: Porn,” CBS News, 11 March 2004.

“Cell Phone Porn,” CBS (Boston), 23 May 2005.

Mark Gauvreau Judge, “Playboy at 50: Hefner’s Philosophy of Half Truths,” BreakPoint Online, 15 December 2003.

See BreakPoint’s list of resources dealing with pornography and sexual disorders.

Michael and Diane Medved, Saving Childhood: Protecting Our Children from the National Assault on Innocence (HarperCollins, 1999).

Ted Roberts, Pure Desire: Helping People Break Free from Sexual Struggles (Regal, 1999).

Copyright 2005 Prison Fellowship Ministries. Reprinted with permission. "BREAKPOINT with Chuck Colson" is a radio ministry of Prison Fellowship Ministries. Prison Fellowship Ministries may withdraw or modify this grant of permission at any time. To receive "BREAKPOINT" commentaries daily, you can subscribe for free at http://www. breakpoint. org/.
~~~~~
Words of the Week:
abnegate: refuse or deny oneself; also, to give up (rights, claims, etc.).
faction: a usually contentious group or party; also, internal dissension.
pallor: unusual or extreme paleness.
suffuse: spread through or over; to flush.
artifice: an artful trick, stratagem or device; also, cleverness, skill.
saturnine: gloomy or sullen.
lionize: to treat or regard as an object great interest or importance.
finical: finicky.
from Dictionary.Com
~~~~~
"The compulsion to take ourselves seriously is in inverse proportion to our creative capacity. When the creative flow dries up, all we have left is our importance." - Eric Hoffer

"What this generation was bred to at television's knees was not wisdom, but cynicism." - Pauline Kael

"A great statesman is he who knows when to depart from traditions, as well as when to adhere to them." - John Stuart Mill

"Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence." - Erich Fromm

"It is the weakness and danger of republics that the vices as well as virtues of the people are represented in their legislation." - Helen Hunt Jackson

we all suppose, that we could be rich and not behave as the rich behave, is like supposing that we could drink all day and stay sober." - Logan Pearsall Smith

"The most original authors are not so because they advance what is new, but because they put what they have to say as if it had never been said before." - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
~~~~~
One of Joe Tudor's favorites: time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana

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GCF: Dirty Magazines

Emailed to me from another humor list (Marty's Joke of the Day) -Tom To subscribe to Marty's Joke of the Day, send a blank email to: martysjotd-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! A smile will enhance the quality of your life. Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@egroups.com or visit the Good Clean Fun web site http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor/ UNSUBSCRIBE INFO for Good Clean Fun is at the end of this email. This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus 2004 before it was sent.
------------------------------------

Soon after being transferred to a new duty station, my Marine husband called home to tell me he would be late - again. He went on to say that dirty magazines had been discovered in the platoon's quarters and they had to discipline the whole squad. I launched into a tirade, arguing that many men had pictures hanging in their quarters at our previous post, so his new platoon should not be penalized for something trivial.

My husband calmly listened to my gripes and then explained, "Honey, dirty magazines: the clips from their rifles had not been cleaned."
_ ____________________________ _
GCF: Compensating Factors

Emailed to me another humor list (Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh List) -Tom Subscribe to Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh list at the website:
href="http://cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh/">Subscribe|_/ )_______________________( \_||_/ )_______________________( \_||_/ )_______________________( \_||_/ )_______________________( \_||_/ )_______________________( \_||_/ )_______________________( \_|<> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
[GCFL.net] Hunting Season

It was Saturday morning as Jake, an avid hunter, woke up raring to go bag the first deer of the season. He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his wife, Alice, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage.

Jake asks her, "What are you up to?"

Alice smiles, "I'm going hunting with you!"

Jake, though he had many reservations about this, reluctantly decides to take her along.

Three hours later they arrive at a game preserve just outside of San Marcos,Texas.

Jake sets his lovely wife safely up in the tree stand and tells her, "If you see a deer, take careful aim on it and I'll come running back as soon as I hear the shot."

Jake walks away with a smile on his face knowing that Alice couldn't bag an elephant -- much less a deer. Not 10 minutes pass when he is startled as he hears an array of gunshots. Quickly, Jake starts running back. As Jake gets closer to her stand, he hears Alice screaming, "Get away from my deer!"

Confused and frightened Jake races faster towards his screaming wife. And again he hears her yell, "Get away from my deer now!" followed by another volley of gunfire!

Now within sight of where he had left his wife, Jake is surprised to see a Texas cowboy, with his hands high in the air.

The cowboy, obviously distraught, says, "Okay, lady! You can have your deer! Just let me get my saddle off it!"

Received from K D Kribbs.
-=+=-
[GCFL.net] Mexican Jews

Two Jewish men, "Sid" and "Al," were sitting in a Mexican restaurant. Sid asked Al, "Are there any people of our faith born and raised in Mexico?"

Al replied, "I don't know, let's ask our waiter."

When the waiter came by, Al asked him, "Are there any Mexican Jews?" and the waiter said, "I don't know Senor, I'll ask the cooks."

He returned from the kitchen in a few minutes and said "No sir, no Mexican Jews."

Al wasn't really satisfied with that and asked, "Are you absolutely sure?"

The waiter, realizing he was dealing with "Gringos" gave the expected answer, "I will check again, Senor!" and went back into the kitchen.

While the waiter was away, Sid said, "I find it hard to believe that there are no Jews in Mexico. Our people are scattered everywhere."

The waiter returned and said, "Senor, the head cook said there is no Mexican Jews."

"Are you certain?" Al asked once again, "I can't believe there are no Mexican Jews!"

"Senor, I ask EVERYONE," replied the exasperated waiter. "All we have is orange Jews, prune Jews, tomato Jews and grape Jews."

Received from Joanne.
-=+=-
[GCFL.net] An English Lesson

Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.

19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France.

Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that

quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the

plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend. If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people:

Recite at a play and play at a recital?

Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?

Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

PS: Why doesn't "buick" rhyme with "quick"?

Received from Familymx55.
-=+=-
[GCFL.net] 100% Texan

A kid and his mom were walking on the sidewalk in Dallas. The kid, being 100% Texan, upon seeing some cowboys, said, "Hey Maw, look at them thar men with them thar bowed laigs."

She said that if he didn't start speaking correct English, she was going to send him to a Shakespearean English school.

A little further along, they saw some more cowboys. "Hey maw! Look at them thar men with them thar bowed legs!" he said.

So, true to her word, she sent him off to a Shakespearean English school to learn correct English.

He came home several months later on vacation. As they walked together down the sidewalk, they saw some cowboys. "Hark!" he said, "What manner of men are these who wear their legs in parentheses?"

Received from Robert E. Hays.
-=+=-
[GCFL.net] Why?

Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways?

Why are there 3 interstate highways in Hawaii?

Why do people test the surface that has a WET PAINT sign next to it?

Why do young women spend thousands of dollars on makeup to look older, and when they are older, spend thousands of dollars on anti-wrinkle cream to look younger?

Why do old guys with bad knees and bad backs buy low riding sport cars? Is it to look younger before or after the excruciating pain of getting in and out of them?

Why do women use gel and a blow dryer to give their hair that "just got out of bed" look when they had that look before they used the gel and blow dryer?

Why do people on diets eat potato chips and drink diet soda?

Received from Don Bell.

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– NEW! Go to http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20050124 to rate this funny from 0 to 5.
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Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List "A cheerful heart is good medicine!" (Prov 17:22a) Go to http://gcfl.net/mlfrontend.php to change your subscription options or unsubscribe. To email this funny to a friend, go to http://gcfl.net/emailit.php?funny=20050107 The latest GCFL funny can always be found on the web at http://gcfl.net/latest.php
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Thanks to Staci H Trexler via Bobbie McClellan

Computers / Cars

For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on. At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating:

If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics (and I just love this part):

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times! as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.

Feel free to share this with your friends who love - but sometimes hate - their computer.
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Norma Rowe shared SOUTHERN WOMEN with us.

Southern woman appreciate their natural assets:
Clean skin.
A winning smile.
That unforgettable Southern drawl

Southern women know their manners:
"Yes, ma'am."
"Yes, sir."
"Why, no, Billy!"

Southern women have a distinct way with fond expressions:
"Y'all come back!"
"Well, bless your heart."
"Drop by when you can."
"How's your Momma?"
"Love your hair."

Southern women know their summer weather report:
Humidity.
Humidity.
Humidity.

Southern women know their three R's:
Rich.
Richer.
Richest.

Southern women know their vacation spots:
The beach.
The beach.
The beach.

Southern women know the joys of June, July, and August:
Summer tans.
Wide brimmed hats.
Strapless sun dresses.

Southern women know everybody's first name:
Honey.
Darlin'.
Shugah.


Southern women know the movies that speak to their hearts:
Fried Green Tomatoes.
Driving Miss Daisy.
Steel Magnolias
Gone With The Wind

Southern women know their religions:
Baptist.
Methodist,
Football.

Southern women know their country breakfasts:
Red-eye gravy.
GRITS.
Country ham.
Mouth Watering Homemade Biscuits.

Southern women know their cities dripping with Southern charm:
Charleston.
Savannah.
New Orleans.
Birmingham.

Southern women know their elegant gentlemen:
Men in uniform.
Men in tuxedos.
Rhett Butler, of course.

Southern women know their prime real estate:
The Mall.
The Country Club.
The Beauty Salon.

Southern women know the three deadly sins:
Bad hair
Bad manners.
Bad blind dates.

Southern girls know men may come and go, but friends are forevah!
Now Shugah, send this to some girls who were raised in the South or wish they had been. If you're a male, you hug that Southern woman of yours and say, "I'm a lucky man!" If you're a northern transplant, FAKE it...We know you got here as fast as you could. Bless Your Heart
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Welcome to You Make Me Laugh, a free newsletter frefom Crosswalk.com, the world's largest Christian website.
Today's Clean Laugh

Break Even

Two men are in a bank when armed robbers break in.

One robber rushes the teller windows, one guards the door and the third bank robber stands in the middle of the bank and yells, "Right! Everyone up against the wall and empty your pockets. We want valuables, watches and wallets."

The first man jams something into his buddy 's hand.

"What's this?" asks his friend without looking down.

"It's that $100 I owe you" answers his friend.

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

Checking Newbie

Her teenage son was having trouble mastering the fine points of balancing his new checking account.

"The bank returned the check you wrote to the sporting goods store," she said.

"Oh good," he said,

"Now I can use it to buy some stereo equipment!"

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

Auction Parrot

One day a man went to an auction.

While there, he bid on a parrot. He really wanted this bird, so he got caught up in the bidding. He kept on bidding, but kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and higher and higher.

Finally, after he bid way more than he intended, he won the bid - the parrot was his at last!

As he was paying for the parrot, he said to the auctioneer, "I sure hope this parrot can talk. I would hate to have paid this much for it, only to find out that he can't talk!"

"Don't worry," said the auctioneer,

"He can talk. Who do you think kept bidding against you?"

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

Bottle Drive

The Boy Scouts were out collecting bottles for a fund raising activity. One ambitious but nervous young man knocked on a door and a sour-faced lady came to the door and asked:

"What do you want, Sonny?"

"D-d-do you have any beer bottles for the Boy Scouts, M-m-m-ma'am?" he asked.

"Look here, young man, do I look like the kind of lady who would drink beer?" replied the lady.

"S-s-sorry, Ma'am," was his reply.

"W-w-what about vinegar bottles?"

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

*Eye Laugh*

"Coffee Break"
http://www.cybersalt.org/g05.php?id=50

"Texas Rabbit"
http://www.cybersalt.org/g05.php?id=51

"Mug Shot"
http://www.cybersalt.org/g05.php?id=52

"Body By Home Depot"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw228

Daily devotionals are available at http://link.Crosswalk.Com/UM/T.asp?A1. 39. 17757. 1. 494611 You can access more information on Crosswalk's Fun page http://www.Crosswalk.Com/fun/! Crosswalk gives credit to the author of a joke when author is known. Feel free to send notification to admin@cybersalt.org in cases where credit has not been given to the author! -SUBSCRIPTION INFO- * Copyright2004 Crosswalk.Com, Inc. and its Content Providers. All rights reserved. Introducing www.Crossguide.Com Where Christians find Products, Services & Ministries.
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"Don't strive for recognition, but work for achievement." -- Vanessa Malone
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Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Columns - - http://www.madkane.com/emapping.html - - E-Mapping It Out "When my husband Mark suggested an impromptu trip to Long Island's East Hampton, I instinctively reached for a map. Then I remembered; we no longer own any maps. They were soaked beyond redemption in a flash flood that destroyed our car during our last impromptu trip. We replaced the car, but not the maps..."
http://www.madkane.com
http://www.madkane.com/notable.html (Notables Weblog)
http://www.madkane.com/bush.html (Dubya's Dayly Diary)
Subscribe to MadKane Humor Newsletter (weekly) here:
http://www.madkane.com/email.html
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Digital Camera Reviews - - http://www.dpreview.com/ - - At this website you'll find all the latest in digital photography and imaging news, reviews of the latest digital cameras and accessories, the most active discussion forums, a large selection of sample images, a digital camera buyers guide, side-by-side comparisons and the most comprehensive database of digital camera features and specifications.
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Launch: Music on Yahoo! - - http://launch.yahoo.com/ - - With this new media resource from Yahoo, you can listen to radio stations, watch videos and keep current with the music industry. Related site: Live365 Internet Radio
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World Atlas of Maps, Flags, and Geography Facts - - http://www.worldatlas.com/aatlas/world.htm - - This site includes a world atlas of facts, flags and maps including every continent, country, dependency, exotic destination, island, major city, ocean, province, state & territory on the planet.
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Fact Sheet: Landslides and Mudslides - - http://www.bt.cdc.gov/disasters/landslides.asp - - Fact sheet about landslides from the Centers for Disease Control. Landslides occur when masses of rock, earth, or debris move down a slope. Debris flows, also known as mudslides, are a common type of fast-moving landslide that tends to flow in channels.
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PBS: Mark Twain - - http://www.pbs.org/marktwain/ - - Companion to the Public Broadcasting Service Ken Burns documentary about author Mark Twain. This interactive scrapbook tells Twain's life story through a collection of texts, photos, illustrations, and clippings from his day. To begin exploring, click one of the chapters to the right.
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Disasters and Emergency Preparedness - - http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/disastersandemergencypreparedness.html - - From the U.S. National Library of Medicine, National Institutes of Health, this site provides links to overviews of family and citizen emergency preparedness, coping information, law and policy, and pages for specific emergency situations such as giving birth in emergency situations and emergency management for children and seniors.
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Free Public Records Directory - - http://www.searchsystems.net/ - - Welcome to the largest directory of links to free public record databases on the Internet. Find business information, corporate filings, property records, unclaimed property, professional licenses, offenders, inmates, criminal and civil court filings, and much more.
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"Most residents along the East and Gulf coasts don't plan to take even simple steps to protect themselves and their homes from hurricanes, despite the devastation caused by five hurricanes that struck the United States last year, according to a new poll. Fifty-six percent of those surveyed said they felt 'not too' vulnerable or 'not at all' vulnerable, according to a Mason-Dixon poll released May 9, 2005. And one in four would do nothing to prepare for a storm, even after a watch or warning was issued. Last year four hurricanes struck Florida within six weeks. They were among six tropical storms and nine hurricanes that formed during the unprecedented 2004 season. Hurricane Alex also struck North Carolina." - Source
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"People whose hearts beat too fast during rest and too sluggishly during exercise have a greater risk than others of dropping dead suddenly from a heart attack, a study suggests. The research, believed to be the first on sudden death in healthy people, relied on simple stress tests like the ones often given to people with heart problems. Experts said the findings don't mean healthy people should have routine stress tests. But they said that when heart patients get the tests, doctors should study the heart rate pattern for signs of trouble and not just look for evidence of blocked arteries as most do now." - Source
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"For men diagnosed with early prostate cancer, one of their options is to wait to see if the disease progresses and then to undergo treatment if necessary. However, in terms of survival over the ensuing 10 years, immediate surgery seems a better choice, a Swedish study indicates. The reduced death rate from prostate cancer for those undergoing surgery rather than taking a 'watchful waiting' approach is particularly evident among men younger than 65 years of age." - Source
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"Cardiovascular risk factors appear to indicate deteriorating renal function in all adults. Researchers discovered various indicators of heart or vascular disease can signal that kidney function is on the decline in the general population, as published in the May issue of Kidney International. While generalized atherosclerosis (hardening of arteries and blood vessels) has been increasingly recognized as a cause of end-stage renal disease (ESRD), a recent study of over 8,500 patients discovered that this same disease also affects renal function in those who do not suffer from ESRD. Together with blood pressure, age, and body mass index, different cardiovascular risk factors can have varied impact on kidney function. 'Studies show that the mechanisms underlying renal function abnormalities in the general population are limited,' states Paul E. De Jong, corresponding author of the study. 'As presently many subjects present with ESRD without known renal diseases, and the prevalence of obesity and generalized atherosclerosis are increasing, we need to know which factors should be detected and should be monitored under treatment.' " - Source
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"A battery with a lifespan measured in decades is in development at the University of Rochester, as scientists demonstrate a new fabrication method that in its roughest form is already 10 times more efficient than current nuclear batteries - and has the potential to be nearly 200 times more efficient. The details of the technology, already licensed to BetaBatt Inc., appears in today's issue of Advanced Materials. 'Our society is placing ever-higher demands for power from all kinds of devices,' says Philippe Fauchet, professor of electrical and computer engineering at the University of Rochester and co-author of the research. 'For 50 years, people have been investigating converting simple nuclear decay into usable energy, but the yields were always too low. We’ve found a way to make the interaction much more efficient, and we hope these findings will lead to a new kind of battery that can pump out energy for years.' The technology is geared toward applications where power is needed in inaccessible places or under extreme conditions. Since the battery should be able to run reliably for more than 10 years without recharge or replacement, it would be perfect for medical devices like pacemakers, implanted defibrillators, or other implanted devices that would otherwise require surgery to replace or repair. Likewise, deep-space probes or deep-sea sensors, which are beyond the reach of repair, also would benefit from such technology." - Source
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"Americans looking to shed those extra pounds should choose Weight Watchers International Inc. over low-carbohydrate rival the Atkins Diet, according to the latest issue of Consumer Reports magazine. Citing published clinical research, nutritional analyzes, and comparisons with U.S. dietary guidelines, the magazine best known for comparing prices and performances of cars and televisions said Weight Watchers topped the list of the nine popular diet plans it studied. 'A balanced, low-fat diet plus weekly meetings give this large commercial weight-loss program the highest long-term adherence rate of any diet in our analysis,' Consumer Reports said of the Weight Watchers program." - Source
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"As many as 98,000 Americans still die each year because of medical errors despite an unprecedented focus on patient safety over the last five years, according to a study released May 18, 2005. Significant improvements have been made in some hospitals since the Institute of Medicine released a landmark report in 2000 that revealed many thousands of Americans die each year because of medical mistakes. But nationwide, the pace of change is painstakingly slow, and the death rate has not changed much, according to the study in The Journal of the American Medical Association. The researchers blame the complexity of health care systems, a lack of leadership, the reluctance of doctors to admit errors and an insurance reimbursement system that rewards errors - hospitals can bill for additional services needed when patients are injured by mistakes - but often will not pay for practices that reduce those errors." - Source
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| Safety From The Heart |

Memorial Day weekend traffic fatalities and disabling injuries estimate.

The National Safety Council today released its estimates for traffic crashes for the upcoming Memorial Day holiday weekend which begins at 6 p.m.Fri., May 27 and ends at 11:59 p.m.Mon., May 30.

The Council estimates 471 traffic fatalities over the traditional summer kick-off weekend and another 25,400 disabling injuries from motor vehicle collisions.

The Council also estimates that 393 people will survive the Memorial Day holiday because they will be wearing seatbelts and that another 115 lives could be saved if all wore safety belts.

For the past six years, the Memorial Day weekend has averaged 8.7% more traffic fatalities than similar non-holiday periods.

The National Safety Council issues fatality estimates for major holiday periods to draw attention to the need for drivers to exercise safe driving practices especially when a significant number of drivers are expected to be traveling on our roads and highways.

To ensure a safe Memorial Day weekend, the National Safety Council recommends drivers:

Establish and enforce a driver's 'distraction-free zone' especially in cars equipped with electronic devices including cell phones, video games and global positioning systems.
Make sure all passengers are buckled up and children are in age-appropriate safety seats.
Allow plenty of travel time to avoid frustration and diminish the impulse to speed.
Drive defensively and exercise caution especially during inclement weather.
Don't drink and drive. Even moderate consumption of wine or beer impairs reaction time and driving judgment.
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TOURBUS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -:)
-- :) :) ----------------------------------
Volume 10, Number 60 -- 25 May 2005
Tourbus Home - http://www.TOURBUS.com
Tourbus News Service - http://tourbus.com/news.html
----------------------------------------------------
TODAY'S TOURBUS TOPIC: Search Engine News

Tired of the same old search engine? In today's TOURBUS you'll find reviews of some new Internet search tools with all the bells and whistles, and one to avoid. Read on!

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MSN SEARCH
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You may be surprised that I'm starting off a Tourbus article by recommending that you visit a Microsoft website, but here goes. Gates and Co. have come up with some pretty tough competition for Google, with the new MSN Search. MSN Search provides search for web pages, news or images, as well as interactive maps and access to the Encarta encyclopedia.

My testing shows that the relevancy of search results is excellent. Search for "tourbus", "copper fountains" and "send flowers" at MSN. Thanks, Bill! Those #1 listings are all my sites. But none of them show up in the top ten at Google. What's up with that?

MSN Search - http://search.msn.com
RELATED NEWS - http://www.tourbus.com/MSN-search-news.html

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EXALEAD
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Exalead is a new search engine from France that sports a variety of powerful search options that you won't find at the big name sites. Proximity searching lets you search for words within 16 words of each other, and not necessarily in the order you specify. For example, searching for "bob (NEAR) tourbus" will find a page containing "Tourbus creators Bob Rankin and Patrick Crispen offer lively, witty commentary." Wow, throw a little flattery into the technology and that's one tasty soup!

You can also search with word truncation, so "offic*" will find officer, official, officious, etc. Other search engines will do simple word stemming, such as adding or removing an "s", but this goes far beyond that. Can't spell for beans? Try the phonetic spelling and approximate spelling options. Much to my amusment, the phrase "rankine torubus" brings up Tourbus.com as the first hit when the approximate spelling feature is selected.

And geeks rejoice! Exalead does regular expression searching, which is an extremely potent (and extremely confusing) pattern matching doohickey. For example, /IBM[0-9]{4}/ matches IBM3090 or IBM8514, and /ex...s..n/ matches extension, expansion, or excursion.

Exalead - http://www.exalead.com
RELATED NEWS - http://www.tourbus.com/exalead-news.html

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KARTOO
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KartOO is a metasearch engine with a visual display. KartOO launches your query to a set of search engines, compiles the results and shows them in a series of interactive maps. In these maps, websites are represented by larger or smaller sized pages, depending on relevance. When you move the pointer over these pages, the related keywords are illuminated and a brief description of the site appears on the left side of the screen. You can refine your search by clicking entries in a subject tree.

One nice feature of Kartoo is the option to select a specific set of search engines for your query. The animated genie is a teensy bit annoying, but this search tool is worth a try.

KartOO - http://www.kartoo.com
RELATED NEWS - http://www.tourbus.com/metasearch-news.html

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VIVISIMO
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Why does this name conjure up images of an Italian wedding? Vivisimo wants to help you solve the information overload problem that occurs when you get thousands of results from a web search. By categorizing search results, they can become more meaningful and actionable. Vivisimo uses "clustering" to organize search results into titled folders to build a clearer picture for searchers.

There are several of these "information relationship" type of search engines available, and I think they are most useful when you're doing research on a broad topic, as opposed to looking for a specific site.

Vivisimo - http://www.vivisimo.com
RELATED NEWS - http://www.tourbus.com/information-overload-news.html

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KAXY
------

Here's one to avoid. Kaxy promises "Web Page Preview", a feature that's supposed to give you a thumbnail view of resultant websites, along with the search descriptions. But it doesn't work unless you download a plugin called WebSnap from Sequoia Entertainment. Does that sound ominous to you, too? My advice: Just Say No to anything that wants you to download a plugin.

Oh, and even worse, I found instances of apparent link hijacking in the Kaxy search results. Try a search for "send flowers" at Kaxy and look at item #5 in the hits. The description and address shown are for my FlowersFast.com site (#1 for that term at MSN), but the title and the actual link take you to 800-Flowers through a paid search link. Nasty! Want another example? Search for "website hosting" (also #1 at MSN) and you'll see the link for WebsiteHostDirectory.com actually takes you somewhere else, through a paid-for link. Doesn't seem like this is a fluke.

Kaxy - http://www.kaxy.com
RELATED NEWS - http://www.hotnews360.com/adware-hijacking-news.html

You may be happy with your favorite search engine, but are you sure you're getting the best results? Try some of these up-and-coming search tools and you might find they do a better job for some or all of your queries. That's all for now, see you next time! -- Bob Rankin

+---------------------------------------+
==[ Tourbus Rider Information ]=
The Internet Tourbus - U.S. Library of Congress ISSN #1094-2238
Copyright 1995-2005, Rankin & Crispen - All rights reserved
Tourbus News Service - http://tourbus.com/news.html
Subscribe, Signoff, Archives, Free Stuff and More at the
Tourbus Website - http://www.TOURBUS.com
========================
.~~~. ))
(\__/) .' ) )) Patrick Douglas Crispen
/o o \/ .~
{o_, \ { crispen@netsquirrel.com
/ , , ) \ http://www.netsquirrel.com/
`~ -' \ } )) AOL Instant Messenger: Squirrel2K
_( ( )_.'
---..{____} Warning: squirrels.
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Our Church, Magnolia Christian Center, has the following mission statement. Our purpose is to build a great church for the glory of God through the great commission and the great commandment. MCC' Vision - That MCC will be a place hopping with children, energized with teenagers, balanced with diversity and transformed by the power of God! We want to turn uninterested people into interested people and win the lost to make fully devoted followers of Christ.
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TGIF-Today God Is First


The Greatest Test
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Friday, May 27, 2005
by Os Hillman

I know, my God, that You test the heart and are pleased with integrity. ~ 1 Chronicles 29:17a

God tests His children to know what is in their hearts. God's desire for each of His children is to walk in relationship with Him, to uphold His righteousness and integrity. It is a high calling that we will fail to achieve without complete dependence on Him.

The greatest tests come not in great adversities, but in great prosperity. For it is in prosperity that we begin to lose the sensitivity to sin in our lives. Adversity motivates us to righteousness out of a desire to see our adversity changed. Prosperity fails to provide this motivation for obedience. We fall into a satisfaction and confidence in life that is based on our prosperity rather than on God.

Hezekiah was a great godly king. He was a faithful, God-honoring king most of his life, but toward the end he became proud. God wanted to find out if he would still honor Him and recognize His blessings in his life. He failed the test when God sent an envoy to his palace to inquire about a miracle that God performed on behalf of Hezekiah. The test was designed to find out if Hezekiah would publicly acknowledge the miracle performed on his behalf.

But when envoys were sent by the rulers of Babylon to ask him about the miraculous sign that had occurred in the land, God left him to test him and to know everything that was in his heart (2 Chronicle 32:31).
Hezekiah's failure resulted in his children failing to carry on as rulers of Israel, and the nation would eventually be taken over by Babylon.

The lesson of Hezekiah is clear. If we are to remain faithful to our Lord, we must remain steadfast in our obedience to Him. Prosperity can be our greatest test. Ask the Lord to give you the grace to be a faithful follower during times of prosperity.

Copyright 2005. www.MarketplaceLeaders.org
---------------------------------------------------
To contact Os Hillman, request reprint permission, or to book Os to speak in your town write to os@marketplaceleaders.org. Marketplace Leaders Website: http://www.marketplaceleaders.org/ Copyright 2004
--------------------------------------------------
Please recommend this TGIF daily devotional to everyone interested in applying their faith to their worklife. Tell them to subscribe at http://www.TodayGodIsFirst.com

Os Hillman Copyright 2004
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Verse of the Day

And masters, do the same things to them, and give up threatening, knowing that both their Master and yours is in heaven, and there is no partiality with Him. (Ephesians 6:9, NASB95)

If you are a Rush Limbaugh fan, you know that “ditto” means, “I agree whole heartedly with what you (or a previous caller) just said.” Paul predates Rush by a few centuries, but in essence his is saying to employers (masters) “ditto” plus. Everything Paul said to employees, he says employers must do the same … and they have additional responsibilities. They are to quit trying to intimidate their employees (give up threatening). A master would likely threaten to beat a slave to within an inch of his life – or worse – if the salve didn’t obey immediately. In that way, the master controlled the output of his slaves. The only problem was that threatened slaves weren’t too happy about working. They did it, but not out of love for the master … and that was a command given to the slaves/employees in the previous verses.

Instead, Paul tells the masters/employers to treat their underlings as equals! That is something that is totally anti-culture to the slave-owners of the day. But Paul says Christians and Christianity are different. We live in a different culture … really, we create a NEW culture in the midst of the OLD culture. Christians are to be so different that the world stops and takes note of them. Bosses who look at employees as equals certainly fit that bill – even today. Few employers have created what can be called a “high trust culture”. It seems that the boss wants to keep the employees in the dark and on edge. Many businesses actually think that that is a healthy way of doing business!

Paul believes differently … especially for Christians. He reminds masters that they both, masters and slaves, have the same Master, Jesus Christ. He also mentions that Jesus is not partial to either slaves or masters. They are all equal in His sight. Remember the first half of Ephesians? What were we learning? That’s right. We were coming to an understanding of who we are in Christ … children of the Living God, joint heirs with Jesus. There is no degree of adoption. There is no degree of inheritance or access to God’s Kingdom and wealth. Indeed, all have equal access no matter what position they hold on earth. There is neither Greek nor Jew, rich nor poor, powerful nor weak, male nor female, great nor insignificant. All are equal to the Father because of His Son, Jesus!

In summary, both employees and employers are to work as though the boss is Jesus … because ultimately He is. Employers have the added burden of treating their employees right … like brothers and sisters … because they are both slaves to the same Master, our Savior, Jesus! To live this new paradigm, this new way of seeing things, will take courage, strength, and determination – all provided to us by our Master through the Holy Spirit. We have access to all the treasures of the Father, thus we have everything we need to be totally DIFFERENT in a crazy world.

To paraphrase Nike, “Let’s do it!”

Harley
~=|=~
With good will render service, as to the Lord, and not to men, knowing that whatever good thing each one does, this he will receive back from the Lord, whether slave or free. (Ephesians 6:7-8, NASB95)

Sometimes English translations just don’t seem to get it right … even the best of translations miss it once in a while. This is one of those cases. The phrase in question begins these verses: “With good will render service …” Taken at face value in the English, it seems that Paul is saying something like, “Agreeably, render service” or “work agreeably” or “work with a good attitude”. The Greek word translated here as “good will” is perhaps more accurately translated “enthusiastically”, thus “enthusiastically serve or work for.” One dictionary defines the word like this: “a state of zeal based upon a desire to be involved in some activity or state.” The verse, using this definition, could be translated like this: “Joyously, looking forward to being a part of a great project, work …”

I suspect that few of us look at our jobs in this light. Then again, probably most of us don’t look at our bosses and see Jesus (remember the last session?) Think back to a time when you were really excited about your job (or some past job). What caused your excitement? Usually it involved the idea that you were doing something that made a difference. It didn’t really make any difference if the job was “world changing” or just “making someone feel better about himself.” When I was a furniture refinisher, that is exactly how I looked at my job. No, what I did wouldn’t win a Nobel Peace Prize for its great contribution to the world. However, everything I did made a difference in someone’s life. I may have been restoring a piece of family history – “that roll top desk sat in grandpa’s hardware store for seventy-five years. I’m proud to have it look so nice.” Or, I may have made someone’s life a little easier – “I’m so glad you could fix my chair. With my bad back, it is the only chair that I am really comfortable in.” Those were exciting days. I loved my job. I loved my work, and though it was hard work, it was rewarding.

Paul tells us that we should look at every job we have – including the one we despise right now – in that way! I used to tell my daughters, “If you have to do something, you might as well enjoy it. That makes the job so much easier.” Have you ever noticed that your attitude affects how long a job takes? My brother and I had to do the dishes every night. When I looked at it as a drudgery, it seemed that washing a meal’s worth of dishes took all night. However, when I looked at the job as an enjoyable experience, the effort lasted only minutes. It’s kind of like a roller coaster. Melanie hates them. I love them. When she rode the last one, she closed her eyes and the ride seemed to last forever. I, on the other hand, laughed and screamed and enjoyed what had to be one of the shortest rides ever. It was all in the attitude.

Paul gives us further incentive to enjoy our work. “… whatever good thing each one does, this he will receive back from the Lord …” Remember, we are not working for Billy the Boss; in actuality, we are working for Jesus! While Billy pays us in dollars (or whatever currency your locale uses), Jesus pays us in eternal rewards … and often in earthly bonuses as well! It all begins with enjoying our work … getting up each morning looking forward to what Jesus will have us do on the job today!

Harley
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"Slaves, be obedient to those who are your masters according to the flesh, with fear and trembling, in the sincerity of your heart, as to Christ; not by way of eyeservice, as men-pleasers, but as slaves of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart." (Ephesians 6:5-6, NASB95)

Ah! At last a set of verses that have absolutely no meaning for us! We are neither slaves nor masters. We don’t even know anyone who is a slave or a master. We can just skip these verses and move on to the end of the book!

Yeh, sure.

Think back a minute to the culture in which Paul was writing. Who were the salves? Weren’t they the workforce of the day? Who did the work of our electric dishwasher? Slaves. Who worked in the shops producing what the store owners would sell? Slaves. Who trained the animals that pulled the wagons and carts of the day? Slaves. Who taught the children their “ABCs”? Slaves. Indeed, slaves were the workforce of the first century. Did this practice change just because a slave owner became a Christian? No. Slavery was a common and commonly accepted practice. Slaves, both the selling of and the using of, was crucial to the economic success of the day. Is there a modern counterpart to slavery?

I have worked at places where the answer would be a resounding “YES!” In truth, all who work for someone else are “slaves” in that they are part of the workforce. If I may flashback a couple of years, when Melanie and I sat in the gymnasium of LCC for freshman orientation, Charles McFadden, the school’s business manager, spoke to us about our relationship to the business people we were likely to work for to earn sufficient funds to pay our way through school. I can almost quote him word-for-word. “When you take a job, you are selling your time for so much an hour. That time is your employer’s. He can ask you to do anything and you have to do it because he bought your time. You have become his slave for that period of your life.”

Hmmm. I became a slave to CIE&G. For eight hours a day on Monday and three hours a day the rest of the week, I was the slave to Carl Deitz. What he asked; I did. If he wanted a portion of a map traced, I traced it. If he wanted me to help measure a gas line, I measured. If he wanted me to design a railroad permit requesting permission to put a water line under the tracks, I measured, I sketched, I drew, and I made sure it met the specs of the particular railroad company involved. If he wanted to sit and talk about the Korean Conflict, of which he was a veteran, I sat and listened to him talk. He was the master; I was the slave. I did what he wanted, how he wanted, and when he wanted … no questions asked, no challenges made. Those were the rules.


So, where did all of this come from? Where did Mr. McFadden get his crazy idea? That’s right … from the Apostle Paul in today’s verses. We might paraphrase Paul like this: Employees, obey your earthly employers. They hold your future in the palm of their hands. They can fire you without warning for little or no reason, so don’t give them any reason at all! But, out of the goodness of your heart and a desire to please even the toughest boss, do what he asks as though it was Jesus who was doing the asking!” Boy, that puts a different spin on things. Look at my boss as though he was Jesus? That might be asking a lot of some bosses … but that is Paul’s command. But wait … there is more! “… not by way of eyeservice, as men-pleasers, but as slaves of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart.” “Don’t obey just when the boss is watching,” Paul says, “but always just as though Jesus was your physical boss. In being this type of employee, you are doing God’s work … and you are doing things for your earthly boss from the heart … because you want to do good for him – even if he doesn’t seem to appreciate your efforts!

Next time … the bosses take a shot!

Harley
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Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Eph 6:4 (NASB)

Boy, I wish I had a dollar for every time my daughters pulled this one on me! “Tara, do your homework now.” “Dad, the Bible says not to provoke your children to wrath.” Huh? How is obeying parents and provoking children intertwined? I have been trying to justify that one for years. The point is … they don’t. My daughters were just trying to get out of work … or whatever they were told to do. If causing them to be obedient also caused them to be angry, so be it. That is not the anger Paul is talking about. Let’s examine this verse together.

“Fathers …” Does that mean mothers are exempt from this admonition? Remember, New Testament fathers were the undisputed head of household. Some teachers were teaching that women were just possessions of the husband! He could do anything he wanted with her. I’m glad that time is over. And, despite what feminists today think, the Apostle Paul was in the forefront of the fight to change that position. They pick up on the “submit” thing and totally ignore the “there is no male nor female in the Kingdom of God,” but that’s a different text. No, mothers are indeed included in this teaching. Because mothers in our society have a very important role in the disciplining of their children, they have opportunity to provoke children to anger, just like dads do.

“… do not provoke …” Provoking gives the impression of intentionality. The parent who intentionally teases a child to cause that child to lash out is guilty of this verse. While it may be taken the way my daughters tried to spin this verse, most of us parents are “not guilty” in God’s court of law. If anything, we are guilty of breaking part of the rest of the verse.

“… your children to anger …” The word anger indicates an uncontrollable and violent outburst towards someone. A temper tantrum in the grocery store because the parent will not buy a box of “Sicky Sweet Jumbo Chewies” is not the anger Paul is warning us against. While a temper tantrum appears to be anger, it is just a ploy to manipulate the parent. The worst thing a parent can do is give in to that type of manipulation … even if we “spiritualize it” as “no provoking our children.”

“… but bring them up …” We can translate that “mature them” or “raise them”. Our role as parents is to make adults out of our children. The first and foremost part of that process is “passing the torch” to the next generation of “Hudsons” (insert your last name in place of mine!) Our goal as Christian parents is to make sure that our children know Jesus Christ as their Savior and live their lives being who God created them to be.” It’s not easy being a parent … but someone has to do it; and if we bring a child into the world, it is our responsibility to be the parents.

“… in the discipline …” Here’s where most of us fail. Our discipline is either not severe enough … or not consistent enough. On some occasions, our discipline may not “fit the crime” and be too severe, but in today’s society, that is not the norm. Proverbs tells us to “spare the rod and spoil the child.” No, Solomon is not directing us to spoil our children – that’s the grandparents role! He is giving us the consequence of not disciplining our children properly. If you are in the child rearing stage of life … or your children are in that stage … buy and read The New Dare to Discipline by Dr, James Dobson. There is no better counsel on the subject, but in a nutshell, I will say that consistent disciple is the most important part of the process.

“… instruction of the Lord.” This is the passing the torch part. We must find a way to impart the light of salvation to our children. Far too many of them leave home as “Christians” and become “hellions” in college. I taught in a Christian school for several years. Even there I have seen the failure of the parenting process. It is not healthy to cram “religion” down the throats of our youth. We must raise them in an atmosphere of Christian love, discipline, and instruction. If their salvation does not result in changed lives and children living “Christianly”, then we have failed as parents no matter how successful they are in the business world!

I guess I have said enough.

Harley
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c. 2005 Harley E. Hudson

If you received Verse of the Day as a forward and you wish to have your own subscription, simply send an e-mail to hhudson719@earthlink.net and request a free subscription.
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Activities and Events of Interest
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Albemarle Kid's Fishing Tournament, Saturday, June 11th
Highway 371 Training Center - 10 am to 1 pm - Free Tee Shirts
Lots of Prizes - Hamburgers and Hot Dogs.
Check In @ 9:30 am - Fishing begins @ 10 am - Weigh In @ 1 pm
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The Emancipation Proclamation will be on display at the Clinton Library September 22-25, 2007.
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"September 11 WDYTJWD" W. P. Florence
Justice first, then peace."
"September 11" Never forget.--Tony Moses
"ONE NATION UNDER GOD ...the only way"--Phillip Story
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." -- Franklin D. Roosevelt
"Keeping my head down but face toward Heaven" - - Jody Eldred, ABC News Cameraman in Kuwait
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" --"Bug"
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. - - George Carlin
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" - - Queen E. Watson
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NEVER FORGET! We're listing the names of our soldiers killed weekly. These records can be found at http://www.defenselink. mil/releases/

01. Sgt. Kurt D. Schamberg, 26, of Euclid, Ohio, died May 20, in Baghdad, Iraq, when an improvised explosive device detonated near his HMMWV. Schamberg was assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 14th Infantry Regiment, 2nd Brigade, 10th Mountain Division, Fort Drum, N.Y.

02. Sgt. Benjamin C. Morton, 24, of Wright, Kan., died May 22, in Mosul, Iraq, when his dismounted patrol encountered enemy small arms fire. Morton was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 24th Infantry Regiment, 1st Brigade, 25th Infantry Division (Stryker Brigade Combat Team), Fort Lewis, Wash.

03. Sgt. Kenneth J. Schall, 22, of Peoria, Ariz., died May 22, in Yusafiyah, Iraq, when the HMMWV in which he was riding was involved in an accident. Schall was assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 70th Armor Regiment, 3rd Brigade, 1st Armored Division, Fort Riley, Kan.

04. Spc. Joshua T. Brazee, 25, of Sand Creek, Mich., died May 23, in Al Qaim, Iraq, from non-combat related injuries. Brazee was assigned to the 1st Squadron, 3d Armored Cavalry Regiment, Fort Carson, Colo.

05. Pfc. Steven C. Tucker, 19, of Grapevine, Texas, died May 21, in Kandahar, Afghanistan, of injuries sustained near Shinkay, Afghanistan, when an improvised explosive device detonated near his HMMWV. Tucker was assigned to the Army's 2nd Battalion, 503rd Infantry Regiment, 173rd Airborne Brigade, Vicenza, Italy.

06. Sgt. Antwan L. Walker, 22, of Tampa, Fla., died May 18 in Ar Ramadi, Iraq, when his camp was attacked by enemy forces using indirect fire. Walker was assigned to the Army's 2nd Forward Support Battalion, 2nd Infantry Division, Fort Carson, Colo.

07. Pfc. Kyle M. Hemauer, 21, of Manassas, Va., died May 23 in Zabul, Afghanistan, of non-combat related injuries. Hemauer was assigned to the Army National Guard's 3rd Battalion, 116th Infantry Regiment, 29th Infantry Division, Manassas, Va.

The Department of Defense announced the death of two soldiers who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom. They died on May 22 in Mosul, Iraq, from injuries sustained when an improvised explosive device detonated near their HMMWV. Both were assigned to the 73rd Engineer Company, Fort Lewis, Wash. Killed were:
08. 1st Lt. Aaron N. Seesan, 25, of Ohio.
09. Spc. Tyler L. Creamean, 21, of Jacksonville, Ark.

10. Sgt. Brad A. Wentz, 21, of Gladwin, Mich., died May 20 on a main supply route in Iraq when his convoy came under attack by enemy forces. Wentz was assigned to the Army Reserve's 180th Transportation Company, Muskegon, Mich.

11. Sgt. Charles T. Wilkerson, 30, of Kansas City, Mo., died May 22 in Baghdad, Iraq, when an unknown ordnance detonated near his tent. Wilkerson was assigned to the 3rd Armored Cavalry Regiment, Fort Carson, Colo.

12. Sgt. Christopher S. Perez, 30, of Hutchinson, Kan., died May 23 from wounds received as a result of an indirect fire attack while conducting combat operations against enemy forces in Ramadi, Iraq. He was assigned to Headquarters and Service Battalion, 2nd Marine Division, II Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C.

13. Sgt. John B. Ogburn III, 45, of Fruitland, Ore., died May 22, in Kirkuk, Iraq, when his HMMWV overturned after the driver avoided striking a civilian vehicle. Ogburn was assigned to the Army National Guard's 3rd Battalion, 116th Armored Cavalry Regiment, Ontario, Ore.

14. Sgt. Carl J. Morgain, 40, of Butler, Pa., died May 22, in Balad, Iraq, of injuries sustained in Kadasia, Iraq, when a vehicle-borne improvised explosive device detonated near his HMMWV. Morgain was assigned to the Army National Guard's 1st Battalion, 112th Infantry Regiment, Butler, Pa.

15. Sgt. 1st Class Peter J. Hahn, 31, of Metairie, La., died May 24, in Baghdad, Iraq, when his observation point was engaged by enemy forces using small arms fire. Hahn was assigned to the Army National Guard's 2nd Battalion, 156th Infantry Regiment, 256th Brigade Combat Team, New Iberia, La.

16. Staff Sgt. Russell J. Verdugo, 34, of Phoenix, Ariz., died May 23, in Baghdad, Iraq, when an improvised explosive device detonated as he was responding to a report of an improvised explosive device. Verdugo was assigned to the 767th Ordnance Company, Fort McNair, Washington, D.C.

17. Sgt. David N. Wimberg, 24, of Louisville, Ky., died May 25 from wounds received as a result of small-arms fire from enemy forces while conducting combat operations in Hadithah, Iraq. Wimberg was assigned to Marine Forces Reserve’s 3rd Battalion, 25th Marine Regiment, 4th Marine Division, Columbus, Ohio. During Operation Iraqi Freedom, his unit was attached to 2nd Marine Division, II Marine Expeditionary Force (Forward).

18. Sgt. First Class Randy D. Collins, 36, of Long Beach, Calif., died May 24 at the National Naval Medical Center in Bethesda, Md., of injuries sustained in Mosul, Iraq, May 4 during a mortar attack. Collins was assigned to the Army's 11th Armored Cavalry Regiment, Fort Irwin, Calif.

The Department of Defense announced the death of four soldiers who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom. They died on May 23 in Haswa, Iraq, when their military vehicle was struck by an improvised explosive device. The soldiers are:
19. Spec. Bryan Edward Barron, 26, of Biloxi, Miss. Barron was assigned to the Army National Guard's C Company, 1st Battalion, 155th Infantry, Biloxi, Miss.
20. Spec. Audrey Daron Lunsford, 29, of Sardis, Miss. Lunsford was assigned to the Army National Guard's Headquarters and Headquarters Company, 1st Battalion, 155th Infantry, McComb, Miss.
21. Staff Sgt. Saburant Parker, 43, of Foxworth, Miss. Parker was assigned to the Army National Guard's C Company, 1st Battalion, 155th Infantry, Biloxi, Miss.
22. Sgt. Daniel Ryan Varnado, 23, of Saucier, Miss. Varnado was assigned to the Army National Guard's C Company, 1st Battalion, 155th Infantry, Biloxi, Miss.

Remains of American MIAS Found in North Korea

Specialists from the Joint POW/MIA Accounting Command (JPAC) have recovered remains believed to be those of American soldiers missing in action from the Korean War. The remains will be repatriated to U.S. control at Yongsan Military Compound in Seoul on May 26.

From Seoul, the remains will be flown to Hickam Air Force Base, Hawaii, where the forensic identification process will take place in the JPAC laboratory to determine the precise number of recovered American soldiers. This is the first repatriation of remains from this year’s recovery operations in North Korea, and marks the beginning of the 10th consecutive year for the mission there.

Since 1996, 33 joint operations have been conducted in North Korea, during which remains believed to be those of more than 220 soldiers have been recovered. Of the 88,000 U.S. servicemembers missing in action from all conflicts, more than 8,100 are from the Korean War.

The JPAC specialists’ consisted of a 27-man U.S. element divided into two recovery teams. The first team operated near the Chosin Reservoir where the 1st Marine Division and the Army’s 7th Infantry Division fought Chinese forces November-December 1950. Approximately 1,000 Americans are missing in action from battles of the Chosin campaign.

The second team recovered remains in Unsan County about 60 miles north of Pyongyang. This area was the site of battles between communist forces and the U.S. Army’s 1st Cavalry and 25th Infantry divisions in November 1950.

The joint remains recovery work resulted from negotiations with North Korea led by the Defense POW/Missing Personnel Office.
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Remember that for every soldier killed in modern war, 10 are wounded. Don't forget to pray for them and their families.
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Please remember to pray for the American soldiers stationed everywhere around the globe and especially in Iraq. Times have been and are very tough and it would be nice if you would all just say a prayer for their safety and for their families.
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Scheduled Activities
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Alcoholics Anonymous meets at 8 p.m. Monday - Friday. At noon on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays and at 7 p.m. Sunday at 914 N. Vine
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Columbia County Amateur Radio Club meets Every second Thursday @ 7:00 p.m. Union Street Station. And YOU'RE invited. Net is every Sunday at 20:30 on 147.105.
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Columbia County Diabetes Support Group - Every third Monday, 7:00 p.m. room 222, Magnolia Hospital
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"Focus on the Family" with Dr. James Dobson weekday afternoons at 1 PM on KVMA am 630 it's a great show!
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MCC - Abraham Prayer - Sunday at 5:00 p.m and Wednesday from 11:30 am to 1:00 pm
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MCC - Early Morning Prayer - Monday - Friday, From 6:30 am to 8:00 am
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MCC - "Beth Moore" Video Class - Thursday nights at 5:45 pm
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MCC - "Faith Builders" Small group meets at 1051 Columbia 36 the second and fourth Tuesdays, 6:30 pm to 7:45 pm.
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MCC - Firm Foundations Class, Sunday 9:30 to 10:15 a.m
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MCC - Meadow Brook Nursing Home Ministry Tuesday from 10:00 to 11:00 a.m
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MCC - Mom's Day Out - Every Tuesday and Thursday from 9 to 2.$10 for the first child, $5 for the second. Call 234-3225 for reservations.
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MCC - Nursing Home Ministry - Meadowbrook Every Tuesday from 10 to 11 am. Taylor, the last Thursday each month.
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MCC - Over comers: Fridays @ 7:00 p.m- Director, Traci Foster invites you to a 12 step Christian support program. For anyone with a life controlling problem. Child care is provided.
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Men's Prayer Breakfast held every Tuesday morning at 6 AM in Miller's Cafeteria. If you aren't a regular participant at the Men's Prayer Breakfast, you're missing some great food, fellowship and inspired teaching of the Word. Hope to see you there.
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Narcotics Anonymous 5-6 pm every Monday at 220 Pine street.
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TOPS (Take Off Pounds Sensibly) 5 pm every Tuesday in the Magnolia Hospital break room.
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Emergency Phone Number 911
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )
Central Dispatch 234-5655
(Non - Emergency Number)
Direct Numbers
Ambulance - 234-7371 (24 Hour)
Jail - 234-5331 (24 Hour)
Poison Control - 800-222-1222 (24 Hour)
http://www. aapcc. org/
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"Fight till you win!" - - Mark Brazee
"Bring 'em on!" - -President George W. Bush
"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle."
"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." -- "Bug"
"I read the end of the book. We win!" -- "Bug"
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." -- "Bug"
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." - - "Bug"
"If you can read this e-mail, thank a teacher. - - If you read it in English, thank a serviceman."
"A simple way to take measure of a country is to look at how many want in ... and how many want out." - - Tony Blair
"Information is the currency of democracy." - Jefferson
"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed people can change the world; indeed, it is the only thing that ever has." - - Margaret Mead
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Hope you enjoy the newsletter.
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week.

God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!
Isa 60:1-2 Jer 30:18-19 Gal 6:14-16 James 5:10-11 2 Tim 2:24-26
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT-I KC5HII

P. S. If you'd like to be added to the distribution, just drop us E-mail at KC5HII@Magnolia-Net.Com. We offer "Da Bleat" as text, a "Blog" and as a newsletter with pictures in Word and PDF format. For the "Blog" version just go to http://bugsbleatnew.blogspot.com/ to see the latest issue. This week, "Word" and "PDF" subscribers get to see photos of Blossom Festival.
Let us hear from you if we can switch you over to the "Word" or "PDF" version of "Da Bleat".
If you'd prefer to read "Da Blog" version, just drop us a note at KC5HII@Magnolia-Net.Com and we'll switch you from e:mail delivery to "Da Bleat" Blog. Of course "Da Bleat" is now on the web. Just go to http://bugsbleatnew.blogspot.com to see the latest issue (usually updated sometime Friday evening or Saturday morning. We appreciate your encouragement. We also appreciate your communication when you desire to be taken off our mail list. If you are on this mail list by mistake or do not wish to receive "Da Bleat," please reply back and tell us to discontinue service to you. This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus 2005 before it was sent.
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Bug's Bleat - GCF: Insured Voice

Volume 7, Issue 20

Hello ALL,

My apologies for the late postings. We just haven’t had time to work on “Da Bleat” for the last couple of weeks.
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One of our favorite nieces, JoAnn Kelly, graduated from Camden Fairview High School. This beautiful, talented, Christian young lady gave the best Salutatorian speech I’ve ever heard. In fact, it was one of the best speeches of any kind that I’ve ever heard.
She was kind enough to share the transcript of her address with us.

Good Evening. I would like to start by thanking everyone who contributed to this memorable event: parents, friends, faculty, and most importantly teachers. I would also like to personally thank my family for the love and support you can’t help but give, especially my brother who flew three states over to see me graduate. John Connely, you made me feel beautiful, Nathan Roberts for just being the big guy around to help, Sheena and Vondra for always telling me how I really looked that day, Caleb for showing me that life trips you sometimes, Chaz for always making me laugh, Tiffany, Tramia, and Andrey for making me feel I could actually sing, pretty that is, Tyler Burleson for believing in me, Keitron for using all my lotion, Brian for teaching me sometimes, and last but not least, Cherelle and Eric thank you for every thing.

If there’s one thing my Dad taught me, it was life is full of choices. I once heard that life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it. So it’s important to make the right choices. As the class of 2005, we like to think of ourselves as the “Best of the Best” - and yes we are. I think this motto should not stop at this field simply because we’re graduating; it should be carried through our lives, reflecting the excellence present in each one of us, for God has truly blessed this generation.

I chose the poem “The Road Not Take” by Robert Frost as my topic. No, I’m not going to bore you by reading the whole poem, but I will share his closing remarks.
“Two roads diverged in and wood, and I
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.”
You see it was a simple choice that made all the difference. Yes, it was hard - as life will be - and not everyone took it, but he did.

There are several reasons why people don’t take the right road. For one, we don’t set high expectations or standards for ourselves. For people of purpose, we sure do stoop down rally low and accept mediocrity instead of superiority. It’s not popular to take this road; people would rather choose to conform to a world that believes God is dead and Elvis is alive. No one wants to step out and make the first move because we’re afraid of failure and stepping out of our comfort zone. And last, we get lazy with our lives and lack no vision or passion. We seek comfort in selling weed for the rest of our lives instead of going out and earning an honest day’s pay.

Instead of hoping we don’t change, I hope we do. I hope we never become comfortable with the way we are and instead grow in the positive aspects of ourselves, that we never cease to amaze ourselves. I hope we become leaders in life and fulfill our duty of being “The Best of the Best”. I hope that we all take the right road in life and never look back, and our very lives proclaim success.

St. Franciss of Assisi said; “Go into all the world and preach the Gospel and, if you must, use words.”

In closing I would like to pray over my class, so if you’ll please bow your heads.

She then boldly prayed, thanking God and asking for his protection and guidance over her class. When she said; “In Jesus name, AMEN” the stadium replied AMEN!

JoAnn Kelly graduated Summa Cum Laude and received the Mu Alpha Theta medallion, the Arkansas Scholar Blue Cord, the Beta Club Black and Gold Stole, the National Honor Society Blue and Gold cord, and the Honor Graduate Gold Cord, as well as the Ednarine Harrington ‘Scholarship, Ouachita County Medical Society Scholarship, and will be attending the Honor College, University of Arkansas.
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MCC’s Dream center team invited us to cook pancakes again last Saturday. The team of Verna Carter, Rick Hale, Jodie McClellan and I, turned out a HUMONGOUS pile of hot cakes and satisfied the hungry hordes.
We usually do this once a month and it’s always a great load of fun. If you’d like to feed a couple hundred kids one Saturday morning, give us a call. There’s always room for one more.
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Watching Discovery Channel this evening, I was struck with the questions that aren’t answered in their documentary on NASA’s return to space after the Columbia loss.
For instance, after the Challenger loss, one question that never was answered to my satisfaction was why no mention was made of the ever-increasing test pressures that the solid fuel booster “o” rings were subjected to?
Each time they found signs of “blow by” of the “O” Rings, they increased the test pressure. And each time they found worse signs of “blow by”. No one ever considered that the increased test pressure may have damaged the “O” ring seal.
As for the Columbia, why has no one discussed the NASA decision to “go cheap” on the external fuel tank insulation?
The first few shuttle flights had a white painted external tank. It didn’t take long to forgo the paint to save weight and money. Later, they discovered cheaper foam and cheaper ways to apply the foam insulation.
But instead of answering that question, they’ve spent millions and millions of dollars trying to find a way to repair foam related damage to the shuttle.
Also, they haven’t just found a way to repair a big hole; they’ve found ways to repair hairline cracks, etc.
Why don’t they spend that money on a reliable rocket to carry payloads to orbit and back?
They continue to delay the construction of the next generation rescue plane and, instead, use that money to fund patches to the shuttles.
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We always refer to Taylor, Arkansas as the “Shangri-la” of America. No matter how I feel, a trip to Taylor always makes me feel better. So I was proud to hear that the Taylor Tigers won both the Baseball and Softball State Class A Championships Saturday.
Taylor boys and girls have always been a “cut above.”
So, maybe we’ll have to change Taylor’s pet name from “Shangri-la” to “Titletown.”
~
Travis Engle commented that there was almost no Shreveport news coverage of the Taylor Championships, while a loss by Loyola or Evangel is usually covered by all stations for days.
~~~~~
Thanks to the Fire Brigade for again taking care of me at TEEX - ESTI. We had a great class and accomplished all our goals. Special recognition to Scotty McWilliams and Charleston Hill for being such good sports about their “birthdays”.
~~~~~
Last week, the Department of Defense released their recommended list of bases to be either closed or realigned as a result of the 2005 Base Realignment and Closure Process. Based on the recommendation, the state of Arkansas stands to have a net gain in jobs. While there is a great deal of good news for Arkansas, there was some bad news for our neighbors near Texarkana, Texas.

Friday was a great day for the cities of Pine Bluff, White Hall, and Southeast Arkansas as the Pine Bluff Arsenal is slated to remain open. Employing 1,200 people, the Pine Bluff Arsenal is a critical component of the economic vitality of Southeast Arkansas. The fact that Pine Bluff Arsenal was not on the list handed down from the Pentagon sends a very strong message that the multiple missions provided by the Pine Bluff Arsenal will continue for the years to come.

The Arsenal plays an essential role in keeping soldiers safe around the world. It has been tasked with disposing of the second largest stockpile of chemical weapons in the country and has an ongoing mission to destroy munitions across America as they are found. The Arsenal is the only facility outside of Israel in the free world that makes White Phosphorous -- a flammable chemical used in times of combat to create a white wall of smoke that allows soldiers to enter and exit a dangerous situation without being seen.

Unfortunately, the report recommends the closure of the Red River Army Depot and Lone Star Army Ammunition Plant, located near Texarkana, Texas, which directly employs 2,649 people and hundreds of Southwest Arkansas residents. The Red River Army Depot is one of the only facilities that manufacture armor-plated doors for Humvees, which are critical to protecting our troops from small arms or explosive devices in Iraq. Additionally, the Depot provides maintenance for Bradley Fighting Vehicles and is the worldwide center for recertification of PATRIOT and HAWK missiles.

Although the Department of Defense has handed down their recommendations to the BRAC commission, this process is far from over. The BRAC Commission will conduct their own investigation through field hearings, site visits, and other fact-finding missions. In September, a revised list will be sent to President Bush who has the authority to accept or reject their recommendations, as does Congress.

Last Sunday, I attended a town hall meeting in Texarkana with Texas Senators Kay Bailey Hutchinson and John Cornyn, and Texas Congressman Ralph Hall. We had a productive meeting with community leaders and elected officials to explore our options and develop a plan of action. On Tuesday, the Arkansas Congressional Delegation met with Commission Chairman Anthony Principi and discussed the military value of Red River Army Depot and Lone Star Army Ammunition Plant. As your member of Congress, I will continue to work in a bipartisan manner to keep Red River Army Depot and Lone Star Army Ammunition Plant open as the BRAC process unfolds.

Sincerely,
Mike Ross
~~~~~
Seat belt use lower, deaths higher among those in pickup trucks

A recent newspaper article noted that people who ride in pickup trucks use seat belts less often than passengers in cars, and the consequences are deadly:

80 percent of the people in passenger cars buckled up in 2003, compared to 70 percent of those in pickup trucks 70 percent of those killed in pickup truck crashes in 2003 did not wear safety belts, compared to 50 percent of the fatalities in cars 6,000 more lives could be saved each year if everyone buckled up Statistics show seat belts reduce the risk of death by 45 percent in passenger cars and up to 60 percent in pickup trucks, SUV's and minivans
~~~~~
"Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll be among the stars." Les Brown
~~~~~
Don't forget ... "Da Bleat" is now on the web. Just go to http://bugsbleatnew.blogspot.com
~~~~~
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.
~~~~~
Recipe of the week;

Aunt Beth’s “Crock-pot Dressing”


Ingredients:
8" skillet of cornbread (Morrison’s, 2 pkg. Mix, baked to pkg. Directions)
5 slices bread, toasted, crumbled.
4 eggs beaten
1 medium onion, chopped
½ cup celery, chopped
1&1/2 tablespoon sage or to your taste
2 cans chicken broth or chicken stock
2 cans cream of chicken soup
1-tablespoon margarine or butter


Crumble cooled bread.
Add other ingredients, except butter.
Pour into crock-pot and dot with butter.
Cover and cook on high 3&1/2 hours until the right consistency.

I also add about 4 cooked, skinned chicken breast pieces when I pour the dressing into the crock-pot.
Just tuck the pieces down into the raw dressing mixture.
~~~~~
BREAKPOINT Commentaries
by Chuck Colson. - Prison Fellowship

L.I.A.R.
The Troubling Information Glut
by Gary Robinson
May 20, 2005

Every day, we read of some new problem caused by technology: kids growing obese as they sit at PlayStation, employees frittering away time on the Internet, porn growing to a ten billion dollar industry. I could write several pages on any of these issues. But there is another subtle and potentially-deadly product of technology that troubles me more: the information glut.

Twenty years ago, the late Neil Postman wrote his signature work, Amusing Ourselves To Death. The book is a sometimes amusing, usually scathing, always engaging critique of our television culture. More specifically, his work decries the loss of thoughtful public discourse amid a flood of meaningless information. Amusing Ourselves To Death was written nearly a decade before the Internet came into popular use. The addition of that technology, however, has merely served to underline Postman’s keen observations.

Samuel Morse’s telegraph enabled people in New York to learn what had happened in Texas the same day. But why, Postman asks, should people living in New York have cared about what had happened that day in Texas? He traces the development of American communications technology, a technology long on information and short on context. That is, we constantly get news from places we’ve never visited concerning people we don’t know and probably will never meet. Thus, there is no real connection between the information and those who receive it.

Of course, nowadays it seems strange to ponder why people in Buffalo should concern themselves with what’s going on in Dallas. Thanks to cable, satellite, and the microchip, Buffalo has for decades lain buried under drifts of information flying in from every corner of the globe—a year round blizzard!

In fact, reading this article is like peering through a window at the snowstorm. All I have to do is sit down at my computer and click on the Internet Explorer icon. Thanks to a remarkable technology called DSL, I receive a page marked MSN. (They had computers when I was a kid, only back then they were called Alphabet soup!) This colorful page stands ready to link me to practically anywhere I want to go, to find anything I want to know, to do practically anything I want to do. Those of a slightly more advanced age will remember Buck Rogers and Flash Gordon. What Neanderthals—needing spaceships to get anyplace! They’d never heard of cyberspace.

Today, I simply punch a button and, without so much as a countdown, I blast off into the galaxies of news, weather, maps, white & yellow pages. I can shop for a car, find a date, or work on my taxes. I can watch movie trailers, get stock market tips, and plan a trip from Meadville, PA to Muncie, IN complete with restaurant stops.

I can also look over the shoulders of my fellow Americans to see what they’re currently—and I do mean currently—interested in. As I write, the top search topics include Terri Hatcher, Paula Abdul, and Cinco de Mayo. By the time you read this, the list will have changed several times.

Does all this tell you where we are right now? Modern Americans eat information like a child eats candy. We chew it like gum and throw it away. Information means nothing because there’s so much of it!

Here’s an example. For a couple weeks, it seemed as if I could read nothing in print or on-line but Terri Schiavo stories. I scanned message boards where people argued over what was happening to this woman and why. Then she died. Then the Pope died. Suddenly, the Terri stories decreased and the Pope stories increased.

You know the reason. Regardless of the issues the Schiavo case raised, there came a time when that situation stopped being about what happened today and became what happened yesterday. Old news. Old news doesn’t sell, particularly when we must now have news not just every day or hour, but every minute.

This too is old news. We’ve treaded water in the information flood for so long that we can’t remember dry land. Where, then, is the deadly threat I mentioned earlier? Let me put it to you this way: imagine the President calling a news conference. He announces that Al Qaeda has developed a chemical that acts on the brain in such a way as to paralyze the will. He says this enemy weapon is in position and poised to strike at any moment. Guess what? This scenario—except for the parts about the president and Al Qaeda—is reality. In fact, the enemy is already in our own houses. We paid for him and brought him home. Technology can paralyze the will.

It’s really quite simple. Our minds are daily flooded with information. It’s like drinking from a fire hose. There’s far too much to do anything with or about. So we do nothing.

Have you thought about the Indonesian tsunami lately? At least 273,000 people were killed. That’s three times the population of county in which I live. Imagine a row of caskets stretching along the road from your town to the next. That macabre picture doesn’t begin to describe the horror that occurred just...well, how long ago was it? I’m having difficulty remembering, aren’t you?

The tsunami, although terrible, was nothing more to us than information without context. We heard about it; we talked about it; we shook our heads—and we forgot. But really, what else could we do? We are bombarded with all sorts of terrible information from every state and nation every day of our lives.

Maybe we’ll send money, maybe we won’t. Maybe we’ll pray for the survivors, maybe we won’t. But realize what living in the Information Era has done to us. Neil Postman wrote of a “low information-action ratio.” That means the more we know, the less we do. The result of our “data bombardment” is paralysis. We’re not willing, or we become unable, to act on what we hear and see. You see, television trained us long ago not to act on what we learn. It’s almost comical therefore to see NBC’s little public service announcements called “The More You Know.” Thanks to NBC, CBS, ABC, FOX, UPN, and the WB, the more we know, the less we do.

The spiritual implications of the information glut are many. Let me give you but one example. As a pastor, I’ve wrestled for years with the phenomenon of the dying Sunday School. There are vibrant programs available for pumping new blood into old Sunday morning classrooms. Never before have teachers had so many resources available—TV, DVD, CD, Power Point, the hippest curriculum. There’s just one thing missing—students. Those who do attend often demonstrate a frustrating apathy. Preachers and teachers alike ask why almost no one practices what is preached.

Well, why should they? It’s just more information, isn’t it? The Thanksgiving-stuffed belly craves no food; in fact, the legs under such a belly can barely stand. Similarly, an information-stuffed head can scarcely find its legs. Information, like food, can change from fuel to ballast. In such a cultural environment, can anyone even hear what is taught or preached?

Concerned that we might have contributed to the problem, my own church leadership team has decided to take a One-Nail-Many-Blows approach. Instead of offering a sermon on this, classes on that, and small groups about the other, we’re going to teach one spiritual premise at a time across the board. We’re trusting that variety will flow from the personality and unique approaches of the preacher, teachers, and leaders.

Ultimately, the problem isn’t television or the Internet. The problem is that we have allowed technology to supplant truth. In The Unnecessary Pastor, Marva Dawn’s collaboration with Eugene Peterson, she calls attention to Neil Postman’s “Low Information-Action Ratio.” With prophetic incisiveness, she reduces the formula to a scathing acrostic: L.I.A.R. It makes us liars, she says, to hear the Word of God and not act on it.

Jesus said, “I have given you an example that you should do as I have done for you...If you know these things, you are blessed if you do them.” He doesn’t say if we know, then we are blessed; it’s if we do. He’s talking about what bridges the gap between information and truth: action.

The spiritual warfare Paul describes (Ephesians 6:10-18) is an everyday battle as close as the TV remote or the gray box on computer desk. Church leaders who believe we are at war must develop and articulate everyday strategies for combat. We might begin by buckling on the Belt of Truth, cinching it tight, walking over to the PC or TV and... shutting the thing off!

Gary D. Robinson is the Preaching Minister of the Church of Christ in Conneautville, PA. In his spare time, he writes. He's never staked a vampire, but he has staked a few tomatoes.

Copyright 2005 Prison Fellowship Ministries. Reprinted with permission. "BREAKPOINT with Chuck Colson" is a radio ministry of Prison Fellowship Ministries. Prison Fellowship Ministries may withdraw or modify this grant of permission at any time. To receive "BREAKPOINT" commentaries daily, you can subscribe for free at http://www. breakpoint. org/.
~~~~~
Words of the Week:
indolent: lazy; inactive.
lenity: the state or quality of being lenient.
camarilla: a group of secret and often scheming advisers.
ablution: the washing of the body or some part of it.
untoward: not favorable or fortunate; also, improper.
menagerie: a collection of wild or unusual animals; also, a diverse group.
presage: an omen; also, to predict.
from Dictionary.Com
~~~~~
I still believe that love is all you need. I don't know a better message than that ~ Paul McCartney

For one human being to love another...the work for which all other work is but preparation. - Rainer Maria Rilke

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love. ~Albert Einstein

"The earthly paradise is where I am." - Voltaire

"You know what charm is: a way of getting the answer yes without having asked any clear question." - Albert Camus

"Be ashamed to die until you have won some victory for humanity." - Horace Mann

"Example is not the main thing in influencing others. It is the only thing." - Albert Schweitzer

"Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds you plant." - Robert Louis Stevenson

"Human beings are perhaps never more frightening than when they are convinced beyond doubt that they are right." - Sir Laurens van der Post

"I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve (or save) the world and a desire to enjoy (or savor) the world. This makes it hard to plan the day." - E. B. White

"Optimism is essential to achievement and it is also the foundation of courage and true progress." - Lloyd Alexander
~~~~~
AAA offers a 10 percent discount off lowest applicable available Amtrak rail fare.

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GCF: Insured Voice

Emailed to me another humor list (Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh List) -Tom Subscribe to Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh list at the website:
Subscribe

If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! A smile will enhance the quality of your life.
Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@egroups.com
or visit the Good Clean Fun web site http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor/
UNSUBSCRIBE INFO for Good Clean Fun is at the end of this email.
This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus 2004 before it was sent.
----------------------------------

A cantor, the man who sings the prayers at a synagogue, brags before his congregation in a booming, bellowing voice: "Two years ago I insured my voice with Lloyds of London for $750,000."

There is a hushed and awed silence in the crowded room.

Suddenly, from the back of the room, the quiet, nasal voice of an elderly woman is heard, "So what did you do with the money?"
_ ____________________________ _
GCF: Sherlock Holmes

Emailed to me from another humor list (The Funnies) -Tom
To subscribe to The Funnies, send a blank email to:
andychaps_the-funnies-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
----------------------------------

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, creator of the fictional detective Sherlock Holmes, purportedly told of a time when he climbed into a taxi cab in Paris. Before he could utter a word, the driver turned to him and asked, "Where can I take you, Mr. Doyle?"

Doyle was flabbergasted. He asked the driver if he had ever seen him before.

"No, sir," the driver responded, "I have never seen you before." Then he explained, "This morning's paper had a story about you being on vacation in
Marseilles. This is the taxi stand where people who return from Marseilles always come to. Your skin color tells me you have been on vacation. The
ink-spot on your right index finger suggests to me that you are a writer.
Your clothing is very English, and not French. Adding up all those pieces of information, I deduced that you are Sir Arthur Conan Doyle."

"This is truly amazing!" the writer exclaimed. "You are a real-life counter-part to my fictional creation, Sherlock Holmes!"

"There is one other thing," the driver said.

"What is that?"

"Your name is on the front of your suitcase."
_ ____________________________ _
GCF: From the Classroom

Emailed to me by friend (Thanks, LA) -Tom
(LA is a retired elementary school teacher and this is a true story)
----------------------------------

My home-schooled, teenage granddaughter was also my classroom aid. She called me "Mrs. Abbott" while in the classroom. One day she slipped and
called me "Grandmother." The whole class was amazed that a grandmother was their teacher. Many stated I didn't look like a grandmother. Finally one
little girl looked at me and turned to the class and said, "Well she is growing extra skin!"

(Aren't children wonderful!)
_ ____________________________ _
GCF: RR Conductor

Emailed to me from another humor list (The Funnies) -Tom To subscribe to The Funnies, send a blank email to: andychaps_the-funnies-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
----------------------------------

Bob is a favorite conductor among commuters on the Long Island Railroad. He has great rapport with the regulars, but occasionally runs into a problem rider.

One passenger, for instance, seemed irritated at having to hand over his ticket to be punched.

"Where are you going today?" Bob asked, smiling.

"Well, what does the ticket say?" replied the traveler sarcastically.

"Um, it says you're on the wrong train," Bob informed him.

"What am I supposed to do now?" asked the flustered passenger.

Returning the punched card, Bob replied calmly, "Ask the ticket."
_ ____________________________ _
GCF: Satisfaction

Emailed to me from another humor list (The Funnies) -Tom To subscribe to The Funnies, send a blank email to: andychaps_the-funnies-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
----------------------------------

Q. Who is more satisfied, a man with a million dollars, or a man with six children?

A. The man with six children. The man with a million dollars wants more.
_ ____________________________ _
/ )| Thomas S. Ellsworth |( / / | tellswor@slonet.org | \ _( (_ | http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor | _) )_
(((\ \>|_/ )_______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / A Freudian slip is when \ /
\ _/ you say one thing \_ /
/ / but mean your mother. \ (((\ \>|_/ )_______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / I wasn't sleeping! \ /
\ _/ I was temporarily \_ /
/ / attention deficient. \ (((\ \>|_/ )_______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Bigamy is having \ /
\ _/ one wife too many. \_ /
/ / Monogamy is the same. \ -- Oscar Wilde
(((\ \>|_/ )_______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / If your knees were \ /
\ _/ bent the other way, \_ /
/ / what would chairs look like? \ (((\ \>|_/ )_______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / \ /
\ _/ "Brevity is ... wit." \_ /
/ / \ _ ____________________________ _
/ )| Thomas S. Ellsworth |( / / | tellswor@slonet.org | \ _( (_ | http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor | _) )_
_( (_ | *** Good Clean Fun *** | _) )_
(((\ \>|_/ )_______________________( \_|Stop for a visit, leave with a smile! To join Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.Com To leave Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.Com Or visit the Good Clean Fun web site at http://www. slonet.org/~tellswor/
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[GCFL.net] Things to Ponder

1. There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.

2. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

3. You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing.

4. A penny saved is a government oversight.

5. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight,
because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.

6. When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog that barks all the time run to the end of his chain and gag himself.

7. He who hesitates is probably right.

8. If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

9. The purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.

10. How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.

11. If ignorance is bliss, why aren't a lot more people happy?

12. Most of us go to our graves with our music still inside us.

13. If Wal-Mart is lowering prices every day, how come nothing is free yet?

14. You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.

15. Some mistakes are too much fun to make only once.

16. Don't cry because it's over: smile because it happened.

17. We could learn a lot from crayons: some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names, and all are different colors. But they all have to learn to live in the same box.

18. Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.

19. A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

20. Happiness sometimes comes through doors you didn't even know you left open.

21. Once over the hill, you pick up speed.

22. I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food.

23. If not for STRESS, some days I'd have no energy at all.

24. Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

25. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

26. I know God won't give me more than I can handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much.

27. If you can't be kind, at least be vague.

28. Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.

29. We cannot change the direction of the wind, but we can adjust our sails.

30. If the shoe fits, buy it in every color.

31. Have an awesome day, and know that someone thought about you today!

Received from Larry Suiter.
-=+=-
[GCFL.net] Squirrels

There were three country churches in a small Texas town:
Presbyterian, Methodist and Catholic. Each church was overrun with pesky squirrels. One day, the Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about the squirrels. After much prayer and consideration they determined that the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.

The Methodist group got together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creations. So, they humanely trapped the squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town. Three days later, the squirrels were back.

It was only the Catholics who were able to come up with the best and most effective solution: They baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church. Now they see them only on Christmas and Easter.

Received from Eleanor Heisey.
-=+=-
[GCFL.net] Potato Garden

An old man lived alone in Ireland. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, who would have helped him, was in Long Kesh Prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his predicament.
Shortly, he received this reply, "For HEAVEN'S SAKE Dad, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the GUNS!"

At 4 A.M. the next morning, a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, without finding any guns.

Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what happened, and asking him what to do next. His son's reply was: "Now plant your potatoes, Dad; It's the best I could do at this time."

Received from Wayne Goode.
-=+=-
[GCFL.net] The "Forwarder's" 12 Step Program

THE "FORWARDER'S" 12 STEP PROGRAM

Sometimes friends have to tell you things you might not like to hear, but need to. GCFL is that kind of friend. Everyone say it with me...

1) I will NOT get bad luck, lose my friends, or lose my mailing lists if I DON'T forward an e-mail!

2) I will NOT hear any music or see a taco dog, if I do forward an e-mail.

3) Bill Gates is NOT going to send me money. Victoria Secret doesn't know anything about a gift certificate they're supposed to send me.

4) Ford will NOT give me a 50% discount even if I forward my e-mail to more than 50 people!

5) I will NEVER receive gift certificates, coupons, or freebies from Coca Cola, Cracker Barrel, Old Navy, or anyone else if I send an e-mail to 10 people.

6) I will NEVER see a pop-up window if I forward an e-mail! (If you do, you have a virus or trojan.)

7) There is NO SUCH THING as an e-mail tracking program and I am not STUPID enough to think that someone will send me $100 for forwarding an e-mail to 10 or more people!

8) There is NO kid with cancer through the Make-a-Wish program in England collecting anything! He did when he was 7 years old. He is now cancer free and 35 years old and DOESN'T WANT ANY MORE POST CARDS, or GET-WELL CARDS!

9) The government does not have a bill in Congress called 901B (or whatever they named it this week) that, if passed, will enable them to charge us 5 cents for every e-mail we send.

10) There will be NO cool dancing, singing, waving, colorful flowers, characters, or program that I will receive immediately after I forward an e-mail. NONE, ZIP, ZERO, NADA!!

11) The American Red Cross will NOT donate 50 cents to certain individuals dying of some never-heard-of disease for every e-mail address I send this to. The American Red Cross RECEIVES donations.

12) And finally, I WILL NOT let others guilt me into forwarding at email by telling me if I don't I am not their friend or that I'm a bad person.

Now, repeat this to yourself until you have it memorized, and send it along to at least 5 of your friends before the next full moon or you will gain twenty pounds in the next three months! (No, not really! If you believe that last statement, go back and read this message again!)

Received from Daveandand.
-=+=-
[GCFL.net] Lost At Sea

A man was out sailing at sea in the middle of a storm when a particularly large wave overturned his boat. He fell into the sea and was forced to tread water to stay afloat.

He stayed there for several hours until a rescue helicopter flew overhead. A rope was lowered with a lifeguard worker on the end of it. He reached out to grab the man, but being very religious, he said, "No thank you. God will save me eventually." The helicopter flew off.

After another few hours, a lifeboat came along, but again the man told them to go away, as God would save him.

Eventually, the man died of freezing in the water. As his soul drifted up to heaven, he said to Saint Peter, "Why didn't God save me?"

Saint Peter said, "He sent a rescue helicopter and a
lifeboat! What more did you want?"

Received from Jorothebadge
-=+=-
-=+=-
– NEW! Go to http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20050124 to rate this funny from 0 to 5.
-=+=-
Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List "A cheerful heart is good medicine!" (Prov 17:22a) Go to http://gcfl.net/mlfrontend.php to change your subscription options or unsubscribe. To email this funny to a friend, go to http://gcfl.net/emailit.php?funny=20050107 The latest GCFL funny can always be found on the web at http://gcfl.net/latest.php
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David Lamb shared “The Old Poodle” with us.

A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her faithful aged poodle named Cuddles, along for the company.
One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that she's lost.
Wandering about, she notices a leopard heading rapidly in her direction with the intention of having lunch.
The old poodle thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep trouble now!"
Noticing some bones on the ground close by, she immediately settles down to chew on the bones with her back to the approaching cat.
Just as the leopard is about to leap, the old poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard!
I wonder if there are any more around here?"
Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!", says the leopard, "That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!"
Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a near by tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard.
So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up.
The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.
The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!"
Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?", but instead of running, the dog sits down with her back to her attackers,
pretending she hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says: "Where's that danged monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!"

Moral of this story..

Don't mess with old folks...age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill!
Real ability to “Bull” and brilliance only come with age and experience!
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And yet another totally politically incorrect offering from David Lamb.

Diesel Filler

Manuel and Pedro worked together and both were laid off, so they went to the unemployment office. When asked his occupation, Manuel answered, "Panty Stitcher. I sew da elastic onto ladies' cotton panties,"he said.

The clerk looked up Panty Stitcher. Finding it classified as "unskilled labor", she gave him $300 a week unemployment pay.

Pedro was asked his occupation. "Diesel Fitter," he replied. Since diesel fitter was a skilled job, the clerk gave Pedro $600 a week.

When Manuel found out he was furious. He stormed back into the office to find out why his friend and coworker was collecting double his pay.

The clerk explained, "Panty Stitchers are unskilled and diesel fitters are skilled labor. " What skill?" yelled Manuel. " I sew the elastic on da underwear, Pedro puts dem over his head and says: " Yeah, diesel fitter."
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Welcome to You Make Me Laugh, a free newsletter from Crosswalk.com, the world's largest Christian website.
Today's Clean Laugh

Bat Delivery

As the manager of our hospital's softball team, I was responsible for returning equipment to the proper owners at the end of the season.

When I walked into the surgery department carrying a bat that belonged to one of the surgeons, I passed several patients and their families in a waiting area.

"Look, honey," one man said to his wife. "Here comes your anesthesiologist.."

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

Card Cover Up

A man entered a stationery store and asked the clerk for a birthday/anniversary card.

The clerk replied, "We have birthday cards and we have anniversary cards. Why not take one of each?"

The man said, "You don't understand. I need a card that covers *both* events! You see, we're celebrating the fifth anniversary of my wife's thirty-fourth birthday..."

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

If You Love Something Variations

THE ORIGINAL VERSION:
If you love something,
Set it free...
If it comes back, it's yours,
If it doesn't, it never was yours....

THE PESSIMIST VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free ...
If she ever comes back, she's yours,
If she doesn't, well, as expected, she never was.

THE OPTIMIST VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free ...
Don't worry, she will come back.

THE SUSPICIOUS VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free ...
If she ever comes back, ask her why.

THE IMPATIENT VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free ...
If she doesn't comes back within some time limit,
forget her.

THE PATIENT VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free ...
If she doesn't come back, continue to wait
until she comes back ...

THE PLAYFUL VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free ...
If she comes back, and if you love her still,
set her free again, repeat

THE LAWYER'S VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free...
Clause 1a of Paragraph 13a-1 in the second
amendment of the Matrimonial Freedom Act clearly states that...

THE BILL GATES VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free...
If she comes back,
I think we can charge her for re-installation fees
and tell her that she's also going to get an upgrade.

THE STATISTICIAN'S VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free...
If she loves you, the probability of her coming back is high
If she doesn't, your relationship was improbable anyway.

THE POSSESSIVE VERSION:
If you love somebody
don't ever set her free.

THE MBA VERSION: If you love somebody
set her free...
instantaneously...
and look for others simultaneously.

THE PSYCHOLOGIST'S VERSION:
If you love somebody
set her free...
If she comes back, her super ego is dominant
If she doesn't come, back her id is supreme
If she doesn't go, she must be crazy.

THE FINANCE EXPERT VERSION:
If you love somebody
set her free...
If she comes back, its time to look for fresh loans.
If she doesn't, write her off as an asset gone bad.

THE MARKETING VERSION:
If you love somebody
set her free...
If she comes back, she has brand loyalty
If she doesn't, reposition the brand in new markets.

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

Awareness Test

Two paramedics were dispatched to check on a 92-year-old man who had become disoriented. They decided to take him to the hospital for evaluation.

En route, with siren going, they questioned the man to determine his level of awareness. Leaning close, one asked, "Sir, do you know what we're doing right now?"

The old man slowly looked up at him, then gazed out the ambulance window.

"Oh," he replied, "I'd say about 50, maybe 55."

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

12 Reasons to Buy a New Car

1. Your passenger seat is on the National Register of Historic Places.

2. Instead of an airbag, there's a whoopie cushion taped to your steering wheel.

3. You lose the stop-light challenge to a 14-year old on a moped.

4. 15-Minute Jiffy Lube lasts for only 3 days.

5. Thieves repeatedly break into your car just to take "The Club."

6. When you gas up, the attendant asks "Can I re-duct-tape that windshield for you?"

7. While waiting at stop light, people run up asking if anyone was hurt.

8. For the last five years, you've had to settle for making "vroom vroom" noises while sitting in the driveway.

9. You keep losing dates on left turns.

10. Your gas gauge measures in cubits.

11. Traffic reporters are starting to refer to you by name when discussing morning tie-ups.

12. It hasn't been the same since Henry Ford borrowed it.

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

*Eye Laugh*

"Rahab Rescue"
http://www.cybersalt.org/g05.php?id=43

"Bills Solution"
http://www.cybersalt.org/g05.php?id=44

"Chair Hog"
http://www.cybersalt.org/g05.php?id=45

"Mom Eyes"
http://www.cybersalt.org/g05.php?id=46

"You Honk"
http://www.cybersalt.org/g05.php?id=47

Daily devotionals are available at http://link.Crosswalk.Com/UM/T.asp?A1. 39. 17757. 1. 494611 You can access more information on Crosswalk's Fun page http://www.Crosswalk.Com/fun/! Crosswalk gives credit to the author of a joke when author is known. Feel free to send notification to admin@cybersalt.org in cases where credit has not been given to the author! -SUBSCRIPTION INFO- * Copyright2004 Crosswalk.Com, Inc. and its Content Providers. All rights reserved. Introducing www.Crossguide.Com Where Christians find Products, Services & Ministries.
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"Don't strive for recognition, but work for achievement." -- Vanessa Malone
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Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Columns - - http://www.madkane.com/ombudsman.html - - MadKane.com Hires An Ombudsman For years I've been flooded with emails challenging the accuracy of MadKane.com. At first I did what most publications do -- I ignored them. But as time went by, I realized that something had to be done. So in keeping with recent trends and in the interest of sound journalism, I've appointed an ombudsman who'd like to be known only as "Bud." Here is Bud's first report...fs
http://www.madkane.com
http://www.madkane.com/notable.html (Notables Weblog)
http://www.madkane.com/bush.html (Dubya's Dayly Diary)
Subscribe to MadKane Humor Newsletter (weekly) here: http://www.madkane.com/email.html
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Online Image Resouces - - http://www.libraryspot.com/images.htm - - Image resources from LibrarySpot. Links include: images, clip art, pictures, news photo galleries and much more.
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"New supermarket carts equipped with touch screens will guide you to the tomatoes or toothpicks, let you order deli meat without standing in line and keep a running tally of your purchases. What they won't do is tell you how many fat grams or calories are in your cart. The idea is to make it easier for consumers to buy, not induce second thoughts that maybe you should put something back on the shelf. The touch-screen devices are on display at the supermarket industry's annual convention, being held this week in Chicago by the Food Marketing Institute. 'It helps save you time, and it helps save you money. It's all about making it easy for you,' IBM Corp. executive Ken Lawler said in an interview. IBM's 'shopping buddy' has been test-marketed at Stop & Shop stores in Massachusetts and is being rolled out this summer. A competing device called Concierge, made by Springboard Retail Networks Inc., is being tested by Canadian stores in June and July."
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Robert's Rules of Order - - http://www.bartleby.com/176/ - - In 1876 General Henry M. Robert set out to bring the rules of the American Congress to members of ordinary societies with the publication of Pocket Manual of Rules of Order. It sold half a million copies before this revision of 1915 and made RobertÕs name synonymous with the orderly rule of reason in deliberative societies.
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The Great Buildings Collection - - http://www.greatbuildings.com/ - - This gateway to architecture around the world and across history documents a thousand buildings and hundreds of leading architects, with 3D models, photographic images and architectural drawings, commentaries, bibliographies, web links, and more, for famous designers and structures of all kinds.
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Online Image Resouces - - http://www.libraryspot.com/images.htm - - Image resources from LibrarySpot. Links include: images, clip art, pictures, news photo galleries and much more.
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NOAA: Hurricane Preparedness Week - - http://www.nhc.noaa.gov/HAW2/english/intro.shtml - - History teaches that a lack of hurricane awareness and preparation are common threads among all major hurricane disasters. By knowing your vulnerability and what actions you should take, you can reduce the effects of a hurricane disaster. The goal of this Hurricane Awareness Web site is to inform the public about the hurricane hazards and provide knowledge which can be used to take action. This information can be used to save lives at work, home, while on the road, or on the water. Hurricane Preparedness Week is May 15 - May 21, 2005. Related sites: How Hurricanes Work / Costliest U.S. Hurricanes 1900-2000.
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Columbia Encyclopedia - - http://www.bartleby.com/65/ - - Containing nearly 51,000 entries (marshalling six and one-half million words on a vast range of topics), and with more than 80,000 hypertext cross-references, the current Sixth Edition is among the most complete and up-to-date encyclopedias ever produced. (Updated through November 2004.)
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FBI: Most Wanted - - http://www.fbi.gov/mostwant.htm - - Each year millions of Americans are victimized by the scams and schemes perpetrated by white collar crime predators. Corporate fraud, health care fraud, telemarketing fraud, and bank fraud are just a few of the criminals' weapons of choice. Billions of dollars are estimated to be lost annually as a result of these fraudulent activities which are carried out by individuals, companies, or groups of individuals. You can help protect American citizens from these criminals who often target the elderly. Related site: Monthly Fugitives.
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10 X 10: 100 Words and Pictures that Define the Time - - http://www.tenbyten.org/ - - This news site is an interactive exploration of the words and pictures that define the time. The result is an often moving, sometimes shocking, occasionally frivolous, but always fitting snapshot of our world. Every hour, 10x10 collects the 100 words and pictures that matter most on a global scale, and presents them as a single image, taken to encapsulate that moment in time. Over the course of days, months, and years, 10x10 leaves a trail of these hourly statements which, stitched together side by side, form a continuous patchwork tapestry of human life.
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Best of History Web Sites - - http://www.besthistorysites.net/ - - This site is a portal created for history teachers, students, and general history enthusiasts. Site contains annotated links to over 1000 history web sites andl links to hundreds of quality K-12 history lesson plans, history teacher guides, history activities, history games, history quizzes, and more.
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"Two out of three Americans with type-2 diabetes do not have their disease under control and risk early deaths from stroke, heart attack or kidney failure as well as blindness and limb loss, according to a report published May 18, 2005. Doctors and patients alike need to do more to test for diabetes and then to control it with diet, exercise and, if necessary, drugs, the report said. 'Diabetes management actually worsened in the past 10 years,' Dr. Jaime Davidson, a diabetes expert at the University of Texas Southwestern Medical School in Dallas, told a news conference. 'We have the tools but we are not doing better.' Unlike juvenile or type-1 diabetes, type-2 diabetes is almost exclusively caused by poor diet and a lack of exercise, although it may involve a genetic susceptibility. As many as 18 million Americans now have it, including a growing number of children and young adults."
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"When you're buying something as pricey as a new laptop, it takes courage to stray from the comfort of established names like Dell, IBM and Sony. And it's the sort of courage that can easily lead to "penny-wise, pound-foolish" regrets after the purchase. But there are cheaper laptop alternatives that don't involve a multi-thousand dollar bet on Brand X. Though the names might not ring a bell when it comes to computers, most Americans surely recognize Sharp Electronics Corp. and Fujitsu Ltd. as quality brands in consumer electronics. Both of these Japanese manufacturers, its turns out, produce laptops with all the latest options - and even a few that are scarce among rival products - yet at prices several hundred dollars below comparable machines from the 'name' brands." - Source
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"New supermarket carts equipped with touch screens will guide you to the tomatoes or toothpicks, let you order deli meat without standing in line and keep a running tally of your purchases. What they won't do is tell you how many fat grams or calories are in your cart. The idea is to make it easier for consumers to buy, not induce second thoughts that maybe you should put something back on the shelf. The touch-screen devices are on display at the supermarket industry's annual convention, being held this week in Chicago by the Food Marketing Institute. 'It helps save you time, and it helps save you money. It's all about making it easy for you,' IBM Corp. executive Ken Lawler said in an interview. IBM's 'shopping buddy' has been test-marketed at Stop & Shop stores in Massachusetts and is being rolled out this summer. A competing device called Concierge, made by Springboard Retail Networks Inc., is being tested by Canadian stores in June and July." - Source
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"It soon could be a lot more complicated for Americans to get driver's licenses. Congress is on the verge of passing a plan that could discourage illegal immigration by requiring applicants for state-issued driver's licenses - roughly 70 million people a year - to produce four types of identification at motor vehicle offices. Most who apply for new licenses - and presumably, those seeking renewals - would have to prove that they are in the USA legally, document their Social Security number and home address, and show a photo ID. Motor vehicle department employees then would have to verify the documents with federal databases, a potentially lengthy process that could mean an end to same-day license renewals." - Source
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"What do the family film 'The Jungle Book' and the action thriller 'True Lies' have in common? Both contain similar amounts of violence despite respective PG and R rating. A new study led by researchers at the UCLA School of Public Health shows that parents and filmgoers who use the Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA) ratings system to gauge movie content receive little meaningful guidance related to violent content. The study was funded by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Published in the May 1 edition of the peer-reviewed journal Pediatrics, the study analyzes violent content in the 100 top-grossing films of 1994, as identified by the Hollywood Reporter. The research team uses an objective analytical model to study the relationship between rating, degree of violent content and industry labels used to explain the rating assignment. The study finds that while the total average number of violent acts for each rating category increased from PG (14 acts) to PG-13 (20) to R (32), the MPAA ratings fail to predict the frequency of violence in individual films. For example, PG films contained anywhere from a single act of violence to 97 acts of violence; the range for R films was remarkably similar, ranging from one to 110 acts. In addition, the three ratings categories fail to distinguish the amount of violent content for films listing violence as a primary reason for the rating and containing the highest level of explicit violence. Among these films, those with R ratings averaged 62 violent acts, PG-13 averaged 55 and PG averaged 56." - Source
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"Sitting in traffic, an annoying part of life in many big cities, is becoming a major headache in places not usually lumped in with New York, Washington and Los Angeles. Take Omaha, Neb. Each year, motorists in one of the country's most wide-open states spend the equivalent of nearly a full day in highway gridlock, according to the annual Urban Mobility Report released by the Texas Transportation Institute. Omaha is among a growing list of metropolitan areas where drivers are delayed at least 20 hours a year. There are 51 such places now, compared to just five in 1982. Among some of the newer entries: Colorado Springs, Colo.; Virginia Beach, Va.; Charleston, S.C.; New Haven, Conn.; Raleigh-Durham, N.C.; Salt Lake City; and Cincinnati." - Source
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"People with moderate Alzheimer's disease may have trouble making competent decisions about their treatment, especially if they lack awareness of their symptoms and diagnosis, new research shows. Impairment in the ability to "understand, appreciate, and reason about taking an Alzheimer's disease-slowing medicine" is particularly significant among patients with moderate-stage dementia, the researchers report in the medical journal Neurology. Potential new therapies for Alzheimer's disease - such as 'vaccines' that remove amyloid plaques in the brain - 'are quite promising, but they may carry substantial risks and costs,' Dr. Jason H. Karlawish commented to Reuters Health." - Source
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"Cities are not adding enough new roads and public transportation, not making enough operational improvements and not managing demand well enough to keep congestion from worsening, according to a report by the Texas Transportation Institute. 'Congestion occurs during longer portions of the day and delays more travelers and goods than ever before,' the report states. Co-authors Tim Lomax and David Schrank used data from 1982 to 2003 to assess just how bad congestion is in the USA. They found that the number of cities where commuters were stuck in traffic for more than 20 hours a year grew from five in 1982 to 51 in 2003; among the cities making that list for the first time in 2003 were Charleston, S.C.; New Haven, Conn.; Salt Lake City; and Cincinnati. The annual amount of time the average urban commuter spent in traffic delays increased from 16 hours in 1982 to 47 in 2003." - Source
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| Safety From The Heart |

Today's Safety From the Heart message was submitted by Robert Thomas.
__________________________________

Poison Ivy

Poison ivy (Toxicodendron radicans) is a woody, perennial vine or shrub that can be found in fields, pastures, woodlands, farms and home landscapes. As a vine, it attaches itself to trees or other structures with hairy, aerial roots borne along the stem.

Poison ivy has compound leaves that occur in threes (trifoliate or three leaflets). The edges of the leaflets can be smooth, wavy, lobed or toothed.
Some leaves may resemble oak leaves. Poison oak (T. pubescens) looks similar to poison ivy, but it grows more erect and has hairs on both upper and lower leaf surfaces. Most mature poison ivy plants will flower and produce clusters of white, waxy fruit.

The entire plant is poisonous because all parts contain the irritating oil urushiol. Urushiol is a colorless or slightly yellow oil found in the leaves, stems and roots. The oil can remain active for months on objects.
It can be picked up on tools, clothing and the fur of pets. Therefore, anything that may carry the oil should be carefully washed. Even dead plants may cause allergic reactions for a couple of years.

Some people are more sensitive than others to the effects of poison ivy..
Sensitive people often develop a severe skin rash within hours after contact. Highly allergic people may develop a rash if they inhale smoke when burning poison ivy in brush piles, or if they contact pets with the toxin on their fur. However, sensitivity can change from time to time so that someone who was not affected by it at one time can have a reaction at another time.

The plants are most dangerous in spring and summer when oil content is highest. For those sensitive to the oil, a linear rash, resembling small insect bites, will appear within 12 to 48 hours, but a reaction can take up to two weeks to occur. This rash develops into a more severe rash and
blisters. Washing with running water is recommended. Washing with soaps that contain oils, such as complexion soaps, can actually spread the irritating oil and make the rash more widespread. Unless the oil is removed from the skin within 10 minutes of exposure, a reaction is
inevitable in extremely sensitive individuals. Less sensitive people may have up to four hours to wash it off, although it is generally accepted that the oil binds to the skin in 30 minutes. Thereafter, it is extremely difficult to remove with water. Rubbing alcohol is a better solvent for the
oil than is water.
There are specially prepared cleansing agents (such as Tecnu) on the market that remove much of the rash-causing oil if applied within four to eight hours of contact.

Another treatment to help prevent a rash following exposure is with a manganese sulfate solution. A manganese sulfate solution has been shown to be effective both to inactivate urushiol on the skin, to relieve itching, and probably acts as a chelating agent for detoxification of urushiol. Dr. West's Poison Ivy, Oak, Sumac Cleanser is the most common manganese sulfate
solution available for treatment of poison ivy rashes.
Ivy Shield and Ivy Block Lotion are protective agents for sensitive individuals to reduce the risk of a rash when spending time in areas with these plants.

CONTROL
Poison ivy grows fairly quickly and propagates itself by underground rhizomes and seeds. Seeds are quickly spread by birds and other animals that eat the small fruits. Poison ivy can get started in the landscape from a seed dropped by a bird and may quickly become a widespread problem.
It often grows in shrubs and groundcovers making it difficult to control.

For light infestations, dig up or hand pull small plants. You can also repeatedly cut back the plants to ground level. Eventually they starve to death. Start cutting early in the spring, about the time leaves unfold..
When new growth appears, cut again. Inspect the plants every week or two.
Whenever you see green growth, cut the shoots back to the ground.

If you choose to eradicate poison oak or poison ivy by cutting back the plants, you should protect your hands and arms. Always wear a long-sleeved shirt and long pants. Use protective gloves. Launder the clothing separately from the family laundry. Instead of disposable gloves, consider
using plastic bags, the long kind that newspapers and bread loaves come in.
Slip each hand into a bag and keep the bags secured to your arms with rubber bands. When you have finished cutting, remove the bags by turning them inside out. Then be sure to discard them, because the bags will now be contaminated with urushiol, the oil that causes the allergic skin
reaction.

To eradicate poison oak and poison ivy chemically, use a herbicide that contains glyphosate, 2,4-D amine, or triclopyr. These herbicides can kill desirable plants, so be careful. If the poison ivy or poison oak is growing among plants you want to save, you can cut back the poison ivy or
poison oak and spray or paint the herbicide only on the freshly cut stems or stump. If there are no desirable plants nearby, you can spray or paint poison ivy and poison oak without cutting them back first. Read and follow label directions whenever using any herbicides.

The herbicides glyphosate, 2,4-D amine and triclopyr are translocated from the leaves and cut stems to the rest of the plant, eventually killing the shoots and roots. Repeated applications may be necessary. Depending on weather and other factors, it may be several weeks before you discover
whether you have successfully eradicated the plant, so be patient.

Herbicides work better when you spray at the right time. Poison ivy and poison oak are most sensitive to 2,4-D amine in late spring or early summer when the plants are actively growing rapidly. Triclopyr offers the best control after the leaves fully expand in the spring and before leaf color changes in the fall. Glyphosate offers the best control when applied between 2 weeks before and 2 weeks after full bloom (early summer) and should be mixed to a 2% solution.

Prepared by Debbie Shaughnessy, HGIC Information Specialist, and Bob Polomski, Extension Consumer Horticulturist, Clemson University. Revised by Joey Williamson, HGIC Information Specialist.

This information is supplied with the understanding that no discrimination is intended and no endorsement by the Clemson University Cooperative Extension Service is implied. All recommendations are for South Carolina conditions and may not apply to other areas. Use pesticides only according to the directions on the label. All recommendations for pesticide use are
for South Carolina only and were legal at the time of publication, but the status of registration and use patterns are subject to change by action of state and federal regulatory agencies. Follow all directions, precautions and restrictions that are listed. (New 6/99, Rev. 4/04).

Other facts about poison ivy (from the FDA and other sources):
· Approximately 85% of the population will develop an allergic reaction if exposed
· The FDA considers over-the-counter topical corticosteroids, such as Cortaid and Lanacort safe and effective for temporary relief of itching
· The rule "leaves of three, let it be" is good to follow, except that some of the plants don't always play by the rules and have leaves in groups of five to nine
· Poison ivy also grows as a free-standing shrub up to 15 feet tall
· Only 1 nanogram (billionth of a gram) of urushiol is needed to cause a rash in very sensitive people
· Average is 100 nanograms for most people
· ¼¼ ounce of urushiol could cause a rash in every person on earth
· 500 people could itch from the amount of urushiol covering the head of a pin
___________________________________

. SNAKES
Today's Message is from Karen Bounds (a Houston Albemarle employee).

S N A K E S - They've been around since the Garden of Eden. Although they no longer offer forbidden fruit, they do play an important environmental role in the fragile ecosystem. Of course most of these snakes are probably harmless, but it would be helpful to determine if the snake you have encountered is venomous. About 8,000 people a year receive venomous bites in the United States; and nine to 15 victims die. With summer just around the corner and vacations being planned, here are some facts about snakes that may come in handy for you fishermen, campers, hikers, rock climbers and lovers of the outdoors.

Two families of venomous snakes are native to the United States. The vast majority are pit vipers, (99% of venomous bites are from pit vipers) of the family Crotalidae, which include rattlesnakes, copperheads, and water moccasins (all very common in this area). The other family of domestic poisonous snakes is Elapidae, which includes two species of coral snakes
found chiefly in the Southern states (that's us).

Venomous snakes usually have more of a triangular shape to their head. The pit vipers get their name from a small "pit" between the eye and nostril that allows the snake to sense prey at night. They deliver venom through two fangs the snake can retract at rest but can spring into biting position
rapidly. So look for the shape of the head and the "pit" mark.

Nonpoisonous snakes have a more rounded shape to their head.

If bitten by a snake, these steps should be taken:

* Wash the bite with soap and water.
* Immobilize the bitten area and keep it lower than the heart.
* GET MEDICAL HELP (If at work, remember 4444)

To avoid being bitten by a snake:

* Leave all snakes alone. Many people are bitten because they try to kill a snake or get a closer look at it.
* Stay out of tall grass unless you wear thick leather boots.
* Keep hands and feet out of areas you can't see. Don't pick up rocks or firewood unless you are out of snake's striking distance. A snake can strike half its length. (So stay away from the real long ones).
* Be cautious and alert when climbing rocks.

Hopefully, you won't ever have a bad encounter with a snake - but you might want to just take a few seconds to look around before you throw the first cast from your fishing rod, or go hiking, etc.
___________________________________

May 18, 2005
Today's Safety From the Heart message is from Pam Kemp.

Heartburn---or a Heart Attack?

Believe it or not, the symptoms of a heart attack can closely mimic the symptoms of heartburn and indigestion, especially among women. Far too often, people with chest pain reach for an antacid when they should be calling 911.

You can avoid a potentially fatal mix-up by paying close attention to your symptoms. Heartburn usually ignites a burning pain that runs from your stomach to your breastbone, and it's often accompanied by a sour taste in your mouth. Heart attacks, in the other hand, may cause a prolonged heavy feeling or squeezing pain in your chest. (Angina, or heart pain, causes
similar pain that lasts just a minute or two.) Although pressure chest pain is more commonly associated with heart disease, spasm of the esophagus may cause the same symptoms. It's best to assume the pain is coming from the heart, get emergency help to rule the heart out as a cause, then focus on the esophagus. Other potential symptoms of a heart attack include dizziness, nausea, sweating, shortness of breath, weakness, overwhelming anxiety, and pain that spreads into the jaw, shoulder, or down the arm.

Timing is also important. While heartburn usually flares up after a meal, heart attacks and angina are often triggered by exercise, but may come on at any time.

If you have ANY doubt about whether you're having a heart attack, call 911 immediately!
___________________________________

May 17, 2005
Outside Outlets
today's safety from the heart message is from ellen hartzog.

Last weekend I was going to vacuum out my car and went to plug the cord in the socket. My husband had gone to get a tool and was in the process of fixing the plug. He just caught me in time and stopped me from plugging in the cord.

He said the wires were burned out and he said that he cut the power to it.
Thank god or I would have gotten a bad shock.

When he took the plug apart, it looked like something had been chewing on it. If we hadn't been going to use that plug, it might have burned down the building. The wires had been burnt all the way to the box.

I think I was lucky. So please check before you plug anything into an outlet that is outside. Animals can chew on the wires.
___________________________________

May 16, 2005
Today's Message is from Bill Flanagan (a Houston Albemarle employee)..

A very valuable website to have in your favorites is the US Consumer Product Safety Commission site. Whenever you are buying something it is worth a look on this site to see if a possible recall has been issued or to just alert you to the type of problems that people have had with that type of item. The address of the site is: http://www.cpsc.gov/
___________________________________

May 13, 2005
Deep Vein Thrombosis
Prepared by Richard Matherne, Baton Rouge Tower Employee

Ever wonder why the airlines took the time to develop that exercise tape they play on international flights?
1. They are tired of paying the royalties for the reruns for sitcoms..
2. They think we are all out of shape and need the exercise.
3. It is for our own good and we should actually do some of them.

Ever heard of Deep Vein Thrombosis. What is it and who cares?

A deep vein thrombosis (DVT) is a blood clot (thrombus) that develops in a deep vein, usually in the leg. This can happen if the vein is damaged or if the flow of blood slows down or stops. About one in 2,000 people develop a DVT each year.

Deep vein thrombosis can cause pain in the leg, and can lead to complications if it breaks off and travels in the bloodstream to the lungs.

Who gets a DVT?

Certain factors make a DVT more likely to occur. They are more common in people aged over 40 and in people who are a little out of shape, (maybe 2 was the right answer). People who at risk usually have one of the following risk factors:

· Prolonged bed rest, (immobility)
· Major injuries, or paralysis
· Surgery, especially if it lasts more than 30 minutes, or involves the leg joints or pelvis
· Cancer and its treatments, which can cause the blood to clot more easily
· Long-distance travel, because of prolonged immobility. It is unclear whether or not air travel is more risky than other long journeys - for example by car
· Pregnancy and childbirth - related to hormone changes that make the blood clot more easily and because the fetus puts added pressure on the veins of the pelvis. There is also risk of injury to veins during delivery or a caesarean. The risk is at its highest just after childbirth
· Other circulation or heart problems
The airlines know that sitting in a very uncomfortable seat for 10 or more hours put you at risk. You know they are not going to make the seats more comfortable, so they are trying to get you to improve your circulation in your legs. You should pay attention. I personally get up every hour or two and walk the isles. OK, I am trying to get some miles on my pedometer.
But I have been doing this long before I started wearing a pedometer.
Last year I had a seat on an Air France plane that had absolutely no cushion left. This was the most uncomfortable plane ride I ever had. I now carry a seat cushion with me on international flights. This has been a big improvement. However I still walk the isles to get my circulation going. I also take a brisk walk in the airport prior to boarding the flight. Exercise is always important. It is especially important when you are immobile for long periods of time.
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TOURBUS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -:)
-- :) :) ----------------------------------

TOURBUS Volume 10, Number 59 -- 19 May 2005
Tourbus Home - http://www.TOURBUS.com
Tourbus News Service - http://tourbus.com/news.html

TODAY'S TOURBUS TOPIC: Wired Campus Blog / Disneyland's 50th

Howdy, y'all, and greetings once again from deep behind the orange curtain in beautiful Irvine, California, where age relives fond memories of the past ... and youth may savor the challenge and promise of the future. :P

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Wired Campus Blog
Audience: Everyone
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In the ivory-covered walls of higher education, the newspaper of record is called "The Chronicle of Higher Education." You'd be hard pressed to find a major university faculty member, department chair, or administrator who doesn't thumb through The Chronicle from time to time.

Back on February 9th, the education technology group at The Chronicle launched a new, free service called the "Wired Campus Blog" at

http://wiredcampus.chronicle.com/

Updated each week day, the Wired Campus Blog is a collection of education technology news stories and editorials from both The Chronicle and other news sites around the globe. For example, the blog recently reported that by mid-July the undergraduate library at the University of Texas will be rid of most of its 90,000 volumes to make room for a new, 24 hour technology center. In an unrelated story that also appeared on the Wired Campus Blog, the National University of Singapore has developed a tool that lets you touch a chicken, in real time, over the internet. [Insert obligatory joke here.]

Since my background is in ed tech, I try to visit the Wired Campus Blog every day.

Besides accessing the blog though your favorite web browser, you can subscribe to an email-based version of the blog at

http://chronicle.com/infotech/newsletter/newsletter.htm

And, if you'd rather subscribe to the blog through your favorite RSS reader [a topic I promise we'll discuss in a future post], the XML feed is at

http://wiredcampus.chronicle.com/index.rdf

While the Wired Campus Blog is a WONDERFUL way to keep up with the latest developments in educational technology--especially ed tech in higher education--I do have to warn you that a few [but certainly not all] of the blog's links point to articles in the latest edition of The Chronicle. Why is this a bad thing? Well, most of the articles on The Chronicle's web site are password protected [and, no, I'm not going to share either my password or the chicken's URL with you.]

However, even if you can't read all of the linked articles without a subscription to The Chronicle, the free articles and summaries in the Wired Campus Blog are more than enough to keep you abreast of the latest developments in the field of educational technology in higher ed.

RELATED NEWS: http://tourbus.com/college-news.html

RELATED NEWS: http://tourbus.com/blog-news.html

-----------------------------
Disneyland's 50th Anniversary
Audience: Everyone
-----------------------------

Two weeks ago, the Disneyland Resort in California kicked off an 18 month celebration of Disneyland's 50th anniversary. [Yeah, I know. Disneyland's *real* 50th anniversary isn't until July 17th. The folks at Disney thought it would be fun to start the party on 05/05/05.]

I figured that since a lot of Tourbus riders take vacations during the summer, and since many riders may soon be paying a visit to the great state of "Carly Fawnia" [as my Governator is known to call it], you'd like a sneak peek at what's happening behind the berm at the happiest place on earth. And if you can't make it to the left coast, consider today's Tourbus post a mini-vacation through your computer screen.

On Tuesday, May 3rd, the media descended upon Disneyland for a preview of what's in store over the next 18 months. Our first stop [yes, I said "our" first stop--I was fortunate enough to cover Disneyland's 50th anniversary for the Steve and Johnnie Show on WGN Radio in Chicago] was the Hyperion Theater in Disney's California Adventure.

Instead of telling you what was said, why don't I just show you? Our friends at MouseInfo.com were also in the audience, and they recently posted photos and videos of the event on their web site at

http://www.mouseinfo.com/showupdate.php?id=20050503&page=1

RELATED NEWS: http://tourbus.com/disney-news.html

There entire presentation is broken into five Real Player videos, available in both high and low bandwidths. As with most internet videos, you need either a fast internet connection or a LOT of patience. The low bandwidth videos are about 4 megabytes in size, so they'll talk at least 10 minutes to download over a dialup connection.

Even if you have a really slow connection, check out the first video. It gives you a brief history of Disneyland and the other Disney parks around the world, as well as showing you why Disneyland chose to launch its 50th anniversary celebration on May 5th. Of the five videos, this is the one you HAVE to download and watch, especially if you are a Disney fan.

The second video shows how the other Disney parks will be celebrating Disneyland's 50th anniversary. This topic remains a sore spot with the rabid Disneyland fans who think the focus should solely be on California. Perhaps that's why the background music during this part of the presentation is "A Spoonful of Sugar (Helps the Medicine Go Down)"? :P

The final three videos feature Kelsey Grammar introducing some of the new rides, parades, and attractions that are coming to Disneyland. You may have heard to that during his presentation Kelsey Grammar fell off the stage ["down goes Frasier!"] The front of the Hyperion Theater's stage is not straight but rather is jagged, in the shape of stars. Kelsey was not aware of this and while walking towards the front of the stage and reading the telepromter he lost his footing. A special tip of the hat goes to MouseInfo for not showing the fall but rather focusing on what was really important: The fact that, despite the fact Kelsey was obviously hurt, he climbed back up on the stage and finished his presentation. Talk about professionalism.

Following the "50th Global Overview Presentation," Disney unveiled its new parade for Disney's California Adventure theme park: Block Party Bash. While a bunch of the Disneyland fan sites have pictures of the parade, I think the best pictures can be found on the Utilidors site at

http://tinyurl.com/9k7pb

Without ruining the experience for you, imagine a bunch of Pixar characters, colorful floats and props, some really loud party music, and a cast of dancers jacked up on about fifty gallons of 7 Eleven coffee. I swear I lost 15 pounds just WATCHING the parade.

While the Block Party Bash was wonderful, what happened the next day was even more magical. You see, on Wednesday, May 4th, Disneyland was closed to the general public. But thanks to my media credentials [stop laughing!], you fearless bus driver was able to sneak in and spend the entire day playing in the happiest place on earth.

We'll talk about that, and about how I almost accidentally knocked over Art Linkletter, in my next post.

Patrick Douglas Crispen
crispen@netsquirrel.com
http://www.netsquirrel.com/
AOL Instant Messenger: Squirrel2K
Warning: squirrels.

+---------------------------------------+
==[ Tourbus Rider Information ]=
The Internet Tourbus - U.S. Library of Congress ISSN #1094-2238
Copyright 1995-2005, Rankin & Crispen - All rights reserved
Tourbus News Service - http://tourbus.com/news.html
Subscribe, Signoff, Archives, Free Stuff and More at the
Tourbus Website - http://www.TOURBUS.com
========================
.~~~. ))
(\__/) .' ) )) Patrick Douglas Crispen
/o o \/ .~
{o_, \ { crispen@netsquirrel.com
/ , , ) \ http://www.netsquirrel.com/
`~ -' \ } )) AOL Instant Messenger: Squirrel2K
_( ( )_.'
---..{____} Warning: squirrels.
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Our Church, Magnolia Christian Center, has the following mission statement. Our purpose is to build a great church for the glory of God through the great commission and the great commandment. MCC' Vision - That MCC will be a place hopping with children, energized with teenagers, balanced with diversity and transformed by the power of God! We want to turn uninterested people into interested people and win the lost to make fully devoted followers of Christ.
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TGIF-Today God Is First


Becoming a Mighty Man
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Friday, May 20, 2005
by Os Hillman

All those who were in distress or in debt or discontented gathered around him, and he became their leader. About four hundred men were with him. ~ 1 Samuel 22:2

Have you ever felt that you could accomplish a whole lot more if you had more talented people around you? Perhaps you are in an office and think that some of your fellow workers don't quite measure up. Imagine what David must have thought in the years following his anointing by the prophet Samuel as the next king of Israel. He spent the next many years running from King Saul. Now God was beginning to bring men to support David. But what kind of men? The down-and-out. God gave David not the elite or the sophisticated; He gave him those who were in debt and discontented with life. David turned those men into the best fighting men of their day. In fact, David never lost a battle during his entire reign as king of Israel-quite a feat for a bunch of no-name, lowlifes! Some of those men became an elite group known as David's Mighty Men. These were the elite of the elite, the Navy Seals, the Few Good Men, the Green Berets. Whatever you call them, they were exceptional warriors.

Jesus took a few men who weren't exactly the cream of the crop either. He built His life into these men, which resulted in 12 men who turned the world upside down. Are you one of God's mighty men or women? Are you investing your life to build other mighty men or women? David and Jesus set the example of what can be done when we invest in others. God does extraordinary things through men who have an extraordinary God. Ask God to use your life to be a mighty man or woman for a cause greater than yourself. He delights in such prayers.

Copyright 2005. www.MarketplaceLeaders.org
---------------------------------------------------
To contact Os Hillman, request reprint permission, or to book Os to speak in your town write to os@marketplaceleaders.org. Marketplace Leaders Website: http://www.marketplaceleaders.org/ Copyright 2004
--------------------------------------------------
Please recommend this TGIF daily devotional to everyone interested in applying their faith to their worklife. Tell them to subscribe at http://www.TodayGodIsFirst.com

Os Hillman Copyright 2004
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Verse of the Day

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother (which is the first commandment with a promise), so that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth. Eph 6:1 - 3 (NASB)

“One day on wives, all that time on husbands … and one day on children? Harley, it just isn’t fair!” I know, but as I used to tell my kids, live isn’t fair. Besides, when I am finished with “children”, you may want your subscription canceled! Ready? Here we go.

The first part is pretty straight forward. Kids need to obey their parents. Can’t argue with that, can we? After all, parents are the mature ones, and kids are the maturing ones. The former is to train the child. The latter is to learn from their parent’s experience. That sounds simple enough … Yea, sure. Sounds good on paper, but in real life just try to make it happen. From the very beginning it seems that babies have a way of getting all they want when they want it and they want it NOW. Just try to teach a little child anything. But, we, as mature individuals, know that train we must; and train we will. So the meeting of the minds begins … and the wise Christian parent learns to read the Scriptures in relation to parenting, reads the books by Christian authors about parenting, and presses on. By following the “rules” and “guidelines” of wise teachers, we find that parenting can be fun even in the midst of the turmoil and restless nights.

But, what is this “in the Lord” business? It could indicate that children must obey their “Christian” parents … but not those who are not Christians. Some older children seem to like that interpretation. Or, it could mean that children must obey their parents only when they act “Christianly”, that is when they are obviously “tuned in” to the Holy Spirit. It could also mean, as I was taught as a child, that children must obey their children … except when the parents tell them to do something that is obviously wrong and anti-Christian. Choices, choices, choices. We are faced with at least three choices. Which one is right? Paul, in verses 2 and 3 quotes from the Ten Commandments. To him, “honor” and “obey” are synonymous … they can be used interchangeably. The correct answer then seems to be that in almost every circumstance children are to obey/honor their parents, whether they are Christians or not, whether they are acting “Christianly” or not, even if they are “bad” parents. I suspect that Paul would draw the line at being force to “do evil” … but I also suspect that his line is much farther down the road than most of us would like. I believe his line is drawn at the “Big Ten” Commandments, or in rather close proximity to them. Our kids want the line drawn at “Johnny, take he garbage out.” Or, “No, you can’t have the car tonight.” Or, “That skirt is too short and too tight. You don’t leave the house dressed like that!”

“So what, Harley, my kids are likely to read this … and even if they do, what is that to me?” I’ll answer that question with one for you. (Don’t you just hate it when I do that?) “Are you a child? Do you have a parent?” Most of us are and do. Do you give them honor … other than on Mother’s Day and Father’s Day? Do you make them proud every day? Do you listen to their advice … and give it due thought … even though you may rightly choose to disregard that advice after careful consideration? If the answer is a shaky, “sometimes” or a resounding, “I haven’t talked to Mom in years,” then these words are for you. Even if they are wrong, even if they have led you down wrong paths, even though you struggled to right yourself, you owe it to yourself to give them honor now. Did you note the end of the quoted commandment? “… so that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth”? There is a promise in this commandment – long life! If you can’t honor your parents because of their good deeds towards you, honor them for your own benefit! Moses, Paul, and God agree. It is ok to honor your parents for selfish reasons! The important thing is that you honor them … and if you are young, that begins with OBEYING them.

Harley
~=|=~
For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband. Eph 5:31 - 33 (NASB)

“This mystery is great …” You’ve got that right, Paul. I don’t know a single fella who will claim to have mastered the concept of marriage! Actually I did know one. A young man walked into our refinishing shop years ago and asked us to do some work for him. In the process of examining the piece that needed refinished, it came out that he had a wife. I had learned a long time before that if a wife was involved in ownership, she needed to be involved in the refinishing process. “Don’t you think you wife should help us with color?” I asked innocently. “No. I know my wife,” he confidently replied. I thought to myself, “Yeh, you do. Son, you just THINK you know your wife.”

While marriage is a mystery to most men, an even greater mystery is the relationship between Christ and the church! After fifty plus years of being a Christian and forty plus years of seriously studying the Bible … and God … and the Church, I freely admit that I understand less now than I did when I graduated from good ole Lincoln Christian College! But, this I do know. God knows and understands the relationship between Christ and the church, and husbands and wives; and He has it all under control! I don’t have to understand it. I simply have to trust God to lead me in my relationship with Melanie. I simply have to trust Him to lead our church into a deeper relationship with Jesus.

Guys, Paul, in a summary statement, says, “Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself …” We don’t have to understand our wives. We don’t have to understand marriage. We don’t have to understand how to build a relationship that lasts. All we have to do is love our wives as we love ourselves. If we can manage to do even a fair job of that, everything will be ok.

Ladies, Paul saves the last comment about marriage for you. “… and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.” R-e-s-p-e-c-t. That is how you spell “successful marriage.” All of this confusion about submission and women’s liberation is nothing … if a woman simply respects her husband … even if she simply tries sorta hard to respect him … then her part of this great mystery will fall into place.

Next time we’ll pick on children for a while!

Harley
~=|=~
c. 2005 Harley E. Hudson

If you received Verse of the Day as a forward and you wish to have your own subscription, simply send an e-mail to hhudson719@earthlink.net and request a free subscription.
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Activities and Events of Interest
~~~
Albemarle Kid's Fishing Tournament, Saturday, June 11th - Highway 371 Training Center - 10 am to 1 pm - Free Tee Shirts
Lots of Prizes - Hamburgers and Hot Dogs.
Check In @ 9:30 am - Fishing begins @ 10 am - Weigh In @ 1 pm
~~~
The Emancipation Proclamation will be on display at the Clinton Library September 22-25, 2007.
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"September 11 WDYTJWD" W. P. Florence
Justice first, then peace."
"September 11" Never forget.--Tony Moses
"ONE NATION UNDER GOD ...the only way"--Phillip Story
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." -- Franklin D. Roosevelt
"Keeping my head down but face toward Heaven" - - Jody Eldred, ABC News Cameraman in Kuwait
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" --"Bug"
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. - - George Carlin
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" - - Queen E. Watson
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NEVER FORGET! We're listing the names of our soldiers killed weekly. These records can be found at http://www.defenselink. mil/releases/

01. Pfc. Travis W. Anderson, 28, of Hooper, Colo., died May 13 in Bayji, Iraq, when a vehicle-borne improvised explosive device detonated near his convoy. Anderson was assigned to the Army's 2nd Battalion, 7th Infantry Regiment, 1st Brigade, 3rd Infantry Division, Fort Stewart, Ga

The Department of Defense announced the death of four Marines who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom.
02. Pfc. Christopher R. Dixon, 18, of Columbus, Ohio
03. Lance Cpl. Nicholas B. Erdy, 21, of Williamsburg, Ohio
04. Lance Cpl. Jonathan W. Grant, 23, of Santa Fe, N.M.
05. Lance Cpl. Jourdan L. Grez, 24, of Harrisonburg, Va.
All Marines were killed May 11 when their amphibious assault vehicle struck an explosive device while conducting combat operations against enemy forces in Karabilah, Iraq.
Dixon and Erdy were assigned to Marine Forces Reserve’s 3rd Battalion, 25th Marine Regiment, 4th Marine Division, Columbus, Ohio. Grant was assigned to Marine Forces Reserve’s 4th Reconnaissance Battalion, 4th Marine Division, Albuquerque, N.M., and Grez was assigned to Marine Forces Reserve’s 4th Combat Engineer Battalion, 4th Marine Division, Roanoke, Va.
For Operation Iraqi Freedom, these Marines’ units were attached to Regimental Combat Team 2, 2nd Marine Division, II Marine Expeditionary Force (Forward).

06. Sgt. Charles C. Gillican, III, 35, of Brunswick, Ga., died May 14 at Camp Arifjan, Kuwait, from injuries sustained in a military vehicle accident. Gillican was assigned to the Army National Guard's 1st Battalion, 118th Field Artillery Regiment, 48th Infantry Brigade, Brunswick, Ga.

07. Pfc. Wesley R. Riggs, 19, of Baytown, Texas died May 17 in Tikrit, Iraq, from injuries sustained when an improvised explosive device detonated near his dismounted position. Riggs was assigned to the Army's 2d Battalion, 7th Infantry Regiment, 3d Infantry Division, Fort Stewart, Ga.

08. Sgt Jacob M. Simpson, 24, of Ashland, Oregon died May 16, in Tal Afar, Iraq, when a rocket propelled grenade struck the building he was securing. Simpson was assigned to the Army's 2d Squadron, 3d Armored Cavalry Regiment from Fort Carson, Colo.

09. Pfc. Wyatt D. Eisenhauer, 26, of Pinckneyville, Ill., died May 19 in Mahmudiyah, Iraq, on an escort mission in a HMMWV when an improvised explosive device detonated on a bridge. Eisenhauer was assigned to the Army's 2nd Battalion, 70th Armor, 3rd Brigade, 1st Armored Division, Fort Riley, Kan.

The Department of Defense announced the death of two soldiers who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom. They died May 19 in Baghdad, Iraq, when they were shot while conducting dismounted combat operations. Both were assigned to the Army National Guard's 1st Battalion, 156th Armor Regiment, 256th Brigade Combat Team, Shreveport, La. The soldiers are:
10. Spec. Bernard L. Sembly, 25, of Bossier City, La.
11. Sgt. Robin V. Fell, 22, of Shreveport, La

Vietnam War Missing in Action Serviceman Identified The Department of Defense POW/Missing Personnel Office (DPMO) announced today that the remains of a U.S. serviceman, missing in action from the Vietnam War, have been identified and returned to his family for burial with full military honors.
He is Air Force Maj. Robert Harry Schuler, Jr., of Wellsburg, N.Y. His interrment is scheduled for Saturday in Franklindale, Pa.
On Oct. 15, 1965, Shuler was flying his F-105 Thunderchief as part of a four-ship flight north of Hanoi when the lead aircraft was hit by enemy fire. Shuler remained in the area to provide support to the downed pilot while the two other aircraft departed for aerial refueling. When they returned, Shuler was no longer in the area and they could not establish radio contact with him. An extensive aerial search of the entire flight route met with negative results.
Between 1993 and 1998, joint U.S. and Vietnamese teams conducted seven investigations, including unilateral archival research by Vietnamese officials. The final investigation in Nov. 1998 led the teams to a Vietnamese army officer who recounted his unit shooting down an F-105 on the date and in the area where Schuler went down. That team surveyed the crash area, found fragments of an F-105, and recommended the area for excavation.
Teams led by the Joint POW/MIA Accounting Command (JPAC) excavated the site on four occasions between Sept. 1999 and Mar. 2001, recovering more wreckage as well as human remains. In addition to other forensic tools, JPAC scientists used mitochondrial DNA comparisons to confirm the identification of Schuler’s remains.
Of the 88,000 Americans missing in action from WWII, the Korean War, the Cold War, the Vietnam War and Desert Storm, 1,833 are from the Vietnam War, with 1,397 of those within the country of Vietnam. Another 750 Americans have been accounted for since the end of the Vietnam War, with 524 of those from the country of Vietnam.
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Remember that for every soldier killed in modern war, 10 are wounded. Don't forget to pray for them and their families.
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Please remember to pray for the American soldiers stationed everywhere around the globe and especially in Iraq. Times have been and are very tough and it would be nice if you would all just say a prayer for their safety and for their families.
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Scheduled Activities
~~~
Alcoholics Anonymous meets at 8 p.m. Monday - Friday. At noon on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays and at 7 p.m. Sunday at 914 N. Vine
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Columbia County Amateur Radio Club meets Every second Thursday @ 7:00 p.m. Union Street Station. And YOU'RE invited. Net is every Sunday at 20:30 on 147.105.
~~~
Columbia County Diabetes Support Group - Every third Monday, 7:00 p.m. room 222, Magnolia Hospital
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"Focus on the Family" with Dr. James Dobson weekday afternoons at 1 PM on KVMA am 630 it's a great show!
~~~
MCC - Abraham Prayer - Sunday at 5:00 p.m and Wednesday from 11:30 am to 1:00 pm
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MCC - Early Morning Prayer - Monday - Friday, From 6:30 am to 8:00 am
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MCC - "Beth Moore" Video Class - Thursday nights at 5:45 pm
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MCC - "Faith Builders" Small group meets at 1051 Columbia 36 the second and fourth Tuesdays, 6:30 pm to 7:45 pm.
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MCC - Firm Foundations Class, Sunday 9:30 to 10:15 a.m
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MCC - Meadow Brook Nursing Home Ministry Tuesday from 10:00 to 11:00 a.m
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MCC - Mom's Day Out - Every Tuesday and Thursday from 9 to 2.$10 for the first child, $5 for the second. Call 234-3225 for reservations.
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MCC - Nursing Home Ministry - Meadowbrook Every Tuesday from 10 to 11 am. Taylor, the last Thursday each month.
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MCC - Over comers: Fridays @ 7:00 p.m- Director, Traci Foster invites you to a 12 step Christian support program. For anyone with a life controlling problem. Child care is provided.
~~~
Men's Prayer Breakfast held every Tuesday morning at 6 AM in Miller's Cafeteria. If you aren't a regular participant at the Men's Prayer Breakfast, you're missing some great food, fellowship and inspired teaching of the Word. Hope to see you there.
~~~
Narcotics Anonymous 5-6 pm every Monday at 220 Pine street.
~~~
TOPS (Take Off Pounds Sensibly) 5 pm every Tuesday in the Magnolia Hospital break room.
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Emergency Phone Number 911
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )
Central Dispatch 234-5655
(Non - Emergency Number)
Direct Numbers
Ambulance - 234-7371 (24 Hour)
Jail - 234-5331 (24 Hour)
Poison Control - 800-222-1222 (24 Hour)
http://www. aapcc. org/
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"Fight till you win!" - - Mark Brazee
"Bring 'em on!" - -President George W. Bush
"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle."
"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." -- "Bug"
"I read the end of the book. We win!" -- "Bug"
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." -- "Bug"
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." - - "Bug"
"If you can read this e-mail, thank a teacher. - - If you read it in English, thank a serviceman."
"A simple way to take measure of a country is to look at how many want in ... and how many want out." - - Tony Blair
"Information is the currency of democracy." - Jefferson
"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed people can change the world; indeed, it is the only thing that ever has." - - Margaret Mead
~~~~~
Hope you enjoy the newsletter.
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week.

God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!
John 10:17-21 Phile 1:15-18 2 Th 3:2-3
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT-I KC5HII

P. S. If you'd like to be added to the distribution, just drop us E-mail at KC5HII@Magnolia-Net.Com. We offer "Da Bleat" as text, a "Blog" and as a newsletter with pictures in Word and PDF format. For the "Blog" version just go to http://bugsbleatnew.blogspot.com/ to see the latest issue. This week, "Word" and "PDF" subscribers get to see photos of our guys at Brayton Fire Field.
Let us hear from you if we can switch you over to the "Word" or "PDF" version of "Da Bleat".
If you'd prefer to read "Da Blog" version, just drop us a note at KC5HII@Magnolia-Net.Com and we'll switch you from e:mail delivery to "Da Bleat" Blog. Of course "Da Bleat" is now on the web. Just go to http://bugsbleatnew.blogspot.com to see the latest issue (usually updated sometime Friday evening or Saturday morning. We appreciate your encouragement. We also appreciate your communication when you desire to be taken off our mail list. If you are on this mail list by mistake or do not wish to receive "Da Bleat," please reply back and tell us to discontinue service to you. This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus 2005 before it was sent.
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